How to force myself?

KoleSekor · 2024-11-05T13:05:51+00:00

You've got to find a way to make it fun. Enjoying the challenge and adventure of it. Not being outcome dependent, just enjoying the journey...

May I suggest you approach it like a difficult video game. You know you're not going to pass each level on your first try. If your character dies, it's not the end of the world, either, right? You just say "oops" , restart the game, and try again. This time with a little more knowledge and experience after learning from you mistake.

5Puma · 2024-11-05T14:04:48+00:00

There was a newbie mission on one forum when I started. First you got to keep eye contact with girls for one week. I remember that the first beautiful girl that hold my eye contact almost got me a heatt attack. Next week I started to say "Hi" to girls and maybe not only. Be friendly with people. It will help you get relaxed.

LeopoldPaulister · 2024-11-05T16:23:02+00:00

Don't masturbate, don't watch porn. You'll be much more motivated to hunt on an empty stomach.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-11-05T14:04:43+00:00

Carrots and sticks.

Tell yourself what the incentive you’ll get when you do it. No incentives = no motivation.

youngyut · 2024-11-05T14:05:50+00:00

Get some Bro friends or if you already have some, take out $200 in $20 increments, go out and sarg with them. And when you go out be it daytime or night, give them your money and have them return you $10 or $20 for every girl you approach. That’s how I got over my fears… by being held accountable. Plus I had my buddies watch me like a hawk so that I couldn’t lie. I guarantee you that you’d want your money back and that’d be more important then anything a women could possibly say to you.

But have a plan. Don’t improv unless you have experience or quick on your feet. But also don’t OVER plan because humans are unpredictable and if you prepare a script, whomever you approach definitely won’t respond how you’d anticipate. I used to be an “over planner” and when she didn’t respond exactly how I theorized, I was left face down and had no choice other than to throw in the towel and close off.

Also good practice is to approach someone you aren’t too drawn to because you won’t care what they say.

mkkpt · 2024-11-05T14:22:13+00:00

It can be difficult, especially when you're not experienced or have had a difficult childhood. I think the biggest issue is learning to be sociable and being comfortable around women. Make your life super social, who is social proofed and warm opens, or you're super sociable and like talking to everyone.

I recommend making some female friends. Get used to being around women and how they work. Learn to listen, empathise, be aware of their emotions / thought processes, be a good friend. You'll find out they are just people too. They can also be great wing women, you'll meet all their friends and be invited to events. Women will see you with other women and you'll be social proofed, it makes things much easier. If you're a really good friend, they will try to pimp you out / match you up.

Practice being sociable, getting used to chatting to everyone. Fall in love with talking to people. Treating everyone the same, being humble, being positive towards others and learning from everyone you meet. Be a bit of flirt, make jokes, be a good listener, be positive and helpful when you can. Say yes to every social event. Attend social events where women are likely to be. Chat to everyone. You'll be making friends with random people, be invited to more events.

A bit more advanced is you can start becoming a "host / party planner" type of guy. You can host parties, building out a network of friends. You hook people up, you make sure people are okay, you're making sure everyone has a good time. You can ask girls to bring girls to parties. You get invited more to parties / events. You'll be social proofed and can warm open.

Ideally, you go out with some female friends, you are super sociable and chat to everyone. You will naturally at some point chat with the girls you're interested in, you treat the same as everyone + flirty. Eventually things go well, you isolate, get their number whatever.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-11-05T14:27:09+00:00

If you force yourself to talk to girls, you will be forcing a vibe.

You need to make talking to girls an involuntary reflex no different than breathing....it actually is an involuntary reflex because the continuation of the human race depends on it.

You make talking to women part of your default state so you're not actually exerting effort into winning anyone over. You do this by removing the lustful motive and having normal conversation with as many women as possible until u are doing it automatically, then you can reincorporate flirting.

KingTrey7 · 2024-11-05T15:35:48+00:00

What I used to do is start off talking to girls that I considered no better than a 7 as practice. I told myself that I had to practice during the summer so that I would have the confidence and game to approach once i got back to college for the next semester. I only talked to a few that summer and just had conversations with them so I got more comfortable just talking to above average women in general. Once I got back, I made it a point to talk to any attractive women that I seemed open to me and it just felt natural at that point. Sometimes I definitely had to tell myself I was pussy if i didn’t approach, but it was better to just start walking to the girl before I could second guess myself.

ballfond · 2024-11-05T16:12:48+00:00

Don't do it if you seek validation you will life on standards of others . Do what you want and when you want

Dwerg1 · 2024-11-05T23:22:45+00:00

When I was a beginner I lowered the bar. You're not going to get all the way at first anyways, particularly if you're forcing yourself into action. Your starting out goal is to walk up to a woman and say anything at all to her, if you do that you have already won.

When I started out I had this weird idea based on my observations of myself. Whenever I got the impulse of wanting to approach a woman I would of course freeze and somehow in an instant automatically make up every excuse under the sun to not go through with it. It's as if these excuses just spawned in my mind in the moment out of nothing, all by itself.

