Am I an idiot for preferring monogamy?

1dondraper · 2018-04-15T16:03:52+00:00

No, you don't need to fix anything. It's natural. But before you fall into the trap that so many fall into (fall in love, LTR, she loses interest, breakup) you need to make sure that you're at the top of your game.

Don't fall into her frame and don't ever live your life for her. Don't ever lose your fucking gusto and don't ever give up on yourself. If you start showing overt weakness, become too comfortable in your relationship, and become too attached to her, she'll start losing interest.

The general idea here is that if you're going to have an LTR, only do it once you're 30. Before then, have complete abundance and make sure you know exactly what you're getting into.

fnordsnord · 2018-04-15T18:27:14+00:00

No, it does not. There are many advantages to an LTR, if that's your thing.

It does NOT change the basic nature of women, however. And the idea that a woman is someone you can "rely on," is something you will have to handle with care.

A woman's love is conditional. You MUST remain the BEST male she feels she can get. If you do that, you can have a happy LTR that can last until you die.

Further - you cannot define yourself as a husband and a father. Those are ROLES that you take on and enjoy. But first you must define yourself as a man.

Because in today's environment, your wife can take those away from you LITERALLY at a moment's notice. If you have defined who you are around your family, when it is gone, you will have nothing. And men literally DIE when this happens.

Sure - love. Marry. Reproduce. If it makes you feel fulfilled and happy, there's nothing wrong with it. But your center touchstone must be YOU.

319Skew · 2018-04-15T16:22:42+00:00

Not really. I've been in a LTR most my adult life and can see what was nice about it. What you need to realize is that it's a lot of work and it puts you in a massive handicap. If you are going with monogamy, and family building, I'm assuming that you are going to live with this person.

Your frame needs to be on point. Any breaks in it would result in loss of interest, branch swinging, affairs, breaking up, divorce rape etc.

You'll have more drama from her, her family and her friends.

If you have shared assets and/or kids then it's additional leverage on your commitment to her.

This would have worked half a century ago but in this day of social media, limitless validation, feminism and just lack of traditional values, you're going to be hard pressed to find someone that can be worthy of a LTR and can maintain the integrity throughout your relationship.

When a FWB withholds sex in a power move, you demote them to a plate and see other options. If it's a plate then you next them and there are plenty of other options. You can't do that if you share a family and are monogamous.

If you are let go, go through a trauma, or rely on her for a period of time, you'll no longer be the ideal mate. Buyers remorse kicks in and you are now fighting uphill to rebuild this invincible man you used to be.

She's going to start testing you harder and all failures will be exponential to her spending more time with another ideal Alpha.

What's worse is familiarity breeds comfort which will (if not careful) cause her to chip away your alpha values in favour of beta traits.

She may FEEL that you are improving but she'll destroy all the attractive attributes you have and resent you for it.

Source : was married

Blackhawk2479 · 2018-04-15T16:00:01+00:00

a single woman who I can rely on

Yeah good luck with that.

TRPAndNofapGotMeLaid · 2018-04-15T17:49:05+00:00

You can't rely on a woman. A females love for a man is conditional. This is a fact and not a stab at women nor is it a way of saying you are an idiot for wanting monogamy. But you have to have this in mind if you don't want to get fucked in the ass further down the line

alpha4ever · 2018-04-15T20:25:05+00:00

You're young so you likely just lack experience. You have some money, so just think of it like asset allocation. It'd be pretty stupid for you to put all your dough into an unpredictable, irrational and highly volatile security. The fantasy is that we just pick that perfect investment. What if we went all in on bitcoin 8 years ago, instead of only putting in 1-3%? Some people did, and look at them now. The reality is that for every person that went all in on a single high-risk investment and it worked out, there are hundreds more that lost everything.

You can definitely afford to play risky when you're young, so if you want to make big risky bets you can always rebuild your life if you lose it all, and playing risky has high probability of losing. If you want to bet on monogamy, go ahead and give it a shot. It works out sometimes. But you're going to find that most men come to redpill because the investment that they tried to love and nurture and grow like a plant ended up attacking them and draining them emotionally and financially.

No one says that just because you have multiple women means that you they all must be purely fuck toys. Make them whatever you want them to be.

pridebrah · 2018-04-15T18:07:18+00:00

It doesn't make you an idiot, but you need to know the reality of the game. There's already some good posts in this thread so go through those, but I'd just like to reinforce the point that an LTR is RP principles on hard mode and marriage is nightmare mode.

Your frame must be made of titanium and dread levels 1-4 must never ever ever ever end at a bare minimum.

MattyAnon · 2018-04-16T01:05:11+00:00

who I can rely on, build a future with

Two big mistakes here.

First implies a degree of need and dependency. This is unattractive and girls don't like it. Makes you look weak to them because you need something from them.

Second is out and out emotional/financial suicide. You do not "build a future with" a woman. Read more about Briffault's law. You think you're building something together, she's planning on taking half your stuff and moving onto someone else. "Building a future together" is what men do. Women want the here and now, and they change their mind tomorrow when it benefits them to do so.

Morphs_ · 2018-04-15T15:54:48+00:00

You can have sex with plates/FwBs and feel something. I'm not referring to the attached "you're mine" feeling that many refer to as love, but "I want you to feel good so I'm going to fuck your brains out and we're going to enjoy each other". A more universal type of love, if that makes sense.

