Modesty, how does it work?

johnnight · 2014-12-08T12:45:13+00:00

Dude, you did not discover a secret PUA technique.

Once you tell them you are soon to be a doctor, their eyes light up at all that incoming money and status and anything you say will get a positive response.

Try telling them you are a lowly hospital technician and then come back to report to us how "modesty" works.

r/TheRedPill/comments/1uzr1j/young_doctor_wonders_why_women_are_suddenly_after/

r/TheRedPill/comments/20ks62/hypergamy_from_a_red_pill_doctors_perspective/

r/TheRedPill/comments/2k2gtm/fr_said_tinderella_to_the_bachelor_i_fucked_a/

SelfMadeMonarch · 2014-12-08T12:21:29+00:00

Truly confident people wear their flaws like armour. Truly confident are modest. When was the last time you heard someone brag about how well they pour a bowl of cereal? When you master life, you don't need to advertise it, it just is what it is. People who don't give a fuck don't need others to know.

Modesty indicates mastery.

Dubiousxy · 2014-12-08T12:25:08+00:00

If you truly have it you don't need to tell everyone you have it, they just know. Running around telling everyone how great you are makes them want to find your faults/watch you fail.

Bragging is a problem a lot of young guys and fake alphas have.

Best thing is to have subtle tells or have friends brag for you.

R4F1 · 2014-12-08T12:33:46+00:00

I don't know about modesty, but what you're talking about is definitely humility. You act humble, rather than brag. Perhaps in the minds of these women, they confuse your humility for being a sucker.

When you brag, women feel threatened like you're out of their league. When you play yourself down to earth, they think they have a bigger shot with you. Their hypergamy starts acting up. In their eyes, they think they realize you have more value than you give yourself credit for.

It's like men who go after girls who have low self-esteem, or men who catcall women who are 7/10s and just blankly stare at 10s because they feel they have no shot with them compared to the 7. Everyone's looking for an easy deal. These women are no different, everyone is after self-interest, just different ways in pursuing it.

mr_wilz · 2014-12-08T12:37:09+00:00

It's fairly obvious really, bragging is not attractive for the simple reason that you are validating yourself by the things that surround you.

While with the car example, you are not validating yourself with the nice car, you do the opposite you show that the car does not validate you in any way, it is just that, a little bonus, a reward for your awesomeness.

"Forget that little car girl focus on me."

vengefully_yours · 2014-12-08T15:24:13+00:00

It's not being humble.

You have status. You're damn near a Doc and drive a nice car.
You're making shit look effortless, which increases status because you're unaffected by shit.
You display a don't give a fuck attitude which is similar to making shit look effortless.

You're demonstrating rather than claiming. If you have to point it out, then it's not as good as you say it is. If being nonchalant about shit most people can't do, then you're capable of so much more, is the appearance you have.

2014-12-08T15:10:07+00:00

From what you are talking about and from your own examples it seems it is not only modestly that led you to where you are.

Indeed, to be modest when you have real power makes people wonder what is your real power.

Your examples are not only about modesty. In your first example you express modesty using "Eh, it's not such a big deal" but then you start the magic because you shit the attention to the other person. You do it implicitly in your second example because you indeed display modesty with the sentence "It just helps me move around town faster." but you actually convey value to the girl because she can sit in an objectively nice car. And in you third example you do the same thing: you are a person with real power who does not need to display it and then you put attention (giving praises and in general giving positive words to the other person (I sometimes euphemistically call it "honey", but it is a very broad area)) to the other person.

The facts are clear: there are no fixed rules as you acknowledge ("I even complimented her looks, something TRP advices against."), what is happening is that a person who objectively has power ("power" is a rather general and broad word here, hope it makes all sense) interacts with another person with less power, and the person with more power does not put attentions on himself but he puts all the attentions to the other person.

These other people who receive these attentions will be in a some kind of pleasurable state of mind when they are in the presence of the attention-giver person, and the receiver-attention people will eventually be addicted to this process (supposing the giver wants it).

Side note: TRP advices against complimented her looks because they give advice to people who do not have power (marking again that "power" is used as a very broad word here). Just suppose there is a spectrum of this "power" from 0 to 100 and you are at 80. Now, how would you react to someone which is at 40 and compliments you? You do not even care and you see that person as someone who cannot convey you value. Hope there is no need to go on with this futile example. The final real power comes when a person does not even care about measuring his own power over some kind of spectrum, he will create his own spectrum.

alpha_i · 2014-12-08T15:48:38+00:00

Humility works. Reminds me of a buddy of mine from college who has always been stoic and rather introverted. Saw him 5 years after graduation and he told me about living in Boston and going to grad school. He didn't even mention that he was going to Harvard until I asked. He is so high-value that he doesn't need to brag.

