Ex wife problems

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-02-08T00:35:31+00:00

Yes, the bad news is that the two of you are stuck as long as your kids are around. So get used to it, and expect drama to get even worse.

The good news is that you are a man who is now in control of his life, and the more time you put in between your separation and the present, the more confidence and experiences you will accumulate that will make you stronger and better. It’s like you slowly grow, and she may very well stagnate.

Your friends will be attitudes such as ones inspired by Stoicism (control what you can; she and her BS attitude are like the weather) and resources such as the High Conflict Parenting podcast. You need to detach yourself and tune her out. Verbal jiu jitsu (if she engages you) such as that learned from WISNIFG or complete silence should be the default.

Play a wolf in sheep clothes. Play Mr Nice Guy again with her. Ultimately you don’t want her pussy (I presume) but you do want her to be a stable mom for your boys. So fake whatever you need to in order to be courteous and not escalate her drama the best you can.

And if needed lawyer up and get ready to go for full custody in case she does something batshit.

Good luck.

MrChad_Thundercock · 2019-02-07T22:04:11+00:00

It’s a shit test. Treat it as such.

BobbyPeru · 2019-02-07T23:26:27+00:00

My responses range from “K” or something sarcastic which of course just pisses her off further and makes her try harder to get under my skin.

Most of the time no response is the best response in my experience if she’s being bitchy

helaughsinhidden · 2019-02-07T22:28:00+00:00

She might still have unresolved feelings. She might have regrets. She might have resentments. She might be bored and just want to suck up your time. She might be seeking to validate herself as the "better one". She might be psycho and addicted to drama.

My guess is that it's all of them. Either way, she is only doing what you allow her to do. She's only trying to say this stuff because you clearly still give a shit what she thinks.

Give less fucks

RandomlyChosenTitle · 2019-02-08T04:04:57+00:00

My responses range from “K” or something sarcastic which of course just pisses her off further and makes her try harder to get under my skin.

You're going through the motions of AA & AM but haven't internalized the mindset yet. Try to find the humor in seeing a grown woman behaving like a four year old, or take some amusement in the fact that it's so easy to rattle her with your nonresponsiveness.

red-sfpplus · 2019-02-07T22:05:37+00:00

They all try to come crawling back.

Plrdr21 · 2019-02-07T22:29:38+00:00

Yep, pretty close to the same thing here, except I never let her come back. Had the kids on my own for quite a while, now it's 50/50 and I pay a ton of child support. Anyway, best thing is to cut contact to a minimum. She's not allowed inside my house at all. Custody changeover is Monday at school. I text her info about the kids, and only accept text messages back even though she tries to call regularly still.

TRP8myfeels · 2019-02-07T22:29:39+00:00

Sounds like things aren't going super well for her.

Never react in a big way, be unchanged by her efforts and do your best to not reach for sarcasm or anything provoking. It isn't worth it.

The mother of my child and I get along great, but she knows better than to tell me anything about her life, we aren't friends.

JudgeDoom69 · 2019-02-08T03:45:37+00:00

Go zero-contact except for logistics regarding custody.

wkndatbernardus · 2019-02-08T03:55:02+00:00

Women can only affect your mood if you allow them. Once she realizes she can't get a rise out of you, she'll move on to some other chump who will be manipulated by her sandy vag. The key is to be vigilant in your stoicism and lack of communication. She'll stop trying to create drama if you seem to be unaffected by it.

Once the court mandates the parenting plan, there should be little doubt about what happens and when with your kid and, therefore, no reason to discuss jack shit with that cunty ho.

Also, always remember that chicks are weak. Their bark is way worse than their bite. Sure they have Daddy Law on their side but, you have something they'll never touch; mental, physical, and emotional fortitude.

NoCoast82 · 2019-02-08T04:59:15+00:00

Your divorced, it's purely a business transaction now.

WISNIFG is your biggest tool here, keep it on topic, steer the conversation, end it if she being erational.

