Why am I so content with being an underachiever?

Kiwikeeper · 2020-05-21T16:10:28+00:00

It has to do with a concept called "self image".

Basically, how you see yourself in your head makes you behave in the real world in a way that makes that vision come true.

This is also the principle behind "fake it til you make it", because behaving in a certain way will slowly change your idea of yourself, your self image.

You are content with your life because it reflects what you (subconsciously) think you deserve.

How to change that? Get good. Start something new, a hobby, an art form, a workout plan. Do it for pleasure. The key is that to be "successful" is a skill in itself, and by training it on things you enjoy, you'll eventually be able to employ it also on more boring things like career, money, life goals etc.

But as a first step you should focus on getting good at something you enjoy, and take pride in your ability.

Hope this was helpful friend, feel free to ask questions.

ivanbxng · 2020-05-21T17:07:17+00:00

Everyone has their own thing. Sometimes there’s this level of calmness that you get from not caring that much. I’ve had both and let me tell you, just being content did wonders for my mental health. But last 2 weeks I started feeling like I wasn’t doing anything and now I’m just working every single day to achieve my goals. But let me tell you something, it has been stressing me and sometimes when I don’t give it my 110% I feel ashamed. So don’t worry bro, I think every stage that you go through has it’s benefits.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2020-05-21T17:30:09+00:00

Because failing because you didn't try is easy. Putting in your best effort and failing hurts the ego.

Prescription: Stop being a pussy and go kick ass.

AncientDragons · 2020-05-21T18:30:45+00:00

What does “underachiever” mean to you? Maybe you’re just not motivated by the traditional goals society defines as “success.” There are many ways you can live an excellent, satisfying life. There are people who forego material success and wealth to study martial arts, or to travel, or to have free time to have a rich and satisfying set of hobbies. Some people focus their energy on music or art or photography and don’t give two shits about having a six-figure job or being an entrepreneur.

What do you value? What do you enjoy? What makes you truly feel alive and connects you to the world?

cphpc · 2020-05-21T17:04:25+00:00

“Young” is key here. When friends around you start rising up in status, you’ll start feeling more and more like shit. Sure, you might still be content but theres smthing inside you that will subconsciously think you’re a loser and the thought will only grow. Now I am arnd mid-high tier in this rat race but I can see it in the eyes of my underachieving friends from high school. It’s nature.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2020-05-21T16:27:35+00:00

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Don_Draper27 · 2020-05-21T18:15:05+00:00

From my experience and coming across other experienced men who acknowledge this, the “magic” age is 25 for men.

At age 25 is when our brains finish developing so it makes sense that this is when we “start” our long term lives. I’m 25 now, turning 26 next month and this age has been the most improving and rewarding time of my life. Like the things I want in life are so singular and the “how” is so much simpler and clearer. Like, I know my purpose in life, I know what my goals are, I know which goals are a bigger priority to me than the others. I know what is essential in my life and can feel content if I only have these things but I also know what I want to have and I feel joy and happiness at the PROCESS of working towards these things, and not just waiting until I achieve them.

The best advice I can give is to get out in the world and experience things. Experience new people, new surroundings, new music and styles. Try everything and let yourself make mistakes. I have more embarrassing moments in the last few years than I’d like to admit but I learn the most from them.

I’ve also come across multiple times that a man is in his prime in his mid to late 30’s and I am extremely excited for that. My life is pretty good right now and if this isn’t even the best part in my male life then that is pretty amazing, right?

deezkneezplease · 2020-05-21T20:41:01+00:00

cuz its easy, duh. improving anything about yourself usually entails a little or a lot of pain or somewhere in-between.

i'm moving out of my mom's house pretty soon for college. im going from lots of privacy and space in a nice middle-class house to a tiny 6 person college dorm.

is it going to suck a little bit? hell yeah

am i going to be a better version of myself afterwards? also hell yeah

robot3000_01 · 2020-05-21T19:37:10+00:00

It's because the juice isn't worth the squeeze anymore.

Women are entitled, real wage stagnation, inflation to your currency, inflation to your SMV and RMV as a man , prices of property through the roof.

