So, can marriage work?

happyguy20 · 2018-01-19T15:03:24+00:00

Yes, marriage can work (my perspective after 8 years of marriage, several kids, and the outlook is still very good). It takes a lot of work, but it is very viable to have a happy stable marriage. Since this is an MRP forum, my thoughts:

N-Count doesn't really matter. (too high or too low may present other issues that will surface, but by themselves it doesn't matter). For me, I just don't want to know, I've never asked and I've never stated my n-count either.

Don't get married before 30... though I wish I had started having kids a bit earlier, I had a lot of fun (and personal growth) prior to meeting my wife.

Picking the correct partner is huge. They need a level of maturity, as do you. If as girlfriend/boyfriend, atomic bombs have been dropped during arguments, then the relationship will be toxic eventually. Words and deeds are not forgotten easily. Finding someone you can argue with in a respectful manner will go a long long way.

For me, a career driven girl is important.

Marry someone because you really really like being around them. Not because they are hot and that makes you feel like you have won a prize. Someone who gets along with all people is a good indicator of good LTR traits. How do they treat the service/waitstaff is cliche but important.

For LTR/marriage, avoid girls who don't seem to have many friends, or cycles through friends often. Be sure to see-through a girl who asks for favors and seems to have trouble with their parents (or is generally plotting to get "more" from their parents).

After you've selected a good LTR/mate, the rest is up to you. Nothing is ever assured in this life, but lifting, frame, fun, and mission will help maintain a good marriage.

UEMcGill · 2018-01-19T21:08:13+00:00

If I were to tell 20 year old me something about how to do it right I would give the following advice:

Put your career above all else. Take the shitty location assignments that advance you. Push for a promotion every year. Be the guy that is indispensable in your department. Take every interview and work to improve your income. You should early in your career be able to move your salary on average 10-20% a year. Every raise you get early will multiply later.
Save every bit of money you can. Every bit. Live with a roommate. Always drive a used but paid off car (this should be a honda first, toyota second). You need to have a bag full of fuck you money. A years salary would be your goal. Boss says "Um yeah, I'm gonna need you to work this weekend". You say fuck you. The company has layoffs coming, you volunteer and say, "Fuck you!"
Pray to the iron temple. Always. In the words of Henry Rollins, "The iron never lies"
Take all that money you saved, and secure in the fact with your pile of fuck you money, start investing in passive sources of income. Real estate, coin ops, REIT's, whatever. You want something that can add to your regular income so you have an even bigger pile of fuck you money. Your goal is to get to half your income be passive.
Fuck bitches, but don't LTR one. There's plenty of pussy to go around and you will always be able to have your fill. Don't sweat locking it down. If a bitch starts getting angsty about being wifed up, kick her shit to the curb or downgrade to plate. There is always someone who will take her place. Do not let any bitch change your plans.
Take that pile of fuck you money and those passive income generating assets and start to put them in a decent asset protection plan. Get a good lawyer and have it all drawn up and locked down tight. The better the plan the bigger the safety net.

Hopefully you've done well and now you are at my age, in your early 40's. You're still jacked because of your devotion to the Church of Iron. Your cock still works great and you can suit up and slay with the best of them.

You also have more money than 99% of the guys your age it shows. Because now you truly have options. You can go on vacations. You can buy a house. You maybe have already bought yourself a sweet ride. You can look at desperate cock carousel riders who are trying to lock down beta providers and spot them a mile away. You can look at post wall harpies with pitty for wasting their youth. Most of all you can have your pick of grade A top notch choice baby making pussy because you will have become the elusive 1% of 1%, the Alpha Provider.

Have kids, get married (You have great lawyers already) but do it with the resources that back you up so that you know no matter what, you can move on with your life and have fun. An Alpha man with a mission and all the resources he needs is a man the right woman would follow into the depths of hell. Go be that man, and the marriage question will answer itself.

