How do I stop being so beta and getting feelings for a girl so quickly?

FireDrillem · 2018-12-05T03:54:45+00:00

It’s ok to catch feelings. Just don’t allow them to catch YOU. It’s not that Real Men don’t feel, it’s more like Real Men act on reason and logic above and beyond feelings.

Your turn is over and now it’s his turn again. Don’t wait in line, go get on another ride. Pussy has absolutely no power over you when your feelings for it aren’t attached to a oneitis.

This is why it’s so important to get this area of your life handled. It’s not the notches on your belt. It’s the coming to terms with YOUR power and seeing hers for what it is. A woman’s power is given to her, yours is earned.

Azurefatejay · 2018-12-05T04:32:26+00:00

You are attaching yourself to things outside of your control. Take pride that you fucked this girl. Meet other women. Lift.

bigdale001 · 2018-12-05T07:57:56+00:00

You were the rebound. Women do not care about you. They either want to get laid or look for a provider, be the guy that she wants to fuck. You need to keep a rotation and you will stop catching feelings so easily.

Skantulsa · 2018-12-05T03:40:25+00:00

You've known this girl 6 weeks at most? Sounds like Oneitis already. You should be dating several girls, plating.

"She told me she was extremely attracted to me." - watch their actions, not what they say

Don't use your friend as a go-between. That is super beta. Move on.

As far as "getting feelings" too quickly, I am sorry to say, but you got played. Let it harden you enough to be resilient. No need to be bitter, just be OI and move on. If she falls that easily again for someone who treated her like $hit you will never be able to trust her.

It sounds like you are very young/immature with women. That's okay. Don't get butthurt, just chalk it up to a good lay and a better lesson!

F_Morrison · 2018-12-05T09:17:03+00:00

Have a complete, full, and rich life, be occupied, study, get a hobby, go to the gym, read a book, make your life as full as possible, so instead of having those beta thoughts of “how will our future be” you’ll have “what’s next?” thoughts, she will be a secondary feature instead of the main event, as it should be.

furcryingoutloud · 2018-12-05T08:42:15+00:00

Her bf dumped her about 6 weeks ago over something stupid. She asked for $10 or something. He was cheating on her and it was an excuse for him to leave.

I hate to break it to you but that is all bullshit. $10? Yeah sure.

Look man, any woman will say whatever she feels you need to hear. They try out stories on you or me, or anyone who will listen just to see if they pan out. According to your ost, you didn't even fuck her. You were getting ready to go out on a date.

I'm not gonna call you blue pill because that's not the point here. We all do things we could be embarrassed by at one point or another. The point is to take a step back and learn from this shit. You're first lesson? Stop believing the sounds coming out of mouths. Always look to doubt what they say and keep a keen eye on what they do.

What? You planned to buy her flowers? Learn man, learn. There's a lot in the sidebar, read. Go back to the gym, or start if you haven't already.

juggernaut8 · 2018-12-05T08:46:42+00:00

Develop a stronger sense of self aka develop a stronger frame. Simply pretending to be chad isn't going to do anything. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Think about things like that, develop that idea and you'll stop being such a beta bitch. It will take time.

outfo · 2018-12-05T15:35:00+00:00

We’ve been conditioned by culture to process feelings like a woman: take them seriously, express them, figure out why, resolve the conflicts, etc. Mostly, this ELIMINATES EMOTIONAL TENSION.

You want to learn to love emotional tension. Alphas ratchet up the ET while Betas panic at the first sign of ET and immediatwly start apologizing, explaining, forgiving, justifying ie acting like a woman, to dissipate the tension.

ET is like public speaking - you look awesome when you demonstrate you do not let it bother you.

When your chica got dumped she wanted comfort. You gave it to her. Tension dissapated.

When she tries to get all emotional and steer you into being her supportive girlfriend, you can’t go there without 100% taking yourself out of the fuckspot. BUT, if you handle her differently, she may resist and your inner Beta will be terrified, uncomfortable and crying.

You’re not her sister, mother, therapist, BFF.

If you had fucked her world away, she’d be sucking your dick right now. She’d have laughed in her ex’s face and given him $100 for pushing her to you.

Get the frame right, get on that Alpha track and Alpha mindset. Laarn to love chaos, discomfort, emotional tension.

Corporation_Pull-in · 2018-12-05T09:43:25+00:00

I've been so down since I found out. Thinking I'm not good enough, I can't compare to this douche bag, and then she doesn't care enough about me to even text me back...

There isn't much reason to be so down on yourself. First of all obviously you were good enough to bag her and she admitted she was attracted to you. Second, you can't change things beyond to control: she already had a history with that guy and feelings for him. Third, you're labelling him a "douchebag" - there are no absolutely good or absolutely shitty people in this world. Fourth, you're engaging in mind reading when you assume she doesn't care enough to text you back. Who knows what's really going on in her head? Maybe she did care but the situation is too awkward for her to face so she procrastinated. Finally, you're personalizing the issue by assuming you're responsible for this girl's behaviour towards you. I suggest you read the book Feeling Good by David Burns. It will help you identify the cognitive distortions, some of which I've already named, that are at the root of these negative feelings. It's $5 on Amazon and in my opinion should be sidebar material; it gels strongly with "stoicism".

peacemakerzzz · 2018-12-05T10:53:15+00:00

You’re sad because you got to lay a presumably hot woman who you think is out of your league? My friend, what you’re lacking is self respect and self confidence. Always refer back to your own needs should things go wrong outside your own control. You’re missing the poon? Get busy doing something else, game other women, and later on you’ll realize that chick you just snagged is just one of the many that you have been inside. It all boils down to how you view the situation. Change the mindset and try to look at it from a somewhat rational perspective. Though emotions are a bitch, I guess it may take time to get over that oneitis feeling. The only way to overcome it is by keeping yourself occupied with your mission in life.

