I'm 33 and I've never dated anyone: is this a problem that actually anyone ever solved?

Lambdal7 · 2018-03-25T00:00:07+00:00

Your only problem is numbers.

You take a passive approach in dating like women. It happens when it happens, but I'm not actively pursuing it. This is how women think and if 20% of men didn't give a fuck and approach and approach women, our species would die out.

Now, if you think like this as a man, you'll die a virgin, because women won't approach.

What you need to do is approach approach approach, get rejected 50 times and get a yes once. You'll get called a creep, needy, nerdy, annoying, weirdo, desperate, but there will be 1 girl who simply likes you.

This it how it works and how all of us did it. Later, you'll get less rejection, but that takes time and practice.

You seem like a guy who actually has stuff going for him, just that 1 thing hasn't worked out yet, so you just need to approach approach approach like there's no tomorrow.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-03-24T22:24:29+00:00

It should actually be easier. Women tend to be far more eligible in their 30's and 40's

nf4l · 2018-03-25T03:32:34+00:00

I’m the same age as you and was in a similar situation a little over a year ago. You have to work at it if you want things to change. Download some dating apps and get to swiping. Unless you are a really good looking guy it’s a numbers game. Be persistent, get on everyday to swipe or like girls you find at least somewhat attractive. Message the girls you match with and after a short chat ask them out. Go out on as many dates as you can and get practice. Eventually you will meet someone to have a relationship with. I did this and got my first girlfriend at the age of 33. Things didn’t work out, but I learned a lot and am much better equipped to meet/date the next girl. While you are doing this work on yourself if you need it. This can be your career, fitness, or just pursuing your passions. The key point is you have to put in the work if you want to achieve anything. Dating is no different.

hobo_teacher · 2018-03-25T05:22:07+00:00

Has never dated by 33 years old and is in this thread arguing and rejecting all of the advice given. I'd wish you good luck but you wouldn't know what to do with it.

LingeringGnome · 2018-03-24T22:54:48+00:00

[permanently deleted]

IamJonSnow22 · 2018-03-24T23:11:39+00:00

It sounds like you are lacking self confidence. Women pick up on that instantly. If you don't believe in yourself why would any girl want to be with you?

You need to get it out of your head that being over 30 will make it more difficult. That is completely false. As us men grow older, we get more experience and further establish ourselves in our career. This is incredibly attractive to women. But again, none of this matters if you don't focus on yourself first and act confident.

LingeringGnome · 2018-03-24T22:28:27+00:00

You need to toughen up. I can smell your mopey attitude from here.

Go to the gym, hit weights 3-4x a week. Keep your carbs under 80 grams a day. Go do man stuff. Go on hikes, go rafting, go learn a new craft.

Read more, fiction and non-fiction. Get yourself a kindle or buy paperbacks. Go to a record store, invest in vinyl. Check out new bands at live shows.

Do ANYTHING, ANYTHING other than sitting inside and watching TV.

Go out to the bars alone, talk to women. Talk to them at stores. Go on Tinder, on Bumble. Chat women up.

Move FORWARD. Evolve. Learn. Grow. Exercise.

Your excuses fucking bore me!

I'm 40+, and only date 20-somethings. But I bust my ass in the gym, and I'm always learning.

Age is NOT a social barrier for men. FITNESS is. 8/9/10 20-somethings fawn all over fit and confident men.

Fun2badult · 2018-03-25T04:35:10+00:00

Stop not imagining and start imagining. Then go out to make it real. Time is ticking. Remember last year you were about to talk to some girl but you didn’t and now you’re regretting? Don’t let that happen again. Do it now and do it hard

MrRapper123 · 2018-03-25T13:18:01+00:00

No one is going to solve your problem as you keep saying. It's call generic advice because it works for everyone. Make it a point to talk to one female stranger a day. I guarantee you will have a date within a month.

cmcgeecc · 2018-03-25T15:23:25+00:00

I don't know if it's too late for you to read this, but I just wanted to offer up some encouragement. If you've gone this long without dating because it was hard in the past. All you need to do is conquer some fears. I say that and it sounds easy and to be honest it really isn't. If you want to have success, you're going to have to take steps into uncomfortable territory. I would say your first step is to try to make friends with as many women as possible available or not. It's important that you learn what makes women laugh and have fun. Once you've done that, you'll start meeting women who are available. Ask to do something one on one with these women and entertain them. Show them a good time. Then try to escalate. Don't wait for some signal. If you get rejected move on. You'll find someone after a few attempts. If you haven't dated at all, it seems to me you don't know how to read the subtle signals a woman gives. That's easy to do because they tend to be similar to the "I like you as a friend" signals. So if you think they like you as a person just take the leap and ask them out. It's going to be uncomfortable but do it anyway. That's how you solve this problem. I hope this helps. Also, be careful not to justify your failure either outside excuses. "I'm too old" "No one is available at my age".these all get in the way. Good luck!

khaled1abdo · 2018-03-24T23:06:26+00:00

girls over 30 would die for any guy that want to date them, they are much easier. Plus if you have not dated anyone lower your standards and go out with literally anyone who will take you not saying you marry her, but try what it feels like

RustyRyaan · 2018-03-25T04:16:23+00:00

If you think all the girls in your social circle are engaged or not interested, make the circle bigger. Expand that horizon and travel. There are other girls out there who might be the right fit for you. And also like everyone else said, practice. If nothing is working for you, then there might need a change in your system.

