Catch 22

Countpudyoola · 2015-08-21T13:26:13+00:00

OK, I know this is askmrp but you need a bit of an ass kick. You're attacking it wrong.

Told her I felt jealous that this other guy who I never heard of before is suddenly getting lots of attention. I set a boundary that she is not to hang out with him on a one on ine basis outside of their practice, no going out for breakfast, and no going out for drinks.

Should have been. "Wife, your relationship with GuyX isn't appropriate and it ends now."

There are childhood acquaintances, and there's guys she just met. Neither of which is really appropriate for hanging out and drinking alone with. In a group the former is ok... the latter NEVER. She gets married and wants to trap a man into that? Fine. But she gives up the right to still test the waters and date other men. She's either married or not. She can fuck off if she wants to have you paying 1/2 the bills while another man wines, dines and 69s her. And if that's the case tell her to not let the door hit her ass on the way out.

Now as for the ZBB concert that clearly is a case to call an audible with your friends, hang out with them tonight, Sunday or next weekend. It's a big-fun-mate-binding-event. You remember, the kind you used to do when dating her? Why leave that up for an option? While there, be Mr. Personable with every decent looking girl there around you.

By not going you're giving her rope to hang herself with (by inviting the Alpha you're allowing to come in, sniff around your doorstep and order off of your menu). If you want it to be over and done...let her hang herself. If you would like to remain married, then you don't let her go without you.

She even wants you to man up and you're not doing it. Show her you do actually have a pair dangling between your legs and not tucked up into your pelvis.

If you don't have it already: get the guys number. Call him and tell him he's done sniffing around your doorstep.

I had my wife hand me the phone while were still engaged when some yahoo kept drunk dialing every time her was breezing into down and told him to delete her number.

I had a friend meet a guy at the door who kept sniffing around his wife trying to worm in and tell him point blank to stop. And unless he has a business reason he's done talking to her.

She married you, that comes with concessions from you and her. Do you let potential thieves just come up and test all your locks, windows and doors... and not do anything because they technically haven't broken in yet? This guy is a thief. He's stealing your shit. And you're standing there issuing weak ultimatums she is already planning to break.

enfier · 2015-08-21T10:01:38+00:00

End the relationship with the guy. Don't tell her about the snooping. Your instincts are right and mate guarding isn't beta, if done from a position of confidence and authority it's strong.

The conversation should go something like this: "The relationship you have with X is inappropriate and dangerous. I want you to end it immediately."

Then you just batten down the hatches, get ready for the storm, STFU and stick only to that exact point. It's a simple point and a powerful one and you don't need to justify a damn bit of it. Do not get dragged into an argument.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2015-08-21T06:52:14+00:00

SOOOO fucking obvious you should deny her going to that show "alone".

You need us to tell you that?

I strongly suggest some deep reflection and continued reading.

We are not here to hold your hand through your own personal storyline.

Good on ya for experimenting. Find your way, then come back in 3 months and contribute something useful.

Also, grow a pair.

whinemoreplease · 2015-08-21T12:15:14+00:00

You know what needs to be done, but you lack the balls to do it. Your "boundaries" are bullshit and weak. You're actively being cuck'ed and.... your response is to go out of your way to be cuck'ed more. C'mon man.

The_Litz · 2015-08-21T12:37:48+00:00

You tried setting boundries, and failed.

If she goes to the concert with Chad, then it is a date, it is not friends going to a show. There is nothing platonic about that, no matter how you try and rationalise it.

Becoming Redpill means you don't care about the outcome, right now you are shitscared you have to confront her with this willfull disrespect of you and your marriage.

She says the guy thinks I'm being a weirdo and says she has no one else to bring

She is discussing you with this guy. She is making you the villian in the fairytale and her hamster is rationalising her cheating on you.

This is far more serious than you think. If I were in your shoes right now I would see this as a test to keep her or Next her.

If she goes on this date with him she is out, if she doesn't she can stay.

Remember, YOU are the prize.

blarggggggggggg · 2015-08-21T18:53:52+00:00

I am not advanced MRP so take this with a grain of salt but I will disagree with just about everyone here. I been on this path for some time, before there was even MRP and I was trying to apply game type stuff from masf forums and PUA self-help stuff to my own wife, FWIW, so I'm not a newb, just not participating in these forums very often.

Anyway, IMO, the ultimate in OI is to recognize that you have to be 100% ready to lose your wife. I would keep the plans with the bros and let her do whatever the fuck she wants. I would not be threatened by her relationship with this dude. I would indicate to her that it was amusing and a bit pathetic. I feel like if you are mate-guarding, then you've already lost frame and lost the game, the big picture.

