Dear future husband... 😂

Pie_sky · 2020-08-28T09:56:40+00:00

She is a huge blob with demands and only offers her fat covered pussy, I'll skip.

Typo-MAGAshiv · 2020-08-28T10:01:48+00:00

Take me on a date

I deserve a break

You sound like a duck

And I don't give a fuck

And don't forget the flowers every anniversary

You have to earn flowers. Start sucking!

I'll be the perfect wife

Buying groceries

A) if you think buying groceries is all it takes to be the perfect wife, then you're goddamn retarded.

B) judging by your girth, there won't be a single fresh fruit or vegetable in that cart. It'll be all Marie Callender's and Stouffer's frozen, pre-made garbage. Fatty.

I never learned to cook

Called it, on the frozen meals. Then you're not a functioning adult, let alone wife material.

But I can write a hook

No, not really. Also, just a second ago, did you not say that you also worked a 9 to 5? So which is it?

You gotta know how to treat me like a lady

Act like a lady, then, instead of like a spoiled brat.

Ok, I really, really hate this song, so I'm skipping a bunch.

Tell me I'm beautiful

Even if you lost all that excess weight, you'd be plain at best.

goodmansaysfuckyou · 2020-08-28T12:35:49+00:00

I counted 11 distinctly different people in that video. 10 of them are in shape and attractive...ONE is not. Anyone care to guess which one that is?

HINT: Its the one annoyingly singing about being an entitled bitch.

Adam95x · 2020-08-28T11:46:06+00:00

I always wondered why the government would try and "brainwash" people with the music, culture etc. and make single motherhood not a big deal. Then I realized it's because in a traditional marriage where the mother is a housewife and the father works only one person pays taxes. But when you have a non traditional family where the parents are divorced both the mom and dad work so double the taxes. there is a chance I don't know what i'm talking about btw

evergreen35 · 2020-08-28T13:08:04+00:00

Dear future wife: Please lose about 50 lbs.

Mein_Tarnaccount · 2020-08-28T10:15:37+00:00

It's like the bullet-dodging scene in The Matrix, but the bullets are buckets of lard

Nerdialismo · 2020-08-28T10:53:30+00:00

My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the, no, no, no

Aldabruzzo · 2020-08-28T15:50:49+00:00

Translation:

Here is a list of requirements I have for any man who wants to marry me. You must

be hot and in shape

be nice to me

be submissive and apologize to me, even when you're right and I'm wrong

give me whatever I want

spend money on me and take me out and show me a good time

commit everything you are to me, and show indications of it with a ring purchase and chivalry

tell me I'm beautiful even when I'm clearly not and we both know you're lying

make all the money

not expect me to cook or clean or take care of children or a home

take care of my family and not yours

put up with my bullshit

put up with my borderline personality disordered emotional instability

but most of all, you are not allowed to expect anything of me at all.

In return, I'll let you take care of me, support me, and maybe have sex sometimes.

Girls laugh this off and say "oh come on guys! It's just a JOKE! Stop taking girls like her so SERIOUSLY! Sheesh, can't you guys lighten up and laugh a little bit?"

Except... it's not a joke. Women are serious. They seriously expect to be treated EXACTLY like this.

moorekom · 2020-08-28T13:18:57+00:00

[removed]

goodmansaysfuckyou · 2020-08-28T12:32:19+00:00

Thanks u/loneliness--inc ...

Having listened to that shit, I now have my head wrapped in 6 layers of duct tape to keep it from exploding from the inability to comprehend how fucking stupid this bitch is and how FUCKING annoying her voice is.

Yashugan00 · 2020-08-28T15:22:45+00:00

1:13 "even when i'm acting crazy" ... yet it's the man that "fails"

1:20 "be my one and only" ... guy has dead eyes at this point.

1:51 "Treat me like a lady". .... Makes money signs with her hands.

1:45 "you know i'm never wrong, why disagree" ... and there's 4 guys standing ready for her

1:60 guy fails a strength test (aren't feminists always telling us we don't need to gender confirm) and she's already replacing him.

He dodged a whale.

TooAwareToCare · 2020-08-28T18:18:04+00:00

She doesn’t know how to cook but literally...and I fucking mean literally, the next scene shows the guy cooking for her and she expects it? 😞

Can I just say if your a goddamn adult learn to fucking cook for fuck sake woman what are we doing here that you can’t even cook?

I’m sorry lads I can’t fucking watch this shit.

machineghostmembrane · 2020-08-28T14:05:07+00:00

how did it get this way?

Aldabruzzo · 2020-08-28T18:02:13+00:00

Hey girls:

Dear Future Wife:

Here is a list of all of my requirements if you want to be my wife. You MUST:

be hot and in shape

have huge tits

be slender through the waist and hips but have a perfect 0.7 Waist to Hip Ratio

have N no greater than 2

be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement waiving alimony forever regardless of financial position, a straight 50/50 property division, and a straight actual 50/50 time child custody agreement in the event of divorce for any reason

be willing to have a covenant marriage (i.e. no marriage license, no requirements of state law formalities in marriage, no state involvement)

never have been married

have no children

never had an abortion

drug free

nonsmoker

never been treated for any sort of mental illness or addiction

not be taking any maintenance medications of any kind

be fertile

be age 23 or younger

be submissive and do whatever I tell you, when I tell you

be a First Mate with good advice and counsel when I decide I need it

adhere to whatever budgets I prescribe

be skilled in the culinary and domestic arts

be willing to bear at least 3 children and have each submitted to a DNA test to establish my paternity

put me to sleep and wake me up in the mornings with blow jobs

have frequent regular sex with me and only me

submit to my schedule as dictated by my career

submit to the needs of my career

be OK with my having sex with other women, if I decide I want to

You girls all good with that?

thewhiskey_zulu · 2020-08-28T16:06:18+00:00

Dear God I went to highschool with her lol.

a-corsican-pimp · 2020-08-28T13:16:26+00:00

Fat pig

make_reddit_great · 2020-08-28T13:38:45+00:00

Yikes! This is one to show my sons as a cautionary example, thanks OP.

