A really bad case of oneitis

inspiredshane · 2018-10-31T15:20:06+00:00

Dude you aren’t in love with her. You’re in love with an illusion of her that you made up in your head. She isn’t that person you’re imagining, not really. So you don’t have oneitis for her. You have oneitis for a fairytale ending that doesn’t exist.

The things you’re feeling may feel real, but you aren’t feeling them about reality. That’s the key thing. You’re in live with someone who only exists inside your head.

derrtderr · 2018-10-31T14:55:25+00:00

Tell her how you feeel.

You never know.

Maybe she’ll let you watch while she fucks Chas.

yumyumgivemesome · 2018-10-31T14:44:30+00:00

Hit the gym. Meditate everyday. These are two of the easiest ways to improve your mental well-being. I promise that the pain won't last forever, so I encourage you to enjoy it now. Art and music take on fantastic new meanings while in these deeply emotional states. You are alive, and tomorrow will be better.

actually-guy · 2018-10-31T15:30:53+00:00

This is super frustrating to read.

Brother, listen, what you have in your mind about her - the Disney^TM princess, romantic love stuff is not real. You are projecting onto her, what you think she is and what things could be. This is the bedrock of the red pill. The human body that are you in is pre-programmed to be attracted to certain female traits. She is NOT some noble creature to be worshipped and put on a pedestal. She's just a person who happens to have been born in a pretty outer shell. She's insecure, unsure, flaky, and enjoys getting the D, just like every other woman - and she doesn't bring anything to the table, aside from that P.

You are giving her a TREMENDOUS amount of value, which has not been earned.

If she was born pretty, then she gets to play Life on the Easy level, good for her. But she didn't do anything to get those looks. And let's be honest, that's mostly where your infatuation comes from, right? So, you are ascribing all of this reverence and "respect", and worship on this person who was just born lucky.

Your time and effort is worth WAY more than that.

Second of all, you have a major problem with you. Do you know how I know? Do you know how I know you don't lift? Because YOU are the prize. YOU (will soon) earn the respect, and the right to be put on a pedestal. You will earn reverence because you've built an admirable life (a life capable of being admired!). She should have YOU on a pedestal, she should be "kneeling" before you - not the other way around.

Tl;dr - 1) Stop projecting that Disney shit on her, she's not a princess. She's a regular human who takes a shit in the morning. She happens to have been born in a pretty package. 2) Work on yourself. Make YOURSELF the prize. You do that by:

Working out, getting stronger
Getting smarter, learning new skills
Starting or expanding your business
Traveling, etc.

Build out an AMAZING life. and 3) You need exposure to more women. When you live in a world of scarcity, each woman is a big deal. If you become awesome and live in a world of abundance, then women become a commodity, where you can then be picky.

Hold on, I'm still frustrated at reading this. Let me put this another way: If you did this: you start lifting, you get your finances straightened out, you develop good daily habits, you do amazing with school, you start a business, you take on an MMA class, you start learning guitar, you travel a little..... then, you meet this SAME woman, and what she brings to the table is: "I'm pretty!!" (blink-blink) - is that enough? Does she do enough to "earn" access to you and your resources? Fuck. No. She needs to bring way, way more to the table than that. You have her WAY too high, and you hold yourself down WAY too low.

Tl;dr (updated): flip over the table and yell "fuck this!!" and storm out of the room your in (wherever you are) - and head to the gawd-damn gym immediately, man!!!! :-)

acithetic · 2018-10-31T15:02:13+00:00

Realize that she’s not special and is just as shitty of a person as everyone else.

Ricklogical · 2018-10-31T14:48:35+00:00

Other and more women are always the answer.

Gotta trust me man.

