Why am I an insecure bitch?

youscum · 2018-07-16T13:22:24+00:00

Why am I an insecure bitch?

Probably because your true mission and purpose of your MRP journey is and has been all for your wife. You are doing this all for her and you evaluate your progress based on her responses to you.

markpf73 · 2018-07-16T13:23:28+00:00

So if you want to experience someone else initiating why don’t you just go find your gay Chad and starfish on your back while he takes you to pound town...

Now my serious response to you is:

You are trying to find validation and meaning in your sex life. It will never be enough for you. Open your eyes to why you are so needy. It’s time for you to move on to bigger missions than mastering your wife’s sexuality. Think bigger - your career, your purpose in life beyond just being a consumer of stuff and people.

Once you take on something bigger than a wife (that only wants you to lead) this should all fall into place for you.

UEMcGill · 2018-07-16T13:30:06+00:00

Yes my wife is still a high functioning alcoholic.

Why do you let her in your life?

From everything I've read, typical advice would be...

Do you think that maybe your issues come from a point where you are codependent and not because you're not alpha enough? Maybe your problems stem more from the fact that you are still being a nice guy instead of an integrated male?

Simply put, my wife is not allowed to be in my life if she is an alcoholic.

I think you thought you'd get buff, turn your wife into a sex kitten and her alcoholism would magically cure itself. That's a big covert contract buddy.

You need to tell her simply, "Quit drinking or get the fuck out." That's the boundary. Why would you let her suck value out of your life so much?

redesquire · 2018-07-16T15:09:58+00:00

I don't see much progress between your first post a year ago and this one. You're still seeking validation from your wife, and still DEER way too much. MRP is more than just lifting and abundance. Done properly, it builds you into the very best version of yourself.

You admittedly have a void. You're trying to fill it with your wife's validation, or lift numbers, or the next (temporary) project. As u/markpf73 pointed out, however, these offer only temporary satisfaction, after which the dissatisfaction always returns. This is simply water finding its own level. If the void is still there, the water (dissatisfaction) will always find its way back (finding its level).

I recommend a careful and thoughtful re-read of The Way of the Superior Man. Take a fearless inventory of your life and discover your highest purpose. Consider the following quotes:

If you don’t know your purpose, discover it, now.

The core of your life is your purpose. Everything in your life, from your diet to your career, must be aligned with your purpose if you are to act with coherence and integrity in the world. If you know your purpose, your deepest desire, then the secret of success is to discipline your life so that you support your deepest purpose and minimize distractions and detours.

It is honorable for a man to admit his fears, resistance, and edge of practice. It is simply true that each man has his limit, his capacity for growth, and his destiny. But it is dishonorable for him to lie to himself or others about his real place. He shouldn’t pretend he is more enlightened than he is—nor should he stop short of his actual edge. The more a man is playing his real edge, the more valuable he is as good company for other men, the more he can be trusted to be authentic and fully present. Where a man’s edge is located is less important than whether he is actually living his edge in truth, rather than being lazy or deluded.

Without a deep sense of purpose to direct your daily life, you will be directed by externals-financial need, your children’s needs, your lover’s needs-and you will begin to blame them for your lack of fulfillment. You will feel trapped in obligations, and your resentments will show. You will hold back in your relationships with your lover and family, not really wanting to be there, unsure what else to do, mired in ambiguity, guilt, and anger. Your actions will lack integrity and follow-through. Your feminine lover won’t be able to trust you in everyday life or open to you sexually.

The way a man penetrates the world should be the same way he penetrates his woman: not merely for personal gain or pleasure, but to magnify love, openness, and depth.

Final thought. The fact that your wife is rarely shit testing you is not a positive sign, as it means she has grown complacent ... either with herself or with you. Have you found your edge? Are you figuratively fucking the world? The answer, of course, is no. And that is the source of your void. Find your edge ... find your highest purpose and attack it with the energy of a thousand suns.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2018-07-16T15:07:30+00:00

Three thoughts.

