Kino anxiety

nothereforlong · 2011-07-30T13:18:32+00:00

Just fucking do it. If these dates have been real dates, she's into you. It's YOUR job to escalate, she's hanging around waiting for you to do it.

intjpua · 2011-07-30T13:46:12+00:00

Have you read this? I ask because if you've read it, and actually started doing it, you should be much less afraid of touching someone than you are. So, I assume you haven't started integrating touch into your everyday life...which means you're still really tense and nervous about it.

I found myself in a situation with a girl recently where I hadn't had as much chance to escalate physical as I wanted...so, when we were sitting next to each other, I ramped it up fast. I started by looking at her with a smirk, and saying, "I saw this in a movie, it seemed pretty smooth" and did the yawn/stretch to arm on shoulder thing (somewhat dramatically, so she'd definitely see I was being cheeky). She laughed, and we had a brief discussion about my very suave techniques.

Anything works, including just fucking doing it. I could have just put my arm around her in that situation. You could have just put your arm around the girl while you were watching the movie. If she's come home with you, she's probably already decided she would sleep with you. You just need to internalize that she wants to be touched. You're the one making it weird by not touching her.

chosonhawk · 2011-07-30T14:05:17+00:00

obvious opportunities to kino and not feel weird about it.

when you meet up, give her a hug and tell her she looks good
go to a concert or a busy bar and as you weave your way through the crowd, just grab her hand and lead her through...dont look at her, dont ask permission, and dont be tentative. when you get to where you're going, let it go and just act like nothing happened. if, when you grab her hand, she squeezes back...you're in good shape. if, you get to where you're going and you let go before she does...you're in good shape.
in a crowded place, stand next to her and talk to her...if somebody is trying to get by - which they will be - put your hands on her hips or the small of her back and ease her out of the way...might even make sense to brush your body against her so you're also out of the way.
when talking to her, use your hands alot. this gets both of you used to motions with your hands. touch her forearms and maintain eyecontact. brush her hair out of her face and just keep talking like nothing is happening. remove a piece of lint from the leg of her dress and just keep going. (etc)

the key is that you have to be comfortable before she is. if she feels like you're "trying" she's going to either think its "cute" or "lame"...neither of which is an attribute of an alpha male.

ways to get comfortable? touch everybody you talk to. shake hands, high five, fist bump. hug women, put your arm around them, just be comfortable with it.

movie night? sit close...if she starts to stretch just reach back and start rubbing her back. if she's into it...she'll just expose more of her back. then say, my arm is a little tired, sit in front of me. she'll either sit on the ottoman or in your lap. either way, you're in. just rub her back, caress her neck, and eventually, pull her into your body. if you dont know what to do next...nothing seddit can do to help you.

if she's cold, get a blanket and dont give it to her...put it on both of you and snuggle in...blankets are a little iffy though because they limit movement and occupy your hands...so i'm not a fan of them. turn up the damn heat! :)

Good luck.

mesosorry · 2011-07-30T14:36:40+00:00

Just remember how important even the smallest gestures can be. A girl I'm with told me she first felt attraction for me after I put my hand on the small of her back to guide her when we were walking somewhere

debman3 · 2011-07-30T13:21:27+00:00

I feel for you because I used to be the same AFC. Was afraid to kino the girl I liked. Ended up really bad for me because if you don't make a move sooner or later you'll pass as a pussy.

2011-07-30T19:47:55+00:00

Remember this: touching is not awkward, not-touching is awkward.

I feel your pain. I'm seeing a rather shy asian right now myself. She makes it very clear that she wanted me to lead in every way, all the time. It's a bit nerve-racking sometimes, but remember - compliance means "yes."

lobocop · 2011-07-30T20:52:29+00:00

I agree with the comments on here. . . upvotes all around . . . You just have to fucking do it. The nice thing is YOU HAVEN'T FUCKED IT UP YET. As long as you ARE escalating, no matter how slowly, it will work. Some girls love the slow boil and you just have to make sure each date she feels some sort of heat that is slightly higher than the previous date. Don't back down except to give her space if you do go too fast, which probably means she will be ready, not quite so fast though, and let her know she's safe with you and you aren't forcing anything on her, it's just natural for the both of you. Good luck. . .

no_dating · 2011-07-31T11:49:04+00:00

OK, bad news first. One, you're DATING. Dating has an awful track record, especially if you look at the lays:dollars spent ratio. Also, you have the audacity to take her on a date yet you don't even put your palm on her shoulder when you make her laugh?

Something you should really know is that touching is only as big a deal as you make it. If you never touch someone, then go to touch her leg or kiss her, she will freak out. If you touch her whenever she laughs, tap her to emphasize points, and so on, then you can gradually escalate your touches and get somewhere.

So, here's the good news. This one element can be the biggest game-maker for you, and it should be relatively easy. I have NEVER heard of someone reject a touch that was made during a laugh. In fact, what's more likely is that you'll anchor her laughter and make her respond BETTER to your touches by only making contact when she's feeling good.

Now, the miscellaneous section.

Make a full-contact touch, don't press, and don't linger. Maintain eye/face contact as you touch. Never hover-hand.

Stop going on dates. Do casual meetups. If she says something, tell her something like "now that it's easy to feel that we know each other better, it's natural to strip away the formality and see each other as we truly are."

2011-07-31T02:18:46+00:00

A girl who responds negatively to you putting your arm around her thinks you're nothing short of vile. A girl with even the slightest interest in you is going to like it. Even a girl with no romantic interest in you who doesn't hate your guts isn't going to mind. The fear of kino is a one-time barrier that you have to leap over. Might as well do that sooner rather than later.

justinstruckle · 2011-07-30T09:53:33+00:00

I had the same kind of problem. My solution is a different if you drink then get drunk to a point where you don't care. Then go out to public place where there is women all around. (pool is a great place) Brush up on your kino while your drunk the just do that a couple times. Then the next time when your with the girl just remind yourself how easy it was when you were drunk and use those tatics

mjgrrrrr · 2011-07-31T01:33:25+00:00

My advice. Stop thinking of the word kino when you're trying to touch a girl.. Kino is the stupidest sounding piece of jargon I've ever heard. But seriously, stop thinking about touching them and just act naturally. You'll end up touching her a lot more if it comes from a natural place.

boyfrienddestroyers · 2011-07-30T17:55:45+00:00

at the end of the day, it's only a matter of whether you kissed her or not. go for the kiss.

Title	Kino anxiety
Author	themanfromnowhere
Upvotes	21
Comments	39
Date	July 30, 2011 9:29 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/j413n/kino_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/kino-anxiety.1320783 https://theredarchive.com/post/1320783

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