All the main things give a man purpose whether it be career, love and relationships are increasingly becoming harder to get.

Whisper · 2020-05-21T19:41:02+00:00

Underachiever at what?

skuttt · 2020-05-21T17:38:00+00:00

I assume you are here because you want women but also have no ambition. Well fuck you, you need ambition to get women. Cut your balls off or work. “There’s no motivator like pussy” is an allegory for a reason.

JarHeadJoseph · 2020-05-21T18:11:52+00:00

I was this way until I got my testosterone in order.

Velebit · 2020-05-21T18:52:16+00:00

Most very driven and ambitious people were raised in a strick and status seeking families. For example Hitler and Stalin were given abundant busywork and both were profusely beaten for failure and indoctrinated into believing that being useful to society is the highest goal.

That trauma and indoctrination made their brains asociate lack of business, hardiness and achievement with humiliation, shame and physical trauma. Simply put, when you raise kids that way they either break mentally or they become hard as a rock and utterly ambitious. Their ideologies only came along later. Stalin, for example was into it so much that he would eliminate people who were not showing excellence simply because they didn't have a good work ethic and would go behind on deadlines.

You will find most very driven people, especially those who have massive outputs were raised in a very specific (traditional, like 19th century rags to riches mentality).

Most complacent people are raised by half present parents who have values of humane and lax approach to life, stress avoidance and individualism. The kind of parents who would say something like 'not my fault he does not want to help around the house' or 'as long as he is happy'.

Fucking wrong!

VigilantSmartbomb · 2020-05-21T22:13:24+00:00

It could be because capitalism has started to erode meaning from what we traditionally derive meaning from outside of the complex that drives us to rise in the social dominance hierarchy.

“What money can’t buy” by sandel is a good book that addresses this

I feel you, but in the least could be bezos and actually do somethingp

Rkingpin · 2020-05-21T17:19:31+00:00

Sex drive is energy

Stop wasting your seed

Huntbutt · 2020-05-21T17:43:36+00:00

compare yourself to others and realize how bad your fucking up

(i know ppl say to never "compare yourself to others" but what the fuck do they know? if your underachieving then compare and take action . this is what led me to study hard etc )

thiikn · 2020-05-21T18:09:23+00:00

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LegendarySuperSalsa · 2020-05-21T18:31:37+00:00

“I am for doing good to the poor, but...I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it. I observed...that the more public provisions were made for the poor, the less they provided for themselves, and of course became poorer. And, on the contrary, the less was done for them, the more they did for themselves, and became richer.” - Benjamin Franklin

If you are content with your life, ie it’s not good but it’s not bad, what motivation is there to better yourself besides your own motivation?

mrrooftops · 2020-05-21T19:14:49+00:00

because it's easier to underachieve. that's why. you're lazy

PreEntertain · 2020-05-21T19:18:00+00:00

I also hit the top. My friends wish they were me, and had my women.

Celebrate until you aren't at the top, and then fuck bitches while you climb and slaughter anyone who gets in your way

embar5 · 2020-05-21T19:53:57+00:00

Achievement has been sold as a good trait by society. You don't buy into the idea that machines are higher than men. Good for you

agjrpsl · 2020-05-21T20:45:45+00:00

There's nothing like failing upward. Just look at Trump. Find something your interested in and get good at it. Put in the time and effort to learn everything you can about it.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2020-05-21T20:54:24+00:00

So don't.

Long as you don't go mooching off taxpayer money, nobody cares if you waste your life or not.

Was there actually a question here?

AA7 · 2020-05-21T21:00:02+00:00

Maybe you have low test or need a dopamine reset

alphakari · 2020-05-21T22:07:25+00:00

My take on this is you probably have loser friends (Assuming you have friends at all.) If all your friends were overachievers, and you were at the bottom of that hierarchy, I don't think you'd be as content.

It's easy to underachieve when you're insulated from the social consequences of being at the bottom of the pack. An ugly person cares most about how ugly they are when they contemplate going outside.

comcain · 2020-05-21T22:39:46+00:00

You might have low grade depression. It couldn't hurt to get a physical, and bloodwork. Get your test levels checked.