Rian_Stone · 2018-01-19T15:18:47+00:00

Many things can work. Why do you want to is the question.

And what does "work" even mean?

SeamusAwl · 2018-01-19T13:54:02+00:00

Wrong question. Can you make marriage work?

wildnight98 · 2018-01-19T16:10:19+00:00

Marriage will challenge you more than anything else, will make you a better man, and will produce rewards that are difficult to quantify (just as with having kids). But opinions differ - I offer this just so you know where I am coming from.

Advice for pre-selection. Study her relationship with her parents, and in particular, how she treats her father. How she treats her father will tell you a lot about how she’ll treat you. And you’ll learn how she likes to be treated. And if you are too different from her father move on. This is the big one and the only thing you need.

Little stuff. Good handwriting shows discipline. Neatness (check car, apartment) shows home making skills. Cooking is nice but can be learned. Is she honest with others like her boss (does she lie when she calls in sick)? Has she overcome any adversity? How does she handle conflict?

Forget about her n-count. You’ll only obsess about it if you find out anyway.

Have fun!

coluorred · 2018-01-19T15:47:51+00:00

Yes sexist family laws exist that can strip men of property and paternity at a whim, but dad's of quality girls will insist upon marriage. Marriage is what fathers advocate to their daughters, as it's in their interest due to the power imbalance that currently is enforced by our feminazi state. I know that I'll see my grandchildren, because of these laws/conditions. With that being said, yes marriage can work and no it's not hard work, but you have to be a natural at it or learn to be one. As Rollo and you have mentioned starting out a dominant frame and keeping that up for the marriage is needed. Is that hard work -- no it's not. If you read MRP, you know you have to be the head of household and the family leader in though and practice Picking the right girl is a matter of sorting for qualities you value. I valued - attractive face, C or D cup, cooking, cleaning skills, laundry, and good with children. I wish I had selected also for family health history and a genetic screening battery to look for health issue that could be passed on to my kids. Things like good eyesight, intelligence, and bone structure should not be overlooked if you want kids. After reading MRP, I would look for BPD. Don't know how to do that though other than exposure to her

snatch_haggis · 2018-01-19T19:17:57+00:00

First of all, as others have said, you're 20, man. Go out and have fun, and at least get through school and settled into your adult life first.

Not directly your question per se, but IMO you won't be ready for any kind of LTR until you're fully okay with being alone and on your own, so if you're planning out your life right now, plan for a decent number of years post-college where you're self-supporting on your own.

Props for being independent since 17, but it's still a bit different now vs being independent in your early stages of career when you're a taxpayer, homeowner, etc.

You've gotten a lot of good advice on the larger question already, so let's hit your fears head on.

I don't think it's good for the child to grow up in a broken household and I would want to see them 7/7 days of the week rather than settling for 5/7 or even worse and realistically I think marriage is what is best for the kids.

You have some control over this outcome, but you don't have complete control of it by any means. You can screen, you can apply all the principles here, but there are still no guarantees. She could still go crazy, she could hide some major character flaws during courtship, you could grow to hate her face, or her mother, or whatever. There are no guarantees, no matter how many green flags there are.

Also, if you approach your marriage post-kids with the attitude of avoiding divorce at all costs, you no longer have any leverage. The party in power in a negotiation is the party willing to walk away, so you have to internalize that.

The good news is, the research on divorced kids shows kids in an unhappy marriage do worse than kids in a happy divorce, and likewise kids in an unhappy divorce do about as bad as kids in an unhappy marriage. So if you do ever end up in divorce, you can have some influence over the outcome by your own actions.

