4 year LTR. downgrade or next?

BinglesTRP · 2015-07-20T12:44:04+00:00

In these situations, there are guys who say to downgrade.

I personally believe that there's a period of time that it no longer has any worth to downgrade to a plate. 4 years is WELL beyond that period of time. For what? Pussy? Pussy you've had for YEARS? Say you downgrade her (unlikely) - She'll be pushing you to rekindle a relationship every single time you fuck her. Moreso than a plate would even dare to push you.

There are so, so many women out there that my suggestion is a hard next, no explanation, no contact. She'll ask you why of course, and you will give her NO explanation. You'll want to. You'll want that feeling of crushing her with that news. Don't do it. Silence in these scenarios is so much more powerful.

You simply tell her "I'm done with this relationship". You then delete her from everything, and cut her completely out of your life. Take a friend on those trips you've booked. Enjoy life.

The best revenge will always be living well.

stillnoturday · 2015-07-20T15:53:19+00:00

Who moves a girl down to a plate after 4 years? You've been down that road seen all the sites. Move on she was prolly going to use you for the trips plan then look to dump you. Shes already lining up your replacement.

Archwinger · 2015-07-20T12:46:31+00:00

All women cultivate orbiters and back up boyfriends. Confronting her just looks insecure and butt hurt.

Up your dread game and work on yourself to the point where she's petrified of losing you and doesn't dare risk fucking things up. And downgrade her to plate. Start lining up your other options. That alone should get her ass in gear, but she's not ltr worthy anyway. You probably knew that going in but underneath it all figured you couldn't do any better.

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-07-20T12:52:42+00:00

"Read your texts to that guy. Don't bother coming around any longer. We are done." Tell any friend who asks exactly what happened. Calmly, quietly, and without any adjectives. Make any such conversation brief before you change the topic, saying "Enough talk about yesterday's news." Then move on to upbeat topics.

Ghost protocol her after that. No calls, texts, visits, emails. Any friend who tries to plead her case is met with a stoney "I made my decision about her. You need to respect that." Then refuse to talk about it more with any such advocates.

bsutansalt · 2015-07-20T16:01:08+00:00

Sounds like one of the masses of women on Tindr and such who are already in a relationship using the app to test the waters. At best this guy is an orbiter friend you don't know about, but even that's not good for the health of the LTR.

As /u/Archwinger said, all women collect orbiters and that may be what she's doing here. Regardless, it's time to up your game and institute some dread. It's also time you establish clear boundaries and make it known what your standards and expectations are. You have to be willing to walk away of course if she fails to measure up, so think of this as a sort of ultimatum, even if not presented as such.

GayLubeOil · 2015-07-20T15:53:15+00:00

Donald Rumsfield, the man who sold Sadam Hussein chemical weapons once said: there are Known Knowns, Known Unknowns, Unknown Knowns and Unknown unknowns.

Known Knowns: The fact that she deleted texts

Known Unknowns: which texts were deleted from whom. How long has she been deleting texts? The extent of her relationship with Chad.

Unknown Knowns are facts which you know but have not applied properly to the situation, basically puzzle pieces which you haven't put in the right place. Maybe she said something about Chad as a joke that wasn't really a joke.

Unknown Unknowns: Shit you have absolutely no idea about, no suspicion of and would complety come out of left field. Maybe she cheated on her past boyfriend? Etc

mismm · 2015-07-20T20:25:55+00:00

It could be she's just using the dude for her entertainment/validation and has never even met up with him. Women are like that. Or maybe she already cheated on you. I would try to find more information before doing anything.

She could also be testing the waters for monkey branching. Like others said, make her chase you, dread game, etc.

aguy01 · 2015-07-20T20:41:56+00:00

"It's been fun. Take care."

sodainthewatercup6 · 2015-07-20T22:27:33+00:00

Less is more. Get her out of your life with as few words as possible. The less you say now, the better you'll feel later.

druganswer · 2015-07-20T22:43:31+00:00

Best move: act distant for a week and get a last couple fucks in and then breakup with her and ghost her without any drama.

