Had one of those (unnecessary-me) situations, you and another car, merging lane, I’m not cutting them off, but I can’t push up anymore, unless I want to be in the other cars boot. I stop on the merge, because I am out of lane and am not having an accident over this. The neighbouring car decides also to stop and make a scene.

Should I have lost my temper No, was it worth the aggravation and back and forth No. I’m not perfect, and the needless confrontation is what gets me every time. I can handle a fuck up, people fuck up. But to go out of your way, to create a scenario, and then carry on with it, just gets me. I am working on it, I used to be a real rage-aholic, I actually was addicted and conditioned to it, even though I hated it.

My wife then proceeds to debate the finer points of my road rage insults, too ok which I handle this gloriously, and in a super attractive manner. I was an emotional loser having a moment, and she chose her moment for me to fuck up perfectly. I gave my daughter the final nail, which she lined up for the coffin, 2yo repeating a word of dad’s swearing monologue. To which the wife, rightfully so, took a final stab. “You see!” (That was fair).

Then proceeds a 20min ride in silence, to the MIL,s, I said I will drop them off and go run some errands, “Yeah no worries”. I then set myself up for the final failure. Still being pissy and in my wife’s frame because I fucked up, I took the final piece of bait. I got into a road rage incident that I couldn’t care about, I then let myself get baited into a verbal with my wife, over the accuracy and nuances of my temper tantrum. In the driveway at the MIL’s, she asked if I was mad at her, and I responded, “No, I’m just not interested in the silent treatment” = I fucked up, and I immediately knew it.

I didn’t need to say a fucking word, I couldn’t have said a million other things, instead I wanted to react and be an idiot. “Where not doing the silent treatment!”, we were. “You wanted me to have a conversation with you after you abused me”, I didn’t. But none of that matters now, I just took all of it, made it real and justified it in her mind.

I understand I completely fucked up, and this was self inflicted, and completely unnecessary. I want to see if there is anything I can take from this, anything others can learn, and to drive it into my memory for next time.

The last few weeks have been getting a few bouts of this. I am not a stranger to her and tests, not claiming that’s what’s this was, clarifying my thoughts. There has been an unusual amount of testing, and shittiness on her behalf, and I have not been going roaringly well. So this was me complicating my life for the sake of it.

Lurked a lot, read a lot watched a lot.