My Background

Hey, cajones32 here with my ongoing, in progress, tinder guide for beginners. I have been around tinder since beta testing, and through a lot of trial and error (mostly error), have learned a lot about tinder that I believe would be helpful for someone just out of the gate. I am a marketing professional by trade, and have a keen interest in social media as well as consumer behavior. Naturally, I wanted to figure out how the hell this thing gets people laid. Here it goes!

I'm 23, not overly attractive, and not fit either. Most women would rate me anywhere from a 6-7.5 from what I have gathered by asking former partners, friends, etc. I am 5'9" 220, but I carry my weight pretty well. I don't buy the bullshit that you aren't attractive enough for tinder or the bar scene. I felt that way for a long time, but I got over it and it helps.

I have used tinder in several major cities and college campuses, New York, Chicago, Miami, Indianapolis, London, and Cincinnati to name a few. I have hooked up with at least one girl in every city, and most of them I consider out of my league. My current focus is college educated women that are between the ages of 21-26. My age range is set from 18-30 with a 100 mile radius.

Intro to Tinder

The bar scene, tinder, and any dating app you come across are about putting your best foot forward and capturing attention. It's not about you; its about giving a woman the version of you that they believe they could have fun with.

Everything you put on your tinder profile says something about you. All of your photos, your bio, ect. You need to know what the message you want to send is and craft your profile to support it. This message can be up two 3 things about you but 2 is better.

e.g.: Hip and funny, active and smart, loves art and animals

Your Photos

First off get good pictures. No fucking selfies, ever! It makes you look pathetic and lonely. I Know, I know, you don't have any pictures of yourself that aren't your senior pictures from high school, get a buddy to take some. Picture one, I have me smoking a cigar dressed well on a sky scraper rooftop in Chicago. A couple of photos with me and some buddies, casual, formal, and then another picture of me, then one of my dog. If you have a pet, fucking include it, my dog has gotten me laid more times than I'd care to admit. Here is one photo, I'm on the right. Its all over the internet anyway, so here you go.

A few guidelines to follow when choosing or taking photos for tinder.

  1. first photo is just of you, look decent, and fun!
  2. No selfies, ever!
  3. Bring your cool friends into a couple. look social.
  4. Don't look drunk, don't be actively drinking in the photo. Beer bongs aren't attractive no matter how young or fratty you are.
  5. You must have a full body shot, you just have to.
  6. Shirtless pics? Your call. (OKCupid's data says go for it. The girls I have talked to regarding it say don't.)
  7. do your best to get the full six pics, yo
  8. make sure a stranger can pick out which one is you fairly quickly. (start with a couple where you are the only one in them)
  9. I would steer clear of photos with other females in them, but that's just me.
  10. Pets are like the Jesus Christ of attraction and flirting. As you grow and mature, babies begin to take that place as well. Just saying, if you take your baby and dog on a walk on a spring morning you could be Rush Limbaugh, and you'd still get that smile every man craves.

Note: If you change a few of your photos, you go back in the pool of potential matches for girls that said no to you. You get a second chance! Not sure if you have to change multiple, or just one. maybe someone can confirm this.

Your Tagline

ex:"Pharmacist, beer, cooking, restaurants, sommelier, scuba diver.

I talk to spam bots when I'm lonely."

Short, sweet, and a little quirky. I'd say absolutely no more than 20 words, try to keep it closer to fifteen. But keep the relevant stuff. If you are in university, say it. If you are a swimmer, say it. If you are a gamer, don't fucking say it!

Swiping

If you are having trouble getting any matches, swipe right for almost everything. Unless you absolutely know you would block them if you saw their photos again. Remember, you probably have shitty photos at the moment; its possible they do as well.

Be honest with yourself, your attractiveness, the quality of your photos and tagline, and swipe accordingly.

The 9's and 10's on tinder can get upwards of 150 matches a day if they decide to swipe 150 times. How can you stand out? I'm not saying don't try, please do, but realize they are drowning in a sea of dicks.

Getting Matches

When you get matches (and you will after getting better photos and changing your tagline); don't just say hey. It's boring, gives them absolutely nothing to reply to, and makes you seem uninterested. Here are a couple of examples of things I like to say.

Try to send your opening message as quickly as possible (5 minutes or less.) If you get a match notification, that means they are online now, and bored as shit. Might as well decrease that boredom while you are on their mind.

Some matches will have Twitter, Instagram, and Snap chat handles listed. I personally find it to be tasteless and maybe a bit needy to follow her without meeting her first. If she requests your Twitter or Instagram, or adds you on Snap chat, then I oblige. Never make the first move on that. Scope it out to verify she is legit or whatever. Do not follow, and do not like, favorite, or retweet her stuff.

