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[–]SilentLettersSuck 22 points23 points24 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your mistake was believing that "I don't remember" is even half-true.
[–]chosonhawk19 points 14 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
A few things.
You were intimidated by her looks. Dont let yourself be intimidated by a woman's looks ever. Sometimes, the prettier they are, the more self-conscious they are and the more open they are to a dude just talking to them. Honestly, the prettier a girl is - the more likely I am to open a conversation with her. So many men avoid talking to them, they're often starved for attention.
Never...ever...let the first thing you say to a woman / girl be a question. Always make a statement...its more confident and it leaves the ball in your court to say the next thing...leaving the girl at ease. Even if its nothing more than "hey"...dont ask a question first. So, to your story...you could have done this:
You: "Hey. I see you're following me around again today." smirk Her: "What are you talking about?" You: "Everywhere I look, you seem to be right there. So either you're doing it on purpose, or I was clearly destined to talk to you today." smile
Its a little cheesy, but the smirk, smile, and confidence are key.
Best of luck to you!
[–]nakedballsofrain 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the best advice, and should be upvoted to the top. Those rules should be ingrained in all of us. Number 2 was something i'd never learned before, and completely enlightening. Thanks choseonhawk.
[–]queenw_hipstur 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Disagree. Always make reference to the awkward conversation. She was just as awkward as he was. It's playful. Girls like vulnerability combined with confidence.
[–]tyrannosaurus_dude 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I disagree with your disagreeing!
I think vulnerability ain't a bad thing to show. But bringing attention to the awkwardness is almost always a bad move unless it's done WAY after the fact. If he's just engaging her in conversation and he's like "Wow, that was an awkward conversation earlier", that is NOT an attractive thing to say. For a couple reasons:
She might not have found that HE was that awkward. He's revealing that he felt really awkward. People give you a lot more benefit of the doubt when it comes to awkwardness than you realize.
Revealing you felt awkward talking to a girl is like the worst kind of awkward to reveal. Yes, it's a vulnerability, but it's a BAD vulnerability.
The good vulnerabilities I discuss are things like "Man, I was nervous when I gave that speech to a ton of people" or "Wow, that was scary bungee jumping". Bad vulnerabilities are things that lead her to think "Oh wow, he must not be very comfortable talking to women".
[–]queenw_hipstur 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I think we can agree to disagree over agreeing or disagreeing. I think that always "peacocking" can be a bad thing. It may come across as smarmy or condescending and she may perceive you to be a player. The best game is when girls don't even know they are being gamed.
EDIT: I think what I'm trying to say is, I feel like there is this notion within the PUA community that there is only one way of attracting women. Isn't the number one rule "be yourself"? If an AFC wants to become a PUA and isn't a "ladies man" he shouldn't try to play one. Shy, awkward, funny guy is a great way to get hot girls too.
[–]chosonhawk1 points 14 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Confident vulnerability is a tricky way to communicate with women. I actually just tried this recently and it can come across as sociopathic. In fact the HB8 I was with started to try to psychoanalyze me and ask questions like "Dont you think there's a better way to deal with that?" "That isnt normal, is it?"
In the case of the OP, I suppose its an innocent enough situation where he could probably play it up...but just avoid talking about awkward situations as it relates to sex, kissing, etc...UNLESS you're in a LTR...then, that's the expectation. The whole "grabbing ass" scenario, I think is too close to sexual (esp for highschoolers) to try the confident / vulnerable approach. Its a little AFCish for me.
Its a tough dichotomy to blend...but if you can rock it...go for it. Not my cup of tea...so I've decided not to go there.
I'm by no means a PUA...definitely not an AFC...but nowhere near where I can and want to be. That being said, another example of avoiding the "awkward" rehash is this one girl I made out with after a party. She was in my bed and we were making out pretty hard. Then she said, "I dont think I'm ready for sex yet." I said "Really?" She said "Yeah...its too soon." So, I said "OK and rolled over." She said "Are you serious? That's it?" I said "Listen, I respect you. You tell me 'no' and I believe you. You're not gonna hurt my feelings. Good night." And that was it. Totally lame and had I known then what I know now...that would have been an amazing f-close. I then made the mistake of apologizing to her for that whole situation and making things awkward and blah blah blah. Barely talk to her anymore and she has another guy and that's that. Never got anywhere past the making out stage...when I should have been way further along than that. My bad. Lesson learned. Move on.
[–]queenw_hipstur 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I find that during a ONS, you need to move very quickly from foreplay to sex. If you spend too much time making out, she has too much time to reconsider her actions. Take advantage of her impulsivity. Go for the gusto.