4thAndLong · 2018-10-31T15:39:22+00:00

You have to become mentally strong enough to get past it. No one here is going to give you the magical answer on how to do it. Man the fuck up and make it happen.

pmultiplyb · 2018-10-31T15:34:48+00:00

Do yourself a favour if you check her social media -> Don't

Hit the gym, go for a run. I would not recommend playing video games all day long. It will take your mind of for a while but there is no other benefit than that. It takes time and effort and especially the will to improve yourself and get the abundance mentality.

chim_city · 2018-10-31T17:25:07+00:00

Gym/Run/Hike a mountain.

Get a hair cut.

Buy some new shoes.

Do not get on social media.

Cook yourself a bomb dinner.

Go out and accomplish one of your goals, travel alone, work on your car, build something dope. Then brag about it with your guy friends while you are shooting the shit. (video games are not accomplishments)

I occasionally see her (like every other day; we take the same classes)

We all know why you mentioned this last one. You have to just act 'whatever cool'

Pretend like you just fucked someone else last night when you talk to her.

But the best cure: Actually fuck someone else.

justarandomguy15 · 2018-10-31T21:22:16+00:00

Okay my comment might not be considered of importance amongst the rest of the comments in here, but let me get this out there.

Everyone here is telling you that the woman you think you love is just an imaginary one in your mind. Which is partly true. But that's not oneties. That's one of the numerous manifestations of oneties.

What is oneties? What really helped me overcoming oneties was a bro who finally explained it in the most rational way ever.

Listen up. Oneties is an evolutionary chemical byproduct that is there to keep a man and women who have just fucked together. It has so much powerful effects on our brains, this chemical bonding, that it literally deactivates some regions in the brain which results in you literally not thinking straight.

Oneties is like a drug. It's like a drug that everyone is sniffing because it's innate in all of us. Understanding this should already make you aware of some things.

You cannot absolutely fucking fight the chemistry in your brain. It is wired like that. It is how it's supposed to work and you can't practically do anything about it. So what's the solution? Let it be. Let it fuck you up real good.

The problem with oneties is that deep inside we know that they're wrong. We know that we're giving someone our time and attention without getting something in return yet we still do it. And we know that we fucked up. The problem, the chemistry is so powerful that it paralyses you. It doesn't make you think straight. It blurs your sense of judgment and self-worth.

Remember, oneties in older times helped mates stay together to enhance the probability of the survival of the offspring. A big chunk of evolution is about survival and the other bigger chunk is about passing down your genes. So you can understand that oneties play on a very very deep psychobiological level that even you can't reach and control.

So what to do? Just let it be. Give it some time. Try distracting yourself. Dread game her. Leave her. Stop seeing her messages, posts and all that shit. If you see her act like nothing.... This while at the same time seeing other women and gaming them. This will help tremendously. And you'll see, after a while, she'll just be another girl and you'll overcome this chemical bullshit going on in your head.

vullnet123 · 2018-10-31T14:22:48+00:00

I know what youre going through dude my ex dumped me 2 weeks ago, what I've been doing is just distracting myself. Lift. Play video games. Any fucking thing that gets her out of your mind. Realize that putting her on a pedestal is not the right thing. She won't make you happy. I don't know what you're doing right now, but go lift. Go for a walk. Listen to music, sketch something, do anything. Talk with more girls, more guys, just conversate and socialize. If you only talk to her, only see her, only put your effort into her, it won't help and you'll just get worse.

WestCancel654 · 2018-10-31T14:27:24+00:00

Give it time, keep yourself busy and this shall pass. Its been 2 years for me and I still get emotional hiccups thinking about my ex.

toothpickhd · 2018-10-31T15:30:41+00:00

FUCK MANY OTHER GIRLS

DVidojkovic · 2018-10-31T18:00:25+00:00

Something I used to do was think of the girl's bad characteristics and remind myself about them every time I'd see her.

