Lose lose

cholomite · 2017-10-10T15:52:24+00:00

Dude just park the car and let her feed the dogs, don't overthink this. If you want to flip it on her, tell her to do something for you while she's inside. "Cool grab me a drink when you're done." or something.

My gf does the same kind of tests, where she tells me what to do before something I was already going to do. I'll either ignore her, start doing it, then ask her what she said, or confront her in a playful way and accuse her of being my boss and bossing me around, then escalate in a physical way.

The only way to lose is to actually care. If you stay relaxed, maintain frame and have fun with whatever bullshit she throws at you, you'll be fine.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-10-10T16:45:01+00:00

This is your 12th post in 7 months, and the first in the last 4 1/2 months.

Last we heard you are in your early thirties, good shape, newlywed, wife has combat related PTSD, a weight problem, and quite frankly, you have some (unresolved?) issues as well.

We haven't forgotten you, but your current post indicates you've forgotten a lot.

So, I've read this post, trolled your previous posts, obviously, and I have just one question for YOU...

Just exactly WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE IN THE SIDEBAR THE LAST 7 MONTHS?

Because, based on your current question, the honest answer is somewhere between NOT MUCH , and FUCKING NOTHING.

This is a noob question.

That's not a problem, per se, but YOU should not be asking noob questions after 7 months of MRP, unless you aren't doing anything.

12 posts.

Let's say your average reply rate is 25 comments per post.

Let's say each comment takes an average of 10 minutes to write. (I have a reputation for taking a little more time.)

Now, let's do a little math.

12 posts x 25 comments = 300 comments.

300 comments x 10min each = 3000 minutes.

3000min / 60 = 50 hours of free time you've been given.

Can you HONESTLY tell me that you have put 50 hours into the sidebar? That's enough time to read the beginner tab, all of the WIKI, AND the prerequisites.

And after reading all that, AND getting 50 additional hours of free advice, this post is what you have to say about your 7 months in MRP?

If you HAVE done the aforementioned reading then one of two conditions exist;

1) You are a lying motherfucker full of shit,

OR,

2) You are a typical person who only retains <15% of what they read the first time so you need to go through it about 6 more times.

A little more math...

50 hours of reading / 210 days is about .24 hours a day.

.1 hr = 6 minutes

So, you've maximally invested about 14 minutes a day in MRP.

I call bullshit.

You haven't read shit, and your shit noobie post cry for help proves my point.

But I'll make a deal with you, because your wife is fucked up and she might look awesome in those heels when she loses those 50lbs...

I'll up the quality of my response, when you..

UP YOURS.

Quit your crybaby whining bullshit, stop wasting our time while you waste yours, and..

READ THE FUCKING SIDEBAR>>>>>>>>

I can help you get started if you like.

There's no shame in it, just ask.

Now THAT would make a great post;

"Hey MRP, how do I learn to become an awesome man, lead my wife to paradise, and deal with all the bullshit along the way?"

SorcererKing · 2017-10-10T20:01:32+00:00

For those of you who are not dealing with significant mental health issues:

This is not a shit test, it's just an annoying habit.
AM is the way:

"You park the car and I'm going to go feed the dogs."
"Oh, I was hoping you could feed the dogs while I park the car."

Lighten up, Francis.

red-sfpplus · 2017-10-10T15:36:54+00:00

Are you driving the car? Does she actually go and feed the dogs?

I assume this is in some sort of town where you are not parking in a garage or driveway and you have to hunt for street parking?

If she is driving the car, and you get out switch to driving so you then go and park the car well you need a lot of help....

Sounds like a harpy woman bossing your ass around due to lack of respect to me. Perhaps add more detail to the OP.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2017-10-10T16:13:59+00:00

Up your inner asshole from 0% to 5%. Start to learn to NGAF.

I would also add to do some research (aka sidebar) on shit tests. And don't sweat the small stuff.

alucard205 · 2017-10-10T16:32:52+00:00

Maybe shoot back a "park?! I was just planning on diving out when we get near the house. When I say "go" you jump too...don't forget to tuck and roll, honey!" Don't forget the shit eating grin. Maybe even unbuckle the seat belt or crack your door open for a sec. It'll give her so many different emotions all at once and she WILL remember it every time she thinks to tell you to park. Then once you park and get out, slap her on the ass and tell her it's time to park something in her.

Alphaphux · 2017-10-10T16:32:57+00:00

She's loving seeing you squirm. Let her out, do a burnout and go put fuel in the car.

ReddJive · 2017-10-10T16:35:13+00:00

what can I do?

I don't know. what can you do?

screechhater · 2017-10-11T02:22:57+00:00

Relax.

Not every interaction is a shit test or comfort test.

However, you honestly need to keep the hammer down on your growth.

