Is it ever ok to get vulnerable or should this never be done?

revbobdobbs · 2012-01-19T12:24:00+00:00

Vulnerability is the only thing that works. Showing your true self. It's terrifying, but everything else is bullshit.

Being vulnerable doesn't mean being needy or emotional. It just means being honest. Honest about what who you are and what you want.

meltmyface · 2012-01-19T19:42:48+00:00

Women absolutely go crazy for the vulnerability of a confident man. If you express your weakness/vulnerability with confidence in the form of a relevant statement it will break down her guard and she will open right up. Even better if you do it with a little humor or opinion. Just don't sound pathetic when you do it; I mean don't start crying about how your dog died last year.

prankster284 · 2012-01-19T06:25:54+00:00

Have close girl friends for that. Or an exclusive long term girlfriend.

You can do it with a girl you've slept with a few times, but keep it really short and sweet.

also don't feel pressured to always follow these rules. sometimes they're like a curse to me. always thinking about the consequences. what helped is getting feelings out through music and just being a little more lenient with these rules while not compromising the useful things I've learned.

good luck man

2012-01-19T15:28:01+00:00

When you talk about problems, or do anything that is clingy or demonstrates you wanting validation then it is taking value, you generally always want to be giving value.

When I have issues, I find meditation is the best source. Seriously, whenever I vented to someone in the past, even if they reassure me, its just like a bandaid over a scar... it might help a little in the short term but whatever anxieties or negative mental noise I had will come back up usually. With meditation, it really gives you a chance to be introspective and reflect, its a better long term fix. Become internally validated and you won't need any external reassurance.

Then again, if its a long term relationship I would say its good to go to vent once in a while, you do want to let your partner know how your feeling to some degree.

I have NO issues with internal problems and venting like I used to since I started meditating, that would be my frist suggestion. The only thing I might still struggle with is, if I begin making a connection with a girl, I feel the need to show too much interests... I actually never do because I usually catch myself, but it can be difficult. This ties into emotional investment, you ALWAYS want the girl more invested in you, than you are in her. This is also a good way to avoid her from cheating.

2012-01-19T18:00:40+00:00

You get "vulnerable" when you feel that she is worth more than just a booty call or someone that you enjoy spending time with. Share feelings and personal shit when you're ready to invest more into the relationship. Anything sooner than that and you'll just be another dude trying to lock her down.

EtovNowd · 2012-01-19T20:43:35+00:00

Sometimes I feel like sharing my feelings and stuff with girls...but I always feel like it's pretty beta.

Why don't you do it and see what kind of feedback you get. Doing things for feedback is always alpha, doing things wrong, which you know are wrong, are sort of beta.

WcO · 2012-01-19T06:16:09+00:00

At most I'll say "I've felt a little down lately" and only with a girl I know very very well and have slept with many times (think long term relationship).

I avoid even saying more than that around close male friends...people have their own problems and no one wants to hear about yours.

heckz · 2012-01-19T16:46:24+00:00

It takes balls to be vulnerable.

totalradass · 2012-01-19T19:43:38+00:00

Vulnerability is showing your personality because you aren't afraid of being a real person around here, and neediness is telling her your problems because you are afraid to solve them.

Vulnerability is a really vague word though, and to really nail down what I'm saying I'd have to post a wall of text. I'll just say this, being vulnerable has gotten me laid in situations where I absolutely wouldn't have otherwise.

There is a huge difference in vulnerability that comes from strength, and vulnerability that is coming from emotional weakness, and no good way for me to express which is which in text form.

swamy_g · 2012-01-19T21:35:30+00:00

I think it's best to show your vulnerable side after you've built enough attraction and comfort with that person. More like a post coital conversation. Don't do this on your first/second date. Try to keep the date more fun. Showing vulnerability early on has personally never worked for me, it just kills the attraction immediately.

Edit: Dig through this thread http://redd.it/ojaur to find out more.

Epiphany_Pilot · 2012-01-19T21:50:52+00:00

I've met some girls who've said they hate it when guys act vulnerable, but they're the same girls who complain that a guy bought his clothes at the wrong store and like cologne. In short, incredibly shallow girls who are more interested in guys for status than actual human connection.

It's really frustrating when you bring a man to bed and he takes off his clothes but keeps the mask on.

On the other hand, it's a little weird when you have a sloppy drunk one night stand and they start a sentence with "I've never told anyone this before, I have a dark sad side and I don't know how to get close to people :C"

So I suggest you express yourself but start small and don't do it because you want pity, do it because you want to connect with another human being. If she's a decent person and she likes you she'll appreciate it.

fragglemook · 2012-01-19T12:06:17+00:00

If you want to meet depressed girls, go for it. Really it all depends on how you want to relate to the world. By remembering and expressing shit feelings or recalling funny shit and good feelings.

2012-01-19T15:04:48+00:00

If you, at the very core of your identity, are a fucking pimp, then everything you do will be pimp. From bitching about women, to making money, to getting things for your family. Everything you do will be seen as "awesome" if you know that you are a pimp deep, deep down inside.

There's no such thing as "never showing weakness" unless you want to bottle everything and be emotional stunted. But, know the difference between being a chode who shares his feelings, and being the pimp who shares his feelings. A chode who "doesn't show vulnerability" is still a chode. And it's funny because trying to not show vulnerability is a vulnerability in itself. The pimp won't care if he shows the soft side.

bcktth · 2012-01-19T15:42:25+00:00

Sure, it's ok to throw in vulnerability. Let her know she is talking to a person, not a super hero who is flawless in every sense.

People like to know that others are going through their own personal challenges because it not only makes them more relatable but also bc it shows your willing to expose certain parts of your life to someone.

Just don't turn it into a therapy session.

Title	Is it ever ok to get vulnerable or should this never be done?
Author	WcO
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	January 19, 2012 6:06 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/omwg6/is_it_ever_ok_to_get_vulnerable_or_should_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-it-ever-ok-to-get-vulnerable-or-should-this.1327184 https://theredarchive.com/post/1327184

Comments