Long time lurker, still fat, read sidebar (all of it), currently rereading it again, and I still think I am in her frame. No visible main event.

My biggest problem is I get murky when I do not have attention to cover everything I need. I am definitely not a fun person to be with it, and while I try to play the nice card every day, it does not work as expected. The true reset in relationship with wife happens either through external events (guests) or by late night sex when we are both tired of being angry at each other with no apparent reason.

Yesterday, it was one of those situations - after a week of silence I initiate, and she says she does not want to waste my time. I asked for instant clarification on this, and was ready to kill the puppy at this moment, yet her explanation was rather a mirror of me being busy (and murky) and not having time for her. I then asked if she wants me to find someone else to fuck, and the answer came a couple of minutes later, in the middle of an act, stating she would understand if I cheated on her because she apparently cannot make me happy, the only condition is me staying with her.

Which is weird as fuck, because it can be I applied to much silent treatments. It could be that I am a bad captain and I do not show them how to make me happy clearly enough. It may be she’s gaslighting me or staging for divorce. It could be she cannot do any better because of her uprising (withdrawn omega father, unhappy, bitter always in charge mother resenting she did not married someone else).

I am confused - how should I interpret this?

EDIT: Thank you all for responding. My conclusions are (maybe will be useful for some future people like me): 1. I am fat. I need to lose it and it is by far the most important thing to do now, it is even more important than game or social status. 2. Get focused and organised on one thing only.