Real talk, does anybody else feel like a fish out of water trying to approach girls in person?

Final_Pantasy · 2019-10-23T20:45:06+00:00

Oneitis in the club. LMAO.

Assuming you are in Asia. I had the same experience. Learn some of the local language and your confidence and game will skyrocket. My opener was just "What's your name?" and they'd tell me and say wow how did you learn the language blah blah. I was conversationally fluent, so I could reply to their questions, but they were all the same so you learn some basics and it's easy.

90% of the time, girls in Asia won't approach because they aren't confident in their English skills, so if you can get past that, they would do 99% of the work. Literally, just ask them their name in the local language and watch how far it goes, even if that is all you can say.

hiem3w · 2019-10-23T18:49:44+00:00

If you want to approach you approach. Put yourself on the spot.

Ask for directions, tell her her dress is pretty, better than staring her down and not doing anything about it.

Worst case scenario, you make yourself look like a goon in front of some girl. Everyone will forget in 5 mins.

Idk how to help with the club scene, I hate it for the same reasons as you. It’s easier to hold a conversation when you’re both working on the same things.

Ie asking for directions helps when you’re both heading the same way

If she’s at a table eating, ask to sit with her and eat something too..

If you’re not going in the same direction, you just need enough to pique her interest and get her number to set up logistics somewhere else.

“Hi I’m __________, I’m in a rush but I thought you were really pretty and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to say hi”

Ask where she’s headed, what she’s up to today, that she’s cool and if you can get her number or meet up later that day.

When I was working on cold approaches, I found it really easy to strike up conversations with random girls on the bus to/from school as we’re both stuck there and it’s a good amount of time to learn enough about whether you want her number or not.

Then I started focusing on school, work, gym and haven’t had much time to work on my game since then but if I were to start working on it today that’s where I would start.

MusicSports · 2019-10-23T18:45:08+00:00

Just go up to her and say hi or something. Don't signal for her to come over. Just go say something.

I lived in a foreign country with friends where we didn't speak the language. Still pulled because girls dgaf what you say just if you're confident enough in saying something.

Literally go up and say anything. It's not hard or complicated. It gets easier if you keep trying. The first one is the hardest and after that it's way easier.

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-10-23T20:55:30+00:00

I went to a club tonight by myself. I hate clubbing with a passion

Straightaway this is the vibe that you were putting out. That you weren't having a good time and that you have anxiety so that's what you're going to get back

I was eyeing this cute girl the whole night

Almost like you caught a oneitis real fast huh? You were using a sniper rifle. Use a shotgun. Sidebar and Tomassi's books

who was clearly lonely

Great! She wanted someone to talk to her!

But nope, she just glanced at me once or twice and kept dancing by herself.

if a girl in this situation glances at you smile and give her a little wave and if she smiles back or even better smiles and waves back that is a green light to go over and talk to her.

But she was with her friend 100% of the time, and if I have trouble approaching one girl, how the fuck am I supposed to approach two of them at once?

Have you ever heard of wingmen? Women do this too. They have the friend there to break the ice or save them from situations they don't like. Go talk to them.

So if I can't talk, can't dance, wtf am I supposed to do?

Get better by repetition

hopefully I'll land another Tinder date, cause lord knows I won't be getting any action elsewhere.

If you truly believe that then it's certain to come true.

paul_ernst · 2019-10-23T20:23:19+00:00

From strangers to sex is a marathon, not a sprint. If you gonna start by staring at a stranger and wonder how you can get her to like you, her to open up to you, get her number and eventually fuck her, you're thinking wwwaaaay to far ahead and you're setting yourself up to falter, plastic smiles and walking home alone.

Start with the basics. Stop focussing on fucking them, but on the bare basics. First, focus solely on that approach. I don't care if you ruin it three seconds in, that's not important because the first important thing is to approach. Jup at first you'll ask for directions. Probably 20 times. Then you're gonna grow bored of that and ask the next one what she's doing here. And as you grow out of that anxiety of that first step and understand that there are many girls out there that really want to be talked to, you become more talkative. You'll still fuck up a lot, make things awkward etc, but that's ok. The important thing is you'll realise that not talking to them and standing there at your table staring at a girl who's clearly bored, is at times a lot more awkward than going over there and have a three minute conversation.

Mystery's advice I believe is still gold: if you want to become acquainted with hot girls, the first thing you must do is disqualify yourself from being considered a potential suitor. It's so counter-intuitive and unexpected that she'll gladly talk to you. If you waver, struggle with words, what do you communicate? That you want to qualify yourself to be considered as a future fuck. Don't. Stop qualifying yourself. Start with the basics. For instance, at first, be honest. Tell them 'hey I hate that our culture is cold and it's hard to meet new people so I decided to talk to at least one stranger every time I go out'. You'll see how many girls will love you for the balls that it takes to be honest and open about shit like that.