[–]chosonhawk1 point 14 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
agreed...just make sure you're getting that "rape-y vibe" or it could get awkward. lol
[–]IAmaSwedishfish 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I would love it if you could post more examples of opening statements instead of the casual "What's up?" or "Hey Derpette, how're you doing today?" (I use the latter as it tends to spark good conversation most of the time)
[–]chosonhawk2 points 14 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You can always talk about the environment. If you're in a loud place like a bar or a party...you can walk up to her and just say "Hey. Wow, I wish they'd turn the music up in here! smile" Bonus points if you say it slightly quiet enough so she leans in to hear. A line I've used is "Man, those shoes must be killing you! It's a damn good thing they look amazing!" Really, the key is to just say anything. Asking a question is better than nothing. Making confident statements are better than asking questions.
One last option is point out what she is obviously trying to show off - unless its her tits...never point those out. But, if she has a hat, something in her hair, a cool belt, killer shoes, nails that were recently done, some accessory...point it out. Avoid the "eyes and smile" lines for now...those are probably what she gets complimented on all the time.
[–]anatimedream 33 points34 points35 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"Sure you remember... I was just trying to get a drink of water in peace and you came up with your friend and you pretended to grab my ass. Yea, I know it was you... and I'm onto your little game."
[–]chosonhawk8 points 14 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
great reply to the original conversation.
[–]geek_in_a_suit 22 points23 points24 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Your mistake was coming off un-confident. If you're going to say something, don't sound unsure - Say it like you mean it. Show that you're interested. Be the charming nice guy that you are. Keep the conversation going. Don't be the first to walk away. Let her be the one to walk away. After that, give her a few opportunities to initiate a chat with you. After a few times she doesn't initiate and/or comes off like a snob - Don't pay any attention to her. "Play the game she plays" Goodluck!
[–]HighDanger 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Commenting for later reference. Upboats for good measure.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]geek_in_a_suit 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Under different circumstances, I'd agree with you but he only has one shot at this. By restarting the conversation at a later time is perpetuating a cycle that is gonna get old pretty fast with her and ultimately result in her thinking he's annoying. Take the chance. Do it right once and then leave it alone. Remember, she probably think' she has you figured out and is expecting you to give her all the attention. The trick is to throw her off. Give her the Mr. Charming attention on that one-time conversation and then leave it alone. After, smile when you see her. Don't gawk. Talk to other girls. Be the guy who knows he has options but isn't a jerk about it. She'll either wonder why she's no longer flavor of the month and start chatting with you OR she'll just continue being a snob. If it's the latter, don't feel bad cuz you were already there in the first place. At least you tried. You learn and move on...
[–]highideas 5 points6 points7 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
With her friend there she was big man on campus. Let her know you are going to let her be that in front of your friends...but it is a secret.
Your opener was perfect: "Didn't I see you last class" Hers was defense and she was gauging your confidence. "I don't remember".
"You should have just grabbed my ass then so you would have remembered." wink. "I have to get back to my friends but could I get a little peck on the cheek before I go back so they think I am a huge stud? I will come back and get your number later alone"
If she is feeling it she will say so...confidence not cocky.
[–]baticrease 6 points7 points8 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need answers for something similar that happened to me.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Go talk to her again without the walking off part
You also shouldn't remotely care about anything that happened in the past. That will only work against you.
[–]ecntlr 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I know, I intend on talking to her again but I don't know how to go about with it, should I address the bad first impression or act like it dint happen. And what can I do to get her number.
[–]ShamwowTseDung 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
act like it didn't happen.
getting her number?
try talking to her and building rapport first. the number will come.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just go talk to her. Say hi and keep on going. If you want her number just ask for it. Sometimes people don't realize how simple and easy it is. Don't over think this one.
[–]ecntlr 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha I'm black, one of my best friends is Indian I hang out with him all the time. Maybe it's rubbing off.
[–]HjoVan 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
the advice i was given was to keep trying, dont give up. Its better to be looked at funny than not to be seen at all
[–]queenw_hipstur 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If I were you, I would turn this into an ongoing game. Every time you see this girl, you should always say, "oh hey didn't I see you last class?" She will begin to play along and will most likely start saying the same thing. Do not introduce yourself. You will be the mystery boy until she introduces herself. Keep the interactions short, light and funny, and then be on your way. She will be thinking to herself, "why does that cute guy keep chatting me up with no follow up?" This will lead to her being putty in your hands. Because if you see her and don't play the "didn't I see you" game, she will wonder if you've lost interest. This. Will. Work.
