Do you ever feel like seduction is just draining?

PyouA · 2012-03-09T10:01:59+00:00

This used to happen to me. Even when things were going well, I just felt like it was so much effort to be on top of my game all the time. Then I realized that all this shit is just a bunch of tools and that you are destroying experience in and of itself if you are trying to equate a bunch of models and abstractions to real life.

Girl's don't qualify themselves, they don't have a comfort mode, or a social mode, they don't have shit-tests, they don't have LMR, they don't talk in 'threads'. They are just people with of a ton ambiguity and contradictions. And so are you. If we all weren't life would be pretty boring.

What all of those concepts are for (that's ALL THEY ARE, concepts) is so guys are better able to take a hugely complex interaction and reify it into graspable terms. As tools for this purpose they are real valuable. But don't for a second let those tools become your reality.

30vanquish · 2012-03-09T04:44:39+00:00

When something bad happens, like a flake or a girl picks another guy, etc. I feel drained too.

I'll let myself feel drained for the rest of the day. Then next day, I go back up and say, "Do I want to feel lousy just because I'm not doing so well? or Do I want to keep trying?" Of course I'll keep trying [poker metaphor wasn't the best; I stand corrected]

Kombat_Wombat · 2012-03-09T16:31:10+00:00

This whole subreddit teaches you to just duck your head and power through things. It's successful, but that success only really lasts for a little while. It's unsustainable.

It's like those motivational speakers who tell you, "Be who you want to be right now. Don't think about it, don't doubt yourself, just do it." There's bullshit in 'The Secret' with the whole Law of Attraction where you get everything if you just act like you deserve it.

In America, we especially tout our meritocracy and blindly believe that people deserve what they get, and if they don't have it, then they're not working hard enough.

It's all is the same mentality that is very exhausting, and it ignores our very human limits. The whole thing teaches us to bury our emotions, and it stops us from properly recognizing and dealing with our emotions. I feel like a large part of growing up is realizing that this mentality doesn't work. The baby boomers especially have this mentality, and it's surprising that someone who is 50 or even 60 years old is driving around a cool car just to show his value.

It's amazing that we can't just be ourselves. Granted, we need to find a middle ground, but on the spectrum of being the super self-actualizing person versus listening to our own emotions and finding ourselves without necessarily accomplishing anything else, we're so far on the self-actualizing side. Living in extreme-land is exhausting.

The counter-intuitive thing is that people will give you trouble and society will start hating you when you stop doing the cock of the walk overachiever confidence dance, but it's worth it.

atheistjubu · 2012-03-09T04:36:25+00:00

"I'm just tired...I just want to go to a girl and tell her and I like her and hang out, no mind games, no little texting things, no rules..no witty bullshit..no shit tests...it feels like trying this hard is just sucking the life out of me." -> Why don't you just try this out? Maybe it's why you're not having much success.

If you're gaming correctly, then even if you aren't getting tons of lays, you are having fun at the very least. It shouldn't feel draining though... I love sarging, wish I could do it more often. I also love going on dates, and almost always have fun on them, even when I don't get laid.

I don't always bring tons of value, I'm not always the cool guy, actually I probably don't look or seem like a guy who even gets laid much... I always enjoy the moment though, and make the most of every situation I'm placed in, even when my spirits are down.

healxph0enix · 2012-03-09T05:55:00+00:00

I like what tokyo said. Let it be fun. I think you are over complicating it.

You love talking to people. That is a wonderful thing you got there. Use that.

2012-03-09T12:08:59+00:00

I know how you feel man, you start off doing very well getting numbers and just having a great time, but there's always those stagnant plateaus where your game is just drained out of you and you're not sure what to do or how to go about doing it next. However, usually just seeing some FR's on here and other pickup videos helps pick me up(no pun intended) and motivates me to go back out there. Keep at it, just change a bit of what's not working and try to say something new or adjust. Usually the littlest changes can make a big difference.

2012-03-09T18:19:22+00:00

My balls feel drained, if that's what you mean.

lonelylikeyou · 2012-03-09T05:59:29+00:00

I think you're making it more complicated by overthinking about it. Look, I havent head any success either, but the way I look at it, it will come when you least expect it when you're going to be like "wtf it worked!". Just be you and keep doing what you do. It takes time, but its worth it.

2012-03-09T06:49:33+00:00

Its only draining if you make it. I have woke up the next morning multiple times doubting everything i do i eventually got to the point where i am now. I'm not out seeking to game anyone. Im out i'm talking with people opening sets even when there isn't a girl who i am interested in. Just making friends. When i see a girl i want i have all the tools, have a reputation for being friendly and have enough time out in the field to close if i want to close. Once you have your out of your own head it become simple and rewarding.

ShittyPUAadvice · 2012-03-09T14:14:31+00:00

it's hard to always be on your A game all the time.

You don't always need to be on your A game. Just be who you are, and if you're tired or cranky, just roll with it. You don't need to be super alpha male 100% all the time. You just need to be human. You being a super-cool guy will come across if you're a super cool guy who's just tired and whatnot.

2012-03-09T18:17:40+00:00

You should try being yourself.

V_Ajra · 2012-03-09T23:01:20+00:00

In short, yes I agree; but then again the end is (usually) well worth the means. ;)

fluidkarma · 2012-03-10T15:23:35+00:00

At first, before you have internalized the fundamentals but when you start having more successes, you will be filled with a primal energy.

2012-03-10T16:09:15+00:00

It may be because you're applying the wrong ideas to seduction, like if you're following RSD style game where you just go out and do lots of approaches and provide value, then you're not going to get results if your conversations skills suck, and if you're not going to get results, your self-efficacy will drop, which is one of the causes of procrastination, when the effort isn't worth the outcome. That's why I'm not a fan of the "give value" approach, because that only works for people who have the convo, sexual skills and if they don't they're going to end up "drained" or "burnt out".

Look into actual SKILLS rather than just following a "give value" rule. If you're not connecting with people then you're going to find it draining and your motivation will die. I suggest reading some NLP books to learn how to connect with people.

I made a post just for you

Title	Do you ever feel like seduction is just draining?
Author	XXCUPZ
Upvotes	36
Comments	25
Date	March 9, 2012 4:19 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qofj5/do_you_ever_feel_like_seduction_is_just_draining/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-ever-feel-like-seduction-is-just-draining.1329609 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329609

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