Start small. Your night is a success if you opened up to at least one girl (to start with). Also, many girls come in groups. And mostly they're a lot easier to approach when they are in group than when they're alone. Just talk to both of them. You're not qualifying yourself for sex remember. You're just there to say hi and meet new people.

TreatYouLikeAQuean · 2019-10-23T22:17:31+00:00

Check out the 5 second rule about hesitation. The moment you hesitate is the moment your brain asks "hold on is this a dangerous situation?" and it begins to spiral downward from there with second guessing and over-analyzing. Our evolutionary biology once valued hesitation because it kept us alive, but in modern society it often stops us from doing what we want or acting confidently on our impulses. If you have a thought to perform an action like approach a hot girl or speak up in a meeting, you can't hesitate or your neuro-programming will work against you because the fact that you hesitated labeled the situation as potentially dangerous. Understand?

Also, u/MusicSports has a solid answer IMO. You can't have a planned spiel every time, you want appear genuine.

thrwy75479 · 2019-10-23T22:54:48+00:00

The real problem is I don't know wtf to do. I don't know wtf to say.

You know.

Think back to your childhood, recall how you were. Use those memories as inspiration to reignite your inner child. Let him guide you.

Lateralanouncer · 2019-10-23T21:46:20+00:00

I view it as a sport. Just like fishing. Have fun and enjoy yourself.

DiosJ · 2019-10-23T19:17:00+00:00

In the club: 1. introduce yourself 2. invite her for a drink 3. have a conversation with her 4. if there is a connection go dance with her 5. escalate at the dance floor or try to get her home

We_Broke_Up · 2019-10-23T21:58:59+00:00

Fuck all that PUA bullshit. I have the same issue. I found these and I'm going to try them and I think they might help you too. I've watched a fuck ton of videos on theory and inner game and honestly fuck the sidebar. Read these two things and imo these will be basic enough for you to figure out the rest of the shit on your own or become pro if you want later once you get your feet wet and see success. To summarize it you need to reach the state of not giving a fuck to the point where there is no filter or fear. Think of a time when you were so drunk or your brain was so empty that you pissed in the middle of the street or walked through a drive-thru because you were hungry and thinking it was perfectly reasonable. That level of not giving a fuck but with the empathy to boot.

How to become the prize: http://archive.is/ZM7zX

Level 99 dgaf: http://archive.is/Zg0gk#selection-2575.5-2575.282

Something I noticed is that you spend 1000 hours looking for the perfect approach only to realize that if you embarrassed yourself 50-100 times over let's say 2-3 months you will naturally pick up on what works. Even if you pause and don't know what to say, you'll build up social tolerance to be able to stay calm and then build frame by saying w.e the fuck u want and people will bend to that imo.

thenewyorkmind · 2019-10-23T18:40:21+00:00

Yeah, I can’t bring myself to cold approach a woman at all. I’ll get IOIs when I’m out but I just don’t see how I could go up to a woman without looking thirsty.

Crixusgannicus · 2019-10-23T23:14:02+00:00

Your weakness/pain/whatever comes from giving a shit about the outcome. Specifically whether or not ONE girl in ONE moment in your life out of MILLIONS of moments, accepts you or not.

Do this instead. Go forth with the intent of enjoying YOURSELF in any interaction no matter what SHE does or how she reacts.

There's a saying from business regarding negotiations. He who cares the least WINS.

Works the same when you making a deal for some puss...or whatever.

FieldLine · 2019-10-24T02:34:50+00:00

wtf am I supposed to do? Ask for directions? Tell her I like her dress? Bother her while she's eating and ask to eat with her? Fuck if I know.

Whatever pops into your head. Seriously. You know that inner monologue that's always running? Verbalize it in her direction.

PUA lines are autistic as hell, but so is specifically NOT complimenting a girl because you read on some blog that it turns her off.

Yeah, don't overdo it, but telling a girl you like her boots or whatever because you actually think they look good is better than sitting on the sidelines waiting for something to happen like everyone else in the world.

i-am-the-prize · 2019-10-23T20:27:03+00:00

I do, but without any specific outcome in mind. I do not push for a number or snap. I just make contact, and make conversation.

If she was a dude, at the gym, at Starbucks, would you NEED his number to make the interaction a 'success'? no, you'd talk about whatever you wanted to talk about (the sports team on the screen, the brand of surfboard on his t-shirt, whatever). take the pressure off and talk/chat. if there is chemistry and IOI's then escalate. If not, who cares, "good chatting, see you around!" with a big smile.

Appex1 · 2019-10-23T23:01:38+00:00

I'm also a white guy in a 3rd world country right now. And your post resonates with me like I'd written it myself. Have you tried to read the book Models? If not, try it.

