Note: Bullet-point notes for record purposes.

Context:

  • In a bar with 2xHB8's.
  • One HB8 is a good friend of mine. Will refer to her as HB-Friend.
  • Other HB8 tagged along with HB-Friend.
  • One drink only (had to drive).

No approaches. Just reflection.

TL;DR: You don't have to be a "dick" to attract girls. Having solid "inner game" will always trump assholes (My opinion).

At beginning of night, HB8 was glued to BBM dealing with the situation that a guy she was attracted to was being "an asshole" and just slept with another girl. I didn't give much attention to it though until this convo came up.

Pre-Context:

  • Bit of DHVing before conversation. I just finished a photoshoot & HB-Friend wanted to see the images. I showed the photos to both & both were impressed with the dark/erotic/very sexual photos I was taking.
  • I teased HB-Friend about her fear of flying knowing full well she would bring up the fact that "she would never fly with me if I was the pilot". This caught HB8's curiosity and she started talking to me about my pilot training.

Conversation as follows:

HB-Friend left to bathroom.

Me: You want to know how to deal with this? Ignore him. Don't give him any attention. (Note: Being honest; no games)

Her: What's the point. There's only 2 types of guys out there.

Me: Laughs Please. I want to hear this.

Her: There are either the sensitive guys or the bad ass jerks. I can't stand the sensitive ones which leaves me only the jerks. And I always get hurt with the bad ass jerks.

Me: You've got this all wrong.

Her: What else is out there?

Me: Guys who have their shit together with their life. I never get these guys who think being dicks is a way of getting women. Fuck that shit. Nothing comes good from being a dick in the end. But just because you are with this kind of guy doesn't mean you won't get hurt. Take for me for instance. If a girl can't keep up with me I'm cutting her out.

Her: Keep up with you?? (Shocked; she interpreted as being sexual/party animal)

Me: Yes. My life & lifestyle. I've got dreams & passions I want to chase. I have no time to deal with girls that are nothing but anchors. So you may be a nice or even a great girl but if you are slowing me down, holding me back, I'm sorry, I need to let you go.

Post-Conversation:

  • Followed up with more DHVing. HB-Friend asked me to finish her drink. I kindly refused, mentioning I was driving and that I had one drink already. HB-Friend announces that she likes "how responsible I am".
  • HB8 started giving more IOIs - she even stopped BBMing and talking about her "guy troubles". Started focusing her attention on me.

Reflections:

  • The conversation reflects a true belief of mine. There was no bullshit. I know I communicated this to her with passion. And even though she assumed "keeping up with me" meant party/sex - I think I did a good job suprising her that I meant dreams & goals.
  • The bit of DHV at the beginning assisted in the conversation. I did not have to "list my dreams/passions". The initial DHVing did the work.
  • My HB-Friend wears her heart on her sleeve. This pays off for the good guys as she expressed her likening for me. I think this did wonders for DHVing as there is more value from a friend's mouth then from directly mine's.

Follow-Up:

  • Need to qualify her some more. I am actually unsure whether she is "worthy of my time yet". However I will "reward" by giving her an opportunity to prove herself. Just need to figure out logistics - I did not get a # or anything.
  • HB-Friend's birthday is in 4 weeks. This can be the last-ditch effort. Unless my "alpha behaviour" left a strong impression than attraction may die by then.

Note: End of FR.

To Other Sedditors (bit of a rant):

I honestly hate when I hear other guys (and even women) say that you need to be a bit of a dick/jerk to women to build attraction. It's negative and I think it just doesnt make any guy a better REAL man. I believe "inner game" has a more powerful effect. When I told HB8 that I don't like "wasting my time" with girls that slow me down - I could feel it just hitting her with a surprise where she thinks "Hey, there are really other types of guys out there. I must be looking in the wrong spot."

Focus on the pursuit of a solid life. Your passions. Not ever HB will fit with your goals/life but the confidence stemming from improving your life will help your game. It may not cure AA (I still have AA during day game) but it has made attraction/comfort phase of the game easier for me when you get there. And when you speak with passion, you don't even have to remind yourself "be confident" - it speaks for itself.

EDIT:
This post is what I did with the HB8. Unfortunately it did not phase me to get her #. My only method of contacting her is either:

  • Get her #-contact from HB-Friend
  • Add her on Facebook - send a message saying "Nice meeting you - we should do XYZ like we talked about." And do the logistics.
  • Wait until I run into her again.

Option C seems the best option really at this point.

EDIT #2: Thanks fellow sedditors for the input! Just want to mention I get great motivation from r/GetMotivated. Highly recommend it for everyone.