What is confidence?

Teratos2012 · 2014-05-27T19:22:25+00:00

Lurker here, had a drink so gonna post for the first time.

Confidence is knowledge that you can do something. It's earned through successful repetition.

Case in point, I'm a junior doctor. In my country, it falls to us to cannulate patients - that is, shove a needle into their veins so they can get meds, fluids, you name it. It's a bit harder than just taking blood because you have to slide a thin plastic tube off the needle into the vein. You go too deep, you pierce the bottom of the vein, cannula can't be advanced. Same if you go to the side, etc. They get a haematoma, they get pissed, you have to suck it up and try again. And again. And again.

First time I tried this, I was petrified. I had no confidence I could pull it off. I'm sure the patient probably picked up on it too. Everything was jerky, nothing smooth. Forgot where I put the tubing that goes on the end of the cannula, so there was blood trickling out at a fairly steady flow while I search the tray. Patient having a panic attack. Finally got everything settled, patient's arm looked like something from an abbatoir. Pit stains on my nice white shirt for the rest of the day. Hand wouldn't stay steady.

For the first three months my success rate was nearly 50%. Healthy patients with huge veins I was generally successful with. The little old ladies or the fatties, less so (LOL's have thready, crappy veins that explode if you look at them sideways, fatties are so fat you can't see anything and often can't even feel a target. You have to dig for oil.)

But it was my job, it had to be done, or the patients wouldn't get what they needed. So I kept going. Again and again and again. After about nine months, I'm a god of cannulation. If there's a vein, I'll get access. I've beaten an anaesthetist at getting access in an arrested patient, and they're the kings of IV lines. Patients are pissing me off when they say "no one can ever get blood from me", not because of the challenge they present, but because they think I'm some noob like the out of practice GP's that only ever take a blood once a week. Getting a lot of satisfaction setting up a huge bore IV on them, looking them dead in the eye and saying "Your veins are fine." My highlight was putting in a line on a pontoon on the Great Barrier Reef while a coastguard helicopter hovered above us waiting to evac the patient. That's what I picture when confronted by Julie quad-chins moaning that no one can get a line on her. I've done it under more pressure than this.

To quit my rambling and bring it back to your predicament - the gym, the socialising, the sports are all great, but they're not directly going to build confidence. They're useful adjuncts at increasing your SMV, but the only thing that'll make you confident is picking up over and over and over again. When you know that if you head out tonight, you can go home with someone if you want. You'll have enough success to know you can do it, it won't even be a question.

That's confidence.

JohnKwando · 2014-05-27T20:47:41+00:00

Apply the mantra that Doc Glover suggests in NMMNG:

"Whatever happens, I can handle it."

TVTestPattern · 2014-05-27T20:02:45+00:00

I play music professionally.

IMO you are not a real pro musician until you absolutely melt down on stage, in front of a packed house that all paid money to see you perform because until that point you always perform with fear... you are afraid of just how bad it could be... the unknown.

After you experience the worst, everything else will seem like gravy in comparison and you will exhibit and feel "confidence".

Want confidence?

Go out there and fail magnificently.

I was playing a wedding reception years ago, (fancy hotel), and a very elderly gentleman slowly approached the stage using his walker. Took him forever to reach the stage... when he got there he held out his hand for my microphone, so we thought he was going to make a toast or whatever.

He takes my mic, and in his raspy, old guy voice said, "Ya'll suck" right into the mic and out over our giant PA system. Jaws dropped and it was brutally embarrassing for everyone.

Good luck embarrassing me on stage after that little experience.

IllimitableMan · 2014-05-27T22:54:21+00:00

Confidence = absence of fear + self-belief to really simplify things. Fearful people have no confidence. This is why people with social anxiety do so badly, the fear is crippling, they cannot lead functional lives because they have next to no confidence, they are dependent on other people, but they are literally scared of interacting with other people, or if not scared, at least disorientated. These people confuse their anxiety with introversion, they are not the same thing. Being avoidant because other people annoy you/drain you and being avoidant because you fear other people are two different things.