I know how frustrating it can be to stand there without knowing wtf to say. You probably think you need to have an arsenal of pick up lines and witty openers to pick up girls. The case is that girls don't even care what you say, as long as it comes from within and not something you've read or heard somewhere.

Next time you see a girl and don't know what to say, try to tell it to her. Say something like: "hey, you just caught my attention, but I really don't have a witty pick-up line to blow off. But you wanna hang out some time?" She might laugh, she might get weirded out, she might think you're a loser, but who cares? In the end it's a win-win situation for you. You broke the ice, and you did what you could to get her. Simply try to be completely honest and say what you think and feel, even though it might come off as autistic or loser-like. All the best!

__TheDon__ · 2019-10-23T23:51:16+00:00

“Rejection is better than regret.”

Always keep that phrase in mind when you see an attractive girl.

PickUpScientist · 2019-10-23T20:27:59+00:00

out of curiosity, do you get along with your mom?

SeasonedRP · 2019-10-23T22:26:13+00:00

Practice talking to people you don't know and don't limit it to women. Learn how to make a funny remark to people based on your surroundings. Don't put any pressure on yourself. Just get used to looking for openings to make conversation. If it's awkward, who cares, the interaction will be over soon. It gets easier to do as you get older, but that certainly isn't a requisite for getting good at it. Practice, practice, practice.

youcantdenythat · 2019-10-23T23:12:47+00:00

That book named bang by rooshv is easy to find on amazon or whatever walks you step by step. it's a little dated but it will get you started. yeah, start by going and saying hi, then ask her some questions like what does she do for fun and stuff. at some point take her by the hand and dance with her, some other time take her by the hand outside to get some air and chat and kino. get used to taking her by the hand and pulling her places.

whats the worst that can happen? she tells you to fuck off? so what, there's a million more chicks just like her.

believe me, it feels better to try and fail then to never try. not having the balls to even try feels real bad man.

if she rejects you you won't even care because you walked over there and had the balls to say something.

Estrogenoxygen · 2019-10-23T23:16:53+00:00

Went to a club you hate clubbing. Dude go somewhere you’ll meet girls you actually want. Imagine you do meet a bad chick clubbing. She’s still going to be a clubber, something you hate as you stated. Why?

fartt123 · 2019-10-23T23:30:40+00:00

yep I'll approach but that hesitation of not being to approach sometimes eat me from inside. I approach but fuck sometimes I just can't approach.

Distractingyou · 2019-10-24T01:25:13+00:00

Approaching takes balls you will get there me it took me like 1 month.

Kn31 · 2019-10-24T01:48:02+00:00

The first 20/30 times hell ya After 50 was ok 100 it was easy Ow over 300 it's literally like breathing. I don't think

Hydrakeen · 2019-10-24T01:48:18+00:00

Yep. Nothing like over thinking something to make it even more difficult. Just go up and fail a few dozen times with no expectations and eventually you will get better.

You suck at everything you havent practiced. That's life. Go fix it.

owenooimw7 · 2019-10-24T01:56:16+00:00

Analysis paralysis bro. Just go and talk to her, think to yourself what’s the worse that can happen? Literally nothing, but the trade off is you might be able to score a cute one. Evaluate it yourself

Andgelyo · 2019-10-24T02:48:54+00:00

Hey man, I’m 29 and started to approach girls with a bunch of my friends a few months ago. IT’S HARD. The biggest problem is you being inside your god damn head so much. Take a deep breath and then....just do it. I admit, I get even more nervous when other people are around because I don’t want to be viewed as a creep. I’m still learning, typically I wait until the coast is clear and approach her (or two of them).

Go up and just introduce yourself. Within the first few seconds you will automatically know if she’s feeling you or not based on her eye contact and body language. Say something like “ Hi, my name is Andgelyo and just wanted to come up and talk to you” . Then just take it from there. Ask her about herself and where she’s from and etc. Then after a few minutes close the deal by getting her number.

I’ll give you a tip on what I used to make friends with strangers during college.:Talk to her like was she’s already your friend. That way it takes pressure off of the conversation.

Not all of it is going to work. You’ll get rejected and some girls will be complete fucking bitches about strangers tryna to talk to them. But occasionally you will get a number. It’s all a numbers game. Good luck bro

send_it_for_the_boys · 2019-10-24T04:39:34+00:00

I saw somebody put this on here awhile ago. Think about the worst case and the best case scenario of said situation “approaching the girl”. Thenn you can analyze the options you have on what to do in the situation and aim for the one that you would think leads to the best case scenario. now the worst case she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to talk to you...okkkk who cares??? You’re going to live another day and be able to talk to many more women. Best case scenario she likes you, you have a great time the end. Another thing if you hate clubbing then don’t go clubbing because you’re going to have in your mind while you’re there that you don’t want to be there that’s going to give you negative energy.

josh_e_pants · 2019-10-24T05:09:36+00:00

I don't understand the whole approach thing... If I have something to say, I say it. I talk to them like they're another human instead of letting their beauty distort reality.