CainPrice · 2018-12-05T14:20:43+00:00

The more options you have, the less important any one option is. The more women you date and have sex with, the less likely you are to fall head over heels with some girl who's cute, fun, and fucks you.

Women are fun. But until you've been with a lot of them, it's impossible to really appreciate a woman for who she is. That gets overpowered by your appreciation that she likes you and is fucking you. If the number one draw of a woman for you that makes her unique from other women is that she's interested in you, you're not really knowing her.

cornylamygilbert · 2018-12-05T17:38:38+00:00

There's two main points you need to learn from this as a man in this world.

It was your turn. No recently dumped girl is ever over her last relationship. Any quick hook up with these girls has zero emotional attachment. You are too rookie in your social interactions to know this, thus you should avoid these scenarios at all costs. I say this having done the exact same thing myself
A fuck toy hasn't done anything to earn your feelings. You need to find a foundation in life independent of women.

Everyone involved thought your hook up was going to be casual and fun. And now you're hurt this girl isn't trying to stick around.

You fell too easily and that happens. You need to create some structure in your life that isn't women.

Wanting her back and caring about her responding to texts is needy and not rp.

TLDR: 3 hard rules:
1. no women recently out of a relationship is worth dealing with beyond a causal nsa lay. If you can't be mature about that, avoid it at all costs 2. if you catch feelings easily you need more important shit in your life. Nothing in this sub has ever indicated that sex meant love or feelings. 3. abundance mentality is also a lifestyle. Increase your testosterone so you're less emotional. Oneitis is a man of desperation and scarcity.

You need to forget about this girl. You need to take the success of this lay and get more and increase your social proof and SMV.

This chick will come crawling back. Are you secretly counting on that or thirsty enough to take her back right now if she came to you horned out and naked?

You're too attached. You need everything else going on in life now.

Go workout. Lift hard and run. Tighten up your diet restrictions. You need discipline and challenges right now

karan4644 · 2018-12-05T09:17:32+00:00

It’ll come with practise, more and more reading the TRP material. Mostly fuse yourself with TRP ideology unless you become one with it. It’ll then become your second nature.

trpppp123 · 2018-12-05T11:54:31+00:00

You catch feelings because you lack abundance of hot women. I had the same problem when I was starting out. One date with a hot girl would have me down if I got ghosted. I'm still not where I want to be with abundance but it's definitely a lot more than it used to be, and I don't have this problem anymore. I may still get bummed when I don't hear from a girl that I really good chemistry with but it's usually a day at max and I move on pretty quick. It's ok to work through those feelings, just don't dwell forever.

I'm starting to see it as a process now. You put as many girls as you can through your funnel as you can. Some won't give you the time of day to talk. Some will fall out before you meet. Some will fall out after the first date. Some will fall out after the second, third, etc. Some after sex. Some after an LTR. Your job as a man is to keep putting more girls through your funnel while the others are in the process.

screechhater · 2018-12-05T12:07:21+00:00

Actually dude, good job.

Plate that cunt. This is good indication as to where you fucked uonand got too invested, isolate, escalate, fuck, radio silent, contact, meet. Repeat. No investment.

This. Is. What. Investment Does.

cptgoatsack · 2018-12-05T12:34:36+00:00

You shouldn't feel bad, you got laid after all. Always try to have several girls on the go at the same time, this massively reduces the chances of you catching oneitis plus you will give off more abundance mentality vibes keeping all the girls interested.

lostdog1 · 2018-12-05T18:48:26+00:00

Recognize what this was, process it, and move on. She was cheated on, her inner cavewoman needed security, and you were the next available, attractive and put together male. She gave it up to you, and the alpha came back and she reverted back to him. It’s ok to catch feelz, but there are millions of cavewomen out there. She got temporary security from you, that’s it. As a previous reply said, it was “your turn” Move on, you got this.

Shyrk · 2018-12-05T19:23:12+00:00

Feels happen. This whole process is about struggling to reach the point where you can consistently and intelligently make good choices despite what feels may tell you.

Besides that, when you eventually stop giving a fuck about having gotten the next “notch count,” you’ll realize you’ve made another big step.

jaw8625 · 2018-12-05T20:04:02+00:00

Try to nip this in the bud now. I'm 30 years old and no matter how many thots ive slain - I can still end up meeting that oneitis and have a beta breakdown over it. It happened to me all the time in high school cause I was beta AF - and since I learned some game (actually before TRP existed) through my 20s I could pull chicks effortlessly but at least 4 times I caught a oneitis and EVERY SINGLE TIME pushed them away by showing my feelings too quickly, or somehow getting all beta.

It literally just happened to me the past few weeks and I am recovering from it. I am doing a lot of reading on why I act that way. Don't be me and still be having this happen to you at 30

[deleted] · 2018-12-05T20:39:25+00:00

You need other women in your life. The more you have the less it affects you when one drops.

Title	How do I stop being so beta and getting feelings for a girl so quickly?
Author	bearsonabus112288
Upvotes	32
Comments	34
Date	December 5, 2018 3:06 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a384jg/how_do_i_stop_being_so_beta_and_getting_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-being-so-beta-and-getting-feelings.69804 https://theredarchive.com/post/69804

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