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[–]Melodic-Scientist246 points 6 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
How you turned a bad date into a conversation with other 2 cute girls. I mean sime people might have been discouraged and left, but u didnt. Well done!
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject46 points 6 years ago [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
Thanks. Only real shitty part of the day was coming home to find that the hottest girl I'd matched with so far had unmatched. This was after a very flirty back-and-forth a couple of days earlier in which she had agreed with no hesitation to go on a date to an amazing ice cream shop. Fuck
[–]Melodic-Scientist33 points 6 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Look, dont be upset. There are plenty of other girls
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject33 points 6 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
It's so easy to become attached to certain girls as an absolute newbie to the scene of dating in general. Abundance mentality has not been internalized yet.
[–]Melodic-Scientist25 points 6 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I know. When u see i girl u like so much, you think there is no one like her. Thats a complete lie. I have found even better girls dont worry about it
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject1 points 6 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Hmm? Not sure I understand your comment
[–][deleted] 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SmoothPrimal 49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
That's why you always send a confirmation texts the morning of the date. No answer means no date. If they send you a bullshit excuse, you either don't text them for a few weeks/months or you friend-zone them.
For me if it's somewhat a valid excuse, I give them a chance, but with this one I would keep her as a connection (in case she knows people), but won't set up a date with her again there is proof that she is unreliable because my time is valuable .
It's also important to stress when you meet that you are a very busy guy and you value people who value your time implicitly and explicitly. One implicit way I express that is how I set up date. It's a good way to avoid flakes. What I do is to not set a date up if they seem unsure. Again my time/your time is valuable.
It's important to avoid reverse hoops that people make you jump through especially when it comes to commitment. They make men commit while they they don't.
Me: "Hey let's hit the club tonight."
Her: "Okay I maybe, I might have time after such and such." (Making you commit, while she doesn't)
Me: "No thanks, maybe another time."
Her: "Oh wait no, I can go for sure."
Me: "Perfect, does 7:00 PM at X work for you?"
My main principle is not give in to people's bullshit and valuing my time. If may be a hot girl or some sneaky salesman. Smelling bullshit early and keeping yourself from wasting anymore time with them will lead you to bigger better things.
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject12 points 6 years ago [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
That's why you always send a confirmation texts the morning of the date. No answer means no date.
Right on, lesson learned.
In this scenario, the girl asked me out on the date, so there was no question in my mind at the time of whether she would show up.
Somewhat related: I sure as hell wouldn't close on someone who doesn't seem enthusiastic. I've actually unmatched super hot girls when I don't sense chemistry through text. It's not a matter of thinking I'm not attractive enough, it's a matter of me losing interest in them upon being bored by their personality. Looks matter of course and casual sex is supposed to be just that (casual), but I don't want to do it with people I don't fully respect.
[–]insinsins 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
That was a day or two before right? Life moves fast, it's good to just touch base. When someone makes plans with me I assume the possibility it is was something that sounded good or right in the moment. I have had dates (and people trying to escalate from acquaintance/coworker into friends) set up plans with me that I hope will fizz out because they're not reading me well enough and putting the responsibility on me to reject the offer and say I don't want to hang out with them.
I bear some of the responsibility, but I go from disinterested to all respect lost after some one says something like, "hey in 3 days let's grab a drink" with a nebulous sense of it maybe happening and three days later reading a text asking where I am. Not saying you did that. Sounds like she did drink too much the night before. She shouldn't have blamed you at all buuuut with enough experience you will account for this sort of thing when getting ready for a date.
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Are you male or female?
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Edit: I’m a male but I’m curious what you’d say if I were female
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
". I have had dates (and people trying to escalate from acquaintance/coworker into friends) set up plans with me that I hope will fizz out because they're not reading me well enough and putting the responsibility on me to reject the offer and say I don't want to hang out with them."
You make plans with someone, while all the while hoping they will fall through.
You want the other person to be the one to end then attempted escalation.
This is a conflict averse strategy and more typical of female dating methods.
The first one equates to stringing a guy along, because all the signals (like agreeing to the plan) are positive, but then the date will be scrapped for any reason (or none at all). The mismatch between apparent investment levels and actual investment levels is confusing to the recipient and damaging to the recipients ego, as they struggle to understand how they misread your signals.
Male strategy, as preached in this forum, is to assume attraction and proceed with that as the default. So the dates and co-workers in your example are right to initiate, and assume the positive. And right to expect you to speak your mind (kindly) if their assumption is wrong. Although probably not until after your more subtle attempts to pull away from them fail. (E.g. being "busy" every time they make plans)
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My point was less about dates and more about coworkers. I've only had a few "dates" agree to a date for me in my life and I'm sorry, but that's where they went wrong, that's not on me. I don't string anyone along.
