Need help on how to blow through "this other guy keeps hitting on me" shit test from gf

IllimitableMan · 2013-12-17T20:13:31+00:00

My game is asshole game. I'd mirror her to infuriate.

I'd say something along the lines of

"I know exactly what you mean, there was this girl the other day who would not stop flirting with me, she was really nice, hotter than you, had a masters degree, she really wanted the dick - but she made it too easy so I couldn't be assed, oh, I think I have a girlfriend at the moment as well but at the time that wasn't really on my mind."

Or...

"Maybe he was drunk or otherwise compromised if he was desperate enough to be hitting on you."

I'm pretty mean to bitches when they pull this shit. Why the fuck would you be nice? Someone on here the other day called me out for saying mean shit to girls. Why the fuck not? It works. She's being mean by pulling this bullshit. I don't care if the shit test is out of insecurity or not, if she's going to be a cunt I'm going to be a bigger cunt (and I recommend it to you too)

Anyway you don't need to be an asshole if you don't have it in you. Agree and amplify always works, which is what you did, offering to facilitate her bullshit. (As long as you weren't visibly upset when you said it)

Another example of agree and amplify: Steve sounds like a great guy, when are you going?

A personal favourite of mine is just fucking ridiculing them with logic, for example:

"You're not attracted to Steve but you're gonna go get "taken care of" by him? You must be feeling really insecure at the moment, there I was thinking I had a quality girl, but you're willing to go and settle for the guy you don't even like. Hmmm... perhaps I need to go reconsider my options."

Now make her qualify the fuck out of herself. Relationships are war and you cannot let her win.

Yeah, I'm a fucking dick to bitches who pull this shit. Goodness gracious.

HappyJerk · 2013-12-17T18:12:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

rkg-pua · 2013-12-17T18:05:24+00:00

Your response was great. However, your girlfriend should not be shit testing you about other desirable men in her network. In fact, I'd argue that's not even a shit test but a full sign of disrespect.

Get your frame together. Your girl is not satisfied with you. A satisfied girl doesn't incessantly mention other potential dating options.

shakaldrogo · 2013-12-17T16:09:13+00:00

Sounds like you did very well for yourself. Ignore them & smile or laugh at them. That shit shouldn't phase you. Always remember, she's easily nexted.

captshady · 2013-12-17T16:32:39+00:00

My g/f pulls this from time to time, and I act like I couldn't care less. I stole a line from Scrubs once, when she said some dude kept asking her to the movies, and telling me how much money he has. "Bring a brother back some Snow Caps."

Edit: couldn't

DaddyMonster · 2013-12-17T20:03:57+00:00

Standard shit test responses aren't always suitable.

Strong men have integrity. That is essentially the same as having well defined boundaries and enforcing them.

When she violates your boundaries, you need to force her hand. It's the only way to kill the behavior before it gets out of hand.

While you shouldn't get all emotional 'n shit, by which I mean that you need to stay in control of yourself and not get a hissy fit, you need to make it supremely clear that such shit doesn't fly.

Had I been you in this situation, I would've stared her hard in the eyes, and said "I sure hope you're not trying to make me jealous, because that shit doesn't fly. Are you?"

Had her answer been a "yes" in anything but a contrite way, I would've continued with "Pack your bags and go to him then, because I don't want a girlfriend who tries to pull this kind of shit on me."
Had her answer been a "yes" but in a contrite way, or a no, I would've said "Don't ever pull anything like this again. If you do, I will leave you. I will not accept you disrespecting me like this again. Are we clear?"

If she backs down, which she will if it's a just bad shit test and not something more serious, she'll respect you more and know that you're willing to put her in her place if she misbehaves. Oh, and don't apologize afterwards for being hard on her. That'll unmake everything you achieved and make shit way worse than before.

Seriously. Don't. Fucking. Apologize. Period.

If she doesn't back down, stick to your guns. Don't flinch. She's playing a game of chicken with you.

Don't. Fucking. Back. Down.

Remember: Shit tests are fitness tests. A woman uses them to test the strength and integrity of men.

Shit tests that don't violate your boundaries can be met with standard methods most of the time, but more serious ones such as this one must be crushed. Hard. Without ambiguity or hesitation.

It's basically dread game; she will submit to you, or she can fuck off. Her choice.

You have to be willing to lose in order to win; sure, she might leave, but then you'll know she's a worthless skank who isn't worth your time.

