How do I show her I care while maintaining attraction? (Relationship)

Barabbas- · 2018-12-25T07:59:00+00:00

Seduction will help you get the girl, but it won't help you keep her, my friend.

TBH, this is probably not the right sub for your particular situation. Pickup is like fishing. Dating is like preparing the meal. You dont let fishermen cook the fish and you don't send chefs to catch them.

Maintaining a relationship requires a completely different set of skills and "acting like you don't care" isn't one of them. Of course, you don't transition into a relationship overnight. The length of time you've been dating should determine the level of investment you demonstrate. Too much too quickly and you'll lose her (this is what we call "putting her on a pedestal"), but too little too late is equally damning. I know a guy who's slept with hundreds of women, but he can never keep a girlfriend because he doesn't know how to show he cares.

There are, of course, certain aspects of seduction that play a role in relationships. Having the confidence to know and act on your desires is an essential part of any healthy relationship. So it's not like you completely discard your pickup persona when you transition into a relationship, but rather you build on this foundation of attraction and slowly start to show your partner their importance to you.

Saying "I miss you" to a girl you've only known for 20 days demonstrates a lot of neediness, but those very same words uttered to someone you've been with for 20 years does not. Relationships are all about showing an appropriate degree of investment based on the stage of the relationship.

jigglypoopoo · 2018-12-25T07:38:01+00:00

Relationships are not games. Love isn’t measured by how much you do or don’t text. As long as you aren’t acting needy and demand an unreasonable amount of time from her you could give her the occasional text or calls to show you care about her. If she is mature enough she won’t think this is unattractive. I’d be uncomfortable in a relationship if I felt like I had to hold back. At the same time, what you’re doing is great, keeping yourself busy, learning things and not focusing all your time and energy on her is the right thing to do, you’ll also have more interesting things to contribute to your conversation at the end of the day instead of repetitive “I miss you” “I love you” “I wish you were here”s. Good luck!

adamcognac · 2018-12-25T08:24:28+00:00

just gonna give my two cents here, I may be wrong. to me, it seems like for a relationship, you're already starting from a place of dishonesty. if you are doing things with a purpose, to get or maintain an expected outcome, you're not being genuine, you're being manipulative. not a good way to treat a person you say you truly care about.

so my advice is to start being honest. want to be with her? say it. want to tell her something during the day? text her. i mean seriously, do you honestly want to have to "game" this person, forever? that's your idea of a happy healthy relationship? you can be openly into her without compromising your values, boundaries, or independence.

Crashlands · 2018-12-25T15:10:41+00:00

Listen my dude, you’re making a classic mistake. Don’t stay in attraction mode forever. The tricks of attraction are for building attraction. After that, just be real. Still do attractive things, but not be afraid to be vulnerable, tell her how you feel about her, etc.

JellyCat- · 2018-12-25T07:20:47+00:00

How long have you been dating?

-lighght- · 2018-12-25T15:36:48+00:00

Bro you gotta use seduction to get the girls, you don’t keep living by the seduction rule book once you get her and it’s serious. Yes, don’t be a needy bitch, but show her you want her! You could lose her if not

Khower · 2018-12-25T17:42:47+00:00

I’m surprised at the amount of good advice on here.

rrir · 2018-12-25T12:00:54+00:00

How can you treat your girlfriend like a piece of puzzle or a videogame, and then still be able to love her?
If I was able to analyze and manipulate a girl to the point of being able to draw circles around her, I know I wouldn't be able to feel anything but pity for her.

skinisblackmetallic · 2018-12-25T15:56:26+00:00

You’ve got the girl, so seduction is used to make the relationship more fun but actual love and giving has to happen now. There’s not a video game move to keep your girlfriend.

Serpent73 · 2018-12-25T16:13:15+00:00

Try the Relationships sub. Def a better place for this.

HappyBull · 2018-12-25T16:26:38+00:00

You can still say those things because you genuinely miss her! There’s no games! You’re in. She trusts you and you trust her!

HOWEVER, some things to take from seduction is that you do not make your happiness dependent on her. You are steady. You are happy. And are unmoved and unreactive to negativity. To me you still have to maintain being a leader. Compassion and care comes with that too. Imagine a leader that you can base yourself off of. I imagine a tribal leader who’s strong, smiles at all his people, has the most heartwarming laughs, the hardest slaps on the back, and does whatever he can do to help. Then when shit goes down he knows how to be stern with reason and with love.

^This should be your frame. It’s not needy. It’s happy and genuine.

I’ve always said relationships are about two happy people that want to share that with someone else. If you both depend on each other’s happiness the relationship turns codependent and toxic. That is something you do not want.

Johnnyevil777 · 2018-12-25T17:16:28+00:00

Maybe keep doing what you're doing but just do something here and there that shows that you really care about her.

Khower · 2018-12-25T17:29:49+00:00

Make your words still about building attraction but your actions reflect your value in her. Take her out, open the door, do nice things, be vulnerable. Occasionally let her know how much you value and appreciate her. But also keep up the banter to keep things interesting.

Seduction is about getting the girl, not keeping her. You’re onto a new level my friend, time to adapt. Don’t be afraid to seduce her now and again to make her feel important and such. But now is about building a fulfilling relationship, not using gimmicks and tricks to attract them. Spice things up, but don’t rely on your seduction tricks as a means of building a healthy relationship

brutusdidnothinwrong · 2018-12-25T17:33:19+00:00

telling a girl things like "I want to kiss you right now", "I miss you", etc show a type of weakness and neediness that girls - while they may find gratifying in the short term - ultimately end up unattracted by as a result

Until she's emotionally invested in you...

Funkimonkey · 2018-12-25T17:46:15+00:00

Guys saying to go elsewhere for info? Seduction is only to get the girl then it stops? Um....what?

Sorry no. That is totally wrong.

You should always be seducing your girl. When you stop is when she leaves.

What you need to stop doing though is playing a silly game. It’s not sustainable and means you attracted her with tactics not inner strength.

Women are attracted to core confidence and frame. Hold a strong frame and you won’t have to play any game at all.

Stop waiting for her to message you and stop playing aloof. Don’t change all at once though or she will feel something off. Slowly shift.

Play the strong frame. Tell her you care about her or show it. Grab and her and be sexual. Talk dirty to her. Make her laugh. Stand up for her or someone else in front of her. Do badass things. Be a badass. Have other interests and passions. Be in demand.

The key is equity in a relationship. Show equal interest to hers and you will be fine. That’s all you need (plus a willingness to leave - meaning if she dumps you, you’ll have no problem replacing her and she knows it).

I think this sub needs to be updated to 2018 (now 2019). Seems to be stuck in pickup era of early 2000s.

Title	How do I show her I care while maintaining attraction? (Relationship)
Author	notathrowaway9961
Upvotes	75
Comments	27
Date	December 25, 2018 6:57 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/a9cvvr/how_do_i_show_her_i_care_while_maintaining/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-show-her-i-care-while-maintaining.1459298 https://theredarchive.com/post/1459298

Comments