Curse you Oneitis

kamesjennedy · 2014-10-28T13:10:48+00:00

Learn from the experience dude. Putting yourself into a position to get rejected means you're already doing far better than a lot of guys.

OrangeExpress · 2014-10-28T13:36:19+00:00

ya, onenitis is so difficult.

honesty I feel its a double edged sword. If there is any real explanation of true love, like forever love, old people still holding hands, I think its onenitis, just a rare case where boy the man AND woman feel it for each other, so it never ends. to that degree I do not shy away from oneitis, for I think if you find a person that shares it for you, you can have love

BUT, lets face it 99% of the time that is not the case. i'm not sure of your age, but this is how I always deal with it.

1.) the basic principle of Oneitis is that feeling, "this one is so special, i will never meet another girl like this", and though it is true you'll never meet a girl exactly like that, i can GUARANTEE you'll meet someone with other characteristics that make you respect them to such a high degree as this first person.

so you begin to realize, hey if I was this lucky to meet this 'special' person, it can happen again. and it always does. like i said i don't know your age, but yeah, the old you get and the more amazing women you meet, you'll realize there is no one, just a few you really like alot, and you want to not fuck it up and date one of those women when you get your chance. it might seem hopeless, and its true, you might not meet the next "one" for another 4-5 years, but i promise, they will come, and sooner than later. when you're young its much harder, and when your'e older, believe me you'll love just as much and just as hard if not harder, and have oneitis so DEEP and intense, but just part of your mind will always say, fuck bro, you've been through this, get some perspective, you can meet another women or give this love the time is requires. hell, i've been into the "one" only to have her dump me for a friend of mine and then years later came back and we had a wonderful 3 year relationship, and many other stories. its never OVER unless you fucking pathetic pussy yourself into making it over.

2.) which brings me to my second point. take some 'time'. time is the cure all for all problems. time just solves EVERYTHING. no two people ever loved each other but then just never made it work, time will force one person to make a move, time will cure all. i see this with people that are in that breakup-makeup-breakup-makeup routine, just breakup, so drama, then makeup so quick then breakup. i always say the same shit, just take literally two weeks away from that person. if the love was good, they won't go anywhere, two weeks wont ruin shit but it'll give you 5000% more perspective on how to handle. same thing with oneitis. just take a few weeks off from that person. if you're creeper stalking them, dream about them, whatever, just do it privately, don't text or talk to them. you'd be amazed at what a few weeks alone with just your thoughts and sadness can do to your perspective.

sciencegod · 2014-10-28T13:47:52+00:00

Dude, you need to read Moby-dick by Melville.

tl;dr- Don't be be a god damn Ahab, hunting one white whale your whole life. This will only result in you having a bad time. Instead, cast your net and seek out lots of fish.

itsmevichet · 2014-10-28T14:51:43+00:00

I'm going to be mean.

You LIKE oneitis, because it's easy. You don't have to do anything, you don't have to improve yourself, and the problem is always someone not liking you. And that means at least some people have to throw you a pity party and be nice to you, and you get to feel like you tried, and you never have to actually do any work to change.

None of that will change until you stop venting and start changing.

Thing about oneitis that people love while they're in it is that they get to be the "good guy" in that situation. You're just a normal guy doing nice things for a girl and when she rejects you it's a tragedy and you'll never get over it.

Fuck that, man. Build up some self worth instead. Read the sidebar, do your 1000 approaches. Do something, shit.

Or, don't, and just come back every few months to vent.

DranDran · 2014-10-28T12:23:15+00:00

You and me both brother. 1.5 months here. Its just become apparent to me that the movie we sometimes build up in our head is so sweet that reality can never compare and disappoints more often than not. Each bruising makes you tougher though, helps you get sooner out of your head so chin up, even though it hurts like a sonovabitch.