Next best move: Ghost her straight up.

Next best: Tell her what you saw, break up with her, ghost her. If she says "but blah blah blah" say well then hopefully our relationship taught you a lesson for your next BF.

No good option ends with anything but no contact.

intelcorei5 · 2015-07-20T22:44:53+00:00

She has an orbiter. You knew that already. You just found evidence. Look at the message convo. She is doing to him exactly what we don't want done to us. He should be nexting her. She has deleted previous conversation not to hide previous involvement from you, but because she has little interest in him.

You're reacting over nothing. As if she's not allowed to have friends of both sexes? It's not like you're married. You're being insecure.

Thanks for coming to us before you did something crazy.

anti_erection_man · 2015-07-20T15:39:30+00:00

She may or may not cheated on you, what she's doing is obviously uncool. SO:

1.If you sort of care about her or just like fucking her, do a hardcore dread (tell her what you saw, then just proceed to dread her ass, she will try extra hard to please you after this and realise she almost lost you);

2.If she means nothing, do a sudden blackout. One night just leave her a message with "It's over" or something like that, and block her everywhere.

A_Medical_Physicist · 2015-07-20T16:26:20+00:00

I'm torn on how exactly to do it but I think you need to break up with her entirely. Plating her sounds like more hassle than it's worth considering you've probably nailed her over 100 times by now.

The reason I am torn is that you will probably seem insecure and honestly a little creepy if you say you were going through her phone. On the other side of the coin, not only does she deserve to hear she is a bitch for this, I'm not sure exactly how great you'd come across if you just up and end a 4 year ltr for no reason at all out of the blue. Like you said you two know a completely overlapping group of people at this point so no matter how you do it there will be ramifications.

MagneticJohnson · 2015-07-20T22:42:05+00:00

I'd say, don't think of her like a ltr anymore, but let her think that. she has betrayed you, you can do whatever the fuck you want at this point. get on tinder asap, and get really busy. get a few new "friends". then dump her.

davevd · 2015-07-20T13:02:41+00:00

So your LTR is cheating on you...

I personally don't mind the concept of open relationships, and I understand this sort of thing happens for a myriad of reasons some of which is preprogrammed into our DNA, but I'm going to assume you were under a fairly clear agreement that you were an exclusive couple... given the 4 year LTR... obviously it may just be best to break up, so she can do her thing and you don't waste any more time with her. If it were me, I would seek to leave on good terms and remain friends... obviously she cheated so I wouldn't exactly be overjoyed to have that discussion... but its the best you can make of the situation.

But some might say, break up and cease communication. If you're emotionally hurt by her actions... this is probably the best course of action as it will speed up the healing process, and allow you to move on.

CuntyMcFagNuts69 · 2015-07-20T16:49:58+00:00

Calmly say, "I know some things about you that you don't think I know, we are through. Keep Frame and don't not raise your voice. Break it off like a champ. Monk Mode would be good probably

Authority8 · 2015-07-20T16:32:28+00:00

4 years is a long time. Hard next / no contact is best for both of you.

babyboi12 · 2015-07-20T16:21:59+00:00

First off, it's incredibly beta to have gone through her phone in the first place.

Secondly, you have nothing to worry about. In this instance, her cancelling plans and making shit up is just her way of gently blowing off this guy he she thinks is "genuinely nice".

You found yourself a snowflake, bro. Congrats. Keep doing what you've been doing as long as what you've been doing is right.

Practice makes perfect, if you practice perfectly.

 -sk12

Title	4 year LTR. downgrade or next?
Author	dropdaego
Upvotes	22
Comments	33
Date	July 20, 2015 12:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3dxttf/4_year_ltr_downgrade_or_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/4-year-ltr-downgrade-or-next.151380 https://theredarchive.com/post/151380

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