88Will88 · 2018-01-20T10:40:24+00:00

That is a loaded question. Short answer, no, marriage cannot work if you think marriage is happily ever after. We do not live in a Disney world. I will rephrase your query then answer it. The correct question is can I have a decent relationship with a woman, have kids and maintain maximum contact with them. The answer to all three sections of that query is yes, provided your expectations are reasonable, you are red pill aware and you succeed in life. Get the idea of a perfect, happy marriage and family out of your head. Humans are not monogamous but you can have a great relationship, kids and family, for however long it lasts. Then you need to make sure you are alpha enough and have enough resources to ensure you get access to your kids. It’s not that hard, men all around the world have made it work and you can too. Don’t listen to red pill bogeyman stories of doom and gloom. These only apply to beta bitches. So ask yourself this, are you a bitch?

UnumPercentum · 2018-01-22T15:54:35+00:00

If you're super rich/successful later in life, hire a surrogate, find an egg donor, be a single dad. Don't get talked into marriage because you want kids. Also, if you wait until you're rich older, you'll also have a (likely) live-in nanny, so the fact that youre/old tired won't sting as bad.

Getting married and doing it the traditional way is skipping beta testing (excuse the pun) and going live into production with code that someone else wrote... Sometimes it works flawlessly, sometimes you're chasing down bugs for the next 20 years because its too late to undo it.

tslextslex · 2018-01-22T21:21:42+00:00

Married at 31. We are 26 years in, two sons. And it works very well. Why? A lot of reasons but here are two that you can apply.

First thing: She wanted to be a WIFE. She is lots of things -- a professional, an artist, etc -- and yes, AWALT, but she came at the marriage from the perspective of wanting to be a wife.

Second thing: I was tremendously explicit from the outset about what I would expect from a wife and what she could expect from me. That is: What was it going to mean to be MY wife. We talked about the nature and particulars of the relationship in detail and were very frank about it. I wanted a first mate who understood I was the captain. If she wanted something else, well that was fine, but I wasn't her guy and we'd both move on. We set clear expectations for and of each other and -- with of course understandable slips -- we have met those. The crucial part of that has been me owning my own shit has flawlessly as I can, holding myself to those standards, and holding frame, come what may, because -- yeah -- AWALT.

She is still adorable. She has shown courage and determination and a tremendous work ethic when needed. She has been a great mom, and advanced far in her profession and art, while never losing the ability and DESIRE to be the follower at home. She still wants to be a WIFE, still wants to be the kind of wife I want.

Now, AWALT. (Did I mention that yet?) Don't doubt it. She will hamster. She will comfort test. She even -- but VERY rarely -- will shit test. (Although the not fun kind of spankings helped with that.) But you know AWALT already. If you are going to marry at all, your wife will be no exception. So making marriage work -- and it can -- ultimately falls on you. Indeed, in some ways AWALT makes that easier, because you can pretty much predict outcomes to certain input pretty well.

So, do you want to be a HUSBAND (which to me means a willingness to be sexually faithful to one person)? Then marriage is on the table. If all you want is kids who have a mom, that's maybe doable, too. But the marriage relationship has to have priority of being co-parents, or don't bother.

nantucketghost · 2018-01-26T23:29:36+00:00

Late to the thread, but yet it can work.

N count? At your age, they usually aren't lying. They will lie 10 years from then when they're trying to settle down. Still shouldn't be many being that young. If it is, that's not a good sign of things to come.

Marriage? I got engaged when I was 21 to my now wife. We've been married for 19 years this year. Best fucking girl in the world for me. Perfect? Nah, none of us are. But if you focus on everything you don't have and not what you do have, you'll never be satisfied. That being said, there are a ton of guys that would kill for what I have.

Always be yourself from the start. Don't ever lie or pretend to be someone you're not. That's huge. Don't say something to agree with her just to try and get in her pants.

The key is picking someone that's going to be perfect for YOU. So if you can't be yourself dating then there is no hope in marriage.

Let them know early on where the door is. Women are more malleable than men and are more willing to adapt and adopt their man's style and way of thinking. That being said, if she ever describers herself as a feminist, you walk away. Is that clear? No self-respecting women I know would ever call herself that.

