Have a semi date tonight how do I not let this become a just friends thing?

CuilRunnings · 2010-07-21T20:12:47+00:00

Here's how I see the situation:

During that time she mentioned she likes becoming friends with someone first before dating them (to paraphrase) so she can learn dealbreakers or just get to know a person which I get I'm the same way. We Really connected

You're hitting on her in a pretty beta way for her to disqualify you so quickly. She sensed sexual interest and she said that in attempt to slow you down. You then mention:

We Really connected

Really? You got one-itis over this girl just from a text conversation? You know barely anything about her, she disqualifies you sexually, and you claim you "really connected." My guess is that the conversation centered around her preferences and you trying to describe yourself in terms of them or agree with them.

She's still giving more changes though, so you have a way to dig out of this one. You have to completely disregard all of her preferences, and give her a taste of what it's like to live in your world. Don't worry about her preferences, yours should be so awesome that she's blown away with no objection.

Ledatru · 2010-07-21T21:45:21+00:00

First of all, please work on your formatting, this wall of text is very annoying to read.

Anyway-

In my opinion, it seems as if she's a nice girl. So nice, in fact, that she's telling you right now that she doesn't want to lead you on.

I don't think it's a good thing that she asked you "Is it a date?". Usually that means that she isn't interested in you, and if you say "yes," then she'll give you "let's just be friends" talk... This is actually a good thing because 1) you're not emotionally attached or invested in her yet and 2) it saves you time from trying to game her and allows you to move on 3) lets you know what she wants.

Also, I find it funny that answered the question with "it's drinks / I don't consider drinks a date" and then she said "OK as long as you're sure it's NOT a date" <-- not a good sign

You tried to play it off by accusing her of having ulterior motives (which is funny because if anyone has ulterior motives, I think it's you) and then she didn't play along... It's not good when she doesn't play along. She just flatout repeated her statement that it's just "acquaintances becoming closer to friends."

It seems like you guys can hold a conversation well (bc of the 6 hour text conversation) so I'd play it like this.... I'd be a lot more direct, more flirty, a lot more risky from now on, borderline in-your-face.... If it works, it works. If not, then she'll most likely give you a talk about how she just wants to be friends.

Then simply just be friends with her. Increase your social network and maybe meet her friends. At the least you get a texting buddy and another contact.

fleaflicker51 · 2010-07-21T22:31:39+00:00

Sorry to say but she LJBF'd you before even going out on the date. I think you wussed out and let her change the frame to it being 'acquaintances becoming closer to friends.' Bad move. You gotta avoid this problem by setting a very clear frame from the beginning that you are romantically/sexually interested in her, and you do NOT need anymore friends.

Well, now the problem becomes fixing this. Best you can do now I think is about 2 hours before the date text her and say "Changed my mind, I already have plenty of friends. This IS a date. See you at 11." Then see if she shows. (Probably want to ignore whatever she texts back because she'll be trying to shift the frame again.) Then on the date you must kino and flirt like mad.

You cannot be 'friends' ! You set the intent, and she must either choose to accept the sexual frame or end it. This is how you avoid LJBF.

IANAPUA_Yet · 2010-07-21T21:00:48+00:00

I only read the headline, but here's the short answer. If you don't want to be friends with her, take "friends" off the table. Mentally declare that it's a date regardless of anything that has happened previously and continually escalate the sexual tension. Make it clear that the train is headed to the bedroom and her only choices are to hang on and jump off.

fleaflicker51 · 2010-07-21T19:47:34+00:00

The situation is not bad, but it is certainly not ideal. This looks to me like some pre-emptive friendzoning.

There are two possibilities here. 1) Her "is this a date" question was a defense mechanism to something she may have perceived as creepy. We don't have the full conversation or nonverbal context, so there's no way of knowing.

2) Her "is this a date" question was a rare subconscious hiccup. She projected her hopes that this is gonna go somewhere by asking a seemingly innocent question. Perhaps even intentionally dropping a hint. Not many women are like that, though, so I don't think #2 happened.

In either case, I think the smart thing to do is what Stevefx advised: do not buy into her frame (even if it turns out to have been an advantageous frame) quite yet. However I will elaborate that if you have been pre-emptively friendzoned, the best thing you can do is to try a reboot (which you have the luxury of doing since you don't know each other too well just yet) and start the attraction process over from square one.

As Stevefx said, this means building sexual tension. Be mysterious and interesting. Do not leave all your cards on the table quite yet. If you can successfully string her along and keep her guessing, you will optimize your chances even if we assume the worst (which is that she pre-emptively, though not yet conclusively, friendzoned you).

Stevefx · 2010-07-21T19:30:05+00:00

I think this is a tad tricky sort of situation so I'll do my best to give you my input. If you keep a steady state and do not buy into her frame I think it will give you some leverage. Friendzone is an occurance of failure to step up in some fashion to challenge a woman. One thing I will say is that if she is attracted there is probably little in the way (short of being creepy) that you can do to fail and the converse is subsquently the same. Build sexual tension with her, dangle some string in front of her but keep your emotions in check (Eaisier said then done I know). One thing I like to do is keep two to three locations in the back of my head when I date when things escalate. My two cents. But ignore her date questions easy way of her testing you.

lookatmeimskinny · 2010-07-21T23:26:27+00:00

This is what happens when you put comfort before attraction.

T-mark3V100 · 2010-07-21T23:29:32+00:00

How about kiss her?

sneakatdatavibe · 2010-07-22T00:54:09+00:00

By putting your penis inside of her, duh.

sneakatdatavibe · 2010-07-22T00:55:30+00:00

Also, the Bronx is a great bar to escalate at, considering it's dark as fuck. My fav is the table to the right of the door when you first walk in, or the ones against the wall back by the jukebox.

Feed her booze, get her naked. It's a very old formula.

Defualt · 2010-07-21T23:12:02+00:00

That was painful to read but you did get a girl to agree to come out to meet you so good job on that.

If she starts asking you if you think this is a date again, tell her that this subject is really dull, that you don't even think about things like that in that way. Be disappointed in her for being so tedious.

If she says anything about being friends, don't even acknowledge it. Change the subject to anything else in your next breathe "Hey did you see that movie..."

Lean back.

Kino is priority. Be slick about it at first because she's uptight. Ask to read her palm. Hold her hand looking at it for 15 seconds, trace a couple lines, nod, shake your head, go "hmmm". Then release her hand, and look like you pity her slightly. SHe'll demand you tell the reading. Just shake your head and smirk. Then do some thumbwrestling. Then pat her shoulder sarcastically when she says something stupid. Then walk around and put your hand on her back as you go through a door.

Eye contact. She is always the first to look away. But don't have a creepy stare. Just be sly.

Don't talk about yourself. Be mysterious. If she asks about you, either give very unspecific responses or just refuse to answer the question because of privacy or boredom. But feel free to ask her anything.

RedErin · 2010-07-21T19:50:31+00:00

Good text game. ;)

Prevention

Also, don't buy her anything. Say something like "I hope you don't expect me to buy your drinks."

Be sure to let us know how it goes. :)

alexryane · 2010-07-21T22:08:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Have a semi date tonight how do I not let this become a just friends thing?
Author	punkerdante182
Upvotes	8
Comments	32
Date	July 21, 2010 7:12 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cs5tb/have_a_semi_date_tonight_how_do_i_not_let_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/have-a-semi-date-tonight-how-do-i-not-let-this.1305382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1305382

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