How do I stay in frame when I’ve lost everything?

Mehoweek · 2020-04-06T08:31:19+00:00

Answering your question: It's really easy to be confident when in every aspect your life goes well. True confidence is based on inner base. Love yourself, have trust in yourself.

Shit happens in everyone's lives. Sometimes it's your fault, sometimes not. Doesn't matter in a long run. Experience matters.

Even betas can be confident when when it's easy. Now it's time for you to show you are the man. Good luck!

Musicgoon · 2020-04-06T09:30:28+00:00

When you're athe bottom the only place to go is up.

Think of ways you can better yourself until the stay at home stuff is done.

halleluiaiaia9292 · 2020-04-06T07:51:10+00:00

First of all, we all (most) came to the red pill from some kind of trauma. Either a ltr cheating, losing a job or whatever. The good thing is now you know much more about how the world works and you are on the side of recovery.

Its also a unique situation right now where many are losing their jobs because of the virus, so its hard to find a job in general.

Regarding your career. Why did you get engaged in office politics? Office politics are just drama. Women are good at it. Be aware of the office politics but dont engage into them. Only when someone tries to fuck you over. Rest of the time be the neutral guy who delivers at best. My 2 cents anyway.

when_its_too_late · 2020-04-06T12:03:17+00:00

I was at a low point one time where I didn't have anyone to support me either. Lost an LTR (I was a bluepilled faggot back then) and a year later flunked out of my college program and has to cash in my credits on a lower degree that never landed me a job. My family considered me a failure which I was.

The best thing you can do is take things one day at a time. Build your confidence by achieving small daily goals. Goals like "don't spend on x or y today", "save money here and there today", "dedicate x amount of time to job hunting". It took me close to a year to really get back on my feet, but everything still hung on my new job and if I lost it I would be starting with square one, which is why I left it on good terms after being a top 3 employee for 2 years and shifted to a better quality job but has to take a small pay cut.

Because I left on good terms I can always get rehired. I have gold rapport from people there. Yes it was a shitty manufacturing job but while I was there I averaged 65 hours a week (the over time pay helped me pull out of debt and into the green big time). Yes I had no life, I was always exhausted working night shift 6-7 days a week, but I made it. That 3 year grind from flunking out of college to where I am today, (it's exactly 3 years 1 month) taught me that in reality, none of that shit matters. The only support I'll ever have that's guaranteed, is my own. The only person responsible for my well being, is myself.

So cheer up bud. Things are tough for a reason, nothing happens by chance. Believe in whatever God you want but the reality is nothing happened by chance in anyone's life I know (there are some lucky mofos out there but karma exists).

Lift, keep your physical shape up, this will boost psychological strength as well. Eat well, focus. Just because you don't have a job and have "nothing to do" doesn't mean you should slack off. Find odd jobs for now on Craigslist or online. Heck at one point I was transcribing audio books as side money.

You'll make it.

DonaldBaelish · 2020-04-06T12:02:25+00:00

The issue is way deeper than you think.

You tell us how you have many successful friends, but now that you lost your job, you also lost your friends. Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that statement? Are you sure you ever had those friends to begin with? Or do you just call random people from your workplace friends?

The issue is your job made you alpha. Your job was your personality.

Neoisdaone · 2020-04-06T19:04:42+00:00

It's only after you've lost everything, you're free to do anything

DigitalDragonSlayer · 2020-04-06T09:45:14+00:00

Yo what did you do work wise?

You will plan better next time, it’s alright; this is a painful learning lesson for you on multiple levels of analysis.

You can, and will move forward. That’s the only direction. Manage you time and make a schedule. Stick to disciplined routines and habits. Get fucking after it. Stay hard.

KillaJewels · 2020-04-06T12:06:22+00:00

Keep your head up, it's just a bump in the road. Look for a new job immediately, and knock on every door possible. In the interview, ask the leadership what assurances they can make that they will retain you and not furlough/lay off.

On the issue of confidence, nobody but yourself is responsible for your mental well-being and self-esteem. Seems like this event triggered this realization, not that it just came up out of nowhere. So work on it.

Hard times make us harder. Just keep going with the attitude that it's just a bump in the road. You got this.

absolutelynp · 2020-04-06T12:18:33+00:00

- set goals to get out of this situation, you will feel better when you persue them

- be kind and understanding with yourself. we all have an inner monolog, and when it goes negative, from whatever corner of your personality, be the the reasonable one and counter with realistic and positive arguments.

- realize that the situation was out of your control its not your fault so there is no reason to beat yourself up about it.

- people always say confidence comes from within you. healthy people have that, yes. they were told by their parents that they are good the way they are and they were valued by their parents. You can be that person for yourself, be kind and gentle with yourself in the inner monolog. To grow confidence will take time though.

I myself got a lot of confidence from my job and I had to gice it up. I still do the "right" things I described above and try to stay on this path, but what I also do and di my whole life is devalue others or society as a whole. Thats bs actually, but we all try to survive in terms of ego and mind. What Im trying to say is, allow yourself to survive but never forget the right path. eventually you will get to the healthe confidence.

There is also the saying "to do is to be" so I dont belive that its completely the inner monolog that cant you there its also what you do. I personally have to have success with women and behave morally correct to feel good with myself.

Godspeed man and remeber you are not alone, in todays society with all the narcisissm bs almost everyone struggles with this. (see what I did there? devalued society, eventually this will bring me on a bad path and break my neck)

fannyfire · 2020-04-06T15:29:13+00:00

Same age as you so here’s my take.

