I want to be a nice guy

katyngate · 2019-04-10T16:07:01+00:00

There's a difference between being "nice" and the way "nice guy" is usually used. I don't see anything wrong with what you described.

bolxrex · 2019-04-10T17:11:45+00:00

Being a "nice guy" colloquially refers to the type of guy who thinks supplicating behavior will win the sexual or romantic interest of the girl he obsesses over. It refers to a guy that isnt true to himself or his desires, is willing to take on tasks or expenses that he wouldnt normally be willing to do because again he thinks this will win him sex or love. He's wrong, it wont.

What you are referring to is a good man. This is fundamentally different than a "nice guy". A good man respects his boundaries and the boundaries of his woman. A good man is not ashamed by his desire for love and sex and perfectly capable of letting women know this through behavior and conversation. A good man is confident while also attentive to the needs/desires of his friends, family, and women. A good man doesnt bend over backwards for someone who only gives him platonic attention but will invest time, effort, and resources in those who reciprocate equally.

dafeesh225 · 2019-04-10T15:48:09+00:00

Nah man it's not. Just hard to come by

TheChillingSD · 2019-04-10T17:09:31+00:00

Yeah, you described a great relationship with a great guy. The horrible "nice guys" are the fake ones. Take a look at r/niceguys (also r/Nicegirls).

geeered · 2019-04-10T17:35:35+00:00

I'm often told I'm a nice guy, in a good way. There was plenty in No More Mr Nice Guy I recognised - and plenty I didn't; I don't tend to be on the incel end of things.

Part of that is wanting to let others make choices when they are involved.

Not wanting to (potentially) make others feel uncomfortable.

And various other aspects which are "anti seductive".

(But yes, I've also been told that I'm a very secure person who is good at building others up etc - it's just is one aspect that often goes with a lot of aspects that aren't attractive to the soul, even if they are to the logical mind. "I don't know why you're single..." says the people not attracted to me (actually and some that are/have been too, to be fair) .)

DarthNihilus1 · 2019-04-10T18:03:42+00:00

That sounds like a nice guy, so go out and be that guy.

What you DON’T want is a niceguy.

Niceguys have co-opted the term to really mean “give me sex because I said hi or gave you a compliment, if not you’re a bitch anyway.”

Dangerfox_1 · 2019-04-10T18:20:11+00:00

Be a good guy rather than a nice guy. Nice always has the underlying implication that you want something from the other person, which is a form of neediness.

cardkid1234 · 2019-04-10T22:17:46+00:00

I agree with what many of the people here are saying. There is definitely and difference between being a nice guy and being a good boyfriend.

In the end of the day a co-defendant relationship is never healthy and almost never works out. A “nice guy” tends to make himself too readily available and is usually upset when it’s not reciprocated.

JE_SS_IE · 2019-04-10T23:39:45+00:00

Guys like you are so hard to come by. I don't know what age you are (I'm going to guess 20s) but there are PLENTY of us girls who are looking for you. Just put yourself out there :)

UnparliamentaryTea · 2019-04-11T04:05:06+00:00

I think “nice guys” fall into one of three categories:

First, “niceguys,” the ones that think that a compliment and a little bit of attention will be enough to get a girl into bed, and when it’s not, they flip out. You don’t want to be this.

Second, truly nice guys. The ones who want to mentor others, take time out to spend with the people they care about, and make sure their friends are taken care of. This is probably the guy you call if you have a flat tire. No one thinks badly of this guy, but he might be too polite and, well, nice to really create a spark all that often. This nice guy might be your guy friend who seems like the perfect catch, but women are “waiting to settle down” before they go for a guy like that.

Finally, the fun and nice guy. These guys have the charm or charisma to get girls. They’re playful, fun, girls absolutely love them, but they’ll also act very nice to them. You can usually tell these guys because a girl will say “he’s ... and ... and also he’s such a nice guy.” The nice part is usually just a logical affirmation of the attraction the woman already feels for him. A lot of guys who are naturally good at game fit this profile. If you’re fun, she won’t think of all the teasing or making fun of her you did, and she’ll make the implication that you’re a “nice guy” if you make any effort to be around her once you’ve shown your value

waterparkfire · 2019-04-11T05:43:54+00:00

I'll give it to you straight. The 'Nice Guy' stereotype is a guy that thinks if he is nice/a good friend to Ms. Friend enough times that she will repay him with sex. Response to them is usually something like "what the fuck?"

