How? Step-By-Step. From Approaching To Getting HER Number

jdtbfan · 2014-10-20T19:36:04+00:00

Love this thread OP, you have some really sound advice in here. I do have to admit that I chuckled a little when you said I'm in to XXX movies.

Moony99 · 2014-10-20T19:33:43+00:00

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Mouthpiece · 2014-10-20T20:35:27+00:00

somehow for me the problem isnt getting a number, its the after i've gotten their number where I always seem to fail miserably

ithearrow · 2014-10-21T03:01:03+00:00

Just a heads up, Girls sometimes give numbers even if they don't like you. This is because rejection is hella awkward, and guys might get violent when girls reject them. Focus on the girl, not the number

Alpha-Turtle · 2014-10-20T19:18:57+00:00

REALLY NICE BRO!
I'm only 16 and today was the first cold approaching ever, so i sucked hard time especially cuz i didn't know how to open, but after reading this i feel a lot more prepared.
But still... When i approached the girls, my balls were shaking. I was so scared that i couldn't keep my arm steady when we shook hands... Is that gonna pass in time or not?
Thank you very much!

Kachiun_ · 2014-10-20T23:09:45+00:00

Nice write up! Especially about curious mindset. For getting the number, a good way is to arrange a meet up, a date, coffee. "It's been great chatting to you, I'd like to see you again.... How about a drink on Thursday? Cool, what's the best way to contact you?" and she can suggest the number, as if it were HER idea and not a "prize" you get for growing balls to talk to the pretty lady. And you already have a date planned!

EvilMEMEius · 2014-10-22T18:45:46+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment behind OP's post, but man this weirded me out because it seems so... slimy. This will sound harsh, but, from my own experiences, I've found that guys who do the approaching aren't the guys you want approaching you. An otherwise nice gesture comes across as creepy if an unattractive/awkward guy is buttering you up with unsolicited compliments.

(On friend) YOU: Oh nice. Is your friend as cute as you? But I highly doubt that. OR (On friend) YOU: Nice. Friend or boyfriend? I hope he’s not your boyfriend, if not I’ll be really sad. ;)

^ That literally made me wince as I read. DO NOT DO THIS. If you're a 1, this is the worst thing you can say because you'll gross her out and the conversation will immediately be over. If you're a 10, she'll assume you drop this line on every girl and be grossed out in another sense. If you're a stranger and you approach us, we already assume it's because you find us attractive - no need for the slew of generic compliments you'll just dish off to another girl on the other side of the room when we part ways. By leading with "blah blah blah you're hot blah blah blah," you've told us your intention (to get our number, to sleep with us, whatever), AND that you're not clever or respectful enough to come up with a better approach. I understand OP's point about wanting to compliment our efforts in spending lots of time getting ready to look nice, but often we do that for ourselves - not for strangers. (Personally, I devote the same energy spent getting ready for work (where I have little face-to-face interaction with others but still want to look my best) as I do date night... and I know a lot of girls who do this, too.)

The girl in the scenario is likely out with friends and may not want to be bothered. When I'm out, I want to focus on the people I'm out with and have a good time with them - not get picked up by a guy. Granted, if the latter happens, it's because he was equal parts attractive and a good conversationalist. Unless the girl you're crushing on is giving you signals that it's okay to approach her (making lots of eye contact, smiling at you, etc.), leave her be. If you do try to lay on the schmooze, read her signals before complimenting her (is she laughing at your jokes/holding eye contact/not checking her phone/playfully touching you - the ultimate green light/etc? Or is she looking around like she's trying to get away/checking her phone/laughing nervously to be polite but also because she's uncomfortable?) and definitely before asking for her number. Just because you want to chat us up and the two-minute conversation was bearable doesn't mean we should be held captive by your desire to score our digits.

