Trying to seduce someone feels like manipulation

TheoryMediocre5834 · 2022-04-26T04:58:00+00:00

Every human interaction is essentially a manipulation. You just need to get used to that. That’s life! In my opinion, the key is not stressing about it. Ofc, we get older everyday, ofc you don’t want to do things you don’t want to do to become fun and interesting in eyes of a girl. Do you and get interested about other people. This is hard ofc but you will see the difference. Don’t stress about any interactions make people you interact with stressed. Flipping the table really works. Focus on having fun and you’ll see how everything changes around you for the better.

You make your world if you think you need to be 95% perfect and in character that’s what your world is. Change that.

alt3r3go99 · 2022-04-26T07:30:43+00:00

I recently read Models by Mark Manson, and in one of the chapters nearing the end, he addresses the "manipulation" of seduction and how you should not manipulate, rather show yourself and what you have to offer (as personal traits, not money, etc) and then 'passively' attract. Manipulation is related to "performing" which means acting a way that makes you pleasant to women but is ultimately incoherent/incongruent to your true self, just to have them trust you/sleep with you/etc, and then dumoing them for your next victim. Its also related to using tactics and using people or turning them to each other for your personal pleasure or benefit. It certainly describes a bad, unhealthy and repulsive behavior (to healthy behavioring humans to say the least), unlike what another comment suggests.

stewie_91 · 2022-04-26T07:14:25+00:00

People have no ideea that a relation is actually 2 imperfect people working on each other and trying to make it work. They expect everything to be like a fairytale.

Codi_Banks · 2022-04-26T05:18:35+00:00

Imagine being a door to door salesman and not liking the product you're selling. The customers are going to notice and they wont be buying it.

You need to work on loving yourself buddy. Build a sense of competence and a sense of self worth. Once you believe you are both capable and worthy, then focus on seduction. That's why people always say to find hobbies. Learning a skill like playing an instrument teaches you more than that specific skill. It teaches you how to learn in general and perhaps more importantly it teaches that you CAN learn. Many of those learning skills can be passed on to other endeavors. Focusing on your own interests is also an act of self-love. You are treating yourself to something you enjoy just for the sake of enjoyment. The fact that you are interested in it is reason enough, you teach yourself that your interests matter and are worth pursuing.

Find out who you are, what you like, and dedicate some time to it. Common things are going to the gym, learning a skill like drawing, cooking, getting into a sport, getting a pet, etc. Add value to your life for your own sake. We all get 24 hours in a day. Once you start using those hours wisely you will truly value your own time and priorities. And when you value your time so will other people. Then someday, you can go out looking for girls while thinking "does this girl deserve a part in my awesome busy life or is she not worth it?" That vibe will get you the results your working for.

Blackmagician · 2022-04-26T10:58:42+00:00

Life is a series of small and big “manipulations” as you call it. What you really mean is a performance. If you’re interested in sociology read something like Goffman’s The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life or get a YouTube distillation. We are all performing when we’re out in the world.

No one is perfect and when you meet the right women they will not expect you to be perfect all the time. You just have to be trying your best. When women wear makeup to look better or flip their hair or stand in your proximity hoping you’ll talk to them is that manipulation? When you go on a job interview and put on your best self are you manipulating?

It’s slightly worrying this new generation of men who feel awful simply for having desire and trying to go after what they want. Or have this doomer incel mentality with not being successful.

incognito3107 · 2022-04-26T07:53:24+00:00

Well, most people are not seeking some deep soul connection but rather straight physical and emotional pleasure. In this era of instant connection, you should meet some standards to catch an attention in the first place. Everyone is different, but you can always improve yourself somehow to hop into dating player's world. I think it is important to not place so much value on this game and just enjoy if you would be able to get along with someone's sexual standards. Also, real life sexual "magic" is far more powerful than some cold theoretical calculations. It may seem tough in current times of perfection race and digital upgrades, but in reality many imperfect people somehow make pairs, right?

MOTAMOUTH · 2022-04-26T09:33:20+00:00

You think these girls don’t want to have sex? Lol 90% of seduction is just not fucking it up if they’re down, or facilitation to help them get what they want without them feeling like a slut. You’re not manipulating your simply facilitating, brother. Remember that.

Zealousideal6669 · 2022-04-26T08:40:09+00:00

You're right. What manipulation is basically? You influence someone's subconscious mind to do things/make decisions in your favor. It's not a bad thing and not a good thing either. It's just a thing. It always exists and it's gonna exist forever. Its also everywhere, sales is manipulation, making someone fall in love with you is a manipulation, marketing is manipulation so it's just a thing that has been used everywhere and every time so if you're smart enough you can use it or you can deny it like its never existed but its never gonna go away. Ofc being your best self is still the best choice to attract someone but seduction is just a form of manipulation, lets's face it, it's not logical, it's emotional, thatswhy most guys don't know how to get a girl so if you learn how to use it if you want to ofc you definitely gonna make progress, it might be bad or a good thing but it still works

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-04-26T04:54:07+00:00

You should cheer up and go get laid.

2022-04-26T05:15:15+00:00

Its only manipulation if you're intentionally trying to get people to respond in certain ways which would be beneficial for you, and typically not as beneficial for them.

Seduction isn't all about convincing women to sleep with you by lying to them and/or saying what you think they want to hear.

determinator94 · 2022-04-26T05:51:04+00:00

Dude the word “manipulation” is often associated as a negative. But think of it this way - we use “manipulation” for phrases like “energy manipulation” (a superpower). Hell, science and engineering are all about MANIPULATING the natural world for manmade creations. Hell, HEALING is manipulation; you’re handing your life in the hands of someone else.

Think of manipulation as a form of persuasion, nudging someone towards your truth without even trying so hard to see your point of view.

froze_gold · 2022-04-26T11:31:36+00:00

Everything we interact with we manipulate in one way or another. Nothing moves without a nudge and direction.

Shadow__Account · 2022-04-26T12:18:37+00:00

Stop feeling sorry for yourself so much, it radiates from your post. Work on being yourself and not being so outcome committed.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-04-26T12:31:40+00:00

Then you're doing it wrong.

focus_flow69 · 2022-04-26T13:56:51+00:00

You need a mind set change and you probably also need some small wins in social interactions to build some confidence. Think about what you can do to make that happen. Focus on yourself instead of others. Be relentless and laser focussed on yourself and how you can improve your interactions with others based on what YOU do. Their approval and response may or may not be favorable all the time 100%, but there are certainly things you can do to improve those odds in your favour. Learn and trial and error and build some momentum on any small wins to build on yourself more. Your opinion of your self matters more than anything else in the world. Read your first post and ask yourself if the way you talked about yourself and opinion if yourself is helpful to your journey. Don't speak and think in absolutes, the world is never or always. It's not black or white, most things are in between, and when you think this way you allow capacity for opportunity.

Title	Trying to seduce someone feels like manipulation
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	42
Comments	22
Date	April 26, 2022 4:39 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/uc4inv/trying_to_seduce_someone_feels_like_manipulation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/trying-to-seduce-someone-feels-like-manipulation.1261168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1261168

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