Active in dating, getting dates and occasional hookups… but nothing sticks. What am I doing wrong?

FlowingMagic · 2026-03-15T04:33:25+00:00

Hard to pinpoint your actual problem with this text.

It's kind of too self-centered. It's almost all what you think about yourself, or what you perceive them to be.

Maybe list me conversations, details, something objective...

Even thought I cannot pinpoint your problem, for certain u have a problems with boundaries.

No, you're not filtering too hard, you're not filtering enough.

You sleep with a girl you call a 6, you exhaust yourself enduring some toxic bitch for a night.

You need better boundaries. Also helps in dating they feel it, but mostly good for you in general

So, you feel bad =- you mention it =- she continues =- she out, no arguing, no sunk cost fallacy but I invited her already, just done ok bye hve a good night we not a match, need anything before I leave? type

Also your goal is honorable but its too much. Youre analyzing too much. Youre kind of not there, in a way. Just fucking be there, listen to her, look at her, get to know her.

Thats the high value male approach, I am in the process of deciding if I like you or not.

So yeah, instead of going straight to ltr thought patterns, just feel the night with her, you enjoying yourself? she cute? she seems to like you?

Its gonna be not a big deal to turn a date that you have sex with with mutual likings into a ltr.... thats not really a difficult step or anything, maybe it doesnt work for whatever, but if you have at least a good girl that fits your likings and you xan have a good time with its already a better candidate...

So yeah, for sure you should leave earlier with some of these girls you meet, as for ur problem need more info

Also you have a general pua/seduction/analytic vibe. Thats awful. Not fun. Not optimal. and to contrary your beliefs, not very social either.

So yeah drop that shit, and just try to be there as yourself, think less about future outcomes and just the present moment... and how you feel with her/ about her...

Also filter out toxic ones and disinterested ones faster.

Doki_Doki_Doki · 2026-03-15T10:12:51+00:00

dude, you're treating dates like a checklist. focus on quality connections over quantity. listen more than you talk. vibe with them, not just get them. genuine curiosity goes a long way.

PostAvailable9966 · 2026-03-15T05:31:51+00:00

Why you think this is your fault? It is your fault only in chasing the impossible.

The modern world does not train women for relationships. Especially so in the West. It is the equivalent of trying to convince a cat to walk on two legs. It just wont happen.

The demographics you date specifically, i.e. post 35 women with careers, are a ticking time bomb. Their conditioning for years that led them to bad lifestyles is catching up to them. Have you seen a woman having to own up responsibility ? They are fundamentally unstable. Try to date a girl in the 20s and things are easier.

Go for relationships if the opportunity arises, dont chase it as an end.

Mold yourself to fit into a relationship and you might as well loose your character altogether.

macroxela · 2026-03-15T12:51:14+00:00

At the end you said that the path to a LTR is by bringing them home on the first date. Although that can and does work at times, most people will immediately place you in the casual/hookup category if you do that. So you're shooting yourself in the foot by sleeping together so early on. If you truly want a LTR, try not taking them home so early on. Get to know them first while maintaining flirting to maintain romantic and sexual tension. Don't sleep with them until you have a better idea of who they are.

Make it clear early on that you want a LTR and not something casual. Both verbally and with your actions. That means don't fully cave in for any attempts she makes at sleeping with you. Recognize them, playfully tease if you want, and enforce your own boundaries like u/FlowingMagic said.

Dangerous_Item_6879 · 2026-03-15T12:25:11+00:00

Maybe the girls that you like can sense that you really like them. Women are weird. Sounds like you are having success but you are putting too much emphasis on taking the relationship beyond a fling.

Focus on the moment. Stop caring.

Matter_Still · 2026-03-15T20:29:06+00:00

You’re eyeball-deep in seduction culture, which, among other things, is superficial, mercurial, and ephemeral. When it proves to be shallow, unpredictable, and transitory, you are left scratching your head.

“About 5 months ago I went out with a girl I fell for pretty hard. She was beautiful, great energy, amazing sex, and I really liked her vibe. We went out 3 times and then she randomly ghosted me. That one hit harder than I expected.”

Amazing sex? For who? “She randomly ghosted me.” No, just because it’s inexplicable to you, doesn’t mean it’s senseless.

It is interesting, noteworthy, in fact that you describe yourself as “ fit/muscular and attractive… have a good job and own a nice house (+ rental houses.)

Fair enough. But, so what? Where is charming? Empathetic? Romantic? Where is caring, courteous, or sincere? How about understanding, modest, and respectful—all those qualities a man can have who never sets foot in a gym, lives in a studio apartment, and who is commonly plain in appearance.

The fact that you trot out your vitals as if they should be catnip for women suggests to me you see women in a superficial way. And the fact that you can rate them (i.e., “pretty mid”) and yet still sleep with them, despite being essentially unappealing to you, says it all.

You had a shot, perhaps, with someone who was different and yet it was the same dead-end game: get her in bed as soon as humanly possible. And because you are all-in on “game” you had no answers when she balked. No plan b.

