Blind...need help seeing the light

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-02-24T21:42:08+00:00

Short answer:

You're not worthy of fucking.

Long answer:

Keep working.

you_done_messed_up · 2016-02-24T23:08:13+00:00

I've seen a couple of threads on here about LL being caused by anti-deps. My wife is on them too and it did absolutely kill her sex drive.

People will tell you that it doesn't matter because if you're super-alpha Chad, she'll jump on your dick regardless of any hormone level and medication, but that's not true.

You need to talk to her doctor, because if your wife's depressed she won't want to fuck you either.

BTW afaik, anti-depressants have a horrible track record and are mostly bullshit. But I'm not a doctor.

Also be aware that the libido killing effects can linger for months even after she stops taking them.

alphabeta49 · 2016-02-25T00:59:44+00:00

This is completely your mess. You hint several times that you understand this, but I want to make it clear. You set yourself up to be treated this way.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that she had either an absent dad or a very strict, un-affectionate dad, which has translated into her taking care of herself, i.e., being dominant/alpha. You, on the other hand, are a big softy, get along great with women but only because you're seen as safe, and don't lead your family as much as you think you do. If this is the case, then you have lots of catching up to do.

I don't like to make assumptions about people based on a reddit post, but man, she's doing you a favor by not divorcing your ass. A few reasons:

You're an out of shape firefighter
Sounds like you use introversion as an excuse to stay cooped up and not get out
You're not taking the hint that she wants you to stand up to her
When you do stand up to her, its probably in a childish or awkward way
You haven't taken charge of her med situation

Now first of all, antidepressants are a bitch. They kill your libido, make you gain or lose weight, can make you a zombie, etc. Do whatever you can to get her switched to a more suitable pill with more manageable side effects or, better yet, get her off them completely (look into holistic/alternative/naturalistic solutions). The point is, do something about it. If the happy pills are interfering with your sex life, take action. (Side musing: I'm curious when she started taking them. Was it before or after you two started dating?)

Second, and probably the biggest tell, is this combo:

I get called a "perv" or she'll ask "what are you doing?" and pull away

She likes to give me shit but in a teasing and playful kinda way

You're an uptight, boring, fat guy. Its impossible for her to be attracted to that, so she's screaming at you, in the covert, subconscious way that women communicate, that she wants you to man up. She WANTS to be attracted to you, to have an exciting sex life, to be highly functional, to follow your lead. You've failed to do that, and add on anti-deps, you've got a very frustrated, resigned wife.

Let me put it in a way that might get your attention: she'd probably respond really well to being tied up and slapped around a bit. But first, you have to completely kill it at work, around the house, and with your game. The sex you want, like respect, is earned.

over60_stupid_loner · 2016-02-25T04:56:56+00:00

OP it seems you are struggling to put the pieces together. As so clearly pointed out by everyone here, all of the answers to your questions are contained within your post.

You say you want comfort/comfortable affection and sex from your wife. Give up your Disney fantasy and move forward.

Her: gets upset, sex is not important, has no desire, she cries, tells you to go out and fuck others, you're a perv, gives you shit, teasing, calls you a douche, don't take that from me, fight back….

She is telling you in no uncertain terms to man-up and treat her like a woman, not an equal. This is one where she is overtly telling what she wants in order to be attracted to you. In all of this you present a picture of a woman that seems to be on your side. You just aren't getting it.

You need to LIFT; and, go back and re-read, and seriously reflect on the three beginning books.

Sepean · 2016-02-24T21:55:33+00:00

No idea. Improve and see how it works out. If it is still a problem, deal with it then. My wife managed to be LL without any meds, just taking what she said seriously was enough to kill her sex drive, and the red pill brought it back. Up your SMV and see how it goes from there.
Read the sidebar, implement, count calories and lose the fat, pass shit tests, lead the household, game your wife, hold frame, be OI. That will make her fall in love with you again.
See no. 2.
She's begging you to pass her shit tests so she can feel the tingles again. Learn to pass shit tests. This girl sounds like STFU won't do the job, so work on this. http://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

but there are times where she gets upset when she isn't included in the decision making.

