Update & Financial Q

TheFamilyAlpha · 2016-07-19T13:51:22+00:00

Yes, a too much detail on my part

So why'd you say it?

She seems to need my approval. I told her that she could use a credit card for it and I couldn't stop her

She looks to you for guidance/leadership and you tell her it's on you? What the fuck? When you get a submissive action you meet it by telling her to lead herself?

Take an interest in her hobby, learn about the gun, it's uses, and ways you guys can prep together.

She isn't a dog, don't tell her if you're a good girl you get it. Show her that through action. Tell her, "Babe, we've been doing a lot of great things together and if you are really into this, then let's pull the trigger (ladies love puns) and not only get the gun but go shooting together, prep together, work on an emergency plan together."

If she views you as a Low Value Male, I don't think she views you as a man who could even lead the family if shit hit the fan, something she obviously thinks is going to happen.

Show her through your research, knowledge, and through the actions of shooting with her, prepping with her, and leading her that you are more than capable of owning your shit.

alpha_n3rd · 2016-07-19T21:21:47+00:00

Preppers always remind me of the gun-nut couple in Tremors

Countpudyoola · 2016-07-19T13:46:53+00:00

too much detail on my part, DEER-y

Good catch. Sometimes at first it isn't so much about doing the right thing as be able to start recognizing the wrong things. Now you'll be more alert not to.

"I'm really glad you are getting the results you want."

Nice loaded way to phrase that. Not saying she was, but a lot of wives saying that would mean not necessarily results she wants. And while she may have meant that as a negative, it actually signifies her recognizing you are doing things to better you and according to your plan.

If you don't want to buy it now, don't buy it now. I'd just do some introspection of why or why not in regards to you and your actions. Not what it would mean to her.

I'd steer more towards budgeting in order to afford things smartly , and not reward-ly.

Her asking for shit now can also just more a test of your new boundaries as well. Trying all angles.

Might do best just to give it lip service and put it off until you get other things back on track. I'm not into arming potential hostiles!

cholomite · 2016-07-19T13:53:03+00:00

Take charge of getting the gun yourself. She wants you to be a man and purchase a tool to protect your family. Take charge of this, get the AR you want and teach her how to use it. Don't default to her for this, it is man territory and she doesn't want to have to wear the pants in this situation.

If you expect her to do all this herself you might as well by yourself an apron and learn to bake so you can have something nice for her when she gets back from the relationship pants store.

Sepean · 2016-07-19T14:24:14+00:00

She said that wouldn't include ammo, etc, she didn't know if it would be good for hunting.

The AR-15 comes in a variety of different calibres and barrels. What sort of hunting do you want to do? Only short range or also long range? Varmint, small game or big game?

The main things to consider are

calibre - larger calibres can take out bigger game and shoot further but have more recoil and ammo costs more.
barrel twist rate - FMJ bullets are cheap and good for target and varmint shooting. Heavier expanding bullets allow you to take out bigger game but costs more and requires a faster barrel twist to stabilize the bullet.
barrel thickness - heavy barrels are more accurate at range and let you shoot more before the barrel overheats, but they cost more and make the rifle heavier and less handy. A heavy rifle also has less recoil so it is more pleasant to shoot.

Long range shooting also requires a good scope which can easily cost more than the rifle.

UEMcGill · 2016-07-19T14:59:30+00:00

Good advice all around. I'll add to the technical aspect of this.

I'm an AR owner and the beauty of the gun is its modularity. Gun sprees don't happen because they are death machines, they happen because they are the Volkswagen of guns. Affordable, easy to use, easy to assemble and most of all, super reliable.

I build mine. You can have an empty receiver for less than 45 bucks (the part the BATF considers a gun). In fact I have a few lowers just sitting in my house in case NJ ever pulls a NY SAFE act.

Start with a basic lower. If you go to the range and shoot once a month you'll be fine. I add parts here and there. $100 bucks for this, $300 for that, etc. then go shoot. You should be able to assemble a nice rifle for $700-$1000. My first rifle was changed and modded so much it's not even the same thing.

Stay out of things like off calipers (.458 Socom) as they are fun, but offer no immediate utility and at $50 for a box of 20 it becomes a very expensive day at the range. Bulk .223 can be had for $.35 a round last I checked.

TL;DR. Save up, or build over time. That's the beauty of the platform. Go to r/ar15 for details.

redearththeory · 2016-07-19T16:20:47+00:00

I told her that she could use a credit card for it and I couldn't stop her, but she still seems to want my approval.

Would she have cared about your approval 3 months ago? If not, you're making progress and she's trying to play ball with it. Thats good. Now lead like she wants you to.

I suggested we could make a list of our prepping goals and monthly expenses.

You're still trying to have an equal, cooperative marriage and reach a decision by convening a committee. Stop that and start leading like a captain. Take charge of the issue if she cares about it. Learn about prepping. Talk to someone who knows about it. Read some websites. Do not tell her about this research - STFU. Come to her with a good plan on the gun issue and inform her what will be happening - this is called leading. She will challenge this. If you've made a good plan, the challenge will be a shit test and not her having a better idea. Defend the shit test and execute the plan.

SteelToeShitKicker · 2016-07-19T20:27:49+00:00

Please buy a gun safe. Nothing worse than coming home and getting shot with your own gun.

screechhater · 2016-07-19T21:48:51+00:00

Ok, so

1- DEER'd and you caught it, that's the key right there. Drop it. And, then, now, before you speak on anything, stoic control, contemplate and then answer. Give yourself some time, nothing wrong with it

You state- (blue pilly):

"This sounds like a want, not a need. We have needs that aren't being met. I'd suggest that when our needs our met, and we can have a conversation, we look into an AR-15 together."

This is not a bad statement, as I tell my 19 year old, own the statement with conviction, like - "so, not only NO, but Hell NO."

The statement is incredibly reasonable and if you own it when making it, it flows without argument.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-07-20T02:13:31+00:00

Yeah, you picked up on that. It's a dirty secret that you have to envision a wide with poor behavior as a child or in the way you would a troublesome employee. Early in the journey, the gap might be too great to "all of a sudden" turn into the parent, but the ramp time for a true leader is often very short. You do it and don't worry about how it looks because that's irrelevant because you're doing it the way it needs to be done. I think it feels different to the wife because we don't actually treat our kids shitty, so there is a level of love and comfort.

The_Litz · 2016-07-20T10:59:02+00:00

I replied "My old shorts are starting to not fit, I rewarded myself. Got 'em at the outlet mall cheap."

(Yes, a too much detail on my part, DEER-y. okay.)

Good, you saw it for yourself. It is similar when you learn to ride a bike and the training wheels come off.

Since I've started to realize that a shit test can't hurt me and ignored them, they've decreased.

Many guys here will agree that stupid shit test just evaporate. Lookout for an escalation to supershit tests, and shit/comfort tests rolled into one. She isn't going to hand over the helm to a loser.

Next you will find yourself shutting down stupid arguements with one sentence: "We are not discussing that."

Now I am going to go all Fraudian on your ass with my purple cashmere sweater and turtleshell glasses and ask you: Do you think her prepping plans are caused by a deep seated insecurity caused by lack off a clan leader? What kind of guy is her father? Bluepill extreme or deceased Redpillar? Just a thought.

As for the AR. Do YOU want an AR?

lionmenden · 2016-07-19T13:22:53+00:00

Buy yourself the gun. Good male hobby. Teach her to use it.

Title	Update & Financial Q
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	4
Comments	18
Date	July 19, 2016 1:03 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4tl064/update_financial_q/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/update-financial-q.207315 https://theredarchive.com/post/207315

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