Has anyone else had this problem.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-05-11T20:41:10+00:00

Find a good book on Body Language. I recommend "What Every BODY Is Saying." It helped me a lot.

nycprowl · 2012-05-11T21:48:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

nrvale00 · 2012-05-12T00:34:31+00:00

Just a wild guess but the first thing I would guess is that your tone of voice may be playful but you aren't smiling and making eye contact.

iznou · 2012-05-11T21:16:45+00:00

It's natural. However you might be making the problem worse by trying too hard.

"Don't give a fuck" is a paradox... of course you give a fuck! BUT... once you do something it's DONE so don't second-guess yourself... you can always look back on social situations like you're doing now, and think about HOW PEOPLE RESPOND to whatever it is you are doing... but in the moment you really can't give a fuck about it. It's a moment!

I mean think about it. Do you really have any choice about the present moment? You might have a choice about the next moment but on some level you really don't have a choice about how you feel and what you're doing.

Gotta learn how to live on the razor's edge, riding the wave of the unfolding NOW.

oh and this:

they freak out and are all like, "Oh I'm so sorry. I really didn't mean to, I promise." And then the fun kind of deflates so I just say, "Naw, you're cool." and move on.

Think GAME, you were playing a game, she responded in an exaggerated way, and then YOU were the one to put the game to an end, when it was GAME ON! Keep playing!

blackfox026 · 2012-05-11T22:21:48+00:00

Occasionally I have this problem. I used to engage in a lot of psychedelic exploration, so I kind of traded the ability to totally subconsciously absorb social conventions for introspection and keen social awareness. I find my main problem is over-analyzing the situation. It seems to trigger a feedback loop between thought and behavior; for example, I'll find myself thinking about what I'm doing, which leads me to feel slightly indecisive, which projects indecisive behavior and body language, thus eliciting reactions tailor to such, which validates my perception of being indecisive, which causes me to project indecisive behavior...

One thing I've found that really helps is not to change your sense of humor for anyone. Of course, it's always good to hold back a little if your taste in humor is a bit dark, but forcing laughter will really make you look uncomfortable as well as submissive. My general rule is to treat people with the utmost kindness and compassion, so when my dark sense of humor emerges I get the benefit of the doubt--I just don't open with it.

Also, deadpan sense of humor is good. If you're someone who always laughs at his own jokes, you come off as a goofy jester. People appreciate someone who's non-reactive--even to himself--and who can subtly undersell humor so it's all the better when others pick up on it. The key is finding the fine line which distinguishes what people will perceive as sarcastic, and what people will perceive as sardonic. The more they like you, the more they'll let their lines be shifted. Plus, the tension-release theme underlies a lot of the best social interaction (as well as the best music, sex, etc.). Sometimes it's good for someone to get a little bit of the wrong impression so they're all the more pleased when it smooths out--sort of like how pushing yourself through strenuous exercise makes you feel that much more amazing afterwards when you go home and kick back with a beer.

testmypatience · 2012-05-11T23:36:38+00:00

I know this feels. It feels bad man. People think I am a dick because I come off cold so I have tried to be more emotional. It's not easy when it isn't your default nature but that is what we are here to do, to change to a version of ourselves that have emotions enabled and in tune with reality.

It's funny how perception works.

VMikeL · 2012-05-12T13:28:17+00:00

I see this all the time, guys who take conversations as a process, and interactions too seriously to the point where it's fun for no one. If you actually smile, and convey emotion, you can connect... why? because it's the ONE thing we (normal people) have in common - emotion. Use it.

IAmTheOmNom · 2012-05-12T14:01:12+00:00

This is a thing that is hard to conquer. Literature like always will only help you to a certain point.

What helped me the most was investigating people. You can do it everywhere in the train, on the street. Look at them and notice how they move, when they talk to friends how their body-language changes, how it is towards you. try mimicking them or being intentionally open or close towards them. Apply the things that you read and see how they work in real life ... they almost never work literally but only in a tendency, since there are myriads of factors to be considered.

At some point you should stop controlling this too consciously, try only focusing on it once in a while and see if you like your own body-language. Try to reflect as to why you have that body-language and correct it if necessary.

I personally haven't conveyed anything wrong in a long time.

2012-05-11T22:33:49+00:00

Dude it's all how you animate the joke. If you're going to be sarcastic, try really hard to not seem a like a bitter asshole.

Title	Has anyone else had this problem.
Author	baaaark
Upvotes	34
Comments	21
Date	May 11, 2012 8:37 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tipt9/has_anyone_else_had_this_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/has-anyone-else-had-this-problem.1332510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332510

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