Nice guys are fake bitches, but as men.

ProudRamboBSNS · 2019-04-11T08:23:45+00:00

Above all else she wants you to be your real self (and you need that self to be strong, to be constantly developed) and true to your self at all times. You are not to sway at the slightest wind. She wants you to be successful and to put your own interest first. That's what makes a woman go crazy for you: being a decisive, passionate man with a plan and with boundaries.

You do not fix her and tell her how to live your life. She's a grownup and can decide for herself. If she starts, or keeps doing things that you dislike, you tell her you don't like when a woman does X and if she keeps doing it, you take away your attention - apparently this isn't the woman for you, since she's not as close to your dream woman as you'd wish, so you distance yourself and keep on searching.

Don't be nice by being a pushover. This may not be your intention overall, but you might fall into a trap of becoming that if you do too much for her and lose focus on yourself.

brabg · 2019-04-11T14:13:48+00:00

The natural thing to do is to give, to her, competent sex, and emotions. She is the one which have to "be nice" to you, to keep getting sex from you. She has to pursue and culture the relationship.

That's not some trick, or manipulative jiu jitsu. That's a healthy relationship.

A woman needs you to lead. If you are all time waiting for her to decide what is right and what is wrong , she is the leader, and you provide nothing of value.

You want to be a nice guy out of neediness. You need her approval, and looking for her approval is a turn down for women.

You have to make women horny. You give feelings to her. That's why she wants you. That's what she needs from you.

If you search her approval, you are telling her that you cannot give feelings, don't "get it". That's why women are disgusted of men needing approval.

bkamin14 · 2019-04-10T15:54:12+00:00

U gotta find a girl that appreciates nice guys

thepuagrinch · 2019-04-11T00:34:42+00:00

Because no one is nice.

Nice guys are generally nice as a defense mechanism and to seek approval and avoid conflict.

Now let’s assume you were genuinely a nice guy. Abundance mentality and giving back to your environment you would have pussy swimming at you.

But you don’t. Hence people around you knowing you’re nice is a facade.

zeebopbiddlywop · 2019-04-11T00:48:24+00:00

Anyone can be nice. I'm a huge cunt but I can be as nice as need be. Doesn't make me genuine though.

failatsomething · 2019-04-11T15:46:47+00:00

"Yes I'd like to tease her and even dominate her in the bedroom but only if she knew it wasn't real and that her boundaries are respected. I want her to feel wanted and desired and eventually loved."

This is what's wrong with "nice guys". It's your mindset. You're dishonest.

You want to appear to be dominant but you aren't really dominant. Women are attracted to dominant men. If you want to be attractive, you must be dominant. You seem to understand that.

It's not enough to pretend to be dominant, in the bedroom or otherwise. That's why women throw shit tests at you - to see if it really is your personality.

If you're being dishonest about being a dominant individual, she won't know what else you're being dishonest about. She won't be able to trust you. If she doesn't trust you, she won't be able to be happy with you, be self-confident, or any of the good things you listed.

You don't need to be a piece of shit to be dominant and attractive. I think I can be pretty charming and almost nice at times ;)

To be dominant means to do what you want. To take what you want. Women want a man who takes what he wants. You, by definition, like taking what you want. So go out there and do it. It's attractive, it's fun, and it's honest.

If you're not honest, you're not actually nice. You're just doing what you were told growing up would attract a girl without becoming the dude that gets the girl.

stronkpk · 2019-04-10T16:47:08+00:00

You didn't describe the common definition of "nice guy", you described a good boyfriend.

I think that "game" is a right word for these kind of thing cause during the seduction process women and men play, and imho it has nothing to do with the relation you eventually build with the girl you seduce playing the bad boy role...

Title	I want to be a nice guy
Author	mileywithadick
Upvotes	31
Comments	23
Date	April 10, 2019 3:32 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bbne6d/i_want_to_be_a_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-want-to-be-a-nice-guy.1466179 https://theredarchive.com/post/1466179

Comments