A guy once flipped the script and gave me his card instead of asking for my number - I found the gesture polite in the sense that he was leaving it up to me to decide if I wanted something more, and also attractive because it showed his confidence. I'm pretty old-fashioned about dating, so it surprised me that I appreciated his move, but I did.

RobinKennedy23 · 2014-10-21T02:53:00+00:00

I did this and I got maced. Middle of the day on campus. I found the crazy one. Would recommend. 10/10

I'm not creepy. I promise. Only happened once.

downfor0 · 2014-10-20T23:32:26+00:00

Some pretty solid, very basic, easy-to-follow advice. I would add one more tip for complete beginners, and that would be to have a wingman with you. Somebody who will, most importantly, hold you accountable to actually doing it as opposed to losing your nerve at the last second. It's also an easy way out of the conversation if things start to go downhill and you need to eject. "Hey, nice talking to you but I have to get back to my friend."

This is a great guide but OP do you think you could do a step 2? From number to date. The problem I always seem to face when talking to women is getting an absurd number of flakes. I can introduce myself, talk for a while, be funny, charming, have great rapport and have the entire interaction go fantastically well and yet when I text the woman (usually within the next day or two) I am met with nothing but flake outs.

I think I may be a missing a crucial step here because I know that once I get a girl to agree to a meetup, the majority of the time the date will go well and likely (obv not always) even if not that first night, end in a f-close somewhere down the line.

I've had success with one night stands as well although that's usually only happened in a bar/party scene where people are getting trashed. I guess what I'm asking is this. I can approach and talk to unknown women with ease, and I can close women from dates, but how do you go from getting the number of a stranger to getting them to agree to meet you while minimizing the amount of flakes you get?

My text game is pretty non existent because I like to interact with people and get to know them in person. When I do text, it's usually along the lines of hey what are you doing/lets meet up. I need something more reliable.

TheRealMrsEaves · 2014-10-21T01:30:03+00:00

Do you think this could work for women approaching men? I see the same guy on the train almost every morning and evening and I've been trying to get the courage to talk to him. But I never know what to say and then get nervous I'll be stuck seeing him everyday if it doesn't go well....

sharkacolypse · 2014-10-21T06:30:09+00:00

I think this is some really stock advice. You said it yourself it has a low success rate, and it won't make you a more interesting person. Having the same (boring) conversation over and over won't score many dates, and it certainly won't prepare anyone for a date.

rangamatchstick · 2014-10-21T08:43:28+00:00

Not bad BUT seduction isnt a step by step guide, you need to understand what your doing and why it works, how to react as you should be able to adapt to a situation along with things the girl will throw at you. This is a good starting point but will have a lowish success rate.

Moony99 · 2014-10-22T13:30:58+00:00

Can you just flat out ask someone what they do in their free time? I see it advised that you should find out what they are passionate about and a few other things, but it feels like straight up saying 'what are you passionate about' a few seconds after meeting them would be pretty odd.

BurntScooby · 2014-10-20T22:01:01+00:00

Man it's gonna suck the day I get out of high school and actually need to cold approach. I usually get to know people first before I start pulling moves.

ViperCodeGames · 2014-10-21T04:49:29+00:00

I liked this all except the opener. Starting out by telling a woman you find them attractive can sometimes lend to idolizing them or giving them the sense that they already have your full interest. So yes it may work but I think there are better openers than directly telling them they are attractive. And personally I've had girls(4) come up to me before and tell me I'm hot(and I don't think I'm good looking) and I've already decided I'm not into them at that moment and its a little more uncomfortable vs people who have come up to me and talked about misc things. Just my personal feelings though. Maybe some of you guys have some input on this.

PM_ME_BOOTY_PICS_ · 2014-10-21T00:49:07+00:00

Thank you for this. I suck with ice breakers but I am fine with everything else.

NCForDayz · 2014-10-21T03:39:30+00:00

Reminds me of what the simple pickup guys do. They pull the same lines to stop a girl or when approaching. Although in their videos, they don't show the conversation part, just the getting number part.

