I think a lot of TRP lurkers are to some extent, "smart guys", people who pride themselves on knowing and analyzing but are terrible at taking action. I know I am one, but I'm out of denial now and working towards recovery. I'll briefly outline problems I've faced and how I'm taking steps to improve:

  • Being bought up in a predominantly single-mom family (my dad was in army so he could only visit 2 months in a year) I was pushed into being a Surrogate Spouse. This means my mom's needs came before mine, always. I had turned into a "nice guy".

  • Hailing from a lower middle class background, my parents always pushed me to study hard and I did just that. My entire self worth became dependent on good grades. Unfortunately, once I made it to college I lost the zeal to pursue studying further and my self worth took a huge blow.

  • Suffering for low self esteem and dysthymia, I slacked all the way through college and my first job with not much social life. This was the time when I read most of the existentialist literature, which in turn made me even more depressed, heh.

  • My behavior differs wildly depending on the company but mostly I come across as the shy nerd who can talk to girls only about tech, geek stuff. BORING.

  • With immediate family, I feel I'm the most natural, I can talk back, have fun cracking shitty jokes and generally being myself. I can feel myself retreating whenever a third person is around. I just lose that free-spirited, light-hearted self.

  • With friends or acquaintances I'm hyper sensitive and always on guard. I make a couple of jokes here and there but I'm always hesitant and tend to double-guess myself too many times for my own good.

  • My narcissism prevents me from hanging out with people who I believe are less smart than me because I consider myself way above them and also from people who I perceive to be more smart than me because I'm way protective of my "smart" ego. It's quite a Catch-22 I'd created for myself.

Trying to become the perfect momma's child had effectively created my fake self which was always afraid of expressing itself because of the fear of being shamed, guilt-tripped, or worse, abandoned.

The realization of my fake self hit me when I re-connected with some old school friends and I was surprised at how comfortable I was around them! I read the Mystery Method later and realized that Mystery Game came naturally to me. Unfortunately that girl I gamed started comparing me to my best friend from school and realizing they are seeing each other, I just couldn't bring myself to make a move. Whatever.

I recommend any ailing "smart guys" to try talking to their school friends it really helps bring out the child spirit in you.

After reading TRP, lifting, eating healthier, dressing better and going nofap hard mode, I can feel my inner spirit coming closer to myself. I can see girls checking me out now. Last week I landed an awkward handjob from a girl I just met which I guess is a decent start for an incel. I still need to work on my approach anxiety and daygame.

A key quote from Enchiridion which helped me correct my thinking:

44. These reasonings are unconnected: "I am richer than you, therefore I am better"; "I am more eloquent than you, therefore I am better." The connection is rather this: "I am richer than you, therefore my property is greater than yours;" "I am more eloquent than you, therefore my style is better than yours." But you, after all, are neither property nor style.

I know there's still a lot ahead of me, but now I know that progress is possible as long as I keep working on myself.

Thank you TRP, for helping a bro out. Peace.