Social anxiety can infect anybody, it's what happens when you spend a lot of time on your own. Such people get so out of practice socialising that socialising no longer feels natural and to socialise is to effectively put them through fitness testing they aren't used to, when you aren't used to something you become sensitised to it and thus if it disorientates you, try to avoid it. By avoiding it, that fears controls you. The cure to all phobia is to do the thing you fear as much as possible. Hate picking up phones and talking to people? Call people more. Hate approaching girls? Approach girls more. You get the drift. Fear is the #1 confidence destroyer, and most average people are quite fearful, it's the sedentary lonely lifestyles we lead that make us fearful. Powerful people cannot be ruled by fear, they may feel fear and have certain insecurities, but those fears are kept in check by action, not allowed to fester due to inaction. Community and family are good for encouraging social skills and there is less and less of each nowadays in an increasingly globalised and impersonal world.

Experience aids in both self-belief and an absence of fear. I often think this is why male virgins have the most hang-ups when it comes to girls, they have not proven to themselves that they can get laid, a woman knows she can get laid virgin or not because they don't feel like they have to prove themselves, they know men find them attractive. Repetition is the key to success. Perseverance is a must. You give up and you stop repeating what needs to be repeated in order to succeed (reading/lifting etc.) Obviously if you are repeating incorrect methodologies to try to achieve something (and many people do) you will drive yourself insane, adopt fresh approaches if you make no progress at all with a specific methodology, if you're only making some progress but not as much progress as you suspected, don't abandon the approach but adjust it (eg: change one of the exercises you do in the gym to see if you can get the gains in the places you're looking for.) If you cannot theorise a fresh approach, look to someone else for inspiration. There's always a way.

Out of the dictionary:

belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-05-27T23:28:03+00:00

Yoda explained confidence to the young Jedis:

"Try not. Do! Or do not! There is no try."

If you "try" and fail then you fail. If you DO, and fail, then you have just added experience and have not failed- because you DID something, you didn't just "try."

See the difference? The goal is to DO something, not to TRY to do something. So don't "try" to pick up girls! DO talk to girls, flirt, kino, be interesting and in control. If you pick them up and fuck the shit out of them then great! If you don't then you at least talked to a pretty girl. What you DO is important, not what you TRY to do.

TLDR: Confidence is NOT the absence of fear! Only a fool knows no fear. Confidence is taking action despite the butterflies in your stomach.

doubleknee24 · 2014-05-27T18:59:58+00:00

Confidence isn't a switch you can flip on and off. Keep doing the hard work and you'll get better. Confidence is something other people may see in you before you even see it in yourself. You should be slightly nervous with talking to new girls, those are the good tingles. You're still young and your current path will only pay more dividends as you get older. Keep it up.

oidoidwoj · 2014-05-27T21:30:13+00:00

Confidence is not giving a shit if you fail (within context). Or better yet, not letting your insecurities weigh you down.

I don't mean that bro-ish "how not to give a fuck" but really, if you fail, you fail. So what? There are more opportunities.

In terms of TRP and sexual strategy, if you go out trying to pick up women and you don't, it's not the end of the world. There will be more women and other nights to go out and do stuff.

vengefully_yours · 2014-05-28T05:31:46+00:00

I'm a veteran from Iraq, and Kuwait, grew up severely abused and beaten, learned to defend myself and ended the abuse at 16. I haven't lost a fight since then either, but I tend to avoid them rather than go looking. I know my capabilities so I have no urge to prove it. I am strong as fuck thanks to my military job, have benched double my body weight and could squat quite a bit before the wars hurt me making it hard to walk.

I've built fast cars for fun, and I mean stomp a Viper or ZO6 kinda fast, not Civic 'fast' and I did everything to them. Engines, transmissions, rear gears, electrical, paint, body, carbs, EFI, suspensions, you name it, I built or reworked it and they haul ass. I don't spend tons of money because I know what works to make them move, and I build big engines that make stupid torque.

I'm 45 and have been banging a 22 yo, 28 yo, 36 and 40 yo. Working on a couple 24 yo skinny chicks, should close on them shortly. Last year I had an 18 and a 19, but they lived too far to keep driving to get some.

I produce fuel for my cars out of all sorts of things, ethanol race fuel that allows high compression or boost if I get around to doing some turbo builds. I learned the process and nearly perfected it before I had to move last year due to a divorce.

