ITT: Men taking dating advice from women - why it's not a good thing

kurtgodelisdead · 2012-11-06T13:30:58+00:00

Some of this is spot on:

Having a clinginess level which rivals that of a leech.

Last guy I gave my number to texted me a ridiculous amount. I point blank (but kindly) told him I was no longer interested in him due to such clinginess. In response, I got a lecture about how terrible a person I am and how much I will miss him. I literally knew him for a week.

I don't miss him...

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/12onbj/women_of_reddit_what_are_some_things_guys_do_that/c6wwjjy

That was me 6 months ago :(

Glad to have seddit to get me back on track with my life.

squarehouse · 2012-11-06T15:40:50+00:00

I was reading quite a few of the comments that women are submitting there, and honestly, I don't think anything that is wrong per se. I guess I just hope that the guys on seddit don't think the following are effective tactics (if not, lemme see field reports!):

Discussing the topic of rape. Yeah...in fact, stay away from all controversial, religious, and political topics.
Sending pictures of your dick. Plenty of women out there don't even like looking at dick, they just like how it feels.
Also, just note that women tend to exaggerate from the other side: For them, cocky=arrogant; whereas for "nice guys", it's really hard to seem confident and non-deprecating, so we say "be cocky". In any case, don't overdo it.

But 90% of the examples there are due to one thing: Lack of calibration. The women there are complaining about guys who just weren't calibrating well, socially or personally with them. The missteps were due to context, not content. In truth there's a time for everything, even dick picks.

TurnTheShip · 2012-11-06T15:13:22+00:00

If you want to learn how to catch a fish, don't ask the fish, ask the fisherman

UnapologeticalyAlive · 2012-11-06T15:40:42+00:00

If you're asking what women want, you've already lost. Women don't want a guy who molds himself after what he thinks they want. Women want a guy who has his own personality and brings something unexpected to the table. They don't want a puppy dog who strives to please them. They want an equal partner in the relationship. They want a man they can respect and admire. So stop asking what women want. Just become the best version of yourself and then see how much women like that.

Gareth321 · 2012-11-06T08:50:39+00:00

A year ago, I would have been furiously taking notes. I mean, women appear to be telling us all of their secret desires! Nuggets like "Backhanded sexist "compliments" such as "For a girl, you're really smart!" or "I don't generally find girls funny, but you crack me up!" Ugh. Just no." and "I hate someone who is cocky. There is a distinct difference between being confident and cocky. Even if you're Ryan Gosling good looking, I will immediately write you off if you're a cocky fuck." However, when I applied the knowledge I've learned - not just this past year, but throughout my dating life - I came to the realization that what most women claim to want, and what they actually want, are usually two different things.

We know that conscious and subconscious thoughts can coexist, and often conflict. This gives rise to the reality that women often really do want their cake and to eat it too. That is, they want a caring, sensitive man, who is also masculine and in control. At face value, some of you might claim these are not mutually exclusive, but I would argue that they do conflict on many levels. This leads to a serious problem for men (one which our forefathers have no doubt had to contend with). We are expected to be everything, all at once. We are expected to know what she wants, when even she doesn't know it. There's the rub. We must learn what they want - they cannot tell us. This leaves us with just two options: asking other, successful men, and practise.

angry_dave · 2012-11-06T15:51:52+00:00

What that thread was full of was great examples of people using the concepts taught here badly. How many moves that the girls mentioned sounded familiar? There was negging, DHVs, DLVs, qualifiers, disqualifiers, the whole gamut, but they were received badly, whether it be due to the guy's delivery or the girl's receptiveness to that approach.

THIS IS A HUGE LESSON. Again it rings true that you can say anything you want, as long as you say it well. You need to constantly calibrate yourself and be perceptive of the girl's needs and what approach would be appropriate. And for fuck's sake smile and laugh at everything you say. You're a funny motherfucker.

vuxanov · 2012-11-06T13:19:22+00:00

So you should send pictures of your dick to a girl you just met. And girls actually like douche bags, racists and being raped. Good to know.

frogma · 2012-11-06T15:44:34+00:00

That thread is basically full of commons sense things and women complaining about annoying things that they have experienced.

The reason why you don't take dating advice from women is because most of them don't actually know why some men make them feel the way they feel. A lot of women don't even know what they want themselves.

backtothegame · 2012-11-06T22:30:54+00:00

Bring out the deer hunting analogy. Instead of asking a grizzled veteran deer hunter about the best way to track and hunt instead walk up to a fawn and start asking it questions about the best way to hunt it and it's sisters.

Bevman00 · 2012-11-07T01:32:16+00:00

So often in that thread I've read "Guy does X thing and it immediately makes him creepy and I want nothing to do with him".

Come on, guys say the wrong thing all the time, even the guys you might want to date; the pendulum is pretty free-swinging, and I've spun a coloured opinion back to a positive one countless times. In fact, thats exactly how you pull off a neg - you're not serious, you're ribbing her because its fun and she shouldn't be acting so damn precious.

absolutebeginners · 2012-11-06T14:27:54+00:00

fuckk offff, girls like different things

2012-11-06T17:58:08+00:00

A lot of those posters seem really bitter.

2012-11-07T02:22:34+00:00

Woman: You want a girl who doesn't like the kitchen.
Worst advice ever.

destinys_parent · 2012-11-07T07:20:18+00:00

Wow some of it is not bad but asking women for dating advice is a terrible idea. They can not articulate what they want.

Title	ITT: Men taking dating advice from women - why it's not a good thing
Author	Gareth321
Upvotes	70
Comments	36
Date	November 6, 2012 8:50 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12pz1n/itt_men_taking_dating_advice_from_women_why_its/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/itt-men-taking-dating-advice-from-women-why-its.1342365 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342365

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