MRP is not about not making her mad or upset. Stop worrying about what she thinks. Get shit done. Make good decisions. Lead. Ask for her input if she has relevant input to offer, but don't do it out of principle or because she'll get mad otherwise.

cj_aubrey · 2016-02-25T02:06:26+00:00

I can comment on the bit of this that I have some experience fixing. This problem

I don't hang out with the guys much

Is the cause of this problem

How do I get past feeling the need for affection and love from her?

Your wife is not your friend. Its wrong that you are attempting to get emotional comfort from her. She knows this intuitively and that's why she resists. Did you wonder about that? How you were always trying to get closer and she was always pushing you away? You were probably told that your wife would be your best friend and support you - this was a blue pill lie. In order to fix it you need to find strong male sources of emotional support. Without that your wife will have the ability to make you feel existentially lonely with her criticism and disapproval. If she can do that, its going to be MUCH harder to pass shit tests, maintain frame, have OI, because she has the ability to make your feel terrible. Once you don't need anything from her emotionally, all of this becomes much easier. She's a bitch? Go hang out with your boys. Still not talking to you from when you didn't do that compliance test bs she asked you to do last night? Call one of your friends and talk about that boxing fight for 30 minutes.

Most of us here had to learn how to make new, adult, male friends because we hadn't done it previously. I'd suggest you look around at the boxing gym and the firehouse. Prioritize BBQs at the firehouse. Make up shit about why its part of your job to justify it to your wife if you have to. Find excuses to call your male friends and then just BS about football or an action movie or something. It will take some effort but you need to move your emotional reliance off your wife or a lot of the progress you need to make will be extremely difficult.

dandar4600 · 2016-02-25T02:30:30+00:00

She told you to fuck other women because she sure as hell knows that you don't have the game or the looks to pull it off. You need to up your dread. That is lift, lose the fat, start learning the game, flirting etc. That's up to level 7 in 12 steps/levels of dread. Keep progressing through them until either she fucks you or you can openly dress up to go out and fuck other women. See the wiki on mrp for the guide on it.

Countpudyoola · 2016-02-25T16:31:48+00:00

Currently your wife has friendzoned her beta husband.

While you work on your map, I'd slow fade any and all feels from her. You're getting shit/easily shut down for trying to initiate, she needs to get little to nothing of friendzone time from you.

I say slow fade to avoid direct confrontation or talks since at this point you may have trouble fielding them.

Be less available and fill up your time elsewhere. You really need to get her to see you in a masculine /non-friend light. You'll never be able to boost one while she gets a shit-ton of the other.

MRPguy · 2016-02-24T21:33:46+00:00

The only real sticking point is the lack of sex and affection. She was raised in a house where affection wasn't the norm at all and she "says" sex is great but not important to her because she just doesn't have the desire for "it"

Not true. She doesn't have a desire for you. You are old hat. You are boring. You are fat. You are poor. Whatever it is, she doesn't want any part of it. Recognize this, and embrace it. Better yourself.

How do I get past feeling the need for affection and love from her? "I love yous" and signs of affection from her are rare nowadays. Yeah yeah, I'm a pussy, but it is something that I feel that I need from her time to time.

Get over this. We can't do it for you. You will NEVER find happiness if you are reliant on others. Being reliant on others means you have no control over your frame, you've given it away.

When I try to initiate for sex (touching, kino, innuendo, etc.) I get called a "perv" or she'll ask "what are you doing?" and pull away. Before all this I would get upset, but now I maintain and find something else to do. Anything I can do to improve?

She is a cold-hearted bitch. The ONLY way to fix this is to fix yourself. Drop the weight, improve in every aspect. She will either come along for the ride or you will drop her and move on. That's the reality.

She likes to give me shit but in a teasing and playful kinda way. She'll call me a douche, will make fun of me, or will have some smartass comment. Shit test?

This is embarrassing coming from your spouse and highly inappropriate. You have a lot to work on. Shit test or no shit test, what does it matter? It's poor behavior. Why have you put up with this for so long?

You've read the books, so you should know the answers to these questions already. Find some value in yourself. Make Yourself Great Again.