Every time I see him, this friend always has a different girl by his side and is still a bachelor and multi-millionaire in his mid-30s. Redpill by nature.

PookIsLovePookIsLife · 2014-12-08T16:18:20+00:00

I've found the same thing to be true. It's strange, because the cockiness used to work but as I improved my own SMV through gaining confidence, lifting, dressing better it no longer works. When you're clearly attractive and act cocky about it, I think it comes off as if you are an insecure showoff.

My explanation is that cocky/funny is good when you joke about yourself being something great that you clearly are not. "I can tell you just want me for my looks." can be funny from an average guy, not so much from a male model.

Hank711 · 2014-12-08T17:22:55+00:00

A lot of good comments here. I think you are demonstrating higher value by your relative indifference It's not humility, really. Like the car thing -- if your family and friends drive the same thing or better, it really isn't nothing special. Or even your career. I bet a lot of the people you roll with are surgeons of comparable skills to you and you're surrounded by more experienced surgeons who are better, so it really isn't that big a deal to you. You are demonstrating your superior value by not making a big deal about it. It's the sentiment behind the phrase "act like you've been there before."

Doomsday_ · 2014-12-08T20:29:12+00:00

I am being humble and it works. Why? I never brag, I don't even say much. I just let them go "bla bla bla I am so amazing". I am literally not doing anything and I get laid. What the fuck is going on?

It's simple, by adopting that attitude you show that you aren't trying to impress them. The fact that you aren't trying to impress them communicates confidence and a high SMV.

Often the best approach on dates is to just let the women talk as if she is one being interviewed. You should be the one evaluating her, not the other way around.

BrunoOh · 2014-12-08T20:29:20+00:00

If you have to tell people you're the king, you're not the king.

OscarWhisky · 2014-12-08T21:33:20+00:00

Guys, don't just take this at face value...

Who ever advocated bragging anyway?

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2014-12-08T23:43:14+00:00

/r/asktrp.

iDontKnowMyself · 2014-12-08T23:46:41+00:00

It sounds to me like you're downplaying yourself to put yourself on the plain of other people so you think they'd be more comfortable talking to you. That's not being modest imho.

You're a surgeon, women will want to hear great tales and compliment you as a sign that they respect / want you. You'd just come off as insecure.

LeGrandDiableBlanc · 2014-12-08T14:11:20+00:00

So you're being received better... Are you sure its in the way that you want?

Unless you previously were painfully over-arrogant, I am with the people who think that modesty has little to do with your recent success, and 'soon to be a surgeon' has everything to do with it.

Anytime you find yourself wondering if a girl is merely interested in your status, try this experiment. Sometime when you're talking in an intimate setting, maybe even just after sex or the morning after, casually throw out the idea that maybe you don't want to be a surgeon after all. Act like you're considering the idea for a few minutes and see how she reacts. Good luck with your faith in humanity...

HS-Thompson · 2014-12-08T14:57:38+00:00

I am guessing you have discovered what the book Models by Mark Manson calls "True Confidence" and vulnerability.

TheLordOfShit · 2014-12-08T16:35:27+00:00

Something to do with ionic charges.

SeekingTheWay · 2014-12-08T12:55:36+00:00

Bragging is totally wrong - you qualify to her and try to make her believe you are worth fucking. This plants the seed of suspicion that you really aren't.

Modesty means dismissing achievemts as standard. That shows that you are so high value that you take all that thing she consideres awesome as just normal ways things are in your life.

Ghost_Ghoul_Guy · 2014-12-08T14:55:33+00:00

Not acting like a moron makes people like you...

Gee, I wonder why that works.

I sincerely hope you're lying about being a surgeon. You're too stupid to be cutting people open.

mtndewlover · 2014-12-08T12:14:09+00:00

I don't quite get it either, and I hope some other wiser man can explain it in this thread. But my wife and other high quality (intelligent, low partner count) women that I've been with have also identified this as a very desirable trait.

I suspect that it has something to do with the idea that you are a good bet for a long term match, since you have the qualities that give the tingles, but aren't flaunting them. You get to be a high-quality desirable man who doesn't constantly threaten them by incessantly attracting other women. Of course, you could at any time. You just don't habitually. Maybe that's the appeal, kind of an understated eternal dread + a buffer for comfort.

It also increases the dissonance between who you are and how you seem, which makes you intriguing...If all this amazing stuff is nothing to you, how much greater must be the stuff that you really value?

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2014-12-08T12:48:54+00:00

Of course modesty is attractive. Of course women want to be complimented on their looks.

You need to be really selective when taking advice around here.

Title	Modesty, how does it work?
Author	Lumberjack1234
Upvotes	24
Comments	35
Date	December 8, 2014 10:56 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2omxnj/modesty_how_does_it_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/modesty-how-does-it-work.26012 https://theredarchive.com/post/26012

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