How to deal with boundaries without losing frame

castironskilletset · 2024-08-25T05:31:40+00:00

I will actually give you the answer you are looking for. You don't deal with it. At the end of the day your only real power is to walk away to someone hotter younger tighter better. If you are not capable of doing it or are not willing to do it then your boundaries don't really matter.

So what do you do if your boundaries are violated, see if they are divorce worthy, if not tell her that she violated your boundary and let it go Because boundaries are not for her they are for you. Lift and learn game and find a replacement and then leave her for better pastures.

Only when you are willing to walk away (and she does not want you to walk away) she will actually care about your boundaries.

Life is a game, know the rules clearly don't make up your own rules and cry that they don't work

LizardKing1975 · 2024-08-24T17:08:29+00:00

How would you deal with your daughter in a similar situation?

deerstfu · 2024-08-24T17:09:15+00:00

Heads up, someone hacked your account. Another, clearly different person posted this just a few days ago:

Not dealing better with my wife. Rn Idgaf, I need to fix my mind first before focusing on handling my wife. Rn all recommended books, are about psychological dealing with woman. And how to seduce them. Tbh my ultimate male don’t give a f about these things. The woman should be around him. Which books do you guys recommend. I really enjoyed NMMNG, it fit my interest more then reading how I can better understand my wife. Redpill should be focussed more on the self improvement. But all I see is recommended books about woman.

COMoparfan392 · 2024-08-24T17:22:59+00:00

You're conflating displaying an external emotional reaction with having an internal emotional reaction. If you spend any significant amount of time with a woman, she's going to piss you off at some point, we're all human.

If you have a frame, you can keep your emotions in check and won't display them externally and will deal with those emotions without her. A man without frame displays those emotions infront of her, being butthurt, angry, crying, complaining, etc.

You're new to this so for now STFU, lift, and read everything the sidebar. You don't have the frame currently to deal with boundary enforcement so just stfu and walk out of the house if you have to.

No_Smoke_7284 · 2024-08-24T20:19:40+00:00

You asked what to do to not angry. Suggestions made to you seem beta; turning off your phone or not giving attention. So then why are you asking and why are you here?

You haven’t read and if you did, you haven’t learned. I was a ball of rage for a long time. I had to recondition myself. Still not perfect but 75% better. How? Reading the sidebar.

Ex 1. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/ILIsQNH01H

Ex 2. https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/s/Pt68S8Sh0G

How do you enforce a boundary? If you are respectable, the consequence for crossing your boundary would be respected, if it isn’t you are not respected. If you are not respected STFU and read the sidebar or find yourself another wife.

BigBoiTFB · 2024-08-26T17:19:57+00:00

You're more invested than her. She doesn't think you're her most optimal match. You're feeling jealous, which is a natural response and it's okay. Acknowledge it and normalize it in your head. It's instinctual, and it's always correct.

Now, either you can either reduce your investment in this woman, demote her to a plate and then get a new woman/women. Or you must tell her not to do whatever this XYZ thing it is, sternly and without DEERing. "I don't like it, I don't stay in relationships where these things happen." is reason enough for her to stop.

And then she can agree and not do it and that can be the end of it. Or she can disagree with you, or betray you and do it. At which point you leave. Don't ignore this instinct of Jealousy, address it in the way mentioned above. For God's sake don't tolerate this XYZ behavior. Or else the pent up anxiety will turn you into a covert contract validation seeking pathetic bitch who doesn't have the balls to tell your out-of-way woman to fuck off.

Kevlar__Soul · 2024-08-28T18:53:24+00:00

Really depends on the boundary and is she aware of this boundary. If it’s a covert boundary (one that hasn’t been expressed by you verbally) then it’s completely different situation. Just remember threating her is a sign of weakness, especially if you don’t follow through. Best to simply state your displeasure in

Feeling-Avocado-9956 · 2024-08-24T21:49:52+00:00

Not sure why you’re not getting many real straightforward answers…

To answer your question: I think you’re over complicating it. As someone else said, your human so cut yourself a bit of slack, it’s natural to feel irritated/angry, or any similar emotion. The part where frame comes in, is how you handle the situation externally vs internally.

To elaborate, in this situation you feel anger, justifiably. How you display yourself, externalising your inner reaction is what you must reel in. So instead of screaming at her, and letting your emotions take you over and be the drive, you’d transmute that into a calm reminder of a rule/boundary you have already stated to her. Instead of thinking she’s doing it on purpose to spite you, you’d give her the benefit of the doubt as you would a child, and calm how you articulate yourself. If it isn’t the first time she’s done it, then the convo would be more stern, perhaps mentioning that it happened before and you expect her to respect that, or that you won’t be having that convo again — alluding to there be consequences if she does, and that can vary as appropriate.

Point is: feel how you want to inside, but you must always be in the driver seat of how you externalise how you feel. It’s absolutely necessary to state clear boundaries early on, or create new ones. You don’t need to over explain, but it’s on you to make sure she understands it. If she actually will do it, that’s a whole other thing and that’s on her. You know you played your part, and as much as you may not like to, you must to follow through with holding her accountable for her actions, I.e consequences. do note, it’s crucial that overtime you are working on how you internalise and interpret situations, so that you are more emotionally resilient in your internal reactions; making sure you have a tighter more stoic grip on that will bear fruit in never allowing emotions to take you over. Sometimes you just gotta take time to think about how you’ll react, or bring up the conversation appropriately. That’s fine too, it a lot of cases it’s perfectly fine to say ‘I’m busy right now/I got a lot on my mind now, let’s revisit this convo in a few hours or later this evening’

That’s frame in this context imo. You set the boundaries, and she can paint and draw as much as she pleases inside that canvas, so long as it isn’t on the walls. You know you, and you expect that respect, naturally she will follow if you have your shit together. It’s about putting you first, holding yourself accountable to you, and leading with excellence as much as you can. Then, she will follow, and you’ll reward her for that. It’s cyclical, or you have no issue moving on.

BrakeJobsInBoston · 2024-08-24T22:19:18+00:00

Why are you associating being angry with “losing frame”? If you’re angry…..”stay” in your “frame” and be fucking angry for a bit.

Also….you don’t lose frame, and you’re not really asking about holding boundaries either you fucking cunt. See “…let her do it again.” Your anger isn’t the problem, your attachment is.

Title	How to deal with boundaries without losing frame
Author	Spiritual_Sherbet_99
Upvotes	3
Comments	29
Date	August 24, 2024 4:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/1f09yce/how_to_deal_with_boundaries_without_losing_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/how-to-deal-with-boundaries-without-losing-frame.1528239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528239

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