I've been a machinist, mechanic, artist, and I build gaming computers for fun, then get banned playing Call of Duty because they swear I'm cheating. I've done construction, heavy equipment, and worked with multimillion dollar aircraft and equipment while an NCO with people under my supervision.

I have been through hell in my life, tested constantly, and struggled and fought through it to do what I wanted to do. If I didn't know how, I learned and did it. Not much I fear anymore, been there done that, and that is where my confidence springs from.

I know I can handle damn near anything thrown at me, because I have handled so much already. It sounds like bragging and ITG shit, but that's what I have done, and what I do. All I ever wanted to do was go fast in old V8, rear drive cars, everything else came about while trying to do just that. Really, I was motivated by a nine second street machine, and the rest sorta happened.

FrostyGoingHisOwnWay · 2014-05-27T19:42:07+00:00

Confidence is self knowledge that you're capable at a task.

It comes from being a novice at something, practicing and noticing self improvement to the point where you're adept at it, the genuinely better you are and the more you understand the nuance of what it takes to be good at X, the more naturally confident you are at it.

It really applies to anything, you can be a confident rock climber, or a confident lover, it all takes practice and self knowledge that if you engage in that activity you can ensure your own success.

Women are NO DIFFERENT from anything else, real confidence with women takes practice, it means trying, failing, altering tactics, improving and getting good, you cannot just go out and be immediately confident with women (or anyone, really), it takes some trial and error and willingness to fail and move on before becoming competent.

You can't get it with other people by reading books and traveling to new places or studying the intellectual tricks, it requires meeting real people and interacting with them.

Don't confuse cause and effect, it's not confidence that causes you to be successful in being able to attract women, although it is somewhat of a factor it's not a deciding one. Rather it's the other way around, learning how to attract women first is what gives you confidence, you see the confident PUA jock-like badboys shot down all the time in bars by more sophisticated women who aren't after that, and they take it on the chin, grin and bear it then move on, it comes from practice of winning and failing and learning how to take both gracefully.

Once you can walk into a bar and know how to work your game, and you're not scared of getting shot down (because it's not foreign to you) then you'll ooze confidence. It's earned.

smokingmonkey420 · 2014-05-27T21:15:01+00:00

Trust in yourself is the essence of confidence.

icanteventhecat · 2014-05-27T23:30:42+00:00

Confidence is gasoline to a car: if you have gas in your tank, you know you are capable of action. However, gasoline, like confidence, is only useful if you actually use it to do things.

Testiklease · 2014-05-27T23:41:49+00:00

After you get out of the shower/ Finish your workout. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you see yourself and say. "Look at that sexy mother fucker! I see my muscles all fucking hot and defined. My Jaw line looks fucking good and my hair is sexy as hell when its wet." You said you are average looking. Is that your perception or what people have told you? Maybe if you were a little more self centered about your looks or your ability to do things(work, hobby, anything you enjoy), You may eventually bleed confidence, where you don't second guess questions presented. Maybe you haven't approached many girls, due to being nervous of rejection or what they may think about you. Can you throw all your fucks in the air and approach a girl because you feel like it?

hungoverseal · 2014-05-27T23:45:15+00:00

There's four or more types

Information- You've got the inside knowledge on something

Situational - In your own house, or say being an owner of a bar

Experience- Been there done it

Intrinsic- I'll handle it whatever

Delusional - actually sometimes the most effective lol

648262 · 2014-05-27T23:45:46+00:00

Confidence is the belief that you can do something. Successes reinforces that belief.

anarchopianist · 2014-05-28T01:30:29+00:00

I'd say when you start out it's hard to really have confidence when you've had no big successes. Your mind is more in a state of not giving a fuck, then once that not giving a fuck leads you to pulling, your brain has seen evidence that you can pull, and believes you can pull more and more and you don't have to rely so much on the not giving a fuck.

Ucanthandledatruth · 2014-05-28T02:02:27+00:00

Confidence is knowing your abilities and strengths as well as your weaknesses.

csmass · 2014-05-28T03:51:47+00:00

Confidence is knowing yourself, understanding your tendencies, realizing not everyone in the world will accept you, and being comfortable and happy with who you are.

TL:DR - Confidence is being happy and not caring what others think, because their opinions are like assholes...

thechuff · 2014-05-28T03:53:45+00:00

You are a lot, and I mean a lot, like me. We have somewhat different situations in life, but your college experience and your description of yourself I can really relate to.

