Should you be open with your intentions?

GiotaroKugio · 2025-05-13T18:07:46+00:00

its not about being open with them, its about not hiding it

nordik1 · 2025-05-13T18:48:12+00:00

If you say you just want something casual up front, you will fumble 99% of attractive women

Rhino3750ss · 2025-05-13T18:06:49+00:00

You want to be open in a non verbal manner through your mannerisms and masculine demeanor, you don't want logical, vocal discussions about intent unless she asks you directly, because it comes across as forcing a vibe and creates certainty; which is the opposite of polarity. Whatever happens should happen organically. This way you are never locked into one option and the girl may be open to whatever you want once enough time went by to get to know her, whether it be a casual or romantic situation.

Trikdonkey · 2025-05-13T20:32:21+00:00

This is something I'm struggling with currently.

After a 9 month relationship shit the bed I don't want to be in a relationship until I get my career settled.

I've met several women since my breakup that seem interested enough in dating and I plan to do that with them. It's just too much fun and I want to maintain my skills as a well-socialized man.

However, I need to inform them that I'm not emotionally available. I guess it is something I need to express on the fiest date if its going well enough that there could be another

Dwerg1 · 2025-05-13T18:56:12+00:00

Be about as clear about it as she is. If she's not clearly and directly asking then don't clearly and directly volunteer your intention. It's only a lie if she asks and you say something other than the truth. I'd also argue it's unethical if it's obvious she wants something other than you and you keep leading her on, but you probably won't know her intentions that early anyways

PeterLamb87 · 2025-05-14T06:14:43+00:00

Women understand the dynamic depending on how you play the game, its implicit, and can be made explicit during the dates. The big issue that barely anyone talks, is that casual relationships dont exist outside usually very boring one night stands. If you pipe a lady good for some time, she will stop seeing the dynamic as casual even if you are explicit about it, and you will get attached to her even if you just want to pipe her, sex is a bonding activity after all. Eventually ladies will get hurt and you will end up with a hole in your soul, this is unavoidable unless you truly dont give a shit about other people.

Thierr · 2025-05-14T06:44:07+00:00

I think being authentic is important. Many women are completely open to something casual, but what does that really mean.

You won't find many women that purely want a physical hookup. But is that really what you want?

Or are you looking for a fun time, connecting emotionally, intellectually, and eventually physically - without further commitment? Plenty of women want that. Might be a bit more difficult if you're very young

hunterpua · 2025-05-13T17:59:59+00:00

What I do is I just start talking about how I'm currently running my dating life.

I don't bring it up from the very beginning. Of course, I approach first or there's an introduction first and then we break the ice.

But once the conversation is flowing, I can just direct it towards dating and then bring up how I'm currently just messing around casually.

I don't tell her I wanna do that with her. I don't tell her I'm looking for that. I just tell her this is what I'm doing right now.

I might even just drop it in to give context to a story I'm about to share like, "So I'm dating casually right now. You know, I'm sleeping with some women but theres no strings attached. So anyway, one time me and a girl I'm seeing casually were going for a walk in a park but then..."

And of course if the girl I'm talking to asks more about it I'll elaborate. But at no point do I ever make it about me and her.

And then I continue the interaction like normal, flirting, teasing, playfully challenging, escalation, etc.

If it escalates to sex, she knows exactly what she's getting into.

If we've already had sex and I sense that she isn't sure where she stands, I clearly reiterate the situation some time after we've had sex at least twice.

I don't do it if we only had sex once, because that might be a one night stand, so clarifying that we're just casual wouldn't be a concern at that point.

hghg432 · 2025-05-13T18:17:36+00:00

I would not bring this up unless they explictly push you in the beginning. if they ask "what do you want out of this" say something like "i'm dating around and just spending time w people i vibe with."

if they keep pushing then you can directly say "im not ready for anything serious right now". you can add a brief reason (like work, or breakup) but not needed and also dont lie

also the best way to establish casual dynamic is to subtly talk about other girls that you're seeing in a way that is organic in your convo, and ideally in a slightly sexual way. Just don't be too direct or overly specific with details unless they really want to know and get turned on by it. this usually piques their interest and actually makes them more attracted due to competition anxiety (communicates indirectly that you have abundance)

2025-05-14T00:16:00+00:00

This is a more complex topic than usually discussed. On one hand, you need to figure out what is that you want and stick to it. If you want casual, that’s great. You still need to have some criteria and rules about what a casual relationship will look like to you.

Once you have figured out what you want and it’s reasonable and fair to the woman as well (for example you can’t have a rule that you will sleep around but she has to be faithful to you, but you should have a rule that both of you will use protection and not talk about other partners). This will become your set of criteria to screen women with.

When you approach a woman, don’t approach her already wanting her. Approach her to give her a chance to prove to you if she’s worthy of being your casual partner. Believe that you are a hot commodity and that you are providing them with something they value, such as great sex and fun with no strings attached, no judgment and expectations.

So don’t tell a woman “hey wanna fuck and be casual fuck buddies?” But do screen her for the qualities you want and start casually mentioning g that you are not the boyfriend type and that you are not someone to be tied down.