Hope the doctor's offices in your country have opened.

Cheers

Snowboard18 · 2020-05-22T01:08:59+00:00

I was in the same boat for a long time. I think it was just my personality type, you really have to push yourself because no one else is going to.

gbnz87 · 2020-05-22T04:15:35+00:00

You just need to find something and you will. I never pushed career hard but I've always been all in on sport and health and fitness. I have gotten really into dancing and learning French after my basketball and indoor soccer teams disbanded. Even when I was 18-25 I was all in on video games.

You don't have to be best in the world or it doesn't need to be a money making thing but just something that you look forward to and want to get better at. There is way too much pressure for everyone to find their passion and to devote their life to it. Just experience as many different things as you can and you will find something you will want to focus on. I would of laughed at you if you told me 2 years ago I would be into dancing, just give everything a shot and most of these things offer free classes so you don't have much excuse.

Azora · 2020-05-22T06:42:14+00:00

Being a male and not achieving anything is a good recipe for depression.

Velebit · 2020-05-21T17:38:00+00:00

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dusara217 · 2020-05-21T18:26:37+00:00

Okay, so to begin with, it sounds like you might be low in a trait called conscientiousness. What this means is that you are probably biologically programmed to not be very ambitious or hard working. This is completely okay, because all that it means is that you have to learn how to work around it. There are a few ways to work around this, one of them being to find something you enjoy that adds value to your life, and do that. The other things is: never get bored. Some people can do one thing for 9 hours and never get bored. The thing is that most people just can't do that, and have to use up willpower to do things that bore them. Thus, if you aren't naturally a hard worker, you will always struggle to do things that you don't want to do. The solution? Find 5 things you really like doing that add value to your life, and cycle between those five things whenever you get bored with one of them.

As an example, let's say that you spent the next month exploring a whole bunch of different things that can add value to your life, maybe 5 things every week (one per weekday). Out of those 20 things you explored over the course of the month, you liked 5 of them. Okay, now structure your free time around those 5 things. Let's say that you're kind of nerdy but also a physical kind of guy, so you end up liking dancing, rock climbing, reading mystery novels, and writing. Okay, now structure your free time around those things that you like. Don't get bored. You get home from work, and you read a mystery novel that you downloaded onto your computer for free. There's a dance studio in town that offers group dance classes relatively cheaply every monday and thursday, so you do that every monday and thursday evening. On the weekends, you go rock climbing because it's fun. Whenever you don't feel like reading, you work on a short story. Let's say that since you're a nerd, you also like playing video games. Okay, so how do we work that in? It's simple - when you get bored of reading or writing, you go play video games. But the video games come second, after you get bored of whatever adds value to your life.

As you keep exploring and finding more things that add value to your life, you will slowly learn more useful skills that you enjoy. You might say - but dusara, dancing and mystery novels aren't useful! How is dancing going to make me money? How do mystery novels help me be better? The answer to that is that they are useful as you make of them. Dancing can help you become better coordinated and improve your social skills if you use it as an opportunity to do so. Mystery novels can become an opportunity to get better at language skills and solving puzzles. Most skills are like this - they are valuable if you learn how to make them valuable. Can something like video games add value to your life? Yes, if kept in check. The problem with video games is that they're usually something that is only fun and rarely do they add value to you as a person. Your skill at League of Legends will never get you laid or land you a job unless you're in the top one percent of one percent of one percent of players. Very few people get anything other than lost time out of video games, which is okay so long as they don't suck up all of your free time - use them as a tool to de-stress, not as a place to live in other than reality.

tl;dr Willpower is overrated. Hard work is overrated. Find something that is fun and can add value to your life and do that. You will slowly build up skills and become a better person over time by doing what you enjoy as long as the things you enjoy add value to your life.

ttimelessnessess · 2020-05-22T03:47:31+00:00

basically, you need to lift

Title	Why am I so content with being an underachiever?
Author	iVablu
Upvotes	92
Comments	92
Date	May 21, 2020 4:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gnzjbn/why_am_i_so_content_with_being_an_underachiever/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-am-i-so-content-with-being-an-underachiever.666166 https://theredarchive.com/post/666166

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