Younger trp readers, does anyone else feel like your mother is holding you back from growing?

redditrampage · 2017-04-11T09:42:33+00:00

I'm not "younger", but I did realize this year after a lot of rep pill learning that my mom is a terrible enabler and is codependent as fuck. I love her, but I need space. Set boundaries is my recommendation.

junior_painkiller · 2017-04-11T09:58:18+00:00

I have to say a lot on this matter.

I'm 24 y.o. right now. My parents divorced when I was on the top of my puberty because they were constantly arguing about me, my behaviour (though i was good at school), mom was angry on dad cause he did not earn enough and dad could not set boundaries and is a full beta. Though i'm grateful that my parents gave me a decent education and invested a lot into me - they always taught me to be be a "nice guy". They still try to do this when we meet but now i can filter the bullshit. By the age of 18-19 i started to realize something is wrong. The way i do stuff just does not work out for me. These 5 years were difficult for me and i went thruogh the stages of denial, anger, acceptance.. And finally i started changing myself. Completely changing my mind on people around me, my friends, my job, girls. Going back to the parents - the MOST IMPORTANT step was to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR PLACE. The changes occured immediately. You have more time to think, you are not under pressure anymore you start analyzing your actions without anyone's opinion being imposed. You start thinking with your own head. It's very important psychologically. You are not a kid anymore living with your mom. You are a man building your own life. The first year will be difficult. But it will pay you later. Trust me. Move out.

Sorry for eng. not native and a bit in a hurry. Just wanted to cheer you and say that everything is possible. You can put this pressure out of your shoulders

kankouillotte · 2017-04-11T12:03:20+00:00

You know, older guys can have an opinion on this to ... since we probably lived through it !

And yes, the answer is definitely YES. Moms want you to stay a kid forever, and that's why it's important that your father is not a pushover and helps you take off from her the sooner the better.

brinkleybuzz · 2017-04-11T11:43:52+00:00

The only person who can keep you from growing is you.

AWALT applies to mothers too. They'll shit test you and use guilt and shame to try to keep you attached to them. Part of becoming a man is learning how to love your mother without letting her control you or hold you back. In other words, you need to learn how to game your mother too.

PastLifeGypsy · 2017-04-11T15:42:09+00:00

Women are terrible when it comes to raising children. A single mother or a dominant mother coupled with a passive man will do a lot of damage to the psyche of a boy or even a young male.

trprdtor · 2017-04-11T12:40:51+00:00

Yeah, I was unable to fully grow up without moving out. My mother was spoiling me so much that I had no need to ever care about food, money, clothes, etc. I got everything handed to me and I didn't need to put much thought into it. Moving out dramatically changed my life for the better.

InBaggingArea · 2017-04-11T09:31:02+00:00

Yes. But more than that, feminism is stopping you from outgrowing your mother.

Buchloe · 2017-04-11T13:49:26+00:00

Yeah. I'm 33. Parents divorced when I was like 5. Lived with my mom and sister in a two bedroom apartment for about 13 years until the end of high school. Saw my dad on the weekends. I learned a lot of good things from him, skills and ways to approach problems scientifically, but he has never been a super masculine influence. Overworked alcoholic, let his ex-wives run his life.

I truly feel that this situation stunted the fuck out of my growth. I'm an emotional wreck. I have to focus very hard to have stability and routine in my life. I've always felt like I was out of the loop, and literally followed others around to see what I was supposed to do in life.

Trp has helped me a ton. I went the first 19 years of my life never having a girlfriend, being affectionate with a female, or getting laid. And honestly, only here in my thirties have I started progressing at it, and having sex on a regular basis. I've always been good looking, but lacked any confidence. I still need to do better at pushing myself to approach women, but through online dating I've fucked probably 15 new women in the last year alone.

But deep down, it's a huge act for me. Stoicism is a mask I use to try to patch up how much I internally vacillate. It's like, now at least I know the correct action for a lot of situations, and I see it work, but internalizing is taking time. Now, however, there are certain things I KNOW about women that I thought the opposite about for most my life.

Either way, women tend to pick up on my emotional problems after about 6 months. Nothing like being raised by a moody, childish bitch to teach you how to grow into a bitch. But I gotta start taking all the responsibility for it and quit being angry about it.

I used to love my mom a lot. Last ten years or so, I can barely be around her because I've realized I feel constantly responsible for her emotional state, and any slight communication wracks me with guilt and throws me off for the whole day. She did NOT succeed at raising successful, well-adapted adults of her children. I tend to not put any blame on my dad, but it's as much his fault I'm sure.

jay_jay_man · 2017-04-11T12:23:49+00:00

Definitely. I lived with my mother up to the ripe old age of 28 due mostly by financial constraints. The constraints being she was lazy and expected me to provide for her like a husband would despite the fact that she has two university degrees in business and a long career as a bank manager. She's domineering and manipulative, to say the least.

I could tell from the moment I dropped out of college (22 years old) to provide for me and her she starting sabotaging my growth as a man. Even as a blue bill I could sense this. I even confronted her about many of the shit she'd do but make excuses and flat of didn't give an inch. I suspect it was done on an instinctual level to keep me always providing for her while she did absolutely nothing like a husband/wife situation.

After 6 years of this bullshit, not living life, making my mother the center of my world because her wild behaviour demanded, it got so bad that every phone call that came on my phone was some friend of acquaintances of her trying to get in touch with her; I finally had enough and decided to leave without her knowledge. I still keep in touch but she doen't know my address nor will I ever tell her.