You should have a solid parenting plan to back you up as well.

What would you put up with from Karen who works in the cube next to you?

HornsOfApathy · 2019-02-08T13:30:42+00:00

Question - do you notice her being less bitchy when she has a boyfriend?

I'm guaran-fuckin-tee you that you'll notice a difference when she does. I've seen my ex wife go through no less than a serious relationship per year since our divorce 8 years ago. It sucks for my son because it would be nice for him to have some stability - but it's actually REALLY great for me.

When she has a boyfriend the shit tests get directed towards him. My DNGAF arrived about 3-4 years after our divorce. Yours will too.

As soon as she gets another beta faggot to push around and her shitty behavior usually stops.

hack3ge · 2019-02-08T13:34:27+00:00

You know the tell-tale sign of someone without frame:

I hold frame, I don’t argue or justify anything I do.

You just didn't DEER which is a good first step but you are still in her frame. Fix that and things should come together for you.

UEMcGill · 2019-02-08T19:53:34+00:00

Do you know the opposite of love isn't anger? It's apathy.

Give her nothing. No emotion, no answer, no comments back, zero, zilch, nada, ningun.

When she says stupid inane stuff, look at her like you are slightly confused. Like she started a sentence but didn't finish it. Then move onto business.

"You know you need to get your life in such and such order..."

"Um yeah, so anyway I'll pick the kids up at the agreed time."

Treat her like you would a cashier at McDonalds. You wouldn't even think twice about ignoring some fry slinger trying to tell you how to live your life, would you? Well, that's what she is, life support and staff for the 50% of the time your kids are away.

Then say nothing but good things about your wife around your kids. "Hey mom loves you and she works hard."

"You guys are lucky to have both a good mom and dad."

Because you know what? Years from now your kids will see you as the one who was the rock, and their mom for her true nature.

SeamusAwl · 2019-02-07T22:14:17+00:00

Didn't get passed the title. Ex wives are someone else's problem.

framelessglasses · 2019-02-08T04:59:37+00:00

You're still paying attention to what she says. You let her judge you so much that you come here for validation.

It takes two people to have an exchange. You can stop your side of the exchange at any time. Or keep it going until you no longer get something out of it.

The problem is you. The solution is yours.

triclops41 · 2019-02-08T07:10:59+00:00

You should always ask yourself how much of her attitude has nothing to do with you, and it just her lashing out because she is just unhappy in general.

I find that asking that does two things for me. It makes it much easier to not get sucked into her bs, and it makes me much better at understanding the situation.

It also answers your question. As long as the rest of her life puts her in a bad mood, you will see those wild swings.

mrpthrowa · 2019-02-08T09:52:43+00:00

Give us some context.... how do you get into a situation where you ex even has a chance to say "good your shit together?"?

Completely ignore her when she says that.

Completely ignore her when she is unpleasant.

mrp_awakening · 2019-02-08T14:20:49+00:00

Here's a rhetorical question which should answer your question completely...

Why do you care?

mrpthrowa · 2019-02-08T16:37:23+00:00

Ok go on how did you give her the chance to say this, did she email you or something?

adeptintact · 2019-02-14T03:43:14+00:00

You shouldn't talk about anything with your ex unless it's about your kids. No contact as much as possible. If you ever get a new LTR, she's just going to mess it up with how you interact with her.

sledge2k · 2019-02-08T05:07:06+00:00

Agree with the many comments on here, you really should stop caring what she thinks. She is not a plate, girlfriend, or anything to you soon as she starts down the path of anything related to you (rather than your kids) just walk away.

Why does she do this? Because she's angry and jealous. But she's only jealous because she sees something she wants and is attracted to it.

Title	Ex wife problems
Author	Sereden_91
Upvotes	12
Comments	64
Date	February 7, 2019 9:56 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ao95sd/ex_wife_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/ex-wife-problems.217414 https://theredarchive.com/post/217414

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Give less fucks