She may generally be lost when it comes to losing weight. I was for a while. I "tried" everything but didn't find anything that worked for me until I did a combo of IF / macros and fixed my hormonal issues. Get her hormones checked out because if those are out of whack, nearly any amount of exercise and nutritional discipline will be wasted.
Your lifts are fine and fuck the guys giving you hell about the Smith machine. https://www.t-nation.com/training/the-most-hated-machine-in-the-gym

The Smith machine isn't ideal for a lot of things but if you are in the gym with a plan 6 days a week, you do you and ignore the faggots that are chirping otherwise. Try some Jobes and band work to rehab the shoulders.

Figure out why your wife's opinion matters so much to you. There's nothing wrong with sticking with one woman if that's what you want because it fits your plan and your mission. However, you are the author of your plan and you are the judge of your worth. Oneitis creeps in when your woman takes over the ability to condone or condemn your worth. Figure out the underlying issues here. Start with looking at your relationship with your parents. Even if you are a grown-ass man, problems there can affect you the rest of your life if you don't sort that out.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-07-16T17:00:56+00:00

WHY DOES HER OPINION MATTER SO MUCH?

This is MRP, not MGTOW, so accepting that, you have a strong attachment to her approval and the worst part is that she knows it. I am going to take a blind stab in the dark from experience counseling men IRL is that you had some really toxic relationships with your parents. Probably the kind of mom that would withhold approval and affection if you didn't do what she wanted you to do. Did she act sad and depressed a lot and put the pressure of "making" her happy on you? Maybe dad pushed you hard and was really critical or was just not there at all and left you alone with this overbearing woman?

Those are only cliche because they are true.

Based on her overuse of the comfort test, your wife has seen how this dynamic works on you and probably has a black belt in this sort of fuckery and is manipulating these deep wounds. You, probably don't want to deal with them so it's become a blind spot. This is extremely common.

Why does she do it?

Related to her alcoholism, she is self medicating her own trauma and getting better requires dealing with it
She doesn't want you to criticize her overeating and lack of exercise (also self medicating, but food for comfort)
Not ready for you to call out her drinking and/or popping pills (does she also have a script for Xanax or Valium)
She's probably codependent on the kids too and doesn't want that called out either. I wouldn't be surprised if she is giving them comfort tests too. "Do you love mommy? Good, that makes mommy happy"

What to do about it?

Break off the attachment for a time. Pussy is the default for acceptance to men, so AT LEAST temporarily break off the acceptance. Tell her you got some issues you need to iron out in your mind and you want to voluntarily abstain from sex until you get it right. She is keeping up the sex because it does the whole bonding thing in our heads, so take a break from her. Don't cheat necessarily, but don't fuck her for a month. First, her dread will go to 10, that's good for you. That may be a catalyst to make her look in a full length mirror too :-) . When the bond wears off, you will start to see through her codependent jedi mind games better. Read up on your childhold trauma and accept that shit. Feel the pain. Let it burn. It will pass. Take your mom off the pedestal too and forgive dad because he was a shit. These things happen to each generation.

Fritz_Frauenraub · 2018-07-16T14:44:16+00:00

I dunno man. My personal theory is that it's all part of the efeeminization of modern man.

Picture yourself as a warlord in Merovingian times. When you arise horny after the feast, many wines to the good, and visit the women's quarters, you don't wait for your wives and concubines to "initiate". You summon the most comely of your slave women with an imperious wave of your hand, order her to spread herself on the wolfskins and prepare to receive a son from your balls.

You aren't concerned with how she perceives your SMV because most of your brain is occupied with important matters: the barley harvest, discontent amongst the thralls, treacherous Dukes on the eastern border...the vagaries of the gods.

Reach180 · 2018-07-16T14:16:05+00:00

Decline bench, 245X10, DL 315X10, Hacksquat 405X10, Overhead press 205X6 (Smith Machine), curls dumbbells 35X10.

