Can't express my sexuality?

zzfish1095 · 2015-05-07T17:18:41+00:00

I had a talk with someone about this last night. I'll copy-paste something I wrote in another thread about taking girls off a pedastal.

"Imagine fucking them while you're talking to them. Trust me, this works super fucking well. Just try it. Get creative with it in your mind. It makes you remember that you don't need to win them over, they should want to fuck you just because it is fun!

I wouldn't do this all the time. After all, sex isn't the goal of every interaction, but this really helps me take a girl off of a pedestal."

I guess this will be hard to do if you're a virgin. If you've had sex, or a lot of sex, it is easy to see why a girl should really want to fuck you. Project that vibe. Thinking about fucking her, specifically how much she will enjoy it, helps me a lot.

lilasiansub · 2015-05-07T18:57:59+00:00

Girl here, When I was in community college I knew this rather large nerdy guy who might've passed just for a friend if not for the fact that he was forward with his physical interest in me. I remember that he made a comment that even if I was in a sweatshirt, he said his imagination would still run. Now, I consider myself dumpy and plain looking so for him to basically say "I see you as a sexual being" was new to me and intriguing.

I'm telling you this to relate that if you don't see girls as sexual beings, or are uncomfortable seeing them as such, sometimes THEY may not even see themselves as sexual beings so it will be doubly hard if either of you aren't willing to .. hmm.. take that next step I guess.

there's nothing wrong with.. showing appreciation for women.

borntoperform · 2015-05-07T16:25:42+00:00

I'm the same way. I grew up in a very sheltered bubble (a strict sub-denomination of Christianity that focused on being as separated from even other Christians, let alone non-Christians), so I had a very repressed sexuality. I didn't learn about sex until my freshman year in high school, and I had to learn about it on my own. My first kiss was at 19, and I'm still a virgin 6 years later. Everything in my life that isn't romance is perfect - great job, great family, I take care of my body, I have money, etc. But I don't know how to be sexual. I haven't been on a date since I was 20. Only recently did I start developing the irrational "I'll be a forever aloner" thoughts, and although I still identify as a Christian, I really want to lose my V-card and have an intimate relationship with a girl.

youlovethisish · 2015-05-07T19:07:36+00:00

Well the first thing you have to do is reconcile and correct your views that conflict with your sexuality.

We as straight men are "programmed" at birth to view girls in a sexual way. Our default setting is to purely enjoy the sight of a sexy girl, and really want to touch her. Our default setting is to feel more confident and more dominant in a way when we see a girl we like.

This programming is corrupted via things (bullshit), some men like you (and me at one point to a lesser extent) pick up in life. Little and big experiences and observations add up. These experiences and observations effect both A. Your sexual self esteem. and B. Your view of female sexuality.

So to fix all this... you have to change the wrong views about yourself and girls, and transform them into ones that are both going to get you laid, and more grounded in reality.

This really requires some leap of faith in your thinking, an open mind and an exploration of the world. No, not the "world" you've been living in where sexuality is disrespectful. I'm talking about exploring the real world, where girls love sex more than men...and are fucking themselves with dildos and whatever she can find while you're on reddit.

So to explore this world you have to take a leap of faith and just try to burn into your head a few beliefs. You won't really believe them until you get some physical attention while working under the notion of them... but here's a few example ones to really burn into your head:

There's nothing disgusting about being horny
A girl finds nothing about you being turned on by her disgusting
Desiring a girl sexually is a MASSIVE compliment to her.
When you show your sexual desire for a girl it turns her on, on a primal level.
Girls will never reject you for the simple reason that you are sexually desiring her and expressing it.
Girls like sex more than boys.
Girls are fucking filthy.

So I know by what you typed you don't believe internally but this but... trust me, this is 100% true. So ponder with these thoughts a bit. And with them in the back of your mind, approach girls and go on dates. If you get nervous about touching her, remember those sentiments, then stop thinking and just fucking go for it.

Meanwhile explore this . Erotica is primarily by and for women.. and it's fucking dirty. Women of all ages single married, whatever, read this stuff, and fuck with themselves to it.

(long comment, but I hope I helped... questions?)

Turlast · 2015-05-07T16:54:39+00:00

That's kinda how I am, though in a different way. When I'm alone or see a woman I'm attracted to, all I think about is fucking them. Thing is, whenever there's an opportunity to make a move on a woman, as much as I want to do it, I feel bad about trying to have sex with them. It's not like I have bad intentions, so I don't know why I feel that way.

Best thing to do is continuously put yourself in intimate situations to the point where it feels normal. That's what I'm trying to do.