Psychocist · 2018-04-15T16:17:37+00:00

Nothing wrong with monogamy, but humans are not naturally monogamous. You're both fighting against your deeper, sexual instincts year on year, and it only takes one moment of passion to breakdown the fantasy. Someone will cheat or leave; it's inevitable given enough time.

I now don't even try to play the monogamy game. Any women I get serious with I say I will be talking to/fucking other women. Ideally, there will be one "special" woman I eventually have a family with, but I am under no illusion that we will sexually commit to each other for a lifetime, or even through raising children. Seems the go-to compromise on both sides is to cheat.

Not entirely sure which way things will go and I'm sure my thinking is faulty in places, but it is certainly a healthier way to think about relationships than lifetime monogamy.

TruthSeekaaaaa · 2018-04-15T19:18:45+00:00

You aren't an idiot, just a dreamer. I wish you best of luck though

flatox · 2018-04-15T16:50:43+00:00

prefer to stick with a single woman who I can rely on

That right there is your problem. It's a fairytale and that kind of woman does not exist. If you want loyalty, get a dog.

lemonlord123 · 2018-04-15T16:58:27+00:00

No, nothing is wrong with that. Just, imo, don't LTR a woman unless you've known each other for a while, you genuinely enjoy her as a person, and you feel that she has proven herself. Just to make sure you don't land in a relationship with a shitty person. Then it's all about maintaining frame and abundance mentality so that you don't lose your cool and the relationship doesn't go to shit. Do not head out looking specifically for a LTR and nothing more from someone. Just spin plates, and if you come across someone you enjoy more than usual, THEN LTR them.

ReddJive · 2018-04-15T23:28:53+00:00

No. You’re not. I prefer it myself.

It doesn’t make it any easier nor solve any issues.

In some ways it’s harder since you’re admitting openly to her that she’s the only recipient of your time/attention.

cl3537 · 2018-04-15T17:23:29+00:00

No, seems okay to me, Condom sex really sucks. But if she is controlling you, withholding sex, not doing what you want then you have a problem and your abundance mentality will be tested.

Will you keep her in her place or let her turn you into her slave?

physicalbitcoin · 2018-04-15T23:23:18+00:00

Am I an idiot for preferring monogamy?

No. But how do you know she's keeping her word on her side? What if you stayed honorable, and you found out 3 years later she'd been seeing other guys?

Merwebb · 2018-04-16T02:31:19+00:00

Not at all.

Im like you, and in my early 30s. Having various non commited relationships in my 20s would have helped me a lot instead of the only one i had (which brought me here)

Just like most people have already said, be on top on your game and non reliant on her. She has to "feel" there is a door she will be kick out of if she screws up.

menial_optimist · 2018-04-16T03:08:42+00:00

Monogamy is stable and arguably more produtive/useful than spinning plates. In a video I saw Jordan Peterson said people who casualize sex are psychopaths, who erode normal emotional connections. I don't like the idea of fucking a plate for 6 months, all the while with the full knowledge I will never LTR this girl while at the same time the girl is likely hoping for and is open to the possibility. That's why all plates break eventually.

Future_Alpha · 2018-04-16T06:23:19+00:00

Am I an idiot for preferring monogamy?

yes

Hoodin · 2018-04-16T10:22:07+00:00

I say no, but it's not easy and you must always have your guard up.

As a 27 year old male who has had more then a 100 sexual partners and am now in my second LTR (first one went on for 4 years, current is reaching the third year) I can, at least for my sake, tell you that there is nothing wrong with preferring LTR.

The sex is definitely better with a partner you have deeper feelings of love for and in my relationship we are very open to new experiences meaning that we do a lot of weird and kinky shit.

However it is hard to maintain an LTR relationship. You as a male must maintain an Alpha male status and be ready to affirm it, and I do not mean with violence (unless your in to that shit).

I've had falls where I got to comfortable but the main thing to avoid them is to have a really open relationship with your partner and willingness to discuss problems. If I am letting loose i.e. been lazy going to the gym, not spontaneous enough or whatever the fuck it is, she lets me know, and if she is being a bitch, disrespectful or whatever it is, I talk to her and we work it out, worst case get to a middle ground.

Will it last forever? probably not. However I would prefer it over the fuckbuddy system any day.

TL;DR: It's hard work but for some, worth it.

kankouillotte · 2018-04-16T13:04:02+00:00

I tend to think like you OP, and I know that one day I'll be able to live something like that on my terms, but so far it has always failed for me because sooner or later the woman's love stops, each time because I'm not able to maintain it : reverting to beta habits, showing too much weakness, having no life besides her, etc... all the common mistakes of the unicorn chaser.

But then I read this

2comment · 2018-04-16T13:36:37+00:00

Live life by your rules. You're not gonna be happy going by someone else's script just to go through the motions, but do not avoid something just because you're secretly afraid either.

Be acutely aware the game doesn't change at all just because of your personal preferences though.

88Will88 · 2018-04-15T23:19:41+00:00

No you are not. That is up to you, there is a lot you can achieve in a monogamous framework which you cannot do as easily outside of one. Read my post on having kids and family and make sure you check off EVERY item on the list before you consider kids: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/86wcji/12_red_pill_commandments_for_having_kids_and_a/?st=JG1FJPCC&sh=1260ca53

Title	Am I an idiot for preferring monogamy?
Author	onpuzzle
Upvotes	64
Comments	63
Date	April 15, 2018 3:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8cftqd/am_i_an_idiot_for_preferring_monogamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/am-i-an-idiot-for-preferring-monogamy.670 https://theredarchive.com/post/670

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