2014-05-28T04:57:11+00:00

Confidence is a calm assurance that you can handle the situation. It is very different to bravado and arrogance, both of which are a poor cover for a lack of real confidence.

Confidence suggests good health, because it indicates good levels of testosterone and balanced neurochemicals.

Confidence implies competence.

Confidence also implies bravery; the ability to take positive action in the face of fear.

Confidence mostly means knowing who you are as a man. If you don't know who you are, what drives you, and what values you will stick to, your confidence with waver.

read_it_r · 2014-05-28T06:38:38+00:00

My best advice to you. Fake it till you make it. You might not feel differently but you know you are, it will be uncomfortable for awhile but just fake the confidence. Say cocky things, talk about your accomplishments. Really think about how far you've come and most importantly do everything for yourself. Don't cook because you think it'll make you interesting, cook because you like to cook. And never pass up an opportunity to be awesome.

carrotplanter · 2014-05-28T10:13:46+00:00

Have you ever made one girl smile? Giggle? Laugh? I have.

When I was younger I used to write poetry. I got into writing at a young age and there was a time in high school when I wrote poems for my crush. Those got me nowhere, but I got attention for them from some of my friends, as well as some of the friends of my crush. My intention was: make the girl blush. And I have, more than once.

If you go to the gym, you know how hard it is to add weight especially when you've been at it for a few years already. Every rep is a challenge, and when you manage, it becomes a success. An example would be me being able to pull off 5 sets of 5 squat reps at 1.5x my bodyweight. That's something I never even thought possible, but there I did it. That kind of success never leaves you, and before you know it, it transfers over to other parts of your life.

You meet a girl that's acting sorta shitty towards you, or you come across an obstacle in your path that's blocking your way. You don't worry, you've been through worse things before. You've made a more beautiful woman smile, as well as pushed and pulled heavier loads.

When you know what you are capable of, and what your potential is, that is confidence.

thewrightstuff88 · 2014-05-28T13:57:20+00:00

I think that theres 2 sides to this coin. Confidence and self esteem. IMO, confidence is an external term while self esteem is an internal one. Both regard your perceived ability in regards to situations and tasks. When it comes to a situation, YOU believe you can do something (self esteem) internally while externally giving off that same vibe (confidence). The vibe that things don't phase you, that sure, inside, you know you may have never done it, but you BELIEVE you can. Confidence is the external portrayal of that. Its the vibe you give off that you know what you are doing, while self esteem is you BELIEVING you can do it. I think both come hand in hand and if you work on one, you can work on the other at the same time.

2014-05-29T09:47:46+00:00

Confidence to me is lack of doubt/fear of your thoughts/feelings/actions and the faith in yourself that you can do whatever the hell you want. (With in reason) People who are confident show it in the way they walk down the street with your head held high and your shoulders squared, from the way you talk, when you hold eye contact, speak in a firm and clear manner, unwavering in your beliefs but at the same time know where to draw the line so not to come off as arrogant and over opinionated. There is a fine line between being confident and arrogant, so we all need to tread the line carefully. Confidence isn't something you're born with, you need to find it, make it, fake it or develop it. It took me 21 years to go from the awkward, shy and cripplingly self conscious kid to the man I am today.

FemtoG · 2014-05-27T20:11:31+00:00

Confidence is the belief that things will work out to your favor in the end.

It's kind of subtle..like you know you're gonna win in the end.

FortunateBum · 2014-05-27T20:25:51+00:00

I'm fairly sure at this point that when people speak of "confidence" in this context, they really mean high status.

How does a high status person behave? Exactly the same as a confident person.

projectself · 2014-05-27T22:56:07+00:00

reading it is not enough, did you do all the exercises and actually write them down?

understanding is not enough, you must do actions. actions is what changes neural pathways. change your actions, your thoughts change slowly because of them. when your thoughts change, your core beliefs do as well.. slightly slower. but actions are critical.

some of those exercises are a week long in duration.. you have not done anything if you did not do the exercises.

Title	What is confidence?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	43
Comments	35
Date	May 27, 2014 6:38 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/26mkmu/what_is_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/what-is-confidence.15950 https://theredarchive.com/post/15950

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