Affair

innominating · 2017-04-21T10:52:37+00:00

If you aren't lifting and leading at home, you don't "get it."

Your wife is postwall and is starting to think that you may realize your SMV exceeds hers even though you are too lazy to lift and don't lead.

You missed a golden opportunity to handle your wife's shittest about the imaginary affair and get her hamster working for you and instead you quickly relieved the tension because you're such a nice guy who wouldn't want her to be jealous.

You're on pace to continue once a week duty sex.

Archwinger · 2017-04-21T13:30:00+00:00

The right answer isn't "Don't worry, baby. I love you so much and would never ever thinking of cheating on you or leaving you no matter what."

It's "Hey, I'm happy. The sex is good. My wife is fun and supportive and respectful. Our family has its shit together. As long as that's the case, why would I go elsewhere?"

The implied message is that your eternal commitment is not guaranteed. You could leave any time. You're not stuck with her. You have the ability to get other pussy and she knows it. You are choosing to be with her. For now. As long as your sex life is great and she is great to be with.

Marriage isn't about you doing the work to keep her around. You do the work because you're awesome and have your shit together. You'd do the work even if she wasn't there and nobody was watching. Marriage is about her working to keep an awesome man like you constantly aware of her value. If she's not bringing value to the table, you're not interested, and she should be deathly afraid of you losing interest.

ReddJive · 2017-04-21T12:39:51+00:00

the only aspect I have trouble with is you reassured her.

How exactly? Details are important.

UEMcGill · 2017-04-21T13:35:11+00:00

Not a lot to go on here, but I suspect you mistook her covert communication for overt communication. Namely she asked, "Are you having an affair..." when she meant was "If you are having an affair I wouldn't blame you. I don't know where I fit in here.."

/u/weakandsensitive Is spot on in his question. What value does she provide. I suspect she was looking for leadership in you and this was the first officer testing command. She was asking what is expected of her.

You could have steeled your resolve and set the tone for the future.

"Are you having an affair?"

"Why should I be?"

Hamster, hamster, hamster... She'll spew some shit about how your dressing differently and acting different.

"Listen Babe, I'm trying to get better at this adult thing. I'm just trying to improve myself"

Let your actions speak for themselves, and let her hamster to the heavy work for her. Women will reflect their men, so give her a shining example.

Scurvemuch · 2017-04-21T16:18:02+00:00

whats your question caller?

88Will88 · 2017-04-21T12:19:32+00:00

Sounds to me as though you are getting it. You have to lift though, do it at least three times a week. No excuses. Also why aren't you leading at home? Your girl said she isn't as nice as she could be, that was an admission and a chance for you to say, true, you need to be nicer to me. Lift and lead, everything else will follow.

WiseGorilla · 2017-04-21T13:02:42+00:00

"I think I finally get it.", is like a physicist saying, "I think I finally get science."

You may be aware of some basic concepts and see them at play in your life, but living in your own frame and building yourself into a strong and capable leader is a lifelong journey. I'm a completely different person now than I was before I started a year ago, and I know I've only put my foot into this rabbit hole.

weakandsensitive · 2017-04-21T12:01:59+00:00

Is she working to add value to your life as wife, mother, and girlfriend? This is a question you should be asking day in and day out. If the answer is no, you should introspect on why you're keeping her around.

redmountainpill · 2017-04-21T12:43:22+00:00

Lifting is about the easiest thing you can do toward improving your life. What's your barrier preventing you from doing that consistently?

stonepimpletilists · 2017-04-21T13:20:58+00:00

Would have been a great time to set your expectations, instead of assuring her that she wont lose you if she doesnt straighten up.

rocknrollchuck · 2017-04-21T19:31:30+00:00

After reassuring her, she seemed very happy and has been since.

She's happy "right now." My favorite response, the one that caused my wife's jaw to hit the floor the first time I said it:

"Why would I want to start all over and train a new girl to do all the things you already do so well?"

[deleted] · 2017-04-22T14:42:00+00:00

despite implementing some MRP stuff for 11 mths, I finally think I get it.

This is why you use the 1 month / 1 year timeline. Good job not going rambo.

Anyway, the stuff I have done well is losing weight, dressing better and getting busy on my interests - out a few times a week.

Investing in yourself, passive dread, good. Where do you think you are on the dread levels scale?

I'm still not lifting consistently or really leading at home.

Racka dishiprin!!!

If you aren't leading, the FO will resent her durnk captain...

However, yesterday my wife sat me down and asked if I am having an affair

Epic WIN - this is what dread is designed for

I'm not. I told her this and reassured her /

Good job spotting the comfort test

she referenced my changes and said that she wouldn't blame me as I'm attractive and she isn't always as nice as she could be.

Admission of guilt? Unicorn!?

After reassuring her, she seemed very happy and has been since.

Because you passed the comfort test. Push with dread, pull with comfort.

So, thanks for the advice to those that have it and now what ? Just carry on with my improvements I guess.

I'm still not lifting consistently or really leading at home.

Edit: As for your last post

This was a weekend without this duty sex

Covert Contract, destroy these

I stayed calm and didn't act butt hurt

Good

but was awake all night with uncontrollable anger, my emotions are out of control

Hopefully she didn't pick up the vibe. That's why you don't make Covert Contracts, you won't have anything to be disappointed/upset/angry over.

The temptation is to give up

Glad for you you didn't

just forget sex and intimacy altogether as the pursuit of it causes turmoil for me

Always an option, but I think the Covert Contracts is your real issue

but I have a MAP and need to throw myself at it like a rabid dog. - maybe monk mode.

Maybe look into formlessness as a philosophy, don't get entrenched in your thinking

But, Jesus the anger, the anger - and I fuckjng meditate an hour day!

Take a chill pill?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-22T16:51:12+00:00

Sounds like you caved in her frame and reassured away any of the Dread that would have gotten you more compliance, more pussy from her or to motivate her to lose weight. This isn't worthy of thanking us. You blew it.

Title	Affair
Author	starrcarr
Upvotes	6
Comments	33
Date	April 21, 2017 10:22 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/66oc06/affair/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/affair.206258 https://theredarchive.com/post/206258

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