I was in the same position with one critical difference: I laid the foundation for friendship if things went south. And they did. We still talked from time-to-time, exchanged Christmas cards, and even met for lunch a few times.

Two years later we started dating again, casually. Just shy of three years we were a couple with all the amazing benefits.

That girl meant something important to you but you didn’t think long-term, which often begins at “Hello”.

That’s your problem. When one comes along who rocks your world, you’ve got to think big picture.

breaktheice7 · 2026-03-15T17:53:03+00:00

“Fake boobs, good job” idk why but I found that part funny haha.

Realwoujo · 2026-03-15T20:40:07+00:00

It's hard to tell what the problem is from your post. I can tell you that one thing that sucks about dating in your 30s and 40s is that a lot of women are damaged so there is a lot of shit testing, power dynamics, and so forth. You can't really control that and your best bet is to quickly filter those girls out.

It also might be, however, that you aren't handling shit tests well. You might be looking for your dream girl, so you get overly miffed when a girl shit tests you. Even though the most damaged girls do not shit test you all night so you might be doing something wrong there.

Other than that, you might be making the same mistakes every guy makes: acting too needy, acting too eager, expecting too much, moving too fast, etc.

Discopotatoz · 2026-03-15T20:40:57+00:00

A few thoughts. If you're getting consistent dates with 7+/10 girls, your profile and messaging game is solid. A 10% conversation ratio is rather low imo so you're likely doing something in person that didn't translate from your profile and initial conversations. Only you can really reflect and answer that but it could be something simple related to logistics. A lot of guys don't think about these things, but there was a post recently about always sitting next to your date as opposed to sitting across from her with a table in between. Little things like that can dramatically change the course of a date, ie. being able to touch her versus not is huge. I found a lot of guys are good at attracting and getting girls on dates but struggle with closing. I started out exactly the opposite, I struggled to get the dates but when I did I closed most of them 70-80%. If that resonates with you, might want to focus on that part of your game a little more.

The rest of this is more my anecdotal experience, but the older chick with fake tits is like a fucking template these days. I swear they're everywhere and they always fuck quickly and get obsessed fast af. They almost all have severe behavioral issues which is why they're that age and single while still being hot. Many of them are obsessive gym goers. So I think your experience was pretty typical and it's kind of up to the guy whether the downsides are worth the benefits. Good on you for deciding where you stood on that and following through. I've also found the most inconsistent results are in the 30 to 39 yo range (I'm talking 7-10s here only). Girls in their twenties are almost always fun and extremely sexual but flaky and will usually be the types to disappear and come back if you maintain a strong frame. That said, my sweet spot has been 27-34 (I'm over 40).

KlutzyAnanas · 2026-03-16T04:32:33+00:00

the girls that will have sex with you on the first date are not always going to be the LTR type. The serious ones are filtering you out.

awareness205 · 2026-03-16T04:49:15+00:00

If you've only had LTRs with women who you hooked up with in the first date, it's because you're not good company or not a good man. It means you've essentially manipulated them into being emotionally tied to you through sex.

You participate/create a system where you have power over them in a way that you shouldn't yet - men or women who try to create power imbalances like that are not LTR material.

As I get older (26F) I've started to be able to sniff out lies and intent way faster. I bet that's why you're experiencing a lull, because the naive women are aging out of their naivety, and the non-naive, intentionally open to guys like you (willing to hook up) women are all that are left standing.

So maybe try to stop lying, ever. If you want to make it past the initial standards of the women who want LTRs.

Jack26918 · 2026-03-15T11:15:06+00:00

Maybe you're boring. It sounds like all you do is work out, athletics, and have sex.

FFS, you think the key to a long-lasting relationship is to fuck them immediately, and brag about multiple girlfriends. It could be they rapidly detect you're shallow.

Federal_Target2604 · 2026-03-19T03:20:36+00:00

Challening to give feedback on this based on a post.

The answer is mostly that you need that get better, the issue is that you probably have the understanding and awareness because you make the post here but you have no idea what exactly to work on.

It's an issue that most men have. They want to put in the work but they put in the ''wrong'' work. Basically digging for gold but digging random holes in the ground, instead of being smart about it.

Get feedback from someone who knows what they are talking about or bounce your head against the wall for multiple years until you get ''lucky''.

CibrecaNA · 2026-03-15T10:56:56+00:00

What are you doing wrong? You're dating old women and 6s. On the dating apps only swipe right for women in your league. An old unmarried woman is very likely not a woman any guy wants to marry. Common sense is common sense.

Title	Active in dating, getting dates and occasional hookups… but nothing sticks. What am I doing wrong?
Author	KongWick
Upvotes	13
Comments	45
Date	March 15, 2026 4:11 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ru4dco/active_in_dating_getting_dates_and_occasional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/active-in-dating-getting-dates-and-occasional.1575527 https://theredarchive.com/post/1575527

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