EDIT: By the way, you aren't blind. You are here, you've read the books and the posts. You are simply at the part that requires real actual work. Many see what is required and turn around and forget they were ever here. Many do it half-assed them blame us for their failed marriage. A chosen few do it by the book and have great success.

cholomite · 2016-02-25T13:39:27+00:00

My girlfriend was on anti-deps for a year or two. She stopped taking them when I started to man up and become a rock for her to lean on. Maybe your girl will feel the same once you stop being such a whiny pussy. But maybe not, who knows.
There's nothing wrong with wanting "love" from a woman. Love from a woman means you're a high value man that she respects. Her "love" for you is based on respect, right now she doesn't respect you. Become a man who is worthy of respect.
Next time she calls you a perv, play it up like it's a compliment or it was all part of your plan. If she still acts cold, laugh and smile and go do something else. Depending on the tone, she may just be shit testing you.
Similar to 3, you're bombing shit tests hard. The playful shit tests usually need a response, otherwise you come across as butthurt. I usually only ignore "serious" shit tests, not the ones where she's playing around. There's a good video on shit tests on the RSD youtube channel. You need to start passing these with a cocky funny humor, if you don't you're going to be drying her vagina up like a desert. Next time she talks shit, just pick her ass up and carry her into your bed and start spanking her ass. If you're no strong enough for that then become strong enough.

In the meantime, while you're still trying to master frame control and not giving a fuck, go out and buy a nice looking new outfit, make sure your hair is cut neatly and regularly, and start doing shit a little differently. She's bored with you and that's why she's playing these games. She desperately wants you to give her emotions and tingles. Make her laugh then make her wonder why you bought cologne and a new shirt. Whatever it takes to get her hamster spinning a little in your favor.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-02-25T19:06:19+00:00

I've been lurking here for 3-4 months

Book of pook might be for you. I don't see mention of any readings. do you? Have you?

Also, if you're a firefighter, act like it. You should be talking about yourself more than a vegan who does crossfit.

Deadliftproblem · 2016-02-26T15:51:23+00:00

A few things,

Are you happy? I'm finding this is a serious issue. Nobody wants to be led by an angry or depressed man. Happy, purposeful leadership is where it's at!

Don't buy the introvert thing, I've found that all that means is that you need to be recharged in solitude. Are you recharging? Do you take long walks alone in the woods? Actually alone, where there's no "honey-do" list checkups etc.
Don't let the introvert excuse keep you moping around the house.

Start kino with shoulder touch's, not boob grabs, ass grabs or crass juvinile shit. Just a hand on the hip while walking around her in the kitchen, have on the knee while sitting on the couch. If your not already touching her, let her get acclimatized to your touch, before you go for the crotch grab.

Give her shit right back. If she wants to play, then fucken play! These are golden opportunities to have some fun. Watch some stand up comedy, get some idea of a nice comeback. Personally, a well timed "that's what she said" with an exaggerated wink is gold. But if she's sensitive to innuendos, might want to be careful with that one.

The affection thing is tricky. And it's at the core of the red pill. You don't need her acceptance, affection, or anything. When you truly GET this, life is good.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-02-27T15:51:02+00:00

The only real sticking point is the lack of sex and affection.

7 paragraphs of hamstering before we get to the real point. Do you beat around the bush with your wife like this?

How do I get past feeling the need for affection and love from her?

Time and Frame. Once you are fucking whenever you want, the affection and love often returns somewhat BUT the real issue is you needing mommies approval. You don't want your WIFE to give you approval. You want your mommies approval. Do you see how anti-seductive this is?

She cried, told me basically to go out and fuck a girl if that's what I need.

Another Shit Test. Falling like rain over here.

When I try to initiate for sex (touching, kino, innuendo, etc.) I get called a "perv" or she'll ask "what are you doing?"

"I am getting you ready for sex so you are good for something."

She likes to give me shit but in a teasing and playful kinda way. She'll call me a douche, will make fun of me, or will have some smartass comment. Shit test?

If she was throwing the Shit Test any softer it would hit the ground before it got to you. She wants to be DOMINATED by her man. What could be the problem?

You have the frame of a sad sack. Dude, you break into collapsing buildings and rescue dying people from fires. Why are you so afraid of your wife?

_SexMetalBarbie_ · 2016-02-27T17:48:51+00:00

Does she have any friends who regularly hit the gym and with whom you might encourage her to spend more time? Working out is associated with a better general sense of well being.

Title	Blind...need help seeing the light
Author	MRP_MATT
Upvotes	4
Comments	23
Date	February 24, 2016 9:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/47eygh/blindneed_help_seeing_the_light/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/blindneed-help-seeing-the-light.207643 https://theredarchive.com/post/207643

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