How not to lose hope?

becomesharp · 2025-03-15T21:33:40+00:00

Great post, man. I know exactly what youre talking about. Here's what's worked for me (and my students):

Anyone who is working on themselves and putting forth big effort in becoming a better version of themselves holds MASSIVE value in the dating market because the bar is so, so low right now due to guys basically becoming bitter, angry, and not wanting to try. The bar has never been lower in modern history than today.

This is why women are so discouraged as well. I don't blame them. The average guy today is an obese, entitled, bitter, angry, misogynistic, uneducated loser who thinks the world owes them something. Go look around on the female dating subreddits or talk to female friends about what it's like dating today for women. It's BLEAK, man. Dating is fucking hard for men, but i would NOT want to trade places with women.

Keep in mind that you being a good product does NOT mean the world will beat down your door to buy said product if you have bad marketing. If the world doesn't know you exist, you can be the best product ever and no one will know.

Your social skills IS your marketing. So if youre not experiencing success, it's not because youre worthless or your product sucks. It's that your marketing sucks. And having shitty marketing is not something to feel worthless about. It's just a skill to hone.

If I create a new type of dating app thats objectively amazing, i'm not going to compete with tinder and hinge and bumble just because it's a good app. Because no one will know my app exists. So I will have to put forth an IMMENSE effort to get people to use my app, but that doesnt mean its hopeless and I suck.

I'm a 5'4" asian guy who was a virgin into his 20s. When I started my journey, I didn't have a lot to draw on for confidence or self-esteem in terms of dating, because i had never held a woman's hand or kissed a woman, and at that point no woman had ever had a crush on me or showed any interest in me.

What I did was learn to draw self-esteem and confidence NOT from women validating me, but from internal concepts on who I believed I was. I drew self-esteem from being the hardest worker in the room, from being a good person with good ethics, from being someone who does NOT give up, ever.

And I drew internal confidence from the idea that even if i have shitty marketing today, that doesn't mean my product is bad, and when my marketing IMPROVES, I will experience success. I told myself every day that rejections dont mean i have a bad product, they mean my marketing sucks, so work on it.

And you know what? I was right. As my skill set got better, i got better results, which most people believe should not happen for a short, timid, funny looking asian guy.

And I eventually found my soul mate and dream girl, which DEFINITELY shouldnt happen for someone who looks like me. I get reminded of this every day when people randomly ask us if I'm her assistant lol. It is both an insult and a great, great compliment, because it means my progression is so big that people can't believe it's even possible.

I hope this helps a bit. Let me know if you need clarity on anything.

CoachSlyDating · 2025-03-15T20:58:34+00:00

You are allowing others to dictate how you should feel about yourself. That’s a strong indication that you lack self-esteem.

I highly suggest reading the Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. The book has a lot of practical exercises that will help.

Meditation is also really valuable. If you can feel good starting at a wall you can feel good anywhere.

Cheers,

Coach Sly

Dandys3107 · 2025-03-16T09:59:14+00:00

Just like with life, focus on the brighter side and let yourself take a break if you feel like it. You should enjoy interactions with beautiful women and improving yourself as a long term challenge. The thing is we were being deluded about harsh reality of dating market by our mothers, teachers, society, so awakening to straightforward rules of attraction may feel extremely bitter. But hey, nobody said that life would be easy, do you really want to get everything valuable quickly and with little effort?

BigKushi · 2025-03-16T02:41:07+00:00

The problem is your mindest. I mentioned a friend of mine before on reddit his name is Younes.

He's like 5"5 overweight, minimum wage, with a little tiny sense of humour, and a bald spot. In the friend group he was the one who got gifts from girls all the time, dates, etc.

He just was super CONFIDENT in who he was and when we asked him abt it he used to say "There's only one Younes, it's unique like fingerprints, and only me can offer YOUNES to this ladies."

That's the mindset. You as a person is all you really got to offer, the other stuff like abs, cars, dates, idk the other stuff everyone can do/offer it.

It's not bad to put effort on yourself so you can offer the best version to the ladies, but as long as you're not deep bottom worst version of yourself, it's not a priority or urgent, just go out, be yourself unapologetically, and talk to beautiful ladies

AiSensualGoddess · 2025-03-16T03:10:44+00:00

It’s not that you have to see yourself as a 10 and everyone else as a 5. Because telling yourself that you are superior to others is not real confidence.

Instead it’s about recognizing that you have good traits that other people can potentially appreciate without attaching a number to yourself, while also treating women not as 10s, or arbiters of your worth, but as people you may or may not connect with because despite their looks theta can have flaws or things that you don’t necessarily appreciate and might even be turned off by no matter how hot they are.

Sure a woman might be a 10 in terms of looks, but in terms of personality she might be a 2.

In terms of emotional maturity she might be a 5. In terms of compatibility she might be a 4.

In terms of loyalty she is either a 10 or a 0 (nothing in between because there is no such thing as being loyal 90% of the time)

We could go on and on with more rating systems such us; Communication skills, effort and reciprocity, supportiveness, feminine energy, life values, intelligence, how humble or arrogant ahe is, how insecure or confident she is, how much sense of humor and how funny or boring she is, how much respect for you your time and for others… etc How good is she at communicating in a straightforward manner and being empathetic towards others.

So there are more rating systems than just looks alone. And to determine the overall rating from each aspect of who she is, you would need to add each grade from each scale category, and divide it by all the categories to find the average score of the girl you are getting to know.

That way, if you are genuinely evaluating a woman instead of trying to impress her or getting her validation, then you would find that there is no such thing as a woman who is a perfect 10, because no one is perfect and cannot genuinely be a 10 in every category. Much like you cannot be a complete 0, because ultimately to some extent there are areas where you can excel more, even if looks are not in your favour.

