I came here because I wanted a girlfriend..

James_Coook · 2013-04-18T22:29:15+00:00

Seriously man don't focus on her next time. Nothing makes a woman shut down as much as focusing on her like a laser.

angry_dave · 2013-04-19T02:11:33+00:00

That feeling is called Outcome Independence and it's basically the key to a happy life. Date a girl when you find one you really want to date, as you've noticed that doesn't actually come up that often

rasputin724 · 2013-04-19T06:14:43+00:00

After reading the title, I prepared for the worst. I'm not sure wanting a girlfriend is an efficient way to go about things. You meet girl, you fuck a few times, if you like each other then you date. This is rarely the case, as most people are not compatible with each other, sexually and otherwise. It sounds like you're doing really well, the learning curve is pretty steep at first. Just judging from what you said above, I would like to offer you something I wish I had known in college.

The one tidbit of advice I can give you is something Ryan used to say when he was still with RSD: Focus your attention on yourself when interacting with women, and in general. This can translate into: "I'm going to try to kiss 5 girls within a minute of introducing myself tonight" instead of "I'm gonna go out and get laid". The difference is that in one situation, you are focusing on actions within your immediate control, whereas in the second situation you are focusing on an unknown outcome in the future.

Other examples include thoughts and how you speak to yourself internally. So instead of, "I hope she likes me/fucks me", change the internal dialogue to "mmmm, I want her." When choosing topics of conversation, talk about whatever you feel like talking about, not what you think will impress girls. You can see where I'm going with this.

Focusing on yourself and actions within your control does several things. Eventually, it removes both approach anxiety (you just get into the habit of doing what you want, no ego trip involved) and outcome dependence (you don't care, you are just amusing yourself doing what you want to do, outcome is beyond your control and irrelevant to your actions). This type of inward focus also generates value, because guess what, high value guys do and say whatever the fuck they want.

I am not saying you should ignore other people and not be considerate, just to change how you think and how you motivate yourself/set goals. Seduction is ultimately about you and your behaviors, not about getting laid. That is an awesome bonus though. Ok, late night rant over, I hope some of this was useful.

MarthaLemondic · 2013-04-19T02:08:28+00:00

I use some of these tricks on my mom and they work great

cplax15 · 2013-04-19T02:14:49+00:00

The whole idea is to appear desirable to a woman. If she feels like you're chasing her and are completely focussed on her than she's the desirable one, not you. It's great to be really into a girl, but if you let her know how into her you are too early on then it will completely backfire.

2013-04-19T02:30:54+00:00

I wanted to click on this and read the text "fuck me, right?"

reverselookup · 2013-04-19T02:10:10+00:00

She will contact you again... they always do. Next time play the situation right if you choose to even talk to her

kicker929 · 2013-04-19T15:32:00+00:00

This is pretty much exactly what happened to me, found this place, suddenly realised how fucking retarded I was.

The amount of shit that's happened to me over the past few years where I've thought 'Why me?' 'I'm so unlucky' etc, when the reality is it's all already happened countless times to countless guy's.

Will Smith said that every problem you'll ever encounter in life has already happened to someone who found the answer and wrote about it somewhere. This is so fucking true.

I'm not sure if the PUA lifestyle is for me yet but this sub-reddit has already changed my mindset so much. I'm now much happier with who I am and who I want to be.

So happy I found it. cheerz guys

jungle-boy · 2013-04-19T05:50:38+00:00

This whole dating game is dumb. People say to not seem interested but when you live your life and act cool you lose the girl cuz she thinks you're not interested. But when you say you want to 'hangout' their somehow too 'busy' my true feelings on the situation: get as much pussy as you can, eat, sleep, rinse, repeat

kingcal · 2013-04-19T03:14:51+00:00

I was the same way when I got here. I didn't have a specific girl in mind, but I was just dying to get a girlfriend. A year later, now I have to avoid getting into relationships.

Bevman00 · 2013-04-19T10:42:46+00:00

I'm in it with Willem. Came here to jack my odds at a quality girlfriend, ended up being seduced by the feel of rocking social value and the highly improved personal life.

Schlurgerpie · 2013-04-19T05:06:15+00:00

True Story. I'm a girl aaand we can't help the fact that we get turned off by being pursued hardcore. Yes, it's flattering when he's interested and made that clear but BRO you will hook us if you are still going on with your own life and kinda sending the message that you don't Need us to have a great life... It's weird, the game of dating :P Think I'll remain dormant for the majority of my 20's

Marluia · 2013-04-19T05:30:18+00:00

only "focus" on women when your in a relationship with, but don't just focus on them.

kungfu1 · 2013-04-19T01:16:27+00:00

Tip of the hat to you, sir. Keep on keepin' on.

nursejennyy · 2013-04-19T08:35:52+00:00

that's pretty sad man, you're clearly in denial since you're still posting about her and how she'll see you differently. maybe instead of pretending you're over her, you can just be happy with how you've changed and try to get her in the future.

2013-04-19T04:33:03+00:00

I feel like these kinds of thank-you's should have their own section on seddit.

colucci · 2013-04-19T05:25:57+00:00

Haha, props. I feel the same.

Came here for a girlfriend, bitches ensued.

Lukex · 2013-04-19T00:52:53+00:00

My local pharmacy shop should open a separate account for me buying condoms. I swear to GOD it's right up there with my gas expense.

Title	I came here because I wanted a girlfriend..
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	273
Comments	104
Date	April 18, 2013 10:17 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cmy79/i_came_here_because_i_wanted_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-came-here-because-i-wanted-a-girlfriend.1303618 https://theredarchive.com/post/1303618

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