KillingIsMyBusinesss · 2018-10-31T16:01:50+00:00

This girl could be taking another guys dick in the ass for all you know, fuck that bitch she’s not what you make up in your head it’s an illusion

MisterBlox · 2018-10-31T15:06:10+00:00

Self-improvement, new girls and TIME. These are the things that have helped me

alaskanarcher · 2018-10-31T17:59:52+00:00

What worked for me is writing every day. I wrote about what I did the day before, what I was thinking, I let myself ramble on about my ex, then I examined that through more writing. As time went on I started to see patterns that helped me reframe and recontextualize what happened. It wasn't linear and it took weeks but the writing made a huge difference. Some days I would just write a page. Other days I wrote 10. I am still writing and it has helped me improve my emotional intelligence and strategies in nearly all areas of my life. I highly recommend it. There is something about writing things down that forces your brain to engage in a way that simply ruminating in your head can't provide.

WheresWilliam · 2018-11-01T00:45:24+00:00

Thank god for you guys, I really needed to hear this

ibhova · 2018-10-31T14:53:24+00:00

You either choose to move on or you don’t.

If you think nothing will make you forget her then some internet strangers won’t change that!Anyone is expendable my friend!

premeboi · 2018-10-31T15:38:53+00:00

ask yourself what you’d actually miss if you never saw her again.

Joeboard · 2018-10-31T18:13:45+00:00

You have to talk to / game / hit on other women. Even if it gets nowhere, it will help you forget about her. Absolutely delete all social media contacts with her. Its tough, but as time goes on it gets better. But seriously, the only thing that got me over my oneitis was talking to other women.

[deleted] · 2018-10-31T22:21:07+00:00

First of all, acknowledge the fact that you don't like her. You're obsessed with a fantasy in your head. So in a way, you're in love with yourself.

Second, BLOCK her on social media or delete your social media. I suggest the latter

Third, do 8 weeks of PHUL

Fourth, after step 3, get on tinder and go on a bender

Fifth, you should have been cured by now

ich_bin_doch_geil · 2018-10-31T15:30:40+00:00

Why? There are billions of girls out there. The world is dripping with pussy. Go find one of them, or better yet, let them find you.

319Skew · 2018-10-31T18:19:51+00:00

How long have you been with her? Takes awhile to detox

I_love_you_broskis · 2018-10-31T18:59:45+00:00

Just let it pass. Oneitis is like an ice cream that you’re enjoying but will eventually melt and vanish. One-itis is that deathgrip of testosterone on young Men’s brains. You’ll eventually get rid of the shitty disease of oneitis

rp2626 · 2018-10-31T20:24:35+00:00

If you're asking how to beat the oneitis then the advice is in these comments. If you're asking how to beat the pain you're on your own buddy. It takes time but once you get through the anguish you will be a better human for it.

goblinboglin · 2018-10-31T20:34:22+00:00

imagine her having a really bad diarrhea sitting on a toilet and putting everything to a shit

no, really just don't indulge in daydreaming about her, it reduces the dopamine release, and otherwise you just need the time to pass, you will not care later

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2018-11-01T06:42:13+00:00

So what? You think think this girl's asshole smells like fresh cut flowers, or something? I guarantee it does not.

Your mother figure is dead. She's never coming back. Stop trying to get your mommy back.

Your actual mom was a demanding, controlling bitch.... when she wasn't being completely indifferent to you or anyone besides herself. The latter was most of the time.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2018-10-31T17:37:17+00:00

First of all are you in good shape?

Second- go fuck an escort a few times.

HaroldTFinch · 2018-10-31T17:06:50+00:00

If you want to go the analysis route, take ten women you were with or know, including her. Make sections on personality, sex, education, etc... Minimum for categories of equal importance rating 1-10. Add the sections up. Average them.

You will find out she isn't that special, and there are a few thousand women locally you can try to meet that will get the same or better rating.

Then, do all the self-improvement things people write here to improve your place in line for the next one

Title	A really bad case of oneitis
Author	M_Hamza
Upvotes	50
Comments	46
Date	October 31, 2018 2:16 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9sz4pv/a_really_bad_case_of_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/a-really-bad-case-of-oneitis.136239 https://theredarchive.com/post/136239

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