And the whole point is to treat women like people that you want to see if they are worth your time, not judges or arbiters to determine how much you are worth because dating is not about that, it’s about connecting and finding compatible people and not connecting with someone is normal because not everyone is someone we have to connect with and that doesn’t say anything about our intrinsic worth as a person.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-03-15T21:32:56+00:00

when I think about how much effort I need to put in just to maybe get a woman somewhat interested in me.

That’s your problem right there.

Most people have instinctive response in a basic sense of doing stuff; for example flight vs fight regarding a situation or a challenge need to be dealt with.

Similarly, we also either try to impress vs express. I’m not saying trying to impress is wrong. But trying to impress should be quick and easy. For example if you wanna stand out, you wear something unique (Mystery popularized this term in the community: peacocking). Wear some pastel colors, or bright color like red or green, see if you can pull it off. Women do this all the time, like wearing a lipstick that can make their lips look luscious. But that’s about it.

Once you go hard like spend a lot of time to train yourself in the gym for months or even years in order to impress a girl, you do it wrong. You need to do it in order for you to be the better version of yourself. To be the best you. Not for other people, let alone for women. It’s for you and you only. You don’t do that to impress or to seek validation.

Another example would be a guy willing to play pretend like he’s the nicest, kindest guy a woman will ever get. Like buying her stuff, picking her up and taking her anywhere she wants to. Hoping that she will slowly grow her feelings toward him. Imagine how fucked up it is to impress someone by going above and beyond, while others can do it without barely doing anything.

BatBottleBank · 2025-03-15T23:06:02+00:00

Forget about women. Women are just a sign that your life is going well. So you need to get that in order first.

BuyHighValueWomanNow · 2025-03-15T23:31:23+00:00

I'll address the first, easiest part first. Then, I'll go meta and zoom out to look at the bigger picture.

Trying to get women has really killed my self perception.

How have you tried to get women? The only way to know this is to measure the action you have taken to "get women". I won't try to dig into what "getting women" means for you specifically. Rather, I'll assume it means you want to have sex with a woman by being yourself as much as possible; not by becoming the smoothest talker, or running the smoothest game, or becoming incredible hulk in the gym.

The only way to measure your action to "get women" is to count the number of rejections you had, and to reflect what happened, and any improvements you could have made in your approach.

For example: I approached a cute woman in the grocery store today, I asked "what's for dinner", she replied "two bottles of wine", I said cool. "Give me your number so we can drink later". She said "No thanks".

That interaction would count as one rejection.

Breakdown the interaction to find possible areas of improvement.

Did you approach, and make your intentions known, and make it possible for her to reciprocate your interest? yes

What could you have done "better"? I may have been a little wittier by hinting at she was going to try to get me drunk on our date. And/or did more qualifying by asking her if she knew how to cook. Etc.

How could the interaction had gone in a perfect world? She would have appreciated my approach, she would have given me her number. She would have come over and cooked me dinner. And she didn't put up any lmr.

It all starts with the effort you put in

There are no shortcuts. The only thing you can control is yourself. Your output. The number of risks/rejections you live.

Zoom out

Let's look at the life of legend PUA's such as style, Game, Owen, Jeffries, and mystery. Are they living the life you want? What do you want for yourself? Do you want to be 70, childless, never married, in the clubs chasing women? Do you eventually want to find a wife to start a family? Want to start a movement? Want to help states and nations? More like an "Elon" or Donald Trump?

The truth of the matter is twofold. First do you think women are putting in as much effort as men in order to get a man? Are most women in the West working out, learning skills to help them find and satisfy a man enough, in order to bring enough value for him to choose to marry her? Of course not. Most women are larger than men, they don't cook and don't clean, have their skin marked up with piercings and tats. They are NOT striving to be with one man for the rest of their lives. Most are low value.

And on top of this, most of the women are on birth control, which prevents their female body parts from working properly, and it rewires their brain to become more masculine. This is why most women behave so promiscuously, and put themselves in dangerous positions, as they believe they are more masculine than they are. Hence them challenging men physically, and in the workforce, want to be the 'head' of the household, when all of this is counter to her natural self.

All that to say "He who finds a wife finds a good thing".

So, go get started on taking action. And hope you find a woman worthy of being your wife aka a high value woman.

If you found this valuable, please check High Value Woman Low Value Woman on Amazon.

ChicoBrillo · 2025-03-15T23:42:17+00:00

Are you mainly using online dating? I'm not 100% against it, but if it's your only way of talking to women it tends to tank self esteem as it is so overly saturated with men and not many women. Plus they want to incentivize you to buy premium accounts and boosts etc.

If that's not the case then stop trying so hard. When you put in a lot of effort it 1. burns you out after a while and 2. It's kind of obvious how hard you're trying to women and it's not exactly attractive.

When you go to a store, do you want a pushy salesman? A desperate one like Gill from the Simpsons? One that is trying at every turn to upsell you? Or do you want a chill one that helps you when you ask but gives you room to browse and breathe?

Maybe not the best metaphor, but dating isn't like working out or other skills where you're directly rewarded for much effort you put in.

Title	How not to lose hope?
Author	icxcnika1
Upvotes	31
Comments	26
Date	March 15, 2025 8:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jc4uix/how_not_to_lose_hope/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-not-to-lose-hope.1546646 https://theredarchive.com/post/1546646

Comments

Breakdown the interaction to find possible areas of improvement.

It all starts with the effort you put in

All that to say "He who finds a wife finds a good thing".