Good luck and FTA(fuck them all)
[–]m0bmx 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In my experience, if a girl gives you an obvious IOI and you don't respond, they'll shut down pretty quickly. It's a self esteem thing. They don't want to appear desperate by throwing themselves at a guy they can't get.
set your eye on another girl or your priorities, let there be known that
insert notasinglefuckwasgiventhatday.jpg
Seems like you're placing too much importance on this girl. She's this and that, but you haven't talked to her much. I'd say forget about her and go about your business, since she's in class she'll be around. Focus on enjoying yourself, she'll notice and then you decide whether you want to get a crack at it again, or not.
I hate to make this metaphor, but it should be more like a game and less like your destiny.
In other words, relax.
This is all IMO.
[–]ShamwowTseDung 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Just wondering: Was my post removed or is this something to do with the things going on in the server today?
[–]-marathon- 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Reddit had some problem earlier today so a bunch of people couldn't post anything
[–]ecntlr 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Go ahead a restate your comment, I didn't get it.
[–]ShamwowTseDung 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
it happened again, I'm thinking the mods don't like me...
what did you say?
To basicallly get over it - there's nothing to fix, it's done and over with. Go on about his business and he can decide in the future whether he wants to talk to her or not. He should learn to be comfortable and enjoy himself wherever he goes, she'll notice and think his past act was a one-time fluke.
Basically forget about her and do your thing, focus on your priorities and don't forget to have fun.
She'll stick around as you two take the same class, so she'll notice how relaxed you are (as you should have been when you talked to her) and you can decide to take your chances - or not. Forget about your first impression, you need to learn how to stay comfortable anywhere, anytime when you want to.
Drop it. It's done and over with, you can't clean it up - but you can move on like you don't give a damn and this moment was a one-time fluke - you're not normally that frigid, and nervous of a person when you're out and about.
She's only one girl, and I hate to say it but treat this more like a game and not your destiny.
All said IMO
[–]turtle_thunder 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm sorry if this comes out mean, I am only saying this to help you. Talking to girls in high school is so easy!! They don't matter, at all. No girls matter. There is a whole school and they are already in the mood to talk. It's not like a cold approach to someone you've never seen before.
From experience, girls most likely know who you are, they are waiting for you to talk to them. It is the easiest thing to just suck them into your reality and have a strong polarity, and she will willingly follow you.
Don't ask her if you saw her last class, you both know you did, and she just thinks your bad at socializing and not as attractive. I would've said something along the lines of " So I saw you grabbing my ass, want more of that?? ;)" and stick my butt out at her, blocking her way and backing into her. If you say it confidently no girl will act negatively to that.
The fact is you didn't say that, so next time you see her, just say, were you that girl that wants my booty? I thought so. and go from there like your old friends. Tease and touch her and she will be receptive. The key is the second you see an opening to talk to someone else, just leave. Stop talking to her. Then the next time you see her in the hallway, trap her in the corner without saying anything or some teases like this.
Just trying to help you out here, throwing out some ideas. Its all practice so just give it your all, otherwise your cheating yourself. Good luck
[–]dj_bizarro 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
you said she wasn't that good looking (ok looking) so why all the sudden is she on some pedestal? you didn't make the move, so you missed your shot, so now you should move on. if she flirts with you again, or gives you another opening, then go for it. otherwise stick with the act of her not remembering you thus you don't remember her.
[–]ecntlr 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I dont know maybe seeing her ass made her whole image seem better. I dont want to just give up with what if still in my mind.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
forever an ass man.
feelsgoodman.jpg
[–]heckz 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
find other girls to talk to and not worry about one girl
[–]sturmeh 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She remembers you, she isn't going to say: "Yes I was making sexually suggestive gestures at you."
Who cares if she doesn't remember you, second chance right there.
Girls will turn 'off' very quick if they've felt like they gave you an obvious IOI and you didn't respond. Its a self esteem thing. If she feels she put herself out there and you didn't do anything she'll pretend to be not interested.
[–]KPB724 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
since you already left in a shy way, I think its better off to approach her that way again. Tell her that you think she's cute but felt really shy. Tell her that you were thinking about her (but not in a stalker, crazy about her) Some girls really like shy guys that are sweet. Not guaranteeing anything but I did something similar and it worked.
[–][deleted] 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]dj_bizarro 9 points10 points11 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Don't put your butt in her face. Otherwise, do this.
[–]SoInsightful 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I thought this was the essential PUA move.
[–]ecntlr -1 points0 points1 point 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I think i found a way I'm going to handle this,let me hear your guy's thoughts.
I call her over. Give her a seductive smile and initiate physical contact. Ask her, her name and tell her that i thought she looked cute the other day and request her number. And tell her I'll call her sometime.
Thinking this up and execution are two entirely different things though.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Avoid compliments, especially about anything physical. Does. Not. Fucking. Work.
[–]ecntlr 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hmm, how do you think I can revise my plan.
I'd just go up to her again some time and talk to her, and be a bit more persistent rather than just walking away.
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