Why ? Stay positive and be attractive

Edit.

You don't have to save this woman, because it's not your job. But it is yours to save you.

Saving you and growing is entirely up to you. I have washed and repeated for 40 plus years. Now, I identify and spew out, "fuck that noise, I'm here for me". I understand your abuse and trauma, but at some point you must choose you in the present vs you in the past.

John9249 · 2017-10-10T15:50:03+00:00

That would drive me fucking nuts. I imagine some amused mastery would help show her how ridiculous and silly she is.

cholomite · 2017-10-10T15:52:21+00:00

Dude just park the car and let her feed the dogs, don't overthink this. If you want to flip it on her, tell her to do something for you while she's inside. "Cool grab me a drink when you're done." or something.

My gf does the same kind of tests, where she tells me what to do before something I was already going to do. I'll either ignore her, start doing it, then ask her what she said, or confront her in a playful way and accuse her of being my boss and bossing me around, then escalate in a physical way.

The only way to lose is to actually care. If you stay relaxed, maintain frame and have fun with whatever bullshit she throws at you, you'll be fine.

trpbritguy · 2017-10-10T16:25:12+00:00

Sometimes I really struggle with how bad some people are at dealing with their wives.. This is one of those cases.. Did you always get freaked out about stuff like this? Or is this something you've noticed since you've been around these here parts??

FlyingSexistPig · 2017-10-10T17:17:59+00:00

The situations have nothing to do with what you think they do.

When she makes her statements, you immediately fall into her frame. She doesn't respect you. You don't lead her, so she feels she has to lead instead.

I could talk about holding frame and agree and amplify and amused mastery, but none of those mean a damn thing.

Go to the gym and lift. She doesn't see you as a man who can lead her, and she won't until you go to the gym and lift.

mrpthrowa · 2017-10-10T17:25:30+00:00

They also happen often in the workplace from clueless team leads or managers who want to show some sort of fake leadership.

They are annoying.

I amplify something ridiculous as I am exactly doing what was required. This usually snaps her (or whoever is trying to make me comply) into a frame where they are questioning the ridiculousness of the interaction.

"if you park the car I'll go and feed the dogs"

as I park the car... "I... I was planning on starving them before roasting them for dinner"

other party: .... ?

It's a pressure flip of sorts, you challenge their command so they may feel inclined to justify why it's a good thing to do (if they do, just smirk), but you're doing it anyway so they look ridiculous of they carry on with the justification.

She'll usually either DEER (oh i was just trying to remind you,) roll their eyes, ignore, or just plain punch my bicep (my favourite).

Even better, sometimes she's so into my frame after the interaction she'll mention it next time with an obvious flirty grin.

Example: next time in the car with the dogs...

Her: "I'm hungry, shall we have the dogs for dinner"

Me: "good girl"

her: giggly laugh thinking she's clever.

It's hypothetical but similar things happened.

"if you could just lock the door on your way out"

Keys are locking the door... "Nah I want us to get burgled"

Her: .... ?

Yes, this is all cheesy but it works.

In general, doing opposites with words and actions is one of the most potent tools you can use on your girl. Say something as you do exactly the opposite. It really mind fucks whoever you're dealing with.

RealityTastesGreat · 2017-10-10T18:35:42+00:00

This is subtly dominating behavior, you are right. A lot of exercise class teachers use this. Do you tell her to do things, even things she isnt about to?

This more a sidebar/early dread game issue than it is an in the moment tactical isssue.

bigOlBeta · 2017-10-10T20:09:15+00:00

Dude I feel for ya. Sounds like you and your wife have some serious emotional hang ups that throw a wrench into everyday, normal interactions, that most people don’t even register.

This doesn’t feel like a shit test to me though. It sounds to me like your wife basically was telling you that she was going to complete a chore. She probably said it just so you knew that you weren’t going to have to do it yourself, or maybe she was just trying to make seem like you guys are a team. I wouldn’t make it an issue

BobbyPeru · 2017-10-10T21:06:37+00:00

she might say "if you park the car I'll go and feed the dogs

She's clearly trying to show you who's the boss. She's covertly telling you to step up your leadership. Step it up.

dcapt46 · 2017-10-10T22:33:18+00:00

Agree and amplify. As others have said make fun of her way of speaking. "Ok yoga pants, If I can find a parking spot I will park (as you are pulling into the driveway) otherwise I will circle the block until I can find a spot."

The point is to make hre realize you think of her in a sexual way at the same time as pointing out how silly her manner of speaking is.

Title	Lose lose
Author	cheltman
Upvotes	2
Comments	61
Date	October 10, 2017 3:21 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/75hqhe/lose_lose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/lose-lose.205294 https://theredarchive.com/post/205294

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