How do I break the Nice Guy I am?

Squidward_On_Drugs · 2012-11-04T17:44:15+00:00

Saw this posted on /r/getmotivated earlier. Relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZu-tBi7DM

pickup_sticks · 2012-11-04T18:21:43+00:00

Here's something I've found works for me, YMMV.

To me, the times when I'm most aware of being too nice are the times I'm not saying what I'm actually thinking. Instead I'm saying what I think someone else wants me to say.

So I have a motto: when you see it, say it.

Meaning: if I notice something about a girl or the situation at hand, I verbalize it. Sometimes it's just a random observation about something on the periphery, sometimes it's something about her.

~~Unfortunately I can't think of a good example right now, but I'll update this if do.~~

Edit: just thought of one. One time I was walking with a girl down the street with a girl and a homeless guy asked us for money. We both got silent, I said "no thanks" and we kept going. Then there was slightly awkward silence. I said: "Isn't that weird how we stopped talking after that homeless guy hit us up? It's like he scared us into silence. Did you feel that?" She agreed and that threaded to a conversation about unconscious fears.

That example is not a great one because it's not especially bold, but I know there are times when I've been more aggressive.

Oh yeah, just remembered. One time I was talking to this girl at a bar and I couldn't really tell if she was interested, so I just asked "are you attracted to me?" (I learned this line from Juggler.) She was a little surprised by the question, but then she admitted yes. Then I told her I wanted to take her back to her hotel and make love to her. She was a little shocked, but it spiked her emotional state. 10 minutes later we left together and I did exactly that.

I did the same thing to a girl earlier this week. In that case I didn't f-close her, but her demeanor changed and she clearly got more interested in me. We were at a bar with a lot of people talking. After that she only talked to me.

Note: these are high risk strategies. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, but I think of them as entertainment. One girl got really mad when I told her that. Another got really horny and we ended up doing a three-way. YMMV.

baldrad · 2012-11-04T17:06:47+00:00

Are you a nice guy, or a pushover and too much of a pleaser and a doormat?

Being a nice guy isn't bad, but being a pushover/ doormat/ too much of a pleaser is

glassuser · 2012-11-04T20:01:21+00:00

Be nice, don't be "nice". Do nice things because that's who you are, not because you expect to get something out of it. Fire and forget - helps you grow in outcome independence too.

leodoestheopposite · 2012-11-04T22:09:28+00:00

A good start: Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It changed my life.

2012-11-04T18:07:30+00:00

There you go

TrippAdvice1 · 2012-11-04T17:29:26+00:00

I wrote a post on that a little while back: http://trippadvice.com/nice-guy-syndrome/

2012-11-04T17:43:01+00:00

I also have this problem and I'm just now learning how to reverse it. I'm still a nice guy, but now I'm a nice guy who is more assertive and leads the way. Giving off an "I want you but I don't need you" attitude has appeared to help as well. Also don't be afraid to make fun of her a bit. Seems to be working.

TrekkieMonsterz · 2012-11-05T15:15:56+00:00

You only Embraced the Nice. I was BORN INTO IT.

MrFunnycat · 2012-11-05T01:28:19+00:00

There's a big banner on top of this subreddit's main page as well as a whole sidebar filled with information dedicated just to you.

dbaker102194 · 2012-11-04T23:08:07+00:00

Be an asshole to a stranger. Glass shatters Done.

Just_Like_You · 2012-11-05T06:25:23+00:00

Experience ego death. It will show you just how useless it is to be such a man when you want to be so much more. It will help you see that the barriers are laughable at best, and that you are so much more than you're aware of now.

lawyerdog829 · 2012-11-05T14:02:00+00:00

1) Ask yourself questions. Are you being nice because you really want to or you feel obligated to do so? What are you getting out of being nice (there's something there or you wouldn't keep doing it)? Or why/what do you think would happen if you decided to just stop being "nice" and started not suppressing certain emotions as much?

2) No amount of words someone else tells you will make it easier to change yourself. It make make it clearer, but this is still going to be 100% on you and very tough to do at certain points.

On a personal note I'll say this. To work on my inner game I've gone to a therapist before. And she put it perfectly. Being nice isn't the problem, it's being passive. Passive people don't get what they want because they never go after it. You have to go after what you want. But at the same time you can go too far and be downright aggressive which is a turn off. There's a happy medium, and that's to be simply assertive. Just go after what you want is literally half the battle. But the cool thing is it's completely 100% in your control, too. So master it, and you'll be exponentially better than you are and without even having to do anything other than what's in your own head.

Edit: Found an article on it, also talks about the dangers of becoming passive-aggressive instead of assertive: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/assertiveness.htm

luisrd · 2012-11-05T22:00:39+00:00

Grow long hair and a beard. 0_0

SwissPUA · 2012-11-04T21:17:33+00:00

Reading this subreddit makes me angry in the last few days.

We don't want to read about your personal problems - a hundred other guys have had the same problem and saved it using the SIDEBAR.

What we want to read is NEW AND USEFUL PICKUP CONTENT.

ravikarna27 · 2012-11-04T23:11:33+00:00

No no no you're most likey not a nice guy. You're more of a pushover. Work on being confident and not so outcome dependent

Normal_Red_Sky · 2012-11-05T22:10:36+00:00

Kezia has some interesting stuff to say about this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY3yC4Z8sqE&feature=plcp Her other videos are well worth a watch too.

Title	How do I break the Nice Guy I am?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	35
Date	November 4, 2012 5:02 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12m8tw/how_do_i_break_the_nice_guy_i_am/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-break-the-nice-guy-i-am.1342253 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342253

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