It's the best move I've made in many years, I've been able to sleep much better, take care of myself, experience life, experiment, enjoy tons of girls, I even make 5 times the money with half the effort. People who knew me from a decade ago are amazed I look so damn good I look today. This only happened because I separated myself from my mother and limit with physical contact with her to at most, a few minutes per week.

Willow-girl · 2017-04-11T12:24:22+00:00

I know a nice guy who is 35 and has a job watering plants at the mall. Pretty sure his mom has something to do with it ...

NothingIsPermanent64 · 2017-04-11T14:06:07+00:00

Definitely, I'm 16 and living with my single mother.

Everyday is a warzone, fights get created over little matters and she feels the need to complain about practically everything even if she had already complained about it a thousand time, doesn't help that I'm going to be doing my GCSEs in a month and I don't even have my own room (cause suprise we live in a one-bedroom apartment, we're dirt poor cause she doesn't work and somehow my dad got out of paying Child Support so instead the government pays her).

I barely had any social life because I wasn't allowed to even walk to school alone until I was in Year 9 (Grade 8) and the only time I am allowed to be out is for either school or to go to the local grocery shop.

And God Forbid I try to get any independence, all of a sudden I'm then trying to break the house down and leave her forever and move to another country even if I just want to hang out with my friends.

Honestly it reached a point where I'd actually be better off if she died, she's a monster and is no where accepting responsibility of her mistakes.

It's this subreddit that helped me remove the feminity I had. I actually fucking supported her when she would say "all men are bastards" and "the world would be better off without men." And oh, the golden one "Oh NIP64, obviously you're going to do mistake you're, after all, a man at the end of the day.

I really do hope she dies soon, not even moving out will give me the peace and satisfaction. I'll truly be at peace when I see her dead body.

TryhardPantiesON · 2017-04-11T14:43:28+00:00

If any of you feel your parents were codependent of you, please read about covert incest.

SirAttackHelicopter · 2017-04-11T15:53:49+00:00

Looking back on my life now, yes, my entire youth was controlled by my mom. My dad did what he could, influencing as much 'be a man' into my mindset as he could, but even schools are entirely run by women from a motherly point of view. We are seeing more and more men grow up with a girly mindset that it is utterly disturbing to imagine how it is like to grow up as a boy in today's times.

justsomerandomguy94 · 2017-04-11T17:55:30+00:00

deleted

j_arbuckle2012 · 2017-04-11T18:13:08+00:00

She is. Minimize contact until you can stand on your own two feet.

Then set hard boundaries and if she doesnt like it, tough. Its either boundaries or nothing.

She will manipulate you into thinking you are hurting her. You aren't. She is losing her source of narcisstic supply and will do anything and everything in her power to get it back. Use the Grey Rock technique and keep yourself separated from the disturbance. Her crazy isnt your problem.

MaroonPillAccount · 2017-04-11T18:15:56+00:00

Love my mom, but I call her out when she starts to emotionally manipulate to get her way. I basically apply dread in the sense that I only spend a couple weeks a year back home from uni, and I don't want to remember those weeks by her complaining. Works like a fucking charm.

In terms of holding me back... Probably the whole dating advice and such.

We're immigrants from Latin America so my dad raised me pretty redpill but I was a little bitch and didn't always take his advice. Now I'm in college and just applying the maxims he taught me has improved my life significantly.

_xa0s · 2017-04-11T15:01:05+00:00

I'm 17. I really really really feel this way. I'm not allowed to be in a relationship, and my mom is instantly suspicious if she sees me with any girl. It's really intrusive.

I assume my parents' logic is that I should currently focus on my studying instead of girls, which I understand. While I'm living under their roof, I follow their rules and I'm just working on myself. But damn, it's fucking annoying.

11-Eleven-11 · 2017-04-11T16:20:59+00:00

Being young in general is holding me back. I'm 19 living with my parents in an unfinished basement (my room is finished but it's tiny), five people in our small house, house is always a mess and family is always home. Bringing a girl home is impossible. I'm in school right now so I can only work a few hours a week so moving out is impossible. I'm basically stuck until I transfer to a 4 year school.

cursedflame · 2017-04-11T17:33:29+00:00

oh, i'm reading all this baby pampering here. But i'm not getting that at all. my mom wants me to grow, she wants me to move out of the house and wants me to grow up, but i'm currently holding myself back. Ofcourse my mom is showing the basic TRP stuff like she is needing a alpha and stuff. but ofcourse AWALT.

dontaskaboutjack · 2017-04-11T17:55:59+00:00

Recommend checking out Iron John, by Robert Bly - fantastic book.

Leviticus59 · 2017-04-11T19:51:25+00:00

I'm older, way older, but mine most certainly did. Matter of fact, she still treats me like I'm about 9 years old.

Doesn't matter. She probably didn't know any better. Recognize it for what it is, embrace TRP, and move on with your life.

CommanderCumlord · 2017-04-12T03:24:38+00:00

Absolutely. I'm gonna look back at this thread later, but for I am concerned about how I'm going to deal with my parents as they get older.

Older TRP members, what is your advice on dealing with and handling the responsibilities/guilt of older parents. I feel like this will be a major roadblock that will affect my growth at some point in the future.

Title	Younger trp readers, does anyone else feel like your mother is holding you back from growing?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	36
Comments	54
Date	April 11, 2017 9:09 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/64pqop/younger_trp_readers_does_anyone_else_feel_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/younger-trp-readers-does-anyone-else-feel-like.210619 https://theredarchive.com/post/210619

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