Get a mentor/coach or if you don’t wanna spend, find a buddy and ask for them to he a critic. No buts nor excuses, just do it. Because if you think about it, there are others who have it worse than you.

flowerchildhere · 2018-03-25T08:49:53+00:00

Have you ever looked into personal coaching? It might seem weird or desperate but having one on one coaching will definitely help you out. I’ve taken private coaching and it blew my mind. You can read all the self help tips on this subreddit all day but you really need advice specific to YOU. I used to have the worst problem being physical with girls and no matter how many forums I read, I could never feel like I was making enough progress with how I wanted to be with girls. Having someone who actually knew what the fuck was going on tell me what I needed to change got me my first gf after a year of cold approaching by myself. If you really want to get a gf I would recommend you look into finding a decent coach. Pm me if you have any questions or want a good recommendation

programming_is_a_art · 2018-03-25T09:52:37+00:00

I have been in the same boat and mostly still am mate (even age-wise). Judging by your other responses we are pretty similar, although I might be a little less bitter :>

Just approaching girls in the streets does not fit my personality at all and I would feel so out of place doing that, that I really don't want to do it. I realize others have pushed through this "limiting belief" or however you call it but I won't. Despite my sub-par looks (4/10 or 5/10 at best) I have had some luck on Tinder even though I get at most one match per month after hundreds of swipes and even then it's typically not somebody to fits my attractiveness criteria. I have had lots of people tell me to be less picky but I just cannot. This probably means I'm a superficial and shallow ass in this regard but I can't help it. I tried dating a girl from Tinder I was compatible with (life choices, interests) but who I did not find attractive. In the end I only hurt her and I feel bad for that. Currently having a fling with another girl who, for some reason, seems super into me. We are no match intellectually but she's rather cute so I decided to go with the flow.

My advice would be to try online dating even though it is toxic as hell and even more shallow than a bar or club. I had to endure lots of embarassment and disappointment. Still, put yourself out there and get some experience as long as you feel some attraction. No need to schedule the wedding right away.

I agree with u/Lambdal7 that one of your larger problems is numbers. Don't expect to get indicators of interest by women you find attractive, they will be hot enough that they won't need to give non-subtle clues since they will get approached often enough anyway. I share the sentiment often heard here that just talking to girls helps, no matter their attractiveness. If you can talk to the hotter ones (by your scale), even better.

It is normal that they won't consider you a sexual partner right away, why would they even if you're talking philosophy or politics and have an intimate intellectual connection? For some, this might suffice, but not for most. They, as well as you, want to be teased, a woman's sexuality is more reactive than a man's so go for it.

You mention you are not into small talk. That's a reasonable statement to make and probably is purposefully uttered to distinguish yourself from the 'plebs'. But honestly, nobody is into small talk at all and nobody ever got laid for small talk alone except if they were ridiculously hot and whatever leaves their mouth wouldn't matter anyway. Part of seduction is the art of vagueness when treading the ways of sexuality and innuendos.

Talking about Marvel superheros for example, might be small-talkish enough for you to dislike it, but on a deeper level, those superheros encompass traits many people would like to possess and strive for. They are archetypes and manifestations of our longing and desires or might be considered as that. No matter if this is true or not, I consider this an example of a fun topic, even if it appears devilishly small-talky and borderline "tabloidish". It's possible to distill a deeper meaning of almost every seemingly small-talkish topic, while, at the same time, embedding sexual language and making innuendos hinting at your own desire.

This is what makes girls attracted to you, speaking eloquently while conveying you'd like to fuck them in a sub and not so sub text. This is at least what works for me, but judging you over the internet, a similar style might work. Of course, I tailor the language and level of deepness to the girl I talk with. Some might not be comfortable with too much, have a dumb joke ready in any case.

Combine this with a grain of role play and nickname calling and you're in. Not agreeing with anything she says, calling out her bullshit and being a challenge will be the icing on the cake. No need to brag at all, your manners and references will give away enough of your lifestyle anywa. Women will hardly, if ever, show you that they're into you directly (except for rare cases). When the chat is going ok, start touching her from time to time and gauge the reaction. Escalate as comfortable but rather more than less.

That's my style in a nutshell. I will not work for any girl but that's ok.

anotherevan · 2018-03-25T19:53:19+00:00

I read all of op's responses. They are either a troll or a complete hopeless unwiling participant in life and love. My your testicles be okay with your constant handslaps.

gattaca_ · 2018-03-25T06:31:10+00:00

This thread is making it fairly clear why you haven't dated anyone.

JustAlex69 · 2018-03-25T08:08:59+00:00

Ive looked at some of your replies, are you sure you arnt at the beginning stages of depression? Your main issue seems to be your own mood, you dont come across as happy with your life at all. Maybe try and figure this shit out first before going into dating,a happy/passionate guy automatically attracts more women than someone who is moody like how you come across in this thread

Cabbletitties · 2018-03-25T06:13:31+00:00

Gym, confidence, social skills.

Title	I'm 33 and I've never dated anyone: is this a problem that actually anyone ever solved?
Author	camillus_
Upvotes	39
Comments	74
Date	March 24, 2018 9:58 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/86wc4p/im_33_and_ive_never_dated_anyone_is_this_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-33-and-ive-never-dated-anyone-is-this-a-problem.1443685 https://theredarchive.com/post/1443685

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