TL;DR: Don't be a bitch. Enforce your boundaries without hesitation and ambiguity, and don't apologize for doing so.

Rumble_in_the_Jungle · 2013-12-17T16:27:00+00:00

Similar situation, which was handled well:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/09/10/reader-mailbag-emailer-gives-an-update-about-girlfriend-drama/

Archwinger · 2013-12-17T19:47:51+00:00

You handled this fine, OP.

By laughing and offering to drop her off at "Steve's" house, you're saying, "Go fuck him if you want. I don't care if you do. I'm not invested in you. This lack of investment is your reward for this attention-seeking shit-test."

A lot of our detractors would point fingers at this and say, "See! That's what TRP does wrong! Telling her to go fuck another guy and distancing yourself is SURE to make her leave you!"

On the contrary, this does a very logical thing: It puts the ball in her court. She goes to "Steve" like she threatened, or she stays and cuts this shit out since she didn't get the reaction she wanted.

What's the alternative? "Oh, please please don't say that! It hurts me so much to even hear you joke about it! I love you so much and you mean everything to me! I get jealous every time you talk about other guys! I don't know if I'll ever be able to get another girlfriend. Please, please don't even joke about leaving me!"

IIHotelYorba · 2013-12-17T23:33:15+00:00

Considering that shit test's alternative name is "congruence test," they are actually to see if your behavior changes from how you usually seem. The best way to "pass" any shit test is to just do whatever you'd consider to be in your real personality- just keep living up to your own standards. Zero effort, because technically there is nothing to pass. You're just being you.

Remember that girls shit test you because they like you. They aren't going to waste the effort on some guy they don't like because they have no investment whether or not he really is who he appears to be. And whenever you pass they like you more.

The one caveat to this is if your natural personality is still to become very reactive to people when they try to rustle your jimmies. Getting really mad, or trying really hard to make yourself seem worthy, these are all bad moves, and the reason she tests you. She's done it to guys before and when they became butthurt/needy little boys she knew they weren't who they pretended to be.

Enjoy shit tests, they are your friend.

puaSenator · 2013-12-17T16:12:08+00:00

My gf does this all the time, my typical answers include:

Steve sounds like a cool guy, we'd be the best friends
If he's so cool, I'll ask him if he'd date me and then I'll dump you

The key here is to not give a fuck and make fun of her for trying to make you jealous. The mesage you're trying to bring across is this: "I'm so fucking alpha and so sure of myself, that I don't see Steve as a threat at all, not matter how awesome he is."

Bostonsboy306 · 2013-12-17T23:06:39+00:00

Ignore and deflect.

If she is escalating with him, or you think she's following through and meeting him, next immediately.

whiskey_bearfist · 2013-12-17T19:02:36+00:00

not sure why you are calling her your gf if you just "see her from time to time"

obviously she is trying to get you to show that you are invested in her by making you jealous.

the 16th commandment of poon: Never be afraid to lose her.

she starts saying that shit, just laugh, and tell her to do it. if she leaves, nexted. if she sticks around, fuck her brains out.

torn_paper_heart · 2013-12-17T22:10:49+00:00

You're on the right track. Just laugh at it and push it further. Basically anything that shows you aren't threatened is fine. If she says her guy friend is hot, ask her if she'll get his number for you. If she says Steve will do so and so for her, ask her if she thinks he'd be willing to take her off of your hands full-time. You can even just shrug and say "ok." if she's getting really persistent about it (like you aren't really even listening to her).

But try to do it with humor, and a good heart. She's basically trying to get your attention. That kind of jealousy shit test does 2 things: one, it tests the balance of power - the more threatened you are by other men, the more power she has over you; but the second is a lot less evil - she just wants to know that you love her and wouldn't want to lose her.

So it's actually good to be a little protective - so after you blow her ST off with a joke that pushes it even further (ie: do you think he'd be down for a threesome with us?), get kind of mock-serious and tell her that she's your woman, and no other man can have her, and give her a hug. That shows that you not only are secure enough to not be threatened, but that you also care and are that big protective father figure she craves.

Not everything in a relationship has to be a battle for power. You also want to remember that you are a team and love each other.

leboneserambo · 2013-12-17T16:50:44+00:00

Thanks guys, yeah was wondering whether I should have gone with the stern daddy talk to shut out that behaviour, or stick with the I don't give a fuck method, think I'll go with the latter for the time being as we're not actually going out. Cheers

HappyJerk · 2013-12-17T20:10:50+00:00

First of all, if these shit tests continue, you need to drop her. There is a difference between a shit test and pure disrespect.