Marriage? It's awesome. Really is. You are the alpha, but it means you use your power carefully. I'll let my wife do what she wants a lot. I'll do things I wouldn't normally do if on my own. Whatever. Makes her happy. But I have a veto power and she knows it. So when I say 'no', she's learned not to push again. I meant no, foot down, that's it.

You have that power, but you have to only use it when you truly mean it. It's the men that overuse that power that their wives will become resentful and hateful for it.

Save money for the future, invest in your 401k for the full match. Two people in life can go a lot further together than not.

markpf73 · 2018-01-19T15:50:08+00:00

Dude - you're 20 - go out, be fucking awesome and fill that void in you with something other than planning or fantasizing about having kids one day.

You should be worrying more about how not to have kids too soon with the wrong woman.

hystericalbonding · 2018-01-19T16:19:33+00:00

So back to the question, is it possible to have a long, happy marriage if you keep frame and choose a suitable partner?

It's possible, but not probable, especially for someone who needs to ask that question.

For the vast majority of men, marriage would be stupid. It's a financial and legal arrangement with substantial risk.

In my case, I've enjoyed at least $50,000 tax savings in addition to smaller savings on insurance and other costs. There have also been social benefits and simplified paperwork for children's activities. It works because I wouldn't hesitate to take the financial and social penalties of divorce if things were to go badly.

For reference, I'm from a demographic with less than 20% rate of divorce, have always been confident and assertive, and did things in a way that is similar to the red pill since I was a teen. Is that you?

imElnumerouno · 2018-01-19T16:22:21+00:00

Im 41 been married 2x. Currently working on it. "so, can marriage work?" I dont thing so, unless your the 1% that has everything together and constantly making more money and can "wow" her all the time year after year... even 20 years later. Only BP men get married is my opinion. Im BP and hate it. Working on my life and IDGAF attitude, because I really don't want to give a fuck... It just takes a while to get IDGAF when you were beaten into submission from birth. This world wants control over us.. Stay single and enjoy women like cars. Sick of one, get a different one... But with all that said, i think to many men settle without really knowing what they want in a woman. I know i am very guilty of thinking "this is a good one" to soon.

UnumPercentum · 2018-01-22T15:55:34+00:00

If you're super rich/successful later in life, hire a surrogate, find an egg donor, be a single dad. Don't get talked into marriage because you want kids. Also, if you wait until you're rich older, you'll also have a (likely) live-in nanny, so the fact that youre/old tired won't sting as bad.

Getting married and doing it the traditional way is skipping beta testing (excuse the pun) and going live into production with code that someone else wrote... Sometimes it works flawlessly, sometimes you're chasing down bugs for the next 20 years because its too late to undo it.

ABC_NO · 2018-01-19T14:20:17+00:00

Why marriage?

Why this single minded route?

I don't fucking get it!!

You can have offspring without marriage. Depending on where you live, you will 99% of the time will have rights to that kid unless your a throughout fuck up.. Your 20, open your fucking mind! Cohabitation, marriage, Civil Union, Legal agreements in place of marriage, etc. Google "alternatives to marriage" and do some fucking research on what works best for you.

The Millennials have started to avoid and put off marriage, because it is hard mode! They see that! This is the wrong question. "Can Marriage work?" It's what do I want my relationship with my babies mamma to look like and marriage is a pitfall to men. Most of us at MRP woke up one day while fucking married and said, "Shit, I am knee deep in her ass, the courts could fuck me over, how do I make me the most optimal person before I decide this just won't work and I nuke it." There was no back peddling from already being married.

You my friend... Have a chance to do something different then waking up and realizing you are a beta bitch. Do it!

Edit: Jumbled words

Title	So, can marriage work?
Author	stergaron2718
Upvotes	8
Comments	55
Date	January 19, 2018 1:36 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7ric5g/so_can_marriage_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/so-can-marriage-work.204927 https://theredarchive.com/post/204927

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