Ive lived in multiple cities in my life. All were primarily on the east coast. Two of the cities I did not date in because I had a girlfriend at the time of living in them. One city I was only there for a short time, so I cant really count it (though I did have more positive experiences for the small sample size relative to other place - it was a city in the midwest). I only have experience dating in the one I currently live in, which ranks very high (and the highest in certain categories) in terms of cost of living, education level per capita, income per capita, graduate degrees per capita, housing costs, etc. In terms of getting laid, this is not a good area to be in. Why? My hypothesis lies in Hypergamy

You Want to be at the top of some dominance hierarchy: The Parable Of TigerFish

TLDR: Relative dominance matters in dating and social circles. Low Cost of Living Cities are underrated for this very reason

RELATIVE DOMINANCE MATTERS

We will first make our hypothetical characters

Lets make a hypothetical woman. We’ll call her HB8. HB8 is an HB8, has a law degree and makes over 100k a year. She is a lawyer. She lives in Coastal MegaCity

Lets make a hypothetical man. We'll call him TigerFish. TigerFish has a masters degree and makes over 100k per year. He is a financial analyst. He's in above avg shape, has some friends, and has an average face and height

HB8 just moved to to Coastal MegaCity. She is recently single and ready to try her hand at dating in her new home.

For HB8 to date, she needs someone equal to her. In a perfect world, better than her. She is hypergamous.

Luckily for her, in the advent of apps and living in Coastal MegaCity, there are limitless options of men who are equal or better than her. Everyone in this city has white collar job and higher education. Most are in decent shape. The lawyer, engineer, business man and financial analyst are all the same to HB8. None of them stand out. To stand out for HB8, he needs to check more boxes than just the basics. This guy has to be 6’3... and jacked... and handsome ... and have a graduate degree... and a very high status job... and a large social circle where he is a leader of a bunch of other sharks.

Because all of the dominant, alpha, high status men move to Coastal MegaCity, HB8 has options. All the guys that were studs in the MLS are now benchwarmers in the Premier League (soccer reference/analogy for those who dont get it) All of the dominant formerly high status men compete in a new dominance hierarchy. A super dominance hierarchy is created.

This is great for HB8. All HB8 has to do is swipe and she’ll have a variety of these men in her lap for the night.

What about our friend TigerFish. Well, TigerFish has the basic requirements of living here, but not much else to stand out. He was a stud in the MLS, but a barely sees playing time in the premier league. He has social circles, but is not dominant in any them. How could he be? There is an expert niche of every conceivable social circle in megacity. The guys hes competing with are the best of the best. Physically, he’s in good shape, but not great shape. Nothing that stands out in the sea of gym sharks. TigerFish goes on the apps to swipe and gets nothing in return. He goes out to game at night but has limited success. TigerFish seems like a decent catch, but he has gotten 0 results. He was a star in the MLS. How could he have fallen this far? Whats the problem? TigerFish failed to realize a basic rule of life

Relative Dominance is the only type of Dominance that matters

TigerFish realized his problem. Women are hypergamous. While on an absolute scale TigerFish is in the top 20 percent, in his relative megaCity, he was not.

While TigerFish would stand out in a smaller or lower cost of living city, he is just average (or even below average) in a sea filled with sharks. What does TigerShark have to do? He needs to stop competing with sharks. He needs to change his dominance hierarchy. He needs to go back to the MLS where he was a superstar. He needs to go back home, to the river.

TigerFish decides to take a chance with a lower status and lower paying job. He becomes a financial planner at some mid sized, non fortune 500 company.

TigerShark moves to some SouthernMidwest city to do this.

TigerFish swipes and games again when he gets there and starts seeing actual results. What changed?

Lets evaluate.

He takes a pay cut. He is only making 80k a year now. But he realizes that this a good thing. Relative to the rest of his immediate peers, he climbed the dominance hierarchy. In his old city, his 100k salary was BELOW AVG. His 80k Salary is now ABOVE AVG. The avg salary in SouthernMidwest city is 50k a year. He is in the relative top 20 percent. It’s a cheaper city. He stands out big time. Most of his peers arent as educated as he is. Less guys are in decent shape. All of these little things that didn't matter in MegaCity begin to push TigerFish to the top of the weaker dominance hierarchy.

TigerFish now stands out. A bachelors degree? Wow, most guys don’t have that here. 80k a year? Wow, most guys barely make 50k. In shape? Wow, most guys are lazy bums here.

The absolute pool of women has shrunken. But who cares. The absolute pool of megacity meant nothing to tigerShark because he wasn’t swimming in the top 20 percent. That pool was inaccessible to him. 80 percent of the women were unavailable to him. Now TigerFish can have his picking. He has entered the top 20 percent in SouthernMidwest city. The 80 percent are now accessible to him

Yes, he took a pay cut. The city isn’t as glamorous to talk about to his family back home. There isn’t as large of a presence of fortune 500 companies. Most of the population isn’t as educated as megacity. However, TigerFish begins to see the light. TigerFish has become dominant in his smaller pool of competitors