You don't know the dynamic of my office and how it would affect me professionally to explicitly tell my coworker I don't want to be friends outside of the office. Maybe my coworker could be a little better at reading people instead of assuming platonic attraction when there is no basis for it. That's a problem I can't really help him with. Then again I have a more feminine approach to my relationships.
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I don'tont know what themis sentence means... "I've only had a few "dates" agree to a date for me in my life..."
But your last sentence nails it. This is just a noticably feminine apprachnto relationships.
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Ironic coming from your post history. Good luck out there
[–]zystyl 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Plan something really easy and lowkey. 30 minutes is my max for first dates off the internet. Coffee or a drink works great. Lots of people stand up or ditch these. You shouldn't feel bad at all. Its most likely not about you.
The whole point is to see they are real before you invest time and money, to make sure that they aren't a psycho, and to get a first impression of physical attraction to decide if you want to keep going or not.
Just keep things low key and be interesting.
[–]severn 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Also want to add that a lot of people don't view these first meet ups as dates at all. Touching and getting comfy is always accepted, I've found, but not always are they in the mindset at that point to want to kiss. Maybe just who I'm matching with but that's my 2 cents
[–]excentrik-art 13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That is great way to turn disappointment into success. Never let it get to you, never accept it as your reality.
I love the way you ditched the girl in the end. That is great self-respect lesson for everyone. Don't let them tread on you
[–]hotrod427 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m glad you turned a shitty situation into a good one and had a good time.
I understand not wanting to “cross that line” with the girl that had a boyfriend, but it might have been a good idea to ask for her number (or the other one) even just to have a tennis partner. Maybe she has some other single friends.
[–]HuskyKansasBoy98 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Heads up, don't take flaked Tinder dates personally. Sometimes shit comes up, and I don't feel like explaining all of it to what is essentially a stranger. It's happened to me, I've done it to women. It's happened to you, and you'll probably do it at one point.
[–]winston_cage 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bravo to you my dude! Way to start my Monday morning off confident, I’m ready to take on another week! Thanks for the story :)
[–]brattyelena 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad the day turned around for you :)
[–]ralf_ 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Stupid question: Can she still read the message if she was unmatched?
[–]DavidBelgium 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Message can not be read after unmatching
No
[–]spenrose22 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always confirm a date the day of and maybe even the night before as well. If they haven’t heard anything from you in 2 days they aren’t going to just show up hoping you’ll be there.
[–]edbanger52 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good job champ
[–]delusional-thomas 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey man, I know how it is being stood up and then next day the girl texts saying she's sorry. I exactly said the same stuff that you told her. Good on you bro. You keep doing what you're doing!
[–]baroquethoughts21 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fuck yes !
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Why would she invite you somewhere then no-show? How rude. Hopefully you got some other matches to weed out the bad ones.
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject2 points 6 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
A couple I was interested in, but the (first) response times from girls is generally pretty slow so no back-and-forth yet.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I matched with 5-10 women one week on tinder but most unmatched after I sent the first message without even a response. I'll never understand women
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well done bro. The chick you matched doesn't know what she missed out on
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]WeTheBest101 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol stop blaming technology, guys peak in their thirties not 20s if you are not having success at 33 you sure as hell wouldnt have any at 20
[–]severn 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm in a pretty similar situation to you, it sounds though like your main issue is location - I assume you aren't in a city based on seeing the same matches multiple times. I AM in a city and I'm not finding relationships, but plenty of dates and some hookups. I don't think you are correct though that "No one looks for 33 year olds on tinder"... what do you have your search age range set to? If it's 18-33 or any smaller portion of that under 30 then you aren't targetting the right demographic. 25-35 is more your speed in my opinion. At 31 I'm doing 22-35 myself, however I've not had nice dates with anyone under 26. I am sure it is possible to have nice dates with them, and I may yet, but the older people are more mature and know what they want.
Also, check out Coffee Meets Bagel, and consider, separately, that over 30, paying for dating sites will get you more results than continuing on with just free services.
[–]alt3r3go99 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wanna see this guy's profile
[–]MuskIsAlien 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is like a big nope from me. If I got a no shoe I go home and cry xd
[–]mr_Tobbor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
While having matches on Tinder with hot 8,9 or 10 and assuming you are a very handsome man then why have you any question about game? Just go and have sex!
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[–]Melodic-Scientist246 points [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject46 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melodic-Scientist33 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject33 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melodic-Scientist25 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SmoothPrimal 49 points50 points51 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject12 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]insinsins 4 points5 points6 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]user20180620 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]insinsins 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zystyl 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]severn 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]excentrik-art 13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]hotrod427 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HuskyKansasBoy98 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]winston_cage 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]brattyelena 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ralf_ 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]DavidBelgium 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]severn 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]edbanger52 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]delusional-thomas 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]baroquethoughts21 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Weird-ass_DIYproject2 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]WeTheBest101 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]severn 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]alt3r3go99 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MuskIsAlien 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mr_Tobbor 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link