By looking at this experience I saw that clearly I don't lack imagination, creativity or the ability to make shit up on the spot. I figured I could actually turn that around to work for me instead of against me, what if I could induce this ability in an approach instead of letting it prevent me from approaching altogether? This idea gave me a little bit of confidence to try it out, I was also slightly curious to see if it would work that way.

So the idea was that when the impulse hit I go in IMMEDIATELY to say hi with zero plan, then rely on my mind to just spawn something to say out of nothing in the moment, but this time to avoid the embarrassment of walking away immediately after saying hi.

Turned out that this did work, my mind sure did come up with something to say on the spot. Was it good? Nah, but it was a whole lot better than nothing. The first time I did this it turned into a short conversation with pretty basic questions before navigating the conversation to where I could leave it gracefully with "nice talking to you", because it did feel pretty uncomfortable after all.

I did not get a negative reaction from that approach, but it didn't seem positive beyond just polite either. Had it been negative I would have probably left immediately.

Anyways, this first reference experience helped a lot. As I kept reflecting on it I got more and more hung up on how the hell I could say all that I said in the moment without thinking at all, like where did it come from? I was saying it, but I didn't exactly feel like I was in control of it. I grew very curious about this, to the point I was more interested in exploring this effect than I was about actually getting anywhere with women.

Without realizing it I had become outcome independent and started having fun just throwing myself into these situations just to see what happens, what my mind would conjure up next. As I cared less about outcome I became more uninhibited, I started saying and doing crazier stuff just out of morbid curiosity to see what would happen. The only thing I'd look out for was if they clearly expressed in some way that they wanted me gone, which did happen sometimes and I would leave them alone immediately, then proceed to find someone else to continue this on.

This is when things started to turn. Sure, I was getting rejected in more direct ways (which I always respected), but it didn't really affect me because I didn't give a damn about outcome, the process was still so damn fascinating. What also happened was that it intrigued some women, I was now finding myself occasionally making out with them in a relatively short time.

It should be said that my game was relatively unrefined at this point, there was no structure to it whatsoever and I didn't even have a clue what I was doing right the times I made progress. That would all come later, in large part from more carefully reflecting on the experiences I had gathered from my random experimentation, looking at what went right, wrong, why, how and all that.

This is the story of my humble beginnings of cold approaching women. I started really small with a simple idea and it just snowballed from there as I stopped playing to win and started playing just to play. I had the best times when I did the weirdest stuff. At one point I went out thinking of intentionally failing just saying stuff that was really far out there, but somehow ended up making out with a girl by doing that, ironically enough I failed at failing.

HomelessMilkman · 2024-11-05T17:44:01+00:00

Maybe a bit controversial, and shouldn't be used as an excuse, but you don't need to be talking to a girl to learn how to express yourself.

If you can't talk charismatically alone, to your wall, your computer screen or a camera (anything), you can't do it in front of women either. Talking to women is important for you to get 'honest' feedback of whether you are captivating to listen to but the 'skill' is built through your actions.

I feel like approaching women is throwing yourself in the deep end. If you know in the back of your mind you can capture and maintain attention, it's not an issue. The issue is that you know you can't do that and you're effectively 'throwing yourself to the wolves'; not only that, I'd doubt you'd actually learn anything since you'd be too busy trying to 'survive it'.

Learn how to speak in an environment that's comfortable to you, then you can approach strangers and let them 'rate your performance'.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2024-11-06T02:41:57+00:00

Stop focusing on only talking to attractive women and start talking to people in general, say hi, good morning or whatever to anyone you see.

If an attractive lady sees you being charming to a sweet old lady at the grocery store will make you look way more attractive than a pickup line or tactic.

Don’t go out of your way, but if you’re in line at the register, make a joke about the magazine or impulse buy item, or on the escalator ask where the cash machine is, to anyone around. Old couples, men women, young (don’t be creepy) old people, anyone.

Get better at small chit chat, and then once you’re comfortable you’ll naturally start chatting them up and you’ll have your day game figured out.

Stop going out with an agenda and start enjoying where you’re at right now

Soft-Golf5499 · 2024-11-06T14:56:36+00:00

When I go out with my friends I bet 20-40 usd or 50-70 percent of what was on my wallet with them if I could not approach the set I would give it to them.

maxreddit0609 · 2024-11-06T17:51:09+00:00

I can’t stress how important it is to “warm up”

For example - warming up for me consists of saying hello to a bunch of people passing by, making comments or compliments to someone, making small talk with someone on the sidewalk… really any type of interaction to get me comfortable before I start to approach a girl I find attractive.

epimpstyle · 2024-11-05T19:12:10+00:00

You just need to be in a talkative mode, you can't expect to sit in front of a computer all day and then go out and talk to the first girl you see on the street. It doesn't work like that. Everything starts from your mind, if you feel good, you will want to share your joy with others, it's up to you what you do to feel good and enter a talkative mode.

Title	How to force myself?
Author	Ok_Quantity_278
Upvotes	23
Comments	16
Date	November 5, 2024 12:55 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gk60io/how_to_force_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-force-myself.1534708 https://theredarchive.com/post/1534708

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