IWalkIntoMordor · 2020-08-28T15:57:46+00:00

Ditches the first guy cause he makes 5* quality scallops with fantastic presentation. Really? You'd have to pay 30$ for the same plate in a high end restaurant. It's like she doesnt even begin to understand what value actually is. Sorry we don't all order pizza and spend excessively on shit food, like a giant tub of lard.

Edit: I had to close it at that point, cause I knew it would only make me more annoyed.

Ibeprasin · 2020-08-28T16:43:14+00:00

Typical “I’m a princess and don’t need to put in effort into a relationship because I’m bringing my vagina to the table.” News flash lady. Over half the human population has a vagina. You don’t understand the principle of supply and demand.

houseoftolstoy · 2020-08-28T19:25:12+00:00

List of demands she has:

-Take me on a date

-Get me flowers every anniversary

-Don't expect me to bake for you or cook for you

-Expect me to be crazy and just overlook it

-Apologize after every fight because you are always wrong and I am always right

-You have to see my family more than yours

-Buy her a ring (you know she wants one that will be way overpriced)

List of things she will provide:

-Buying groceries (but not being able to cook with them)

-Kisses (maybe, if you open the door for her)

-"Special loving" (don't expect more than her lying on her back)

Yeah, sounds like a great deal. What man wouldn't want a woman like this?

2020-08-28T13:13:03+00:00

No thanks.

LazTheHun · 2020-08-28T15:18:44+00:00

Painful to watch. Shit music, shit message.

I-am-the-lul · 2020-08-28T23:04:33+00:00

>Claims she will be the perfect wife

Press X to doubt

XXXXXXX

SilverFang47x · 2020-08-28T14:48:47+00:00

She brings nothing to the table, but wants to be treated like a "lady". I'll pass.

2020-08-28T16:52:04+00:00

Not sure which cat should be able to all these things but I hope she finds one.

DwayneBlackpill · 2020-08-28T17:14:35+00:00

My x wife loves her lol

fuddubandha · 2020-08-28T18:12:37+00:00

POF🤣🤣🤣

Balefirez · 2020-08-28T20:28:29+00:00

I cannot stand this woman. She plagiarized a song, which she then destroys. Her music just sounds so entitled. The epitome of a 3 (maybe 4) demanding a 10.

washingtonpanther · 2020-08-28T20:37:23+00:00

fuck this song.

to the perfidious mook who sings it: no matter how hard you try to convince me otherwise, fat isn't fuckable and I guarantee you smell like fried food and butter.

Sumpm · 2020-08-28T23:50:08+00:00

This video makes me want to stay single for the rest of my life.

kyledontcare · 2020-08-29T01:08:41+00:00

I detest this woman so much. . . .

Phixer7 · 2020-08-29T04:22:34+00:00

Ive actually met her and been to her house, she is a fat sloppy, disgusting, lazy landwhale no man should ever date that thing.

Ishabaka · 2020-08-30T17:32:44+00:00

YRUFAT?

countnoxxferatu · 2020-08-31T02:14:51+00:00

Meanwhile good looking guys got to fuck that for free or close.

Okay she’s not so bad looking if you like the lady version of The Penguin or a general transgender woman look...

SkylordAl · 2020-08-28T13:40:30+00:00

[removed]

NickTesla2018 · 2020-08-28T15:00:14+00:00

Good grief?! This would be great torture music for incarcerated Antifa and BLM looters.

Thor-Loki-1 · 2020-08-28T15:01:36+00:00

Who's that fat, ugly bitch?

quesoburgesa · 2020-08-28T16:25:08+00:00

Made it 22 sec in and realized nahhhh

madriverdog · 2020-08-28T17:20:47+00:00

“Makes video” about getting a husband
Use autotune, with imagery only teen-girls like.
???
Profit!!!

byscuit · 2020-08-28T20:03:04+00:00

The amount of filtering used on her face in this video is absolutely shameful. Its like I'm looking into a fuzzy, powder covered lens then entire time

NelsonIllustrator · 2020-09-02T04:46:36+00:00

Note how the dudes are all masculine, tall, white males. The "toxic" male that this same group claims to hate

MrCalPoly · 2020-08-29T11:01:56+00:00

🤮

Typo-MAGAshiv · 2020-08-28T14:15:35+00:00

[removed]

Fukklebeez · 2020-08-28T13:39:22+00:00

Thematically, this is pretty annoying, but damn Megan Trainor has a great voice....damn!

Dear future husband... 😂

Comments

Consistency is a tool of the patriarchy!!!

Because they are floppy!!!

tools of the patriarchy!!!

XXXXXXX

Title	Dear future husband... 😂
Author	loneliness-inc
Upvotes	318
Comments	115
Date	August 28, 2020 9:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/ii3zfg/dear_future_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/dear-future-husband.170352 https://theredarchive.com/post/170352