Now, to say some hippie bullshit that most here will probably kick my ass for saying, if you love someone, let them free. She is free to do whatever she wants. However, as others have noted, you need to have some self-respect and boundaries about this. If she cheats, you need to end the marriage and get gone fast. If she is engaging in behaviors you find contemptible and cannot abide, you tell her those are deal breakers and you will walk. You don't dictate to her what she will and will not do. You tell her she is free to do whatever she wants, be whoever she wants to be, but inform her of what actions you will take on your end in different scenarios. That is the ultimate in outcome independence and strong frame and boundaries.

Too often women get the pussy-pass and don't face consequences for their actions so you need to hold her accountable. I read and lurk here and follow the sidebar material because I want my marriage to work, there are enough positives that it would suck to lose it and it's worth trying to turn the bad around. But you have to be ready to lose it to enforce boundaries, keep respect, and make the changes in yourself necessary to move ahead in life.

Just my two cents

Jessie_James · 2015-08-21T16:09:52+00:00

You're married, going out with guy friends. Perfectly okay.

She's married, and hanging out with ... some guy? And she knows you are not cool with it? Really? And, from your other post, "doesn't want to be touched"? Something is wrong.

Either she is cheating, or she's planning on it.

You need to let her know you don't tolerate being treated so poorly. After all, if you were to go to a concert, with some cute little blonde, would she be okay with it? Of course not, she'd lose her mind, with good reason.

It would appear you are cheating on her if you did that.

I would consider telling her something like "I have been doing some more thinking. Your relationship with [Mike] is completely inappropriate for a married woman. Anyone who sees you with him will assume you are cheating on me. That makes ME look like a fool, like a sucker, like a loser, and that is absolutely NOT okay. Now, you are free to do what you please, I'm not telling you how to run your life, or who you can spend time with. What I am telling you is that I will not tolerate being disrespected like that any more. If I find out this is continuing, this is instant divorce territory. Ok? I love you, and care for you, and am working on improving myself and our marriage, but this means you have to work with me."

Then she'll reply, hamster it up, but don't budge. You may have to repeat it, but be sure you tell her she gets to make her own decisions, however, you also will decide. Demand that you be treated with respect, and have the backbone to follow up. If you can't honestly threaten divorce, then don't. Just let her know it's not cool.

You should go out with your friends. You should tell her to either invite a female friend, or not worry about the extra tickets her sister bought (it's not even your/her money, WTF!)

If she goes to the concert with that guy, and you find out, tell her she is no longer welcome home.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-08-22T14:44:33+00:00

So much of this is insecure Beta behavior. You need to kill your beta Shit Goblin!

-Wife afraid to express anger or fear at you

-insecure reading emails

-insecure checking phone

-Insecure about her latest branch swinging project (understandable and perfectly fine but definitely insecure)

-I felt jealous

LISTEN UP: NOBODY CARES HOW YOU FEEEEEEEL. NOBODY. Not your wife- in fact she is repulsed by your feels- and not anybody.

I think you need to change your mind and go. I would not let another man go on a date with my wife. No way, no how- not unless I was going out with a younger, prettier version of her.

itstartstoday123 · 2015-08-21T22:08:21+00:00

Want to not mate guard but know exactly what her intentions are?

You:honey I Hope this guy has a place for you to crash because if you go with him.... Then I will call the locksmith to change the locks the moment you step out the door. I Hope you make a decision that makes you happy cause my life is getting better by the moment and I don't think a woman that steps out that door to hang out with another guy has any privileges to hang out with me, whether that be you or my next wife.

Say this with a big smile on your face and follow it up with

"should we have one last kiss, just in case?"

stonepimpletilists · 2015-08-22T15:23:31+00:00

but I know she is reeling inside which is good.

don't care. you have plans, thats as far into it as you should look

told her how I felt

late to give advise here, but who cares? you tell her what you expect. your feelings aren't going to get her to straighten up, if anything, that will work against you.

Having said that, you set a boundry, she clearly didn't respect that. Are you going to buckle, or are you going to pack her shit?

Do you have this guys phone number? during her dinner, call him and ask to put your wife on the phone, tell her not to come home.

Title	Catch 22
Author	TheAccidentOf85
Upvotes	1
Comments	38
Date	August 21, 2015 6:19 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3htgrz/catch_22/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/catch-22.208155 https://theredarchive.com/post/208155

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