Mouthpiece · 2014-10-20T23:06:04+00:00

This should be required sidebar reading for any beginner thinking of posting a question.

Nice job.

blueblast88 · 2014-10-21T01:21:44+00:00

This is exactly what i was looking for!

Nepherus · 2014-10-21T02:31:42+00:00

I'm going to try this in my high school tomorrow!(I'm a sophomore)

traininator · 2014-10-21T04:29:50+00:00

I can honestly say based on experience that saying you are nervous is really effective.

When ever I do something that doesn't work out how I intended or tell a joke that bombs. I simply state "I got nervous" and it always gets a laugh out of the person I am talking to.

Alexthomp · 2014-10-21T06:49:54+00:00

This guy may be up to something. http://burntsteak.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-wildebeest-principle.html

Moony99 · 2014-10-21T08:24:38+00:00

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Borax_ · 2014-10-21T13:13:53+00:00

The problem i have is widespread, i feel like my conversation is pure BS, I normally am confident in the sense of behavioral sense but when it comes down to meaningful interaction i break down, i stutter, talk rapidly, ehh, ehh alot etc. So i have been faking my confidence, but to me this just seems wrong, i feel fake, im sure the people i talk to know i am acting strange. I cant get myself to be myself unless im with close friends or myself. I cant even act like myself around family. What Im looking to improve is rapport building, i dont really build rapport, i cant ever make people laugh, or even smile. Or myself. What can i do? Practice approach? What should i practice if i keep staggering over the same barrier?

Moony99 · 2014-10-21T14:54:42+00:00

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2014-10-21T15:40:30+00:00

Bookmarked

1nf4m0uz · 2014-10-21T17:08:04+00:00

I've done all of these. But there are two things i fuck up royally on. One is sonetimes i forget to escalate during convo. And the other one is that i assume attraction a bit too much i forget that I need to build rapport.

Got any advice for those?

Moony99 · 2014-10-21T17:13:38+00:00

Interesting read but do you think it is also cultural dependant? Also do you think the looks of the one asking must be of certain qualities before being accused of being a creep? Lol... One more thing, does constant short stares or stealing stares by the one you're admiring is high likely a show of interest?

doubleheman · 2014-10-21T17:37:10+00:00

This is good thank you

Paumanok · 2014-10-21T17:45:24+00:00

This is far better content than all the bro-tastic book methodology that has started to dominate the sub. Thanks for this.

Mast3rR0b_90 · 2014-10-21T20:18:11+00:00

Great post, thank you very much! I'll probably try out some of your advice, since I still have some problems approaching girls

2014-10-22T11:06:10+00:00

Thanks I needed this. I was approaching a lot a few months ago but dropped my game quite a bit as I got comfortable in this new town.

2014-10-22T19:31:22+00:00

Lets get an infographic :-)

Enghiskhan · 2014-10-22T20:16:59+00:00

Can we get a highschool abridged version of this?

2014-10-26T21:56:08+00:00

getting to state-warm up- have no outcome- freedom of outcome 3 be psitive and 4 patience it should you'll get numbers w hen you have a right frequency 5 dont take it too serious/ if rejection don't worry about it don't get afraid.

jdtbfan · 2014-10-20T18:33:08+00:00

it can be explained shorter: you have an interesting conversation and find an "excuse" to get her number.

erikon · 2014-10-21T08:12:46+00:00

everything's good but the "hi, excuse me" part. maybe it's just not my style but without it you're showing confidence. and girls like confidence

you're also polarizing right away

Title	How? Step-By-Step. From Approaching To Getting HER Number
Author	Moony99
Upvotes	684
Comments	117
Date	October 20, 2014 6:24 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2jt2s9/how_stepbystep_from_approaching_to_getting_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-step-by-step-from-approaching-to-getting-her.1378336 https://theredarchive.com/post/1378336

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