I’m married, got a house, two cars, over 15k in the bank, 30k+ in stocks, healthy active sex life and I never go to bed hungry. There’s not much more I could ask for. I’m lucky, I’m blessed and right now, it’s my turn. One of the things you’ve got to understand is that it is always “just your turn.” It is always “just your turn” for everything in your life. Everything you love will always fade away.

Don’t let material possessions, jobs or relationships define you. Let your character and values define you. You can’t lose those no matter what the world does to you.

Life is bleak for many folks but it’s reality. The important thing to remember is that it is okay to be sad. It is okay to be upset. It is okay to be frustrated. Everything is temporary. Your emotions should be no different. Deal with this trauma the way you think best. You need to get over it and only you can do it. The important thing is to get over it. You can live like this forever but you don’t have to.

ReformedFA25 · 2020-04-06T16:41:07+00:00

I fucked 17 women this year while driving a 1999 hooptie and making $13 an hour... You need to examine your self image.

Am making 20$ an hour now working full time and happier then ever.

strainer123 · 2020-04-06T18:35:01+00:00

You weren't self-confident, you were confident about your job, financial situation, lifestyle, learn to be self-confident, confident about yourself, read on stoicism.

jm51 · 2020-04-06T18:39:32+00:00

Get a physical job. With the current crisis, it'll probably be front line. Shelf stacking or cashier at a supermarket etc.

-ThePathIsTheGoal- · 2020-04-06T18:54:31+00:00

This goes a lot deeper than you’d think.

You never lost anything. “Nothing real can be threatened”

UpperRedSide · 2020-04-07T01:28:21+00:00

I’m going to take an approach that I haven’t seen in any of the other replies.

The measure of man is not what he can achieve, but rather what he can achieve “in spite of” major setbacks.

I recently lost my car, my job, and my apartment. I had enemies spread rumors about me in my town, and everyone believed them, so I lost my friends too. I’m one of the few people who know what it’s like to truly lose everything.

Let me ask you this, can’t you get those things back?

I managed to crawl out of my hole, got my finances in order, a new job as an Army paramedic/paratrooper, and I’m fixing to purchase a house. I’m not even 21 yet.

You know what will give you confidence, the kind of confidence that doesn’t depend on what you possess? Taking a massive hit in life and coming back from it.

So maybe do what I did. I put dating on hold, I put social life on hold, and I put the pieces back together. Now not only do I have confidence, I have a reason for it. I have proof. It oozes out of my skin. Because I truly believe I can take on anything.

gatormanz_ · 2020-04-06T12:21:01+00:00

do you mind sharing the office politics vaguely so I? won't fall into the same trap in the future?

i-am-the-prize · 2020-04-06T14:00:14+00:00

"When you're going through hell.... keep going"

TheRedPillKing · 2020-04-06T17:05:30+00:00

Hey, I don't have an answer to all your questions but I'll tell you something. Everyone has some period in their life - where shit just goes south. I had that period around the January of this year. It was so bad, the only thing I thought about was suicide all the time. But some how, I got through it. I know you will to. So just hold yourself together and keep going. Good luck.

cactushatter · 2020-04-06T18:42:34+00:00

Bro you need to read a book called Extreme Ownership

violetmonstermunch · 2020-04-06T18:56:56+00:00

I was in a similar situation 6 years ago. What I did was to find new ways of being proud of myself and build back my self esteem, which resulted in a boost of confidence.

The key thing is I made sure those things that made me proud of myself were things that depended upon me 100% so that nobody could take them away from me.

Something else that can help is to find meaning to your situation. For me, even during the darkest times, I could find meaning to that suffering and that suffering appeared to be a necessary step in a bigger plan that would lead to something greater and better.

Folknust · 2020-04-06T19:32:33+00:00

Fake it till you make it.

powderhound100 · 2020-04-06T19:55:49+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTMDpizis8

EdvardMunch · 2020-04-06T20:00:26+00:00

Have you watched Ozark? I mean we used to give examples of strong framed men on here a lot but Marty in that show is beyond strong frame. Lessons to take is no matter how bad shit gets you can control how you respond.

SteveSan82 · 2020-04-06T20:07:04+00:00

You identified with a job and not yourself as your source of strength.

You had an LTR way too young when you should never consider one until you are in your mid 30s.

You care that you got cheated and dumped instead of being happy you are no longer with a low value woman who should have been nothing more than a plate.

trppr · 2020-04-07T02:17:15+00:00

Paper tiger,

Easy to burn,

Fall from grace,

Now you learn.

tilleuno · 2020-04-07T04:23:05+00:00

Your ego has lost everything it identifies with.

Now all that is left is your self. Which you may not be familiar with.

You have nothing to hide behind.

True frame and confidence comes not from the masks we wear, but from being absolutely comfortable with yourself, and sure you will be able to handle whatever it is in any situation life brings you. It means being at peace with being completely vulnerable.

Take this as a blessing in disguise.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2020-04-07T04:40:14+00:00

ok bateman

amsterdam_pro · 2020-04-07T05:10:31+00:00

How do you gain your confidence?

You've tied your confidence to things you could lose any second. Try believing in yourself rather than your job.

SevereYam1 · 2020-04-06T21:33:54+00:00

Smoke weed bro, same boat as you weed helps so much gives life meaning

Title	How do I stay in frame when I’ve lost everything?
Author	getthingsoff
Upvotes	46
Comments	53
Date	April 6, 2020 7:31 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/fvucvj/how_do_i_stay_in_frame_when_ive_lost_everything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stay-in-frame-when-ive-lost-everything.360800 https://theredarchive.com/post/360800

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