First step in not being an insecure bitch is being honest with yourself. "Important Shit" section is an exercise in ego protection.

Decline bench....why? Most guys can decline more than regular bench. So you report that.

Hack Squat....why? Because you can't squat that much, so you do something that lets you get away with 400 lbs.

Press on smith machine...why? Because Smith machine counter-balancing lets you put more weight on the bar than you can do.

If you can't even report this without bullshitting, as an anonymous internet username, how congruent can you be in real life?

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-07-16T18:45:18+00:00

Dear Mr. Enabler:

Thank you for raising your children the way you are proposing with an alcoholic mother, and a supplicating father.

My son will be happy to compete directly with yours for scholarships, jobs and women, as it will be no competition at all.

When my son has been getting noob gains combined with huge surges of testosterone while lifting at ages 15-16, and physically intimidates your son, you will gnash your teeth and complain about his masculinity.

When your son can't date the head cheerleader because my son is fucking her and one of her closest friends every weekend, you'll tell him "It'll get better once you're in college, now go check on your mother and see if she needs anything."

When my attractive son interviews for a job position against your skinny-fat or just fat, but socially aware and "sensitive" son, my son will win again. Especially if Mr. Enabler II can't make the interview due to a hangover. Alcoholism does run in families after all. This will help insure that my grandson has the resources to build his own legacy as well. Winning over multiple generations.

So once again, Mr. Enabler, I thank you for raising your son as a placating, sensitive, socially aware, woman-focused and completely inoffensive mangina. Your efforts will help insure the success of boys raised to be independent, masculine men everywhere.

RZD

Senor_Martillo · 2018-07-16T13:23:40+00:00

Dump her.

mindfulbutgutless · 2018-07-16T13:27:09+00:00

First off get the fuck off the smith machine. anyone with your lifts know its a fucking waste of time and an injury waiting to happen.

Yes my wife is still a high functioning alcoholic. I've taken advice from here and implemented boundaries

How?

WTF is this need for validation I require from my wife?

It is you BP Disney fantasy. That and YOU probably still think YOU are a pussy with oneitis

LaimbeerAdvocate · 2018-07-16T13:41:37+00:00

Might not be possible given your situation, but i think you're right that you're not experiencing actual abundance, so you still have oneitis. Also agree with they guy that said you need to RP for yourself.

BobbyPeru · 2018-07-16T13:46:10+00:00

First part of DEVI, Dominance

Do you even Sidebar bro?

[deleted] · 2018-07-16T16:50:46+00:00

WTF is this need for validation I require from my wife?

that's basically a rhetorical question. who gives a shit "what" it is. you just stated "what" it is. just fucking knock it off dipshit

ChokingDownRP · 2018-07-16T17:09:05+00:00

Get some strange, that'll knock her off the pedestal. Her vagina isn't special, nor is anything else about her...nail some strange to open your eyes.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-07-16T20:55:12+00:00

You lack the ability to lead decisively. What advice would you ice to a friend whose wife is a 5 at best and also an active alcoholic?
You need to prepare for the Go plan, so visit some attorneys and figure out what you’re in for. Get her working if she isn’t already and get some cash out of circulation for your rainy day fund.

Lyxeka · 2018-07-18T15:42:51+00:00

there is nothing you can do. when you are so much better than her, she will never initiate, she is scared of you. until she decides on her own that she has to improve, she wont do it. if you try to tighten the screws on her too hard, she will break. she is a burden to you now. you must decide if you live her enough to stay or leave her and enjoy your life.

Title	Why am I an insecure bitch?
Author	mrpjourney
Upvotes	3
Comments	67
Date	July 16, 2018 1:04 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8zaqi7/why_am_i_an_insecure_bitch/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/why-am-i-an-insecure-bitch.204206 https://theredarchive.com/post/204206

Comments