Harmonic_Minor_Shred · 2015-05-08T15:13:10+00:00

Just whip your cock out son

2015-05-07T19:45:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SgtSplacker · 2015-05-07T17:57:40+00:00

This is one of those things you just have to internalize, you really have to kinda develop your own personality around this kind of behavior. You can't just avoid the topic with someone then just start touching them and expect it to be a turn on. If bondage turns you on for example then wear some kinda strappy clothes and if questioned about your looks say you are into the kinky stuff. That's enough to open the door to more sexual discourse and your overt appearance will funnel people like you towards you and the prudes doing missionary all night away from you. You can't act and dress like a little church boy then get into a bukkake conversation with a girl you just met. There is a time and a place for everything ya know? Don't walk up to a girl in church and talk about how you prefer a nice ass over tits. But do tell that hottie at a bar how sexy she looks with her "perfect" amount of cleavage showing. It takes a bit of practice knowing what you can and can't get away with. Start off slow with a glance at her exposed skin and a friendly compliment on how good she looks. Don't say "OMG nice rack toots!" but do say she looks good while your eyes linger on her cleavage a bit, then lock onto her eyes. If she likes you she will appreciate it, if she doesn't you will know quickly. This is one of those things that can really be used as a tool. I'll be talking to a girl that seems interested and drop a couple sexual innuendos and notice it bothers her a bit and i'll know she's not into me like that. I can cut my losses and move on to a more receptive female.

Dan314159 · 2015-05-07T19:41:39+00:00

I don't have the same origins as you(quite the opposite actually) but we are in the same phase.

I'm still fucked up so the best advice I can give is to just put yourself out there. You need to be a little selfish every now and then. Just don't be 100% one way or the other. It's natural to want her, it's human. Just don't be all caveman about it.

Failing won't kill you, nothing physical can be damaged in the process; it's all in your head.

After you're done: take notes, figure out what you did wrong and ask the person what you did wrong and apologize if necessary, (you already broke the ice, can't make it anymore awkward unless you are disrespectful).

Practice Practice PRACTICE.

TheDoctorCoach · 2015-05-07T21:30:54+00:00

Start small and build.

Changing your behavior will lead to changing your thought patterns way more than the other way around.

Express what you can. Tomorrow express a little more. Repeat.

huoyuanjiaa · 2015-05-07T22:46:59+00:00

You can just try to be as comfortable around them as you are your friends and make the same jokes, it's worked for me the only problem was the initial fear in trying it.

WerkinAndDerpin · 2015-05-08T00:55:52+00:00

OP: I don't have any great advice but you do sound alot like me. Do you have trouble being intimate with people or simply sexual? It might be worth it to talk to someone like a psychologist about.

nicechallenge · 2015-05-08T02:37:00+00:00

Same problem here when I'm with a girl I can't express sexual intentions at all. Maybe is the irrational fear of rejection or something else that I can't figure out yet. I feel like a weirdo when I'm trying to do kino so most of the times I just avoid it completely I've always felt uncomfortable with touching even with my closest friends and family and I don't know why. Anyway I will try to overcome this fear.

LolaBischet · 2015-05-08T07:59:35+00:00

I don't necessarily thing you're putting women on a pedestal. I just think that because of you're upbringing you're just a little wary of saying really sexual things or acting very sexual around women. And this isn't a bad thing (trust me it's much better than those assholes who never stop talking about their dicks). I don't really have a solution for you except practise! Find a girl who's your friend and try to have an open discussion about sexuality with her. And I don't mean crude jokes and banter, genuinely try having a dialogue about sex and see if it helps.

arinot · 2015-05-11T18:02:18+00:00

Holy shit I've been struggling with this recently

This timing though. I only realized recently how loveless my family kind of is. Never been told by my parents they love me, they don't tell each other they love each other. Haven't even seen em touch each other in my life. That and my dad is proud he focused on his career and not "being distracted by women"

I'm able to get a first date relatively easy, generally because I'm just having fun. And I'm good at having fun. Making out with girls at parties or dancing on em, it's fine when they're strangers. We're having fun, and there's no repercussions to my actions.

But any time I want to be more serious with a person, it feels wrong to be sexual. Like chemistry just gets shat. Often these are people I want to talk with regardless, and I don't want to fuck that up.

Add this to the fact I've decided I'm loosing my virginity to someone I at least give a shit about, and you see where it gets kinda crappy.

I'm working on it at least. Keep bashing my head against the dating wall till the wall breaks. Dunno if there anything else I can do to overcome this.

justskatedude · 2015-05-07T18:52:29+00:00

Stop masturbating so much and talk to more women. Its hard for guys but eventually you'll find someone. Sign up for match.com and tinder too.

Title	Can't express my sexuality?
Author	Bcghrow
Upvotes	142
Comments	55
Date	May 7, 2015 3:46 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/356pog/cant_express_my_sexuality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/cant-express-my-sexuality.1387823 https://theredarchive.com/post/1387823

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