First message

AVOID CANNED OPENERS! The smart women know when you have used that line 150 times today. It is stupid easy to find something interesting to say if she has a tag line and six photos. If she only has three or four photos in no tagline/interests, you should still be able to say something that will make her smile. I avoid complimenting her appearance. You already swiped right, she knows you think shes sexy.

Examples:

"Hey there, (name)! How the hell are you on this beautiful Sunday afternoon?" It is simple, friendly, easy, and it makes you seem like someone that will listen to every word she says.

"There is something you should probably know about me before you get too attached." If they reply immediately continue, if they don't reply wait a few hours, then: "I am pretty much a lion! Shit, maybe even a rhino lion!" Then a few seconds later reply with "Chea, definitely a rhino lion. So whats goin' on?" I used this one a lot when I first started and I was drunk. It got a lot of replies, but not necessarily good ones. It was shamelessly stolen from an old Dom Mazzetti video.

After her reply

From there I normally have anywhere from 2-5 flirty exchanges with the girl. Think of a good friend from high school with unsatisfied sexual tension. That is how I approach it. Remember, my goal is FWB situations, so adjust accordingly. Friendly, not overtly sexual, and a bit whimsical.

You want to create a fear of loss with her. Use casual, friendly speech. Seem interested in the conversation, flirt, but seem a bit hesitant to sleep with her.

Polarization is a great tool to use, and I use it consistently, but it is something you just figure out as you go along. Or maybe I am a bad teacher, which is just as likely.

From there get to texting as quick as possible. two to three exchanges hopefully.

Ask for her Number straight up.

"What's your number, I much prefer texting." It is a silly form of escalation, but it is a start. Her view of you starts to go from creeper/stranger on tinder towards friendly and cute as you get further away from the app.

It is amazing how psychologically different texting versus messaging on tinder are. That also gives her the ability to add you on Snap Chat, which I hope she does. Who knows, you may even get some sexy photos if you play your cards right.

Think of your target market, seriously. If you are talking to girls in a more liberal area, numbers flow quickly, more conservative may take a few days. I have met up with girls the same afternoon, I have had girls drive 3 hours to come meet me the first time, and I have had to keep conversations flowing for 6 weeks (I was traveling.)

Don't ask too many questions, make statements. "Oh, I bet you go to UK, you've got that southern girl charm that I adore." "You seem like you were probably a show choir star back in high school, I have the worst singing voice, you have no idea." Obviously don't shoot blind, a question or two has to be asked to get this going. Guess their bar scene, favorite restaurants, food, hobbies, etc. Its funny if you are absolutely wrong so just roll with it.

Set up the date as quickly as possible!

Some guys here will say try not to have any real conversation with them before going out, but as I enjoy a conversation companion, I tend to talk to them for a while and see if she will contribute at all.

Being a guy that isn't extremely attractive, I have had to rely on my personality to get me laid throughout my life. I tend to talk more than what is suggested, and if you are like me, I suggest you do the same. Never be overbearing though. If she doesn't reply, do not message her back the same day.

there is an unbearable amount to read on texting game (which works for tinder too.) Check the sidebar to start, and just experiment with your own style.

Setting up the Date

I have never, ever mentioned the word date when picking up girls. I simply say "Let's grab a drink soon. How about Thursday at 9?" Whatever you want. Pick a day and time. She will either accept, or rebuttal with a counter offer.

This is the exact exchange with my most recent tinder date this past weekend...

Me: "Let's go grab a drink this weekend, how about Friday around 10 in (location of town)"

Her: "That would be great, but I can't do Friday night, How about Thursday night? Thirsty Thursday, Bitches!!"

Me: "Ah shit, you're gonna be trouble, I already know it. Sure, let's do thursday at 10 in (location in town.)"

Her: "Perfect, I am excited now!"

After the date is set, keep in contact/remind her, but don't talk too much. Keep the attraction there, but don't be overbearing. I use Snap Chat (only if she adds you first) to help keep things moving.

The Date

You know what you have to do. Make her laugh, escalate, touch her, show intention, relax, and have fun. Tinder is great because it is so casual. Don't ruin that by pushing to hard. When you get to finally meet her in person...shit's on you now bro-bro. No excuses.

Good Luck, and Godspeed.

This guide is assuming tinder is being used for its original intended purpose...casual sex. If you are looking to find a girlfriend, you should tweak the strategy a bit. Although, my best relationships have came from FWB or FB arrangements, and blossomed into something more over time, YMMV. Be more selective in your swipes, draw out conversations a bit longer, etc.