Raaaz · 2014-10-28T13:34:23+00:00

It happens to us all :( Juliens speech always helps me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA

Lindofrindo · 2014-10-28T15:27:30+00:00

As everyone else I also struggle with this from time to time and I guess there is really no other "cure" than having several options . You won't be needy if you have a lot of options and you will really notice how similar characteristics and personalities a lot of girls have, making it harder for you to think "wow, this girl is special" when in reality she's just a cool girl like the other million ones.

Also, I like to think of girls as songs. Sounds weird, yeah? Think of it guys. There are millions of songs. A lot of them are really bad, and a lot of them are good, depending on your taste. We have a lot of good songs in our playlist we like. They all have their pros and cons and sometimes we can't even decide which one is better than the other. They are all awesome. You might have a favourite song you absolutely love over other songs but next month that song is another one! :)

The_Turbinator · 2014-10-28T11:52:35+00:00

Fuck

sucks to hear.

chibiske · 2014-10-28T14:26:01+00:00

same boat, I am trying to replace this girl who is 200 miles away, we are still texting, but I am trying to talk to other girls and I have just been getting rejected left to right every time haha all I have is the girl who is 200 miles away erghhh why god

HoboSomeRye · 2014-10-28T15:56:27+00:00

AOE > Single Point Damage

Sileniced · 2014-10-28T14:24:00+00:00

Do you live in a town with just 3 women? Don't be afraid to test a lot of waters.

lasagnaman · 2014-10-28T19:09:38+00:00

Why do you start liking these girls before they like you?

Fantastique2 · 2014-10-28T14:06:52+00:00

Damn player, this is literally happening w me right now. I can't even tell what she's thinking cause she's showing signs of interest and disinterest at the same time

Danedina · 2014-10-28T14:43:39+00:00

Being single is much better than being in a shitty relationship. What I would do is sit down and plot out your plan for world domination, the first step of which is becoming a bad-ass motherfucker. You're focusing on women. Focus on kicking ass in the real world. The women will follow.

dsade · 2014-10-28T15:15:27+00:00

I'm vulnerable to it as well, but I always try to harness it to drive both my work and workouts to a new level - so when the perfection veneer finally falls away, at least I am better for it.

Quiznasty · 2014-10-28T16:52:34+00:00

"'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."

When you have a stable foundation in yourself setbacks are no biggie.

2014-10-29T01:51:24+00:00

Stop talking to only one girl dude come on

raouldukeesq · 2014-10-28T18:46:28+00:00

Rub some dirt on it.

insidescoop84 · 2014-10-28T20:41:25+00:00

What were you doing those 2 months?

650fosho · 2014-10-28T22:36:19+00:00

ya know, the more girls you're able to talk to and be comfortable with, the greater your chances and other girls notice this too, they see you as approachable.

Fantastique2 · 2014-10-28T22:55:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

nuc22 · 2014-10-29T09:13:34+00:00

If I go for more than 3 dates, Iam fucked

2014-10-28T17:08:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

theginger3469 · 2014-10-28T14:28:10+00:00

2 months? Why so long?

Oneitis happens because you find what you think is the "perfect girl" then do everything you can to make her like you.

Start thinking "these are the things I like, I wonder if she likes them" and stop thinking "these are the things she likes, I should like them so she likes me"

You need to be in the mindset of abundance. Yes, this girl may have been amazing but move on to the next one.

You're learning though man. Think of it this way, you've already gone further than many guys can. A lot of guys can't even get the courage to make that move, even after 2 months, its still worth the knowledge gained by the rejection.

rangamatchstick · 2014-10-28T21:59:18+00:00

Go for one night stands for a while, just focus on getting layed. I found this made me view girls alot the same to a degree and that they had to connect with me alot more before I felt a desire for "that one" over another of equal attractiveness.

Title	Curse you Oneitis
Author	Fantastique2
Upvotes	127
Comments	62
Date	October 28, 2014 11:46 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2kk61l/curse_you_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/curse-you-oneitis.1378706 https://theredarchive.com/post/1378706

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