If she starts trying to qualify herself to you, you can tell her that you have rules about getting involved with a woman and most women can’t hang that’s why you need to be extra picky about who you bring into your life. Not only are you setting the stage for her to agree to your rules, but you are also a challenge. Being hard to get and pulling away from her (doubting she can hang with you), will make her want you even more. That’s when you mention that you are not in the headspace for a serious relationship and that all you can offer is judgment free sex and spending quality time together with mutual respect. But that you have no interest in being her boyfriend or tying her down or stopping her from searching for Mr Right, while the two of you have your fun.

JimmysMom124 · 2025-05-15T03:37:13+00:00

How should I approach this girl, me and my boy are both into her.

Ok so me and two of my boys were at this lake with some of our friends cousins (they’re sisters) and we were hanging out just around the water, around the vehicles, and just throwing rocks. But every now and then they’d talk about being a bit of a freak, talking sucking my buddies nips (were guys btw) and always doing this like 5 way handshake. We have gone to the lake before all together, but ion really know them. One was talking about just wanting to have sex. They also were just staring at our nips and we were all being a lil freaky can’t lie, but I’ve never talked to a woman when Im not intoxicated and ion really know about how to hit her up.

Help a brother🙏

TripleDigitNomad · 2025-05-16T10:52:33+00:00

No, you shouldn't be telling them you're only looking for something casual, but you also shouldn't be leading them on if you're not looking for something serious.

Basically just keep the door open for the best chances.

Foreign-Spring9076 · 2025-05-13T17:53:25+00:00

Its always important to be honest with your intentions from the start. Most of the time, they are looking for that too so you don’t waste time

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-05-13T18:00:34+00:00

Facing more potential rejections is part of being honest. Don't lie just to up your odds of having sex. Setting a precedent where you are truthful from the beginning is important no matter if you intend for a casual or a serious type of relationship.

Geojere · 2025-05-13T19:25:15+00:00

The whole point of casual relationships is that they are typically precursors to relationships. One person is tugging on the other for something that the other person doesn’t really want to give them.

And don’t listen to any advice here insinuating you to lie. Lets be real if you have to lie to a woman to lay with her you are part of the problem. And there is no “game” in lying or manipulating a girl to cave into your desires. She wants you or she doesn’t.

Furthermore woman or man. If they want you then you can typically get them into the proposition that you are looking for.

My advice to you is to improve on things you can improve on. Be honest (doesn’t mean snitch on yourself) and just go with the flow. Women like flowing into things opposed to anything else. If its going to happen then it will happen. Then keep trying until you get the outcome you want.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-05-13T20:00:27+00:00

Being upfront doesn't mean directly saying "hey i may not know you at all, but i like your body and i want to have sex for fun once with you." It means showing interest in getting to know her first, and then escalating gradually to sex until sex becomes a consequence of the charged sexual tension that has been generated during the conversation. Sex does not happen immediately, it needs forplay first, and that requires getting to know her first. Even if you are just looking to meet one girl today and fuck her today (the exact same day you meet her) you still need to get to know her. The process might take half an hour to 7 hours of being together before sex happens the same day you met her, so it's not something that happens just by her liking your apperance and then being immediately sold without knowing abosultely anything about you.

grldgcapitalz2 · 2025-05-13T19:47:15+00:00

SombraBlanca · 2025-05-13T23:05:07+00:00

Everyone here should watch the black mirror episode, hang the dj. However much time you spend with them, a year or just tonight, the goal is to write your own rules together and this will make more sense once you watch it.

AnMoCa_Nav · 2025-05-14T08:23:45+00:00

What has worked IME is telling her something among the lines of “I’m not looking for anything serious but I’m not closing that door” but not with those words, it’s conveying that, something more like “I’d like to see you again” but being sure to keep communication and that lead alive, like sending messages from her phone when you get that number and Ig, then proceeding to make a plan to see each other in another place (the sooner the better, this is known as going for Day two. And then get her to the point of “I want to see him more often” compounding it with loosing the sense of time whenever she hangs out with you and there my man, you’re in. Most importantly don’t forget to make future plans with her bc if not you’re pretty much collecting Ig’s and numbers that lead to nothing and that’s called stale/dry leads.

Soral_Justice_Warrio · 2025-05-14T11:46:14+00:00

There’s an Cameroonian saying. « Telling someone that you’re in love with them is like telling the tax office you’re a billionaire » If you want success at the expense of being an asshole, it’s better to be ambiguous. If you don’t want any hassle or being an asshole it’s better at the risk of being uninteresting.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-05-14T14:45:27+00:00

It's sales. Would you buy something you know nothing about? You have to demonstrate value, they have to buy in, then you can ask for compliance.

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-05-13T17:56:08+00:00

I find no. I know that sounds bad but the alternative is you just grenade every interaction so you just have to. Also a lot of my casual this never was gonna go anywhere situations turn into dating. In fact I’d say all of mine have

yazzooClay · 2025-05-13T22:38:28+00:00

no they know

Title	Should you be open with your intentions?
Author	icxcnika1
Upvotes	66
Comments	46
Date	May 13, 2025 5:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1klsf8l/should_you_be_open_with_your_intentions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-you-be-open-with-your-intentions.1552112 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552112

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