The basis of this shit test is that she is trying to intimidate you with her sexual power. I would say "look, you are very pretty and I don't doubt that tons of guys want to hook up with you. You can stop trying to impress me by telling me about guys that want to hook up with you." If you wanted to be a little ruder, next time she talks about Steve hitting on her just say "why would I give a fuck what Steve does"?

slcjosh · 2013-12-18T00:50:58+00:00

Massive red flag homie. Bolshivik style. Set a boundary and stick to it. If steve is so special maybe you would have a better time smashing her cute friend stacy.

mrpoopistan · 2013-12-18T02:33:58+00:00

I usually go with something to the order of "Shit, I'm liable to get a piece of that if he keeps shaking it in front of me."

I generally don't read these as "shit tests" in the traditional PUA sense. My experience has been that girls who are selling some variant of "there are so many guys who want me" game are trying to qualify themselves to you.

Clauderoughly · 2013-12-17T18:02:57+00:00

"off you go then, have fun with him. Before you go, can you leave me your younger sister's / Hot friend's / Mom's / number in case I get bored ? "

kukul · 2013-12-17T16:28:53+00:00

Maybe it's me, but I'd just fucking snap if someone tried to play me like that. I'm serious, as in "one more word on this subject and this is the last time you see me". I don't tolerate this kind o disrespect.

bsutansalt · 2013-12-17T23:09:16+00:00

Wow, you need to put this one on the backburner asap. She's obviously not relationship material and quite frankly has shades of BPD. Saying "I'll just go over here with this guy" is way out of line.

The main thing is to be the person who needs the relationship the least and be okay with losing her. If you're spinning plates you should be just fine.

TRP_DADDY · 2013-12-17T23:17:59+00:00

"That's cool."

Begin doing your own thing (ignoring her until she capitulates). Do not reward unacceptable behavior with attention.

Opioidus · 2013-12-18T06:03:23+00:00

''Go for it''.

Possumsgrease · 2013-12-18T06:09:33+00:00

how big do you think his dick is or the softer he seems like a real nice guy I bet he opens doors for you and makes you feel like a special snowflake thats the kinda guy you should marry

guys at work are thirsty as fuck and she might cheat on you even if she's a hog she'll get attention at work just for having a pussy but I think you handled it pretty well

ajswdf · 2013-12-17T17:09:31+00:00

You done good. That's pretty much the best possible response.

2013-12-17T21:28:50+00:00

It feels really childish to me when things like this come up, and I react with disapointment. Not anger or trying to play games, just disapointment that I thought she was better than the type of low level shit tests like this. Usually they know immediately and react appropriately. Either that, or I just don't spend time with individuals like that.

BorMato · 2013-12-17T16:29:48+00:00

I wouldn't say anything. Just stay silent and wait. The silence will indicate to her that she's done something wrong. If she really hassles you to respond say something like, "you know ____ , these immature comments about Steve don't make me wanna stay with you."

ClearArmor · 2013-12-18T09:04:10+00:00

Countering may only prolong the situation. When someone keeps bluffing, you can only laugh it off for so long before you have to call their bluff. For now it sounds like she's testing what you'll accept and maybe training you to accept more. With time you could end up making excuses for her if you don't find a line in the sand. Should the time comes, I'd go with something along the lines of "Hey, that's cool. Grab your stuff and head on over to Steve's place (or wherever) because you've been hinting at that so I decided tonight I was going to go out and meet up with another friend. If you could be gone when I'm back that would be great." Do it by ducking out or cancelling a plan, and optimally right when she pulls that crap. Give her a ride? Screw that. She can walk or take the bus. Would you expect a ride if the situation were reversed? Drop your decision on her and be mentally prepared for her ultimately staying or going. If she protests right then, tell her that she's made it clear that's where she's at and so that's where she should get going so you can both get on with whatever you have going, and follow through. Tell her you can't/won't continue to build on her sand. Wrong choices need to have consequences or learning/change does not occur.

Title	Need help on how to blow through "this other guy keeps hitting on me" shit test from gf
Author	leboneserambo
Upvotes	51
Comments	102
Date	December 17, 2013 4:00 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1t3fh9/need_help_on_how_to_blow_through_this_other_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/need-help-on-how-to-blow-through-this-other-guy.8974 https://theredarchive.com/post/8974

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