When a plate knows they are a plate

Inspired by a few recent threads on how to deal with talking to plates when you are non-exclusive. It’s important to remember that typically women are not as natural at plate spinning as men for some fundamental reasons. Men want access to unlimited women – it’s an evolutionary response to ensure that the family seed is sown in as many women as possible to ensure the species survives. It’s not just that men like spinning plates, it comes very natural to them too. On the flipside, it’s the women’s job to ensure that the man that they select is going to stick around, so her impetuous is to find an appropriate fit in a man that satisfies her criteria (money, looks, genes etc.) and will stick around. Women may engage in plate spinning, however the outcome is different. As a result, (I’m sure many men here have noticed) the conversation about exclusivity/non-exclusivity typically comes up from the woman to the man first and that although the discussion of exclusivity can be a two-way street, it comes from the women’s biological need first and foremost.

Non-exclusivity is a threat for a number of reasons to both men and women, but naturally women find it harder due to the evolutionary desire to select and then keep the right man. Non-exclusivity used to come with the threat of starvation if the man was killed, or the threat of kidnap (see Rollo’s chapter on War Brides) if the man was away from the family. A single mother meant being a complete social outcast only 100 years ago – this perceived threat is very much alive.

The typical women’s excuse to demand exclusivity in today’s world is STDs. Most of the women that I have had as plates that have been told specifically that they are ‘amongst others’ after a short honeymoon period, begin to make noises about the fact that she is concerned mostly about the contraction of STDs. This masks the larger issue that her sexual offer isn’t enough for you to forgo all others. This, gentlemen, hurts to the point that women in a lot of cases would rather forgo a man completely (unless desire is so high she’ll bend her own rules) than become the plate. Either way, the women’s number one priority is to turn the plater into the subservient beta provider. Don’t blame them, they’re built that way.

To my point. Below are a few ways in which I have been personally challenged about my plates, from my plates. I’ve put a few reasons why I think (drawing on RP theory) they use these tactics and how I dealt with them or how I think they should be dealt with.

1. First, don’t be a douchebag and rub their nose in your plate spinning activities. Certainly avoid the use of the word ‘plate’ or ‘spinning’. When reading RP literature it’s quite easy to start believing that you: MAN must be obeyed by them: WOMAN. The Rambo analogy works well in this instance. You must be a strong and virtuous man to know that your actions applied in the incorrect manner can completely crush a woman’s emotions. Emotions are feelz. Feelz lead to sex. So, gentleman, make sure you’re caring and compassionate about the situation and don’t go stomping over her with your big size 10s.

2. There will be competition anxiety. When you are non-exclusive, or when those words leave your mouth, it WILL set her hamster going in most cases. This is when competition anxiety sets in. In normal common or garden LTRs this can be good (Dread game is one such positive use of competition anxiety), however with a plate the competition anxiety is over such a shorter period and women tend to have more wriggle room to pin you down with the following:

3. One such tactic is the bringing up of other men and how much they’d like to have sex with them. It’s an obvious shit test, mostly aimed at shifting the competition anxiety back in your court. I would like to say that in my quest to be aware or unplugged I have mastered the art of STFU and NGAF, however if I’m being truthful, when plates said this to me, it fucking well stung like a bitch.

4. So, use your AM to make light of situation, even though you are reeling a little. Don’t rise to the bait and know that banging the hot dude that’s ten years younger really isn’t the intention; the intention is to let you know she has options and therefore you better consider reducing your options if you want this woman to hang around. She’s taking the power back.

5. In cases like the above, I used to respond with AA with “I think you should” or “he’s a really good looking dude, you’d be a fool to miss that”. At that point, we’re on the same team and the competition anxiety shifts back to the woman. You are signalling that you too have some options and that you’re ready to double down on them. It doesn’t bother you what she does, because after all she’s a plate.

6. If the challenge continues, possibly with a comment such as “how would you feel if I did”, women after all are masters of the emotion, consider double downing on the challenge with a “how can I stop you, It’d be like the pot calling the kettle black”. Keep it light and friendly.

7. If she pushes even more in the direction of exclusivity, consider turning up the heat on the above comment. “how can I stop you, you wouldn’t stop me, right?”. This forces the issue into the light somewhat. If at this point, if your plate doesn’t fall into the line of being a plate, they probably never will.

It’s important in all this that your plate gets all of your attention at the time you are together. Whilst the women’s goal may well be to eventually snare you, know that sooner or later the plate will have to stop spinning in most cases. The competition anxiety will be too much, especially if you’re on your purpose and bringing your A-game in life. The guilt trip is just as much a shit test as every other one you may encounter. Tread carefully.