I can't be secure in relationships with attractive women because I always feel they can do better

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-03-29T18:02:32+00:00

Women can always do better than you. And you can always do better than a specific woman. Get used to it.

Skibibbles · 2016-03-29T18:19:46+00:00

You need to flip that mindset on it's head. I always believe I can do better than the person I'm seeing at it shows. When you aren't really dependent on a person or you know you can find another girl at any time it really changes how you act and go bout relationships. You're much less needy and put up with less shit. The look on a girls face when she's threatening to leave and you just go "okay" is something I can't put in words. So simply change your frame to where you think you can always do better and that feeling will go away.

Colossus_of_Clout · 2016-04-01T19:24:44+00:00

this feeling that a woman who has more attractive options will not choose me

AAtoPUA · 2016-03-29T17:47:18+00:00

You need to understand that looks are not as big of a factor for women as they are for men, women are attracted more by the way you make her feel.

You should also remind yourself that you are good enough, nothing is as unattractive to women as an insecure man. Just my 2 cents.

The_window_view · 2016-03-30T16:33:40+00:00

I feel very similar to you. I have a girlfriend who is objectively quite attractive and receives attention from other guys who are better looking/better hair/taller/etc. We are both students at a top university where everyone has a "Type A" personality- they want to be the best at everything.

There are times where it feels very stressful. She's got so many choices around her, I am constantly doubting why should would bother sticking with me. But it's not about any one specific thing. It's not like women take the average ranking of each category (money, looks, confidence) and sum it up to find their top choice. They love you, and want to be with you, because, well, you are you. As women get older, they also grow weary of the good-looking, overly confident guy who also happens to be a douche. Maybe when we were younger those guys would always get their top choice, but people mature.

In a partner, women value the security, the comfort, the way you make her feel beautiful, your stupid inside jokes, your intimate moments, your innermost thoughts. A real committed partner would never just leave that all behind because a guy is funnier and better looking. And to find that kind of girl, you have to trust. There's just no other way. And one day, you may just realize you stumbled on something that is one of a kind.

pacollegENT · 2016-03-29T18:29:35+00:00

Just accept that it is an insecurity. You already realize this is true so to some extent that is good. If anything just focus on yourself and make yourself better.

If you need a woman interested in you to "validate" your scenario and feel good then you are too focused on her/them. Just get into a position where you are actually comofrotable in your skin. Do your best. and in the end, some women will leave and others will stay and you will likely do the same.

Point is: there are tons of fish in the sea on both sides. There is no "better". If she thinks someone is more attractive and interesting, that's that. Same goes for you.

Overnight_Delivery · 2016-03-29T20:23:07+00:00

never question why a woman likes you. that is for them to decide not you.

Rojozeus · 2016-03-29T23:15:05+00:00

They chose you for a reason. Everybody has the qualities you do. some a bit more and some a bit less. BUT nobody has the qualities you have in the quantities you have. You may have more intelligence to another persons or your humor. They chose you for a reason. They wouldnt be with you if they didnt like you

Big_TX · 2016-03-29T23:50:58+00:00

Yah but she likes YOU.

Don't focus on what you don't have and what's wrong with you and what you don't have going for you. Focus on what you do have going for you. (unless you trying to pick things to work on). You are literally doing the exact opposite of pimping it.

Also In life you want to work on increasing your talents rather than stuff you are bad at. You will beanle to get so much further that way.

DaygameCoach · 2016-03-30T00:53:52+00:00

It isn't an apples to apples thing. a lot of attraction with women is how the man makes them feel. Solid inner and attraction game is important. So, you can get other 8s. Work on your confidence and inner, outer, and attraction game and watch your success grow.

JewJutsu · 2016-03-30T15:29:43+00:00

I had this issue with my last girlfriend when my life was going through shit. My advice is to remember that she is out with YOU, not the other guy. And if she leaves you for that guy, she's losing, not you. With my ex, I was worried that because I was going through such a tough time, she would find someone better, with a car, a better job, etc. It was not helped that I was constantly told by parents that pretty girls always look for someone who can provide for them and will leave the guy with a beat up car for a guy with a Beemer or something. At that time, I was fighting with my dad and he told me that again so it got in my head and had a REALLY bad effect on me given the state I was in.

Looking back at it, it wasn't as big a deal and I just had a really hard time controlling my emotions in that time with things going on that I had little control over. Basically, my point is, if she sticks with you, she likes you. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Byizo · 2016-03-30T15:32:38+00:00

There is ALWAYS the possibility of her choosing someone else, becoming disinterested, even cheating. If you're going to date, casual or otherwise you have to accept this and move past it. Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. If it doesn't work out go get someone else.

She likes you for now. She's with you for now. She loves you for now. It can change seemingly overnight. Don't try to hold on to something that isn't meant to last. Appreciate and enjoy it for what it is and let it go when it's time.

do_spiral_eyes · 2016-03-30T02:58:46+00:00

Insecurity is terrible. Two things:

Firstly, people pair-bond. After she's spent time with you (and you with her) and the two of you connect, you're not going to be a 7. You're not even going to be on a scale. The scale doesn't matter.

That said, if you're still insecure at this stage you're going to lose her. so...

Two, self-actualise. This is hard. This is also the only permanent solution to insecurity. Get your career in order, get a nice haircut, lose weight, gain muscle, achieve excellence in a difficult hobby. Seeing yourself improve will do wonders for your confidence.

Assuming you haven't discussed exclusivity, date a few more girls.

Read Models by Mark Manson ASAP

WhosCountin · 2016-03-29T18:56:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

authenticsociallife · 2016-03-30T04:40:23+00:00

I went through this early on in my life. As you meet more women and interact with them more and see how many value you, your perception of yourself will change.

And you're not giving yourself enough credit and overplaying the accomplishments of others. You were able to sleep with a good looking woman on the first date and the other guy was not able to even get her out.

I want you to do the following, list at least five things you've achieved in life. And every day I want you to add to this list new things every day as they occur. This will build a success consciousness for you and plus it's cool to look back at the end of the year and see how much you've done.

OnlyTheWorthy · 2016-04-01T18:17:02+00:00

"The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behavior which makes the original false conception come true. This specious validity of the self-fulfilling prophecy perpetuates a reign of error. For the prophet will cite the actual course of events as proof that he was right from the very beginning."

Robert K. Murton

Title	I can't be secure in relationships with attractive women because I always feel they can do better
Author	Psychocist
Upvotes	25
Comments	32
Date	March 29, 2016 5:30 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4cgi2d/i_cant_be_secure_in_relationships_with_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-cant-be-secure-in-relationships-with-attractive.1404659 https://theredarchive.com/post/1404659

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