EdvardMunch · 2019-10-24T05:10:22+00:00

You know... its different wherever you go. Not something TRP often discusses is location and context.

I destroyed in college towns, but in midwestern cities things are played slower and LTR are far more common as the interactions are far less. People in these places might move to a big city and be like "wtf, I could be with all these people and a LTR holds me back".

Yes many same principles apply but we have to consider most humans are directed by resource, basic needs. Smaller cities are all shitting where you eat.

Also clubs are terrible. Again ive been dubbed the king by friends and I cant get ass in trashy young people clubs. Go to a grocery store, coffee shop, somewhere that doesnt already make you look desperate and looking for ass.

RaidenDark · 2019-10-24T06:58:26+00:00

Just do it. Think about what to say after saying hi. Maybe you'll get lucky and won't have to because she'll say something first. Hell, "I don't know what else to say, I just wanted to say hi" is better than sitting on your ass, and at least you'll build some confidence in your ability to make your gums flap in front of strangers. Treat is as practice, and do not back down. Let her leave if she really doesn't like it, don't make that assumption for her.

You really just have to do it. There's no secret. Practice practice practice, just like literally any worthwhile skill to have. None of us are naturals, anyone that says they are just can't remember their practice period because they were attention whoring toddlers or something and got it down during single digit ages.

Due to reasons I won't get into, I'm not on the market. I still approach, just to make sure I still have that skill when I'll be needing it again. It's a skill. Develop it.

FereallyRed · 2019-10-23T19:46:05+00:00

Fuck off with the poor me pity party.

This is NOT a "safespace".

You are an excuse generator looking for confirmation and validation.

Concern trolling.

It's pathetic to see how fast your hamster is tapdancing because you're afraid to talk to a girl.

VigilantSmartbomb · 2019-10-23T22:54:49+00:00

You go and wiggle your butt! Lol just float into the vibe

mayoayox · 2019-10-24T01:56:43+00:00

Yeah dude. Girls make guys self-conscious.

Hemingwinehouse · 2019-10-24T06:40:29+00:00

Let's admit it, Tinder/club approach is alright but street approach is immense cringe unless you look THAT good. Maybe it's just an American thing, but european women (in many countries especially on North) will think of you of some maniac/weirdo, it's really out of place.

Domkustos · 2019-10-24T07:03:23+00:00

I think people have already gave you pointers. What I want to add is,

What you say doesn’t really matter at all. Most of the talk is done by subtler signaling mechanisms in our brains. You can literally blurt garbage and she’ll still reciprocate if she’s interested. She has already judged you. So, just be yourself, and approach if you think she’s interesting. And don’t worry about what to say. You’ll figure shit out on the fly.

iteal · 2019-10-24T14:41:38+00:00

I went to a club tonight by myself. I hate clubbing with a passion

I never understood the reason to pull girls in night clubs. I hate clubbing, too. So I just don't go clubbing. Easy. Go do something that's fun for you and your automatically in the zone. Look for women while you walk through the city or something. According to my friends who go clubbing frequently, they don't really enjoy the sex with the club chicks.

riad_thunderbolt · 2019-11-07T15:24:43+00:00

What country you in? also Being foreign is a big advantage

empatheticapathetic · 2019-10-23T20:05:39+00:00

Weird you're able to fuck plenty of girls off tinder but get approach anxiety in a club. You're already fucking girls, so this shit shouldn't mean anything. Why would you even care if you have the abundance you say you do?

Savior1666 · 2019-10-23T23:01:55+00:00

> I know this is TRP and approaching in person is the holy grail of chasing women around these parts.

No. The Holy Grail is lifting.

> I've been here like a year, I know all the theory in this sub. Have read all the sidebar.

Have you been lifting for a year? Two years? FIVE YEARS? No? Well. . . .?

First of all, you're in your head way too much. Second of all you need to think of this as a momentum thing. You say you do well on Tinder. Here's what you can do if that's the case:

Take a couple months, and just . . INNUNDATE yourself in pussy. so work tinder till you have a OVER Abundance of girls. THEN go out and talk to women. I guarantee you that you won't feel like a fish out of water.

IcyBear7 · 2019-10-23T19:10:58+00:00

LMAO

Title	Real talk, does anybody else feel like a fish out of water trying to approach girls in person?
Author	paprikk
Upvotes	126
Comments	82
Date	October 23, 2019 6:11 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dm373u/real_talk_does_anybody_else_feel_like_a_fish_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/real-talk-does-anybody-else